Creating Pet Peeves

| VA, USA | Children, Siblings

(I am in a restaurant with my family, including my five-year-old brother. We are getting ready to leave so I take him to the bathroom. As I’m standing up, he runs over to a family with a little girl who have just sat down to eat.)

Brother: “Can I pet her?”

(I turned around to see my little brother petting a little girl’s head.)


IKEA: Destroying Relationships Since 1943

| Monument, CO, USA | Parents & Guardians

(I took my parents out to lunch for a minor holiday, and we got to talking about the future and the eventual need for a smaller house, as well as what we might have to sell or give away before we could move.)

Me: “I certainly wouldn’t mind trading my couch for a loveseat from IKEA, like you two have. That thing is just too big; it’s inconvenient sometimes.”

Mom: *sympathetically* “I know, but the problem is, we don’t have a means to bring a love-seat home now. Our cars are too small, and we wouldn’t be able to drive it back from Denver.”

Dad: *frowning thoughtfully* “I guess we could rent a truck for a day. The rate might not be that bad. I should look into that. But yeah, [Mom] is right. We wouldn’t be able to do it with just our cars. We learned that the last time we bought something from there.”

Mom: *suddenly starts laughing* “You should’ve seen it. We had to fold down the back seats to make room, and push ours forward so far I was hunched up to the steering wheel like this-” *mimes being almost six inches from the wheel* “-and [Dad] was practically chewing on the dashboard!”

(Mom is a fairly serious person, so Dad and I generally don’t expect jokes like that from her. We all started laughing so hard, it took us a few minutes to calm down and resume our conversation. Lunch was my treat, but the joke was a much better one.)


He’s Two Sips Away From Feeling Mercurial

| USA | Sons & Daughters

(My son is 17 years old and has gotten in to alcoholic drinks despite never have drank anything besides a sip here and there. I order a girly drink that comes with a shooter, and he is very adamant on drinking it. I figure it’s probably okay to give it to him; he’s a hefty kid and it probably doesn’t have anything greater than 30 proof, so I give it to him.)

Son: “Mmm, tastes like watermelon! I couldn’t taste the alcohol at all!”

(A little later he’s smiling a bit more than usual.)

Me: “How are you feeling?”

Son: “I feel whimsical!”

Me: *laughing* “Oh, god, he’s buzzed!”


A Gross Amount Of Love

| TX, USA | Children, Nephews & Nieces

(My husband and I have only been married a few months. We go out to dinner with his brother and his family, including my husband’s three-year-old nephew.)

Nephew: “[My Name], I love you.”

Me: “Aww, that’s so sweet, [Nephew]. I love you, too.”

Nephew: *tugs on my husband’s sleeve* “I told [My Name] I love her.”

Husband: “I know. That’s sweet of you.”

Nephew: “No! You’re supposed to say ‘Ew, gross!’”


Gotta Eat ‘Em All

| USA | Children, Pokemon

(A mom and daughter are waiting at a table until the dad comes over. It’s later evident he doesn’t live with them.)

Dad: “Hey, I got some Pokémon for you. Some of them were your brother’s he doesn’t want.”

(Hands over large bag of Pokémon plushies.)

Daughter: “YAY!”

(She pulls out each one naming them until…)

Daughter: “Huh?”

Dad: “What?”

Daughter: *angry* “This one is NOT Pokémon!”

Dad: *frowns* “It’s not? Oh, that’s one your brother put in.”

(Mom and daughter started laughing. The plushie in question was Cookie Monster from Sesame Street.)

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