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Will Go Gaston And On And On

| IL, USA | Siblings

(My dad and my brother often have debates whenever they’re in the kitchen, and while I mostly avoid getting involved sometimes I get dragged into it.)

Me: “Why are you two even arguing about this, anyway?”

Dad: “Because it’s fun. And no matter what side I chose, [Brother] will go on the other side.”

Brother: “That’s not true!”

Me: “Okay, scenario: Beauty and the Beast. Belle was somewhat involved with Gaston, who was awful. Because of this, should she really have stayed with the Beast?”

Brother: “Gaston was a good guy! I’ll argue this!”

Me: *I roll my eyes at this* “See [Brother], you’ll argue anything.”

(I just barely avoided actually having to argue him about this, too!)

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You Had To Axe, Didn’t You?

| IL, USA | Popular, Siblings

(We’re reminiscing about our last family camping trip, talking about when my younger brother freaked out because my older brother was bouncing an axe, but not close enough to anyone to hurt them.)

Younger Brother: “I’m a Boy Scout; of course I freaked out. That’s the complete opposite of safety procedure. You don’t walk around swinging an axe like an idiot. You carefully put it in the sheath –” *grins* “–and THEN swing it around like an idiot!”

Me: “That way you can bludgeon people instead of just cutting them.”

Younger Brother: *solemnly* “The Boy Scout way.”

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Tex Perplex

, | TX, USA | Nephews & Nieces, Parents & Guardians, Popular

(I moved to Houston, Texas from New York where all my family is. They don’t know the size of Texas so I get a few random calls:)

Mom: “Did you have to evacuate? Is your house on fire?”

Me: “What are you talking about. It’s hot hot but not that bad.”

Mom: “The forest fires. They said Austin was on fire. It’s right where you are!”

Me: “Mom, no, that’s a few hundred miles away. Nowhere close to me.”

(Another call.)

Dad: “So, are you getting the tornadoes?”

Me: “What tornadoes? It’s a beautiful day here.”

Dad: “Well it’s Dallas; how far is that?”

Me: “Think NYC to Vermont.”

Dad: “Oh. So, I hear a chemical plant exploded.”

Me: “Not in our city. Think about driving to Canada; that’s how far away it is.”

Dad: “Your mom said it was near you,”

Two-Year-Old Nephew: “Uncle, where are you?”

Me: “In Texas.”

Two-Year-Old Nephew: “So far away. Grandma, Uncle is sooo farrr awayyyy!”

(Why is a two-year-old better at understanding distance than my parents?)