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Science And Religion Come With Frustration

| VA, USA | Parents & Guardians

(I am taking an online science class through a university. Part of the first week is an ‘attitude survey’ asking about your attitudes on science and religion. I’m having trouble accessing the site and quickly becoming frustrated.)

Me: “Mom! I’m having trouble accessing this STUPID attitude survey—”

Mom: *with a smile* “Sounds like you’re failing.”

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They Push Up So Fast

| Houston, TX, USA | Parents & Guardians, Siblings

(I am sitting at home with mom, brother, and dad. We start talking about an upcoming cotillion.)

Mom: “How about this dress?”

(It is a floor length, strapless, aqua dress that is very pretty.)

Me: “I really like that one. The only problem is that it’s strapless, and I have no boobs.”

Brother: “Just get a push-up bra!”

Mom: “You can’t get a push-up bra if there isn’t anything there to push up!”

Dad & Brother: “OOOOOOHHHHH!”

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Give A Dog A Bad Name

| Australia | Pets & Animals, Siblings

(My mother has just asked me to tell my two brothers to feed the dogs. This is how that went with my younger brother.)

Brother: “Here!”

Me: “Oh, there you are! Mum wants you to feed the dogs.”

Brother: “What is a dog?”

Me: “…a miserable little pile of secrets.”