Their Gay Appalling

| NM, USA | Aunts & Uncles, Cousins, LGTBQ

(I’m a waitress and my aunt and uncle come in with their great grandson, eight, and great granddaughter, six. Their grandson is my cousin [not the father of above children] and he’s around the same age as me. He’s also gay. His family jumps from being okay with it to being appalled by it. We make small talk and they order. I’m bringing out their food at this time.)

Me: “So how is [Gay Cousin]? I haven’t seen him and his boyfriend in awhile.”

Aunt: *stark white* “Fine.” *she says it fast and quick*

(I realize they’re in the appalled-by-it phase so I change the subject and leave the table. My aunt comes up to me as they’re cashing out.)

Aunt: “Look here. [Gay Cousin] is not gay. We don’t talk about it. He has his friend. I want you to go explain to [Young Niece and Nephew] that boys can’t be with boys. NOW!”

Me: *chuckles because I’m nervous and a little off-put* “They can, though. I’m just gonna tell them that sometimes, boys like boys and girls like girls. So maybe you’d prefer to tell them?”

(She looked like she wanted to kill me. At a loss for words, she turned away from me and walked out, telling her niece and nephew that I was going to Hell. She never talked to me again. Oh, well.)

Don’t Men-tion It

| WA, USA | LGTBQ, Parents & Guardians

(I am having lunch with my mom for the first time since getting engaged. As a woman engaged to a trans-woman, I don’t expect much, but I thought my mom had been making progress.)

Mom: “Is your current lifestyle choice related to [Abusive Ex]?”

Me: “What do you mean by that?”

Mom: “Are you afraid of men?”

Me: “I started dating [Fiancée] before she came out, and I had three boyfriends between. Does that sound like afraid of men to you?”

Mom: “I was just curious.”

(Guess who doesn’t understand why she’s not the exception to our ‘no family’ reception.)

Her Orders Stand

| Pueblo, CO, USA | Siblings

(My family and I are in a restaurant waiting to be seated. Everyone but me is sitting and my mom just told my younger sister to give her seat to an older woman who just arrived. Note that my older sister and her husband both just had surgery and everyone is tired from doing errands all day.)

Mom: “Let that lady sit.” *the lady leaves as my sister goes to stand* “Never mind.”

Me: *to younger sister* “You’re the only one here who hasn’t had surgery or isn’t old.”

Older Sister: *to me* “What’s your excuse?!”

Me: “I’m already standing!”

(Cue us laughing for her little “blond” moment.)

The Breast Flavor Of All

| CO, USA | Children, Parents & Guardians

(My husband and I and a group of our friends are at a popular fast food place. My husband is talking to the toddler son of a one of our friends. The son is happily eating an ice cream cone and looks adorable. Our friend recently had another son who is a week old.)

Husband: “Do you like ice cream, [Friend’s Son]?”

Friend’s Son: *nods*

Husband: “Does your brother like ice cream?”

Friend’s Son: “No.”

Husband: “What does your brother like?”

Friend’s Son: “He likes Mommy’s milk.”

Blame The Parents Home

| Malaysia | Parents & Guardians

(My mum and I are talking about a family we know while waiting for food to arrive at a restaurant. The mother is particularly fussy over her only child — who came late in life and was an unexpected blessing — and said child is somewhat… dependent on her mother, and very clingy, despite being 17. They’re nice people and friends of ours. My mum and I have been told we act like sisters a lot, as we joke around often. Also note that we go to see a chiropractor as my spine is somewhat misaligned, and hers is, too.)

Mum: “Aren’t you glad she’s not your mother?”

Me: “Yup.”

Mum: “I have a confession… I’m glad [Daughter] isn’t my daughter.”

Me: *laughing slightly* “Well, I don’t think she’d be like that if not for her mother. Daughters tend to be products of parenting. So she wouldn’t be so spineless if it for [Mother].”

Mum: “What if they have TOO much spine?”

(She’s referring me and my tendency to be blunt and forthcoming, as well as individualistic, to put nicely. I know this and don’t mind.)

Me: “Too much parenting!”

Mum: *pauses* “What if they have a crooked spine?”

Me: “Crooked parenting?”

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