Social Working Isn’t Working

| TN, USA | Parents & Guardians

(I am three. My mother is a social worker and makes long trips to take foster kids to new homes throughout the state. After returning from one of these trips, the following conversation happens.)

Mom: “I love you, [My Name]. Can I have a hug?”

Me: “NO! Mommy no love [My Name]! Mommy love OTHER kids!”

(My mother quit her job soon after and became a stay at home mom for the rest of my life.)

My Brother Of ‘ine

| Las Vegas, NV, USA | Siblings

(My brother and I get out of a movie around 1:30 in the morning. We’re both starving and exhausted, so we decide to hit a late night drive-thru before going home and going to sleep. This is the conversation we have while waiting for food.)

Brother: “Supine means lying down, right?”

Me: “Yup.”

Brother: “Supine is lying on your back and prone is lying on your front, right?”

Me: “I’m not sure. I think they both just mean lying down.”

Brother: “Is there a word like that for standing up or sitting? Something that ends in ‘pine?’ I’m pretty sure there is.”

Me: “Not that I can think of.”

Brother: “I’ve definitely heard it before.”

Me: “Maybe, but we’d have to look it up. I can’t even begin to think.”

Brother: “Sit-pine? Stand-pine?”

Me: “Maybe it just ends in ‘ine.’ Hmm… I’ve got it! Porcine!”

Brother: “Really? What does that mean?”

Me: “Oh, I was just kidding. It’s like a pig. It’s, like, the general term for pig-ness. Like equine is for horses.”

Brother: “Oh! Maybe ‘equine’ originally meant standing up and it just got applied to horses later!”

Me: “Of course! Because horses always sleep standing up!”

A Controlling Father

| Portland, OR, USA | Siblings

(My brother and I are twins and he’s visiting me at college. We’re chatting with some of my friends.)

Me: “You can tell our dad’s a scientist because his nickname for [Brother] was Control Group.”

Brother: *not missing a beat* “He told me YOU were Control Group!”

Me: “Well, I guess we know what the experiment was.”

Needs To Re-Assemble His Emotions

| TAS, Australia | Parents & Guardians

(My little brother had been trying to play a game on the iPad and getting very frustrated when things go wrong, but because he’s deaf he can’t tell us what he needs help with. He’s currently throwing a tantrum about it. Note: we all really love Marvel movies.)

Mum: “I think you’re a bit emotionally invested in this game. You shouldn’t react like this over a game. You save these sorts of reactions for Marvel movies!”

A Politician Born Every Minute

| Canberra, ACT, Australia | Siblings

(We see the very unpopular Prime Minister of Australia, Tony Abbott, on TV. My sister is seven years old.)

Me: “Who’s that?”

Sister: “I don’t know.”

Me: “It’s Tony Abbott.”

Sister: “OOOOOOOOOOH!”

Me: “Do you know who Tony Abbott is?”

Sister: “Yes. An idiot.”