icon_lgbtq

The Boys Will Be All Right

| England, UK | Children, LGTBQ, Sons & Daughters

(My phone background is artwork of two male characters from a game cuddling and being romantic, completely SFW. My elementary aged son notices it.)

Son: “Are those boys or girls?”

Me: “They’re boys but they are in love.”

Son: “Then they are the best kind of boys!”

icon_petsanimals

You Can’t Argue That Logic

| Pendleton, SC, USA | Pets & Animals, Siblings

(I’m telling my brother about how I picked up one of our new kittens and it grabbed onto my shirt and wouldn’t let go. It ended up clinging to my shoulder, and my brother is comparing it to a pirate’s parrot.)

Brother: “But could you get it to say anything that a parrot would say?”

Me: “Well, I could teach a parrot to meow.”

Brother: “That’s… kind of the OPPOSITE of what I said.”

Me: “But then, the kitten would be saying something the parrot would say.”

Brother: “…Dammit.”

icon_parents

An Inning Means An Outside Voice

| OH, USA | Parents & Guardians

(My dad and I are watching the Chicago Cubs play the Cincinnati Reds. The Cubs score four runs in one inning, so he and I are very excited. Mom’s in the other room.)

Dad & Me: “YEEEEEEAAAAAHH!”

Mom: “Do you guys know just how loud you are?”

(We pause for a moment and look at each other.)

Dad & Me: “YEEEEEEAAAAAHH!”

icon_inlaws

Acting Childish

| England, UK | In-Laws, Siblings

(My wife and her sister are quite similar, both similar age, both married, both have bought their own home. The main difference is that we have two children, and they are childless. We never get any other of help from them, and on the odd occasion we do ask they are always busy. The once or twice they do spend an hour to let us get a anniversary meal, we hear them complaining through family or friends. We accept that they just aren’t going to be there for us, and manage without them. A few years later they have their first child. We of course try to help without overstepping the mark. Any old clothes or toys we give them for free. My wife would actively arrange play dates, and organise time together or look for groups they could go to. We drew the line when this happened. I am actually in the room for this conversation.)

Sister-In-Law: “Oh, it’s been so hard now [Husband]’s car is off the road.”

Wife: “Oh, I know. You forget how much you use it until it’s not there.”

Sister-In-Law: “We wanted to go to [Shopping Centre] to buy some baby things but couldn’t get the bus.”

Wife: “Really? It’s two busses. They go every 20 minutes.”

Sister-In-Law: “I know, but it is so much hassle with a pushchair.”

(My wife looks at me, well aware that she has done the trip with two children on her own, several times, but says nothing.)

Sister-In-Law: “And we wanted to the park. That didn’t happen. I was supposed to go to a work party this week and i can’t go.”

Wife: “That was the one in the city centre?! Couldn’t you take a taxi?”

Sister-In-Law: “Not with [Child]; we don’t have that sort of money!”

(I think back to the times where we have had to scrimp to allow us to treat ourselves, and quickly recall the very expensive holiday they have just booked. I’m not far into my thoughts when this comes out.)

Sister-In-Law: “Could [My Name] not drop me off?”

Wife: “I, er, well, I don’t know. What time is it?”

Sister-In-Law: “Oh, it’s nine o’clock; it only goes on for an hour or two.”

Me: “Hang on, you want me to drive you around, and then wait for two hours to drive you home again, rather than spend a couple of quid on a taxi?”

Sister-In-Law: “Well, if you are going to put it that way, don’t bother!”

(I didn’t. It turned out that she had already asked her dad, who was fed up of being used like a taxi service. She had pushed her husband to get his elderly parents to drive, in the dark in a city they didn’t know. The best part was the constant complaining about how we never helped them out and how they were always there for us.)

icon_parents

Suffering From A Serious Lack Of Common Sense

| KY, USA | Parents & Guardians

(My dad has just come home and is talking about his day. He had a doctor’s appointment this afternoon.)

Dad: “I didn’t feel well today. My throat was sore and my head hurt.”

Mom: *concerned* “Oh, no! Did you tell the doctor?”

Dad: “No.”

(My mother and I facepalm.)