Meet The Die-In-The-First-Act Family

| CA, USA | Siblings

Me: “During an apocalypse, who would you choose to be on your team; Mom, Dad, me, or [Older Brother]?”

Younger Brother: “I think everyone in our family is like those characters that die first in movies, so none of us are going to survive for very long.”

This Dream Got Off On The Wrong Foot

| NC, USA | Parents & Guardians, Siblings

(I broke my foot the Monday before I had my wisdom teeth out. I still went ahead with the dental procedure, during which they put me under because I can’t deal with being awake for all of that. I finally come fully alert at home, after which my family relays the day’s escapades.)

Mom: “You started to wake up before they were done, so they had to give you an extra dose. You slept through most of the day.”

Sister #1: “Yeah, you should have seen Mom and me trying to get you out of the car and up the stairs into the house.”

Sister #2: “And then you kept pulling your gauze out so Mom had to fix it because we were too grossed out to.”

Mom: “And then you got up to go to the bathroom, but you were walking on your foot. You were holding your crutches but just in your hands, so [Sister #1] told you to use them.”

Sister #1: “Except you just yelled “I’M FINE!” and threw your crutches at me, then stomped off to the bathroom. Is your foot okay after all of that?”

Me: “…I think so?”

(They’ve still never let me forget it!)

All The Answer They Needed

| ND, USA | Parents & Guardians

(I am visiting my mom for a few days. On this day, we’re planning on going out shopping, but one of her friends is going to stop by to borrow a tool, so we can’t go anywhere until he’s been by. She’s in the bathroom when there is a knock at the door.)

Mom: “Answer that! It’s probably [Friend]!”

(I open the door.)

Guy: “Who are you?”

Me: “I could ask you the same thing!”

Guy: “Well, you won’t get an answer.”

Me: “You’ll notice that you didn’t, either.”

Guy: *face lights up* “You must be her daughter! I’m [Friend]. Nice to meet you!”

(Apparently mouthiness and quick-thinking are the genetic ties in my family…)

Should Just Take It As Read

| USA | Friends, Parents & Guardians

(I’m at a friend’s house, and her little sister isn’t quite old enough to read.)

Mom: “[Friend], can you get my reading glasses, please?”

Friend: “Sure.” *grabs them and hands them over*

Friend’s Sister: “What do reading glasses do?”

Mom: “They help me read.”

Friend’s Sister: *excited* “Can I try them?”

Mom: “Sure, why not?” *gives glasses over*

Friend’s Sister: *puts them on and blinks* “Whoa….” *grabs magazine and stares intently at it before speaking sadly* “Mommy, you need new ones. These aren’t working… I still can’t read!”

Wants It Before It’s Even Hot

| Finland | Parents & Guardians

(My mom is lying on bed reading. I want hot chocolate and knowing she likes it, too. I go to ask if she wants a cup.)

Me: “Hey, mom. Do you…”

Mom: “Yes.”

Me: “…want…”

Mom: “YES!”

Me: “…a hot chocolate?”

Mom: “I already said yes!”

(Two cups of hot chocolate it is.)