A Maddeningly Short Name

| VA, USA | Children, Siblings

(My five-year-old brother has a huge fever and a high heart rate after what we thought was a little cold. We take him into the ER and are talking to the nurse when this exchange happens.)

Nurse: “Can you tell me your name?”

Brother: “[Shortened Version of name].”

Nurse: “Okay, is it [Full Version of name]?”

Brother: *deadpan* “Only when they’re mad at me.”

(It took a second for the nurse to compose himself to continue checking him over. I, however, was doubled over laughing as my mom just shook her head.)

Their Second Child Was Called ‘Desk’

| Scotland, UK | Children, Parents & Guardians

(A few minutes after I was born, my parents start discussing baby names (ie: checking if they still like the one they picked out). My mum was sedated during labor and was a little… strange.)

Dad: “So it’s agreed. We’re calling him [My Name].”

Mum: “Actually, I don’t think it suits him.” *looks around the room* “We should call him Window!”

Dad: “Uh… maybe you need some more time to…”

Mum: “No! His name is Window. It’s perfect!”

(Luckily, my mum wasn’t allowed anywhere near the birth certificate for some time. They ended up using the name they had chosen originally.)

Not Big B(r)othered

| Newark, DE, USA | Nephews & Nieces

(My brother-in-law and his wife have just had their second son. Their older son is three years old and when my husband and I go to visit he’s running from his mother to his grandmother, who is holding the new baby.)

Me: “Hey, [Nephew], you’re a big brother now. Isn’t that cool?”

Nephew: “Yeah!”

Me: “You love your little brother?”

Nephew: *enthusiastically* “Yeah!”

Me: “Are you gonna help mama out with the new baby?”

Nephew: *loudly and enthusiastically* “No, I will not!”

An Upstanding Lesson

, | Seattle, WA, USA | Children, Sons & Daughters

(My mom thought it was a good idea to take me to a mother/daughter sex ed. class given at the children’s hospital. I came home to say:)

Me: *yells to dad* “Dad! I know all about your erections!”

Daddy Has Issues

| USA | Children, Parents & Guardians

(My aunt is a nurse. She told us that this happened one night while she was assisting with the delivery of a baby girl. Right after the baby is born, they place the baby on the mother’s chest.)

Father: “Why are you giving her the baby? Why don’t I get to hold her?”

Doctor: “It’s standard procedure. It helps promote bonding and makes the baby feel more comfortable.”

Mother: “Honey, are you crying?”

Father: “She got to hold her for nine months! Can I at least hold her for just nine minutes?”

(Eventually he did get to hold his daughter and apparently he couldn’t be happier.)

Page 1/1012345...Last