Beautifully Unhealthy

| IL, USA | Parents & Guardians

(My mom and I are talking not long after a doctor’s appointment in which I find out that I’m obese.)

Mom: “Don’t pay too much attention to a number on the scale. No matter what it says, you’re beautiful.”

Me: “So I’m really unhealthy, but at least I’m not really unhealthy in an UGLY way…”

(My mom is not at all stupid; she just completely mistook what I was feeling bad about.)


Honeymoon Is Calling

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | Parents & Guardians

(I’m discussing my upcoming honeymoon with my mum.)

Me: “We won’t call other than to tell you we arrived safely. If you really need to, feel free to call us.”

Mum: “I can’t call! What if you’re… DOING SOMETHING?”

(The possibility of us just not picking up had not occurred, obviously!)


Teaching Them Politic-Speak From Seven Years Old

| Catawissa, MO, USA | Children, Spouses & Partners

(My husband and I are lying in bed and my seven-year-old and he are throwing pillows at one another.)

Husband: “Think fast! Pillow attack!” *tosses pillow*

Daughter: *laughs and throws it back but I get hit*

Me: “Aah! Friendly fire! Civilian casualties!”

Husband: *laughs* “Friendly fire kills! Civilian casualties, or as the government calls it, suitable losses!”