Sadly, Every Family Has An Uncle José

| Phoenix, AZ, USA | Aunts & Uncles, Parents & Guardians, Popular

(I am at an Easter brunch with my family. Our waiter is a Hispanic man who introduces himself as David. A few minutes later, this happens:)

Uncle: “Okay, José, we’re ready to order!”

Mother: “I thought he said his name was David.”

Uncle: “Oh, they all just give out American names so people won’t be racist. He knows who I mean.”

David: “Well, my name is actually David, but what can I get you?”

Uncle: “Sure it is!” *winks*

(When David brings the food.)

Uncle: “Thanks, José!”

Me: *cringing* “His name is David.”

Uncle: “He doesn’t mind, right, José?”

David: *mostly to me and my mother* “It’s fine.”

(After the meal, I went back and left an extra $20 as a tip. Wherever you are, David, I’m sorry that my uncle is a racist jerk.)


Totally Worth Crushing Those Lemons

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Parents & Guardians

(I was out with my family at dinner and I really wanted lemonade. My mom had the pitcher of lemonade.)

Me: “Mom, can you pass the lemonade?”

Mom: “Slow down with the lemonade! It’s almost gone.”

Me: “Do you know what else is almost gone? My patience! Please pass the lemonade.”

(I got grounded. But it was worth it.)


Mother Has A Drinking Problem

| St. Louis, MO, USA | Parents & Guardians, Popular

(My parents and I have just finished ordering our food at a local restaurant, when the waitress trips and a full glass of water that she was carrying dumps out into my mother’s purse.)

Waitress: “Oh, my goodness! I am so sorry!”

Mom: “That’s all right. My stuff just got a little bit wet; it’s nothing to worry about.”

(A few minutes later the manager comes by.)

Manager: “I’m sorry about that accident, and I just wanted to let you know that tonight your dinner’s on us.”

Mom: “Well, if the dinner is on you, the drinks are on me!”

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