Graded ‘A’ For Amputation

| Canada | Parents & Guardians

(I’m doing my science homework.)

Me: “What’s a non-reversible physical change in your everyday life?”

Mom: “Getting your leg chopped off.”

I Get Nowhere

| Austria | Boyfriends & Girlfriends, Children, Nephews & Nieces

Sister: “So, [My Boyfriend], what do you earn at your new job?”

Boyfriend: “I get—”

Nephew: “MAMA!”

Boyfriend: “I get—”

Nephew: *drops something*

Boyfriend: “I get—”

Nephew: *slips and falls*

Boyfriend: “I get—”

Nephew: “There’s a ghost!” *runs out of the room*

Me: “Quick, while he’s out of the room!”

Boyfriend: “I get—”

Nephew: *running through the door* “Hooo-hooo!”

Getting On The Wrong Side Of His History

| USA | Parents & Guardians, Sons & Daughters

(I am telling my parents about what I am learning in elementary school, in history class.)

Dad: “When I was your age, I didn’t learn as much history in school.”

Me: “Oh, right. Because there was less history back then.”

(I honestly did not understand what was wrong with my comment.)

Shedding Some Light On The Situation

| Denmark | Children, Sons & Daughters, Spouses & Partners

(My husband and I are on the bottom floor of our four-story house, after the kids are in bed, and we hear our four-year-old shouting from the third floor, where the bedrooms are. My husband heads up and comes down a few minutes later.)

Me: “Everything okay?”

Husband: “Yeah, she had to go to the bathroom but it was too dark in her room.”

Me: “She was standing in the hallway, outside her room, wasn’t she?”

Husband: “Yup.”

Your Sister Has A Mouth On Her

| Sacramento, CA, USA | Children, Siblings

(It’s the early 2000s, and I have finally convinced my mom to upgrade our family’s Internet connection from dial-up to DSL. It enables me to use voice chat features on some IM programs to talk with friends online. One day, I have the microphone out on the desk and I’m talking to a friend and playing games, when my little sister runs up out of nowhere.)

Four-Year-Old Sister: *loudly* “LOOK INSIDE MY MOUTH!” *puts mouth over the microphone*

Me: “What are you doing?! That’s not a camera!”

Four-Year-Old Sister: “Oh.”