An Ominous Vocabulary

| Medicine Lodge, KS, USA | Children, Cousins

(I am doing make-up with my six-year-old cousin.)

Cousin: “Your skin is ominous.”

The Cold Future

| Allentown, PA, USA | Siblings

(I find my sister’s journal and being a typical sister, I decide to crack it open to a random page and read something out of it. This is what I found.)

Entry #1: “Dear Future Self, what is it like in the future? Do we have flying cars and hoverboards and stuff yet?”

Entry #2 *there is a timestamp labeling it two minutes later* “Dear Past Self, sorry, but we don’t have flying cars and hoverboards yet. We do however have a popsicle we didn’t have two minutes in the past!”

Will Not Rodeo Drive

| USA | Cousins, Grandparents

(My cousin had a little bit too much to drink.)

Grandma: “How are you going to get up tomorrow?”

Cousin: “This is not my first rodeo, grandma… This is my second.”

Taking Distraction Action

| Dubuque, IA, USA | Siblings

(My sister lost her wallet earlier, and is understandably upset. I’m taking her to go look for it, and offer to buy her a taco to help calm her down. On the road again, I reach in the bag for one of my burritos, and pull out her taco. I look over at her.)

Me: “[Sister]! You’re eating my burrito!”

Sister: *looks down and realizes she has in fact eaten half my burrito* “I didn’t notice!”

Me: “How can you not notice that! It’s completely different from a taco!”

Sister: “I have no idea.”

(We did find her wallet later, and she apologized again for eating most of my burrito, saying that she was a little distracted at the time!)

Doesn’t Hear The Irony

| Vancouver, BC, Canada | Parents & Guardians

(My parents have come to stay with me at my place. They are early risers while I like to sleep in. After my father leaves to go golfing with my uncle, my mother gets bored and comes into my room while I’m still in bed.)

Mom: “Did you hear the rain last night? It was just rattle-rattle-rattle all over the roof. I think there might be a leak in your roof, by the way. I could hear something dripping. It kept waking me up. Then around five this morning it woke me up for good and I just couldn’t get back to sleep. It was awful. Then your cat started crying to be fed. My god, that creature just never shuts up! Meow, meow, meow, until your dad went to feed her. Ugh. How about you? Did you sleep okay?”

Me: “Yeah, don’t you hate it when noise keeps you awake when you’re trying to sleep?”