Learnt Something At School But Can’t Put Your Finger On It

| USA | Grandchildren

(As a child, we visited my grandparents every few months and it was customary to make videos. My last grandparent recently passed away and we found the tapes in his belongings. I’m female. I was talking about school at six years old.)

Grandfather: “What did you learn?”

Me: “Math! 1+1=2.”

Grandfather: “What else?”

Me: “Nothing.”

Grandmother: “How about your friends?”

Me: “Ooh. A boy taught me something!”

(Holds up middle finger.)

Me: “He said it means we’re friends.”

(The video becomes very shaky and audio is unclear. Then blank.)

Doesn’t Have A Sunny Disposition

| USA | Siblings

(After I explain to her that we can’t just move to Mars or Tatooine when the sun explodes.)

Sister: “So, when the sun blows up, will it blow up the entire galaxy or just a couple of planets?”

Me: “The galaxy has lots of suns. Ours will just take out the solar system.”

Sister: “I’m really worried about surviving the next hundred years.”

Me: “The sun will not blow up in the next hundred years.”

Sister: “But then I’ll be 112 and I’m worried about surviving old age.”

Your Sibling Relationship Is Toast

| ON, Canada | Siblings

(My sister got me a job at a coffee shop. She’s a supervisor, but at work I rarely see her, as I work the shift before her. I’m at home sitting in my underwear playing video games when she comes into my room.)

Sister: “The toaster is broken.”

Me: “Oh, okay. I didn’t do it.”

Sister: “It happened on your shift.”

Me: “Wait… the toaster at work?”

Sister: “Yes, what happened during your shift?”

Me: “I don’t know. It was working fine? Who cares? The owner will replace it.”

Sister: “You also left a huge mess for us last night.”

Me: “I’m sitting in my underwear in my bedroom playing video games… Does it look like I’m in my uniform right now?”

Sister: “Just clean up after yourself at work.”

Me: “I’m at home! Work doesn’t exist!”

(She got another job shortly afterwards and my relationship with my sister drastically improved.)

Settled It Like A Boss

| Scotland, UK | Children, Sons & Daughters

(Earlier in the day my sons had been arguing about which of them is the boss. It ended with Son #2 deciding his ten-week-old baby sister is the boss. At the dinner table. I decide to try and restart the argument for my husband’s benefit.)

Me: “So am I the boss now?”

Son #1: “I’m the boss!”

Me: “I’m the boss!”

Son #1: “I’m the boss!”

Me: “[Daughter] is the boss?”

Son #1: “I’m the boss!”

Husband: “I’m the boss and that’s that.”

Son #2: “I’m Batman.”

(He’ll go far, that boy.)

Supper Is In The Soup Now

| Tulsa, OK, USA | Spouses & Partners

(We have a policy with our kids that they eat what they are given or it just becomes their next meal. My wife isn’t the best cook in the world, but it is always edible (except the cookies, but that’s another story). She has just signed us up for some kind of food co-op and has ordered some things including a soup mix which she fixes for dinner. Fortunately for all concerned, when we sit down to dinner, I am the first person to taste it. The conversation goes like this:)

Me: “Oh, my lord, this is awful.”

Wife: “What is? The soup?”

Me: “Yes. It’s nasty.”

Wife: “It’s healthy.”

Me: “It’s awful. Kids, you do NOT have to eat this. I won’t make you.” *to my wife* “You try it.”

Wife: *takes one bite and I can see her trying to keep from making a face* “I tastes fine.”

Me: “Do go on.”

Wife: *takes another taste and screws up her face* “Okay, you’re right, it’s awful.”

Me: “Kids, get your shoes on. Let’s go get some pizza.”

Kids: “Yay!”

(Incidentally, the food policy was good. Our kids learned to like everything and know quality food from junk… despite the occasional stumble like that soup.)