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A Cock-And-Bull Story

| Neepawa, MB, Canada | Siblings

(I’m in the kitchen with my five-year-old brother, who decides to help himself to some iced tea while I wash dishes. He picks up the almost-full jug before I can get over there to help.)

Brother: “I’m strong! Strong like a chicken!”

(Gotta wonder what chickens he’s been looking at!)

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A Cheesy Little Monkey

| England, UK | Children, Sons & Daughters

(My two-year-old daughter has a large assortment of random cards.)

Daughter: *holding up a card as though it were a camera* “Cheese, mommy!”

Mother: “Cheeeese!”

Daughter: “Click! Look, mommy, it’s photo of you!”

(She then turned the card to reveal the photo on the other side… of a monkey. My girlfriend relayed this to me by acting it out while I was changing the daughter for bed. She had to take over as I just couldn’t stop laughing.)

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Believed It Since Birth(mark)

| Milton, WA, USA | Parents & Guardians, Popular, Siblings

(My sister is three. My dad recently got a tattoo on his arm. She has never seen a tattoo before, and Dad decides to have fun with it.)

Sister: *pointing* “Daddy, what’s that?”

Dad: “That’s my birthmark.”

Sister: “Really?! Cool!”

(Fast-forward to when my sister is fourteen. She comes home from school and finds Dad sitting at the kitchen table. His tattoo is showing.)

Sister: *after a long stare at the tattoo* “That’s not a birthmark, is it?”

(I don’t know which Dad was more surprised at, the fact my sister remembered the conversation from years before, or that she believed it until now.)

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Fatcat

| NC, USA | Pets & Animals, Popular

(Sometimes, I swear our heavyset family cat can understand what people are saying to her. Case in point, one evening I found her lying on her back playing with a small cat toy. Lying on her back, her weight is accentuated big time.)

Me: *rubbing her huge belly, after baby-talking to her some* “You know, when you lie there like that, you look a lot fatter than you actually are.”

(Cat suddenly looked offended and rolled upright. I couldn’t help but laugh.)

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Blurred The Lines

| USA | Parents & Guardians, Popular

(My dad is watching a hidden camera show where a woman is paid to take off her clothes at a gas station just to film people’s reactions. I am a little kid; I don’t really understand what is so great about naked ladies, so I just watch. The woman’s bits are poorly blurred out, so you can clearly see she’s naked.)

Dad: “Ha hah ha! Look at that fellow’s face! Ha hah ha!”

Mom: *coming in* “What’s so funny?” *looks at screen, jaw drops*

Dad: “Oh… nothing, really.”

Mom: “What’re you watching in front of the kid?!” *nods at me*

Dad: “What? They blurred her out!”

Mom: “Still!”

Me: “Mom, it’s okay. Dad makes me watch naked ladies all the time!”

Mom: “WHAT?!”

(Dad got a severe talking to about his habits with naked ladies.)