Flights Of Fancy

| Maui, HI, USA | Children, Grandparents

(My grandma recently retired. She has a lot of travel rewards to claim and decides to take my family to Hawaii. As we are getting off the first of our three planes, we meet a couple also going to Hawaii on our same flights for their honeymoon. We’re on the third plane and most of our seats are separated due to last-minute seating changes, resulting in the awkward one seat in a three person row. Luckily, the other two seats in the row are occupied by our new couple friends. My nine-year-old sister is sitting next to them and is extremely tired after twelve hours of traveling, and ends up falling asleep on the wife’s shoulder. My mom sees this.)

Mom: “I’m so sorry about her.”

Newlywed Wife: “It’s fine! We want one just like her someday!”

Grandma: *laughs* “No, you don’t.”

Context Reflex

| USA | Siblings

(My brother and I are almost always on the same wavelength and can pick up what the other is trying to reference with relative ease.)

Me: “Hey, remember the guy in that game who had the big round thing? Ugh, you know what I mean, right?”

Brother: “I do… but there’s no reason I should, given the context.”

(For context, I was trying to ask him, “You remember the gnome character in the computer game King’s Quest V, who you give the spinning wheel to?”)

Oh, The Inhumanity

| OH, USA | Siblings

(This conversation happens after Donald Trump has, once again, made headlines after saying something dumb.)

Me: “Honestly, I’m starting to lose faith in humanity.”

Little Sister: *completely earnestly* “Why? He’s not human.”

Me: “…Good point.”

The Art Of Conversing Without Conversing

| Australia | Parents & Guardians

(My father sends me a text message with a question. The following is the rest of the conversation:)

Me: “Yes.”

Dad: “Your mother would like me to thank you for your verbose reply.”

Me: “K.”

antwerp, belgium | Announcements

(We just arrived and when I slam the car door shut, a piece that was hanging loose for a while falls off)

Nephew (yelling): grandaaaad, auntie broke the mirror off your car

Me: I don’t think they heard you at the town square

Nephew: not to worry, I’ll tell them personally

Got Your Ticket Punched A Few Too Many Times

| CA, USA | Grandparents

(The U.S. has a record-breaking lottery jackpot. I come home late and my beloved Asian grandma comes out to see me.)

Grandma: “Hey, [My Name], can you do me a favor? I bought tickets. Can you see if I won anything?”

Me: “Okay, let me see.”

(She hands me six lottery tickets. When I look at them I notice something very odd.)

Me: “Grandma… why do all six tickets have the same numbers?”

Grandma: “Oh, this way if the numbers are good we can split it around the family. One ticket if your aunt, another for your mom, another for your uncle.”

Me: “Why didn’t you just buy six tickets of all different numbers? If we win, you can decide how to split the money.”

Grandma: “No, that won’t work. See, each ticket is for each side of your family and this way we can split it easier.”

(I spent the next five minutes convincing her how she basically just added an extra 20 dollars to the jackpot.)

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