He Knows The “Rest”

| AB, Canada | Children, Spouses & Partners

(One Sunday afternoon, my husband and I sneak upstairs for some “alone time” while our nine-year-old son is blissfully plugged into Minecraft. As we are “finishing,” we hear him come thumping up the stairs and banging on our bedroom door; the door’s locked.)

Son: “Mom? Dad?”

Me: “Yes?”

Son: “I’m going outside to play.” *pauses* “Are you guys ‘resting’? *he emphasizes the word resting*

Husband: “Yes. Yes, we are.”

Son: “Just so you know, I’m doing finger quotes when I say ‘resting.’” *he emphasizes the word resting again*

(Cue much laughter from both my husband and me.)


Getting Chesty About Yo Mama Jokes

| USA | Boyfriends & Girlfriends, Parents & Guardians

(I’m talking to my boyfriend on the phone. My comeback to any statement would be “your mom is”…)

Boyfriend: “…and then I will go shirtless.”

Me: “Haha! You have moobs! No way!”

Boyfriend: “Hey! I have a chest okay?”

Me: “Yeah, right. Your mom has a ches— Oh, right. Never mind.”


Meet The Blunt Family

| USA | Aunts & Uncles

(My family doesn’t mince words. An aunt is calling the house, asking for my dad.)

Me: “Dad is out at the moment. He’ll be back in a bit.”

Aunt: “Who is this?”

Me: “This is [My Name]. The youngest one.”

Aunt: “Oh, that fat one…”

Meet The Anxiety Family
Meet The Crispy Family
Meet The Clumsy Family


Taking Drugs Is A Slippery Climb

| MD, USA | Parents & Guardians, Punny

(I am on a rock climbing team. There are many different types of rock climbing including bouldering and speed climbing. Speed climbing is exactly what it sounds like. At the time of this story I have just come home from practice and my family and I are eating dinner.)

Mom: “What did you do in climbing today?”

Me: “We worked on some new bouldering walls for a while and then we did speed to practice for the people going to regionals.”

Dad: *joking* “You should not be doing drugs on climbing team!”

Me: “Aw, come on, Dad! Why not?”


The House With The Hot Tin Roof

| PA, USA | Nephews & Nieces

(My aunt owns a bunch of cats. My nephew says this every time we go to visit her.)

Nephew: “We’re going to the cat-house!”