Tim Burton’s New Art Director

| Wilmington, DE, USA | Parents & Guardians

(I am at a burger place, waiting for my order while my mom waits in the car. The walls are painted as chalkboards, allowing patrons to draw on them while they wait. I draw a bit while waiting for my order. Not long after I get my order and get into the car.)

Me: “I drew while I was waiting.”

Mom: “Oh, yeah? What did you draw?”

Me: “A heart with blue wings, a couple of butterflies, a sun, and then I wrote “Living Dead Girl” and drew a dead girl’s face with bloody tears.”


Raising Pre-Teens Is A Full Job

, | Philadelphia, PA, USA | Children, Popular

(I work at a popular fast food restaurant, and due to a lot of people coming in all the time, we need to hire more workers, which we are advertising all over the restaurant. I am approached by a little girl.)

Girl: “Can I please have an application?”

Me: *I see how young she appears to be* “Umm, is it for you?”

Girl: “Yes.”

Me: “Can I ask how old you are?”

Girl: “I’m ten.”

Me: “Sorry, you have to be at least 16 to work here.”

Girl: *starts screaming* “BUT I NEED MONEY AND I NEED A JOB, SO GIVE ME ONE!”

(At this point, the girl’s mother sees what her child is doing and walks over.)

Mother: “I’m very sorry about that.” *to girl* “Come on; we’re leaving!”


Fully Grown Realization

| MI, USA | Cousins, Popular

(My younger brother and I are in our mid-late twenties, whereas our uncle’s two children are nine (girl) and seven (boy). One this day we’d gone to the older one’s gymnastic tournament and now all of us (our family, uncle’s, and our grandparents) are eating at a restaurant. The younger one has been talking to my brother, who’s a complete troll, at the other end of the table when he circles around to where I’m sitting.)

Cousin: “[My Name], did you hear what [Brother] said?!”

Me: “No, I couldn’t hear from here.”

Cousin: *exasperated huff* “That [Brother]; he acts like he’s a full grown man.”

Me: “He is.”

Cousin: *in wide eyed shock* “Really?”

Me: “Yes.”

(Those immediately around us start giggling.)

Cousin: “[My Name]…” *leans in close and whispers seriously* “…does that mean you’re a full grown woman?

Me: “Yes, I’m a full grown woman!”

(Everyone at the table nearly fell out of their chairs.)

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