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Sarcastically Sincere About Being Sincerely Sarcastic

| NC, USA | Siblings

(I am known for being very sarcasm-blind while my dad and brother are sarcastic A LOT. This incident happens while we’re out for dinner. My brother made a sarcastic remark I took at face value and the following ensued.)

Me: “I can never tell when you and Dad are being sarcastic, [Brother]. You’re both so good at being sincere.”

Brother: “I’m sincerely sarcastic.”

Me: “This is going up on NotAlwaysRelated.”

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The Faint Was No Feint

, | North Adams, MA, USA | In-Laws, Parents & Guardians

(I accompany my mother and stepfather out to see my sister sing, and then we all go out to treat her and her boyfriend to dinner. At the restaurant, mom abruptly faints and falls from her chair. Stepdad catches her… and she starts snoring. We all laugh awkwardly as he gently sits her on the floor and shakes her awake, but the laughter stops when she remains unresponsive, even with her eyes open. She eventually snaps out of it, but is disoriented and irritable for a minute. By this point we have called an ambulance, and she is carried out of the restaurant on a stretcher. After a long wait at the hospital we are told that she’s recovered and that there’s no reason to expect a repeat incident or how to avoid a repeat incident. She is discharged and we head back to our cars.)

Step-Dad: *to boyfriend* “Now you’ve got the BEST meeting-the-parents story EVER!”

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Having A Ball With It

| OH, USA | Grandchildren

(My husband and I like to take our grandsons to a local pizza place which has a few arcade games. One machine always gives a player a small rubber ball at the end. They head home with at least four balls. Neither boy knows the other meaning of “balls,” so they innocently say things the rest of us have trouble not reacting to:)

Grandson #1: *still at the machine* “Grandma! We’re filling our pants with balls!”

Grandson #2: *after being told to take the balls out of their pockets for the ride home* “Nah… we like squishing our balls.”

Grandson #1: *coming back from the claw machine* “Look! I’ve got big balls now!”

Grandson #2: *after getting in trouble* “Papa took away my balls.”

Grandson #1: *in the car* “My balls dropped. [Brother] picked them up and is hiding them between his legs.”

Grandson #2: *after a particularly large haul* “I’m going to give Daddy some of these because he needs balls.”

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Time To Face The Mess

| NC, USA | Aunts & Uncles, Parents & Guardians

(My aunt and cousin are visiting and my mom and I have a girls’ day out with them. Towards the end of the day, we stop at a coffee shop for a snack. I order a milk and an almond-butter-chocolate-chip muffin, which I begin to eat by breaking off pieces and popping them in my mouth. I quickly realize two things: 1) the muffin is delicious and 2) I’m going to be a mess by the end of it. I turn to my mom, who, due to certain allergies, can’t have chocolate while my aunt and cousin both enjoy it.)

Me: “Looks like I’ll have a bit of a clean up after I’m done with this.”

Mom: “[My Name]! It’s all over your face!”

Aunt: “That just means she’s enjoying it.”

(My cousin and I started giggling while my mom shakes her head with a slight smile.)

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Dying To Go Back To That Restaurant

| KS, USA | Children, Pets & Animals, Siblings

(Our family had two cats but we just had to put one of them down because he was old and suffering. The other is only a few years old and in perfect health. In order to make the day a little less horrible, we go to a restaurant we like but don’t get to go to often because it’s expensive. My sister is about nine years old.)

Sister: “Can we come back here when we kill [Young Cat]?”

Mom: “[Young Cat] is still healthy. He’ll live for a long time. You’ll be grown up before he dies.”

Sister: “Oh. What if we kill him like we did [Old Cat]?”

Mom: “We are not killing [Young Cat]!”

(The cat was still alive when my sister moved away for college.)

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