Play Time Is Over

| PA, USA | Parents & Guardians

(I am walking around my department, finishing my tasks, and overhear part of a conversation between two middle-aged women in the toy department:)

Woman: “And everything’s educational these days. Kids can’t just play.”

Who Is The Butt Of This Joke?

| NM, USA | Sons & Daughters

(My sixteen-year-old is stretched out on the sofa with the dog.)

Son: “Mom, the dog’s butt stinks.”

Me: “Then quit smelling it.”

Son: “I just had to make sure it’s her butt.”

Me: “…”

Children Are An Earful In A Handful

| Chesterfield, England, UK | Children, Parents & Guardians, Sons & Daughters

(I am deaf and wear hearing aids. Most nights I take them out and put them on the bedside table when I go to sleep. Luckily, I have a wife who is willing to take over ‘hearing duties’ whilst I’m out like a light and can’t hear anything unless it’s VERY loud! At this time, we have a four-year-old daughter who sleeps in her own bedroom next door. She’s just woken up early and comes through to our bedroom. My daughter walks round to my side of the bed and says something to me, but I’m fast asleep.)

Wife: “He can’t hear you, darling; he’s asleep and doesn’t have his ears in.”

(My daughter picked up my aids, cradled them in her hands, and started talking to them!)

Responding With Comic Timing

| TN, USA | Aunts & Uncles, Boyfriends & Girlfriends

(I am working on a comic and am currently writing out the main plot line and dialogue. I have hit a block and am starting to get frustrated. My boyfriend is sitting at the desk flipping through an auto repair book.)

Me: “Ugh!”

Boyfriend: “What’s the matter?”

Me: “I can’t come up with any good names for these characters. Can you think of a typical douchebag name and a typical b**** name?”

Boyfriend: “Who are they for?”

Me: “[Main character]’s snooty aunt and uncle.”

Boyfriend: *without thinking* “[Male name], [Female name].”

Me: “Wow. That was quick.”

(I start to write the names down on the corner of my page.)

Me: “Wait… aren’t those your aunt’s and uncle’s names?”

Boyfriend: *without looking up* “Yup.”

(I did end up using those names.)

Mom Is Mis-Pee-having

| USA | Parents & Guardians

(When I was 18 I finally got a date with an especially pretty girl I had known since I was 9. I took her to dinner and then to a nice concert. During the concert something happened that’s never happened before or since: I had to go out of the concert to pee every 5-10 minutes. I have a large bladder and normally I’m one of those people who watch friends make all the potty breaks when consuming pitchers of beer. That’s why this was so bizarre and embarrassing to me. Now, I suppose you’re wondering why this isn’t submitted under Not Always Romantic. It’s not because the evening was either fun or funny in retrospect. Rather it’s what happened when I got home:)

Me: “Mom!” *I tell the details of the date and the bladder problem* “Did you put something in my lunch?”

Mom: “You know, when I was young, I routinely got sick on weekends. After a while I became convinced my mom was putting something in my food to keep me from having fun on weekends.”

Me: “So, are you saying that you did, or didn’t, put something in my food to mess up my date?”

Mom: “I’m not telling.”

(Mom walked off with a grin that left me wondering still. And I never got another date with that girl.)

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