Your Inheritance Doesn’t Run Like Clockwork

| UK | Parents & Guardians

(My family has had an old clock passed down through the male generations. I am the daughter and while I do have a brother it’s supposed to go to me since I am the more responsible of the two of us. While my mom is telling me about this we have the following conversation.)

Mom: “…so since it’s not going to your brother, it will go to you instead.”

Me: “Well, since grandad has been teaching me the clock maintenance already I honestly assumed that.”

(I’m really happy since I’ve loved this clock since I was a young girl. It’s a beautiful clock with a pendulum and have frequently pointed out how stupid it is to only give it to the males of the family.)

Mom: “And then when you’re older you can pass it onto your children!”

Me: “I’m asexual…” *a conversation I’ve had a few times with her*

Mom: “What?!”

Me: “Yeah. No sex; no kids.”

Mom: “Well, it’s not going to your brother.”

(She thinks for a few seconds then nods to herself.)

Mom: “I’ll just sell it since it has no one to go to. Don’t tell mom and dad!”

Me: “But it can go to me! All that’s happening is I’m not having kids!”

Mom: “Well, it has no one to go to so I might as well sell it.”

Me: *near tears by this point seeing she isn’t listening* “Sure, mom. Sell it. Sure.”

Mom: “Well, you could adopt!”

Me: “I’m signed off work due to autism and live in a rented flat! Who’ll let me raise a kid?!”

Mom: “You’re right. Guess I will just have to sell it.”

Me: *speechless and near tears*

(I guess I’m not inheriting any of my mom’s family’s antiques.)


Put Your Foot(ball) In Your Mouth

| NY, USA | Children, Siblings

(My sister is about three years old, and has not said a single word up to this point. I and my mom have come home from shopping while my sister stayed at home watching football with my dad.)

Sister: *as soon as we walk through the door* “The backup quarterback always kills us.”

(Stunned silence.)

Me: “I think she deserves a cookie.”


You Won’t Like Him When He’s Angry

| Northampton, PA, USA | Grandparents

(My grandmother has a beautiful white Persian cat named Bruce. I’m dying something green in the kitchen sink when Bruce tries to walk along the back and accidentally falls in. My grandmother comes home from work later to find that her cat is now stained with bright green blotches.)

Grandmother: “[My Name], why is Bruce green?”

Me: “Uh… someone made him angry?”


Hippo Hippie Hipsters, The Least Mainstream Of Them All

| USA | Siblings

(So my sibling and I are in their room talking and going through their stuff cleaning. They grab a round, blue tinted glasses and a colorful vest.)

Sibling: “What do I look like?”

Me: “A hippo! Hipster!” *howling with laughter* “I mean hippie!”

(We died laughing.)


Graduated From Singleton College

| Menominee, MI, USA | Grandparents

(All through college my grandma told me that I couldn’t get married until after I graduated from college. Shortly after my graduation she took me to one of her club meetings.)

Grandma: “This is my granddaughter, [My Name]. I always told her not to even think about getting married until after she finished her education.”

Me: “Yes, she did.”

Grandma: “She just graduated from college.”

(The ladies applaud and grandma turns to me.)

Grandma: “Start thinking!”

Page 1/1,21212345...Last