Her Orders Stand

| Pueblo, CO, USA | Siblings

(My family and I are in a restaurant waiting to be seated. Everyone but me is sitting and my mom just told my younger sister to give her seat to an older woman who just arrived. Note that my older sister and her husband both just had surgery and everyone is tired from doing errands all day.)

Mom: “Let that lady sit.” *the lady leaves as my sister goes to stand* “Never mind.”

Me: *to younger sister* “You’re the only one here who hasn’t had surgery or isn’t old.”

Older Sister: *to me* “What’s your excuse?!”

Me: “I’m already standing!”

(Cue us laughing for her little “blond” moment.)

The Breast Flavor Of All

| CO, USA | Children, Parents & Guardians

(My husband and I and a group of our friends are at a popular fast food place. My husband is talking to the toddler son of a one of our friends. The son is happily eating an ice cream cone and looks adorable. Our friend recently had another son who is a week old.)

Husband: “Do you like ice cream, [Friend’s Son]?”

Friend’s Son: *nods*

Husband: “Does your brother like ice cream?”

Friend’s Son: “No.”

Husband: “What does your brother like?”

Friend’s Son: “He likes Mommy’s milk.”

Blame The Parents Home

| Malaysia | Parents & Guardians

(My mum and I are talking about a family we know while waiting for food to arrive at a restaurant. The mother is particularly fussy over her only child — who came late in life and was an unexpected blessing — and said child is somewhat… dependent on her mother, and very clingy, despite being 17. They’re nice people and friends of ours. My mum and I have been told we act like sisters a lot, as we joke around often. Also note that we go to see a chiropractor as my spine is somewhat misaligned, and hers is, too.)

Mum: “Aren’t you glad she’s not your mother?”

Me: “Yup.”

Mum: “I have a confession… I’m glad [Daughter] isn’t my daughter.”

Me: *laughing slightly* “Well, I don’t think she’d be like that if not for her mother. Daughters tend to be products of parenting. So she wouldn’t be so spineless if it for [Mother].”

Mum: “What if they have TOO much spine?”

(She’s referring me and my tendency to be blunt and forthcoming, as well as individualistic, to put nicely. I know this and don’t mind.)

Me: “Too much parenting!”

Mum: *pauses* “What if they have a crooked spine?”

Me: “Crooked parenting?”

Waiter Hater

| Seattle, WA, USA | Parents & Guardians

(I’m eating dinner next to an older woman and her daughter, who is probably in her early 20s.)

Waiter: “Hi, have you decided on what you’d like?”

Woman: “Which do you recommend, the fettuccine or the eggplant parm?”

Waiter: “Oh, they’re both very good, but I enjoy the fettuccine very much. It’s very creamy and the chicken is delicious.”

Woman: “Then I’ll have the eggplant parm.”

(The waiter writes everything down and leaves.)

Daughter: “Mom, why did you even ask if you’re not going to take his recommendation?”

Woman: “So I’ll know what not to order. We do not eat food that waiters eat. They’re waiters, for God’s sake. They can’t get real jobs.”

It Takes A Real Man

| USA | Cousins, Spouses & Partners

(My cousin and I are out to lunch, just chatting and catching up. Both of us are married. I have a toddler and she has a set of twins who are about a year younger than my son.)

Cousin: “I don’t know how you do it! You have a full time career, then come home and are a great mom, AND you are starting up a business! I can’t imagine how you get everything done.”

Me: “I can only do it because of [Husband]. He’s a stay at home dad and watches [Toddler] all day, supports me 100% in my career, and is helping me by doing most of the background work to get the business up and running. Most of the credit goes to him. He really does most of the hard work.”

Cousin: “Well, yeah, I mean, I guess he helps out some, but really, you’re an inspiration and I don’t know how you juggle everything that you have going on.”

Me: “Thank you, but it really is all him.”

(My cousin dropped the subject after that.)

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