The Cantaloupe Of The Serengeti

| MI, USA | Parents & Guardians, Siblings

(My little brother is high-functioning autistic and sometimes asks for the weirdest things. He also mixes up words that sound alike if he doesn’t stop and think about what he wants to say.)

Brother: “Hey, mom, can you take me to Michael’s to buy some of those little, plastic animals like deer, cows, and cantaloupe?”

Mother: “Cantaloupe?”

Brother: “I meant antelope!”

Putting The Pedal To The Heavy Metal

| MI, USA | Siblings

(I’m driving with my sister and I have to hit the brakes to stop at a red light just as ‘Master of Puppets’ comes on.)

Sister: “Do not hit your brakes when Metallica comes on! That is unacceptable!”

Me: “Would you rather I blow through a red light and into the intersection so we get t-boned by oncoming traffic?”

(My sister stares blankly before answering with a straight face:)

Sister: “At least that would be more metal than hitting the brakes and stopping.”

The Car That Ate Up Dinner

| MI, USA | Parents & Guardians, Siblings

(My mom’s car is a little older and she has to work on it frequently. She’s just told us she has to do some quick fixing on it.)

Brother: “So we should not plan on you making dinner?”

Mother: “It’s just [a quick and easy thing to fix].”

Brother: “You never just fix one thing on your car. You go to do a five minute oil change and then end up spending four hours on about six other things to fix.”

(After spending a few seconds looking at my brother and thinking:)

Mother: “Yeah. Don’t count on me making dinner.”

Death Is New To Him

| Geneva, Switzerland | Parents & Guardians

(My four-year-old son has just seen “The Little Prince” and loved the movie, but it has made him think about death a lot.)

Son: “Mama, when will I die?”

Me: *touching wood* “When you’re very, very old.”

Son: “Because I’m new!”

Boob-eyes!

| USA | Parents & Guardians

(I am a 12-year-old girl and am watching a movie with my parents. Suddenly a scene where a woman shows her boobs shows up.)

Mom: “Agh!” *covers my eyes*

Me: “Mom, it’s just women’s boobs!” *sits away* “I’ve seen yours, and it’s no big deal.”

Mom: “It’s naughty and you’re a child!”

Me: “Besides, I don’t see you covering up Dad’s eyes.”

(We look at Dad, who’s watching eagerly.)

Mom: “Dad can look. He’s a man… Men can watch boobs.”

Me: “That makes no sense at all.”

Mom: “Just don’t look! Agh!”

(To this day, I still don’t know why she covered my eyes and not Dad’s. Oh, well.)