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Coming To An Ugly Realization

| Provo, UT, USA | Parents & Guardians

(My sister freaks out every time she sees a cute baby or animal. My family is discussing this at lunch.)

Mom: “What is she going to do when she has kids? She won’t even be able to look at them without freaking out about how cute they are!”

Me: “She’s just going to have to marry someone really ugly so her kids aren’t cute. Then she’ll have no problem.”

Mom: “Haha! Well, I tried that and it didn’t really work.”

Dad: “Well I tried it and it did work!”

(My dad called all of us ugly and the waiter heard him! We had a good laugh about it later.)

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Pointing Up At The Birdie

| OH, USA | Grandparents, Parents & Guardians, Siblings

(My grandparents and my immediate family are going out to dinner at a restaurant where they give free balloons to kids. My three-year-old brother lets go of his by accident, and it floats to the ceiling.)

Brother: “Uh-oh.”

Grandma: “What is it?”

(My brother points to the ceiling with his middle finger, not knowing what it means.)

Mom: *shocked* “Who taught him how to do that?”

Me: *laughing* “Mom, he was pointing to his balloon on the ceiling.”

(Everyone looks up and sees the balloon, and begins laughing.)

Grandma: “I was going to say, I didn’t think I was THAT bad!”

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Sadly, Every Family Has An Uncle José

| Phoenix, AZ, USA | Aunts & Uncles, Parents & Guardians, Popular

(I am at an Easter brunch with my family. Our waiter is a Hispanic man who introduces himself as David. A few minutes later, this happens:)

Uncle: “Okay, José, we’re ready to order!”

Mother: “I thought he said his name was David.”

Uncle: “Oh, they all just give out American names so people won’t be racist. He knows who I mean.”

David: “Well, my name is actually David, but what can I get you?”

Uncle: “Sure it is!” *winks*

(When David brings the food.)

Uncle: “Thanks, José!”

Me: *cringing* “His name is David.”

Uncle: “He doesn’t mind, right, José?”

David: *mostly to me and my mother* “It’s fine.”

(After the meal, I went back and left an extra $20 as a tip. Wherever you are, David, I’m sorry that my uncle is a racist jerk.)

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