The Mother Of Bad Language

| Sweden | Parents & Guardians, Popular

(My mother and I have a very close relationship, to the point where we can insult and verbally abuse each other and end up laughing. She has come to visit me in Sweden and we are having a conversation about something, along with my ex-live-in partner. My mother jokingly makes some silly comment.)

Me: “Ma, shut the h*** up.”

Ma: “Don’t talk to your mother like that!”

Me: “You’re right, Ma. I should consider my language more carefully and I apologize. Shut the f*** up.”

Ma: *laughing* “Like I didn’t see that coming!”


The Rent Around Here Is Monstrous

| Calgary, AB, Canada | Parents & Guardians, Popular

(I am five years old and convinced that there is a monster under my bed. I decide to tell my mother.)


Mom: *out of breath from running to my room* “What?”

Me: “There’s a monster under my bed!”

Mom: “I know; his name is Jake. He’s one of my friends from work. I told him that he could live under your bed. He’s really friendly.”

Me: “Okay, cool.”

(The next morning, I see $5.00 lying on the floor beside my bed. I tell my mom.)

Me: “Mom, is this money yours?”

Mom: “It’s for you. Jake’s renting.”

(For the next few weeks I received rent payments from Jake-the-monster until one day where instead of the usual $5.00 I found a $100 bill and a note from the “monster” saying he moved out.)


You’ve Got Frail Mail

| Indian Orchard, MA, USA | Sons & Daughters

(I recently turned 60. I receive junk mail from one of those health screening companies.)

Son: “Mom, you’re getting old people mail now.”


Peppa’d With Specifics

| Scotland, UK | Children, Grandchildren, Grandparents

(My daughter is five years old, and is getting a new bike soon. This is what I heard her say on her toy phone to her “Nanny,” my mother.)

Daughter: “Nanny, I would like a bike, but not too big or too small, just right, and it has to have Peppa Pig on it, and a bell, and a seat for Big Cat, and a little box at the back so I can put blue bags in it. And also a Peppa Pig helmet that fits my head so it protects my head, and new wellie boots because I keep growing. Please, please, please, please. Thank you, I love you.” *she blows kisses into the phone*


A Smart Way To Get Your Smartphone

| CA, USA | Parents & Guardians, Siblings

(My parents have a rule that my phone has to be charging in the laundry room by a certain time. I cannot take the phone out until morning unless I have a good reason.)

Brother: “Hey, [My Name], let’s go to Safeway.”

Me: “Dad, [Brother] and I are going to Safeway. Can I take my phone with me?”

Dad: “Why?”

Me: “What if I get kidnapped by the Russian mafia or something?”

Dad: “All right, fine. But put it back once you get home!”

Brother: “What use is your phone gonna be if you get kidnapped by the Russian mafia? Your phone isn’t gonna stop them.”

Me: “Well, maybe I can Google some Russian or something so I can tell them to kill you first.”

Brother: “You just wanted to use your phone in the car, didn’t you?”

Me: “Maybe.”