The Other Side Of Parenting

| MA, USA | Parents & Guardians

(My family and I had just watched the movie “The Shack.” There is a scene in the movie where the main character is asked which of his children he would send to Heaven and Hell to prove a point. His answer was to send himself to Hell and save them both. My father and I are discussing the movie while walking out of the theater. There is a lighthearted joke that my sister is the favorite and the “prodigal daughter,” similar to the prodigal son story in the Bible.)

Me: “So, dad: me and [Sister]. Who would you send to Heaven, and who would you send to Hell?”

Dad: “You know the answer to that! I can’t choose! I would choose me!”

Me: “So… you’d go to Heaven?”

Dad: “Ding ding ding! See you on the other side – NOT!”

More Into Stranger Things

| USA | Siblings

(My brother and I have different tastes in movies, but we go to the theater anyway.)

Brother: “I wanna watch Dr. Strange!”

Me: “I don’t wanna watch a movie about a strange doctor! Those are boring. Like Dr. Frankenstein.”

Brother: “No, it’s a superhero movie.”

Me: “Oh. Still. What’s his power, strangeness?”

Brother: “I don’t know. But I doubt it.”

(I finally agreed since he paid. The movie was actually okay for a movie about a strange doctor!)

Not So Dire At Direction

| CT, USA | Popular, Siblings

(My sister and I are talking while waiting for a movie to start, and I tell her my big event for the day. Note that I’m fairly infamous in my family for having a horrible sense of direction, to the point of occasionally ending up in the wrong state.)

Me: “You’ll be proud of me. I drove to Hartford without the GPS.”

Sister: “Very good.” *pause* “Where did you actually mean to go?”

Me: “Hartford. It was on purpose.”

Dead Men Tell No Spoilers

| Victoria, BC, Canada | Cousins, Popular

(The second ‘Pirates of the Caribbean’ movie has just come out, and I have gone to see it with my cousin. I am 15; she is 13. The movie has been out less than a week, everyone’s excited to see it, and there is a near-permanent lineup wrapped around the side of the building. This is my second time, but her first, so when the movie ends with the dramatic reveal of a character coming back from the dead, she’s understandably excited. She’s babbling on about the movie and how awesome it was, and as we are leaving she calls up her mom to tell her to pick us up. However, excited as she is, as soon as my aunt answers she SCREAMS into the phone, in front of the entire line of people waiting to see that movie for the first time:)

Cousin: “BARBOSSA’S ALIVE! BARBOSSA’S ALIVE!”

(Cue me flailing around like a madman trying to make her realize she needed to STOP F****** TALKING!)

Don’t Take His Spot

| Williamsburg, VA, USA | Parents & Guardians, Popular

(My mom hasn’t gone to see a movie in the movie theater in almost 10 years, but decides she wants to see the new Star Wars on the big screen. As we go in to find seats we have this conversation.)

Me: *looking around for a good seat*

Mom: “There’s three seats open right here.” *points to the very front row*

Me: “No, those are terrible seats. We want those ones over that way.” *starts walking over to the other side and up the stairs*

Mom: “I don’t see what’s wrong with those seats…”

Me: “Hmm… this row. You go first, Mom. That way you are closest to the exact middle.”

Mom: *staring at me oddly* “All right…”

(We take our seats and as we get situated I check the height and move my head up and down.)

Me: “We’re pretty much perfect… Probably would be better a row up though. You are almost dead center of the screen and at just the right height that you don’t have to crane your head up or look down at the screen—”

Mom: “You better not start making ‘heee!’ sounds!”

Me: *bewildered* “What…?”

Mom: “You sound like Sheldon Cooper trying to find the perfect seat in the movies!”

(We both burst out laughing at how absurd that would be. She thoroughly enjoyed the movie!)

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