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Would Have Seen That Coming – If You Had Glasses

| UT, USA | Children, Popular, Sons & Daughters

(I’m helping my toddler go to the bathroom, and the following exchange occurs.)

Son: “Mom, you have something on your nose.”

Me: “Oh, will you get it off for me?”

(I wasn’t being lazy; he just really likes to help me when I have something on me… probably because I help him clean his face.)

Son: *smirking* “Yeah.” *reaches for my glasses*

Me: “Hey!”

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Total InZan-ity

| Newton Falls, OH, USA | Grandparents, Parents & Guardians

(My family has gone out to dinner for my brother’s birthday. Afterwards we go to my grandparents house for cake and ice cream. My mom has just had an argument with my brother.)

Mom: *gives a stressful sigh*

Grandma: “Need an Advil?”

Mom: “What I need is a shot… in the arm… of a sedative… Got any Xanax?”

Grandma: “We got ZanTAC.” *turns to me* “That’s not the same thing though is it?”

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Glad You Brought That Up

| CA, USA | Siblings

(My older brother comes in from his room and makes himself a second helping of nachos.)

Mother: “It’s sprinkling outside.”

Brother: *belches loudly* “That’s what I think.”

Me: *sarcastically* “You said that so eloquently.”

Brother: “Why thank you. I sat on it for a week.” *pauses* “I wrote it down. Practiced it a few times.” *pauses* Said it in front of an audience.” *pauses* “I even won an award for it.” *goes back in his room*