The Original And The Best, Dude

| NM, USA | Nephews & Nieces

(A friend of mine goes to the birthday party of his five-year-old niece while wearing a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles shirt.)

Niece: “Oh, my gosh, you like them too?!”

Friend: “Yeah, man! Cowabunga!”

Niece: *suddenly disdainful* “Oh, you like THOSE Ninja Turtles.”

An Energetic Argument

| USA | Children, Sons & Daughters

(I give my three-year-old boy a drink.)

Me: “Drink this; it’s good for you. It has electrolytes in it.”

Son: “It has ELECTRIC LIGHTS?!”

Me: “No, not electric lights. Electrolytes. E-lec-tro-lytes.”

Son: *mischievous twinkle in his eyes* “You mean ‘electric lights’?”

(Pause.)

Me: “Sure, it has electric lights.”

(Choose your battles.)

A Handy Comeback

| England, UK | Aunts & Uncles, Children

(I’m staying with my six-year-old and three-year-old cousins and their family, and the three-year-old is very fond of me. She often comments about how I do or don’t do things. We’re at the dinner table, and my six-year-old cousin is putting his hand down his pants.)

Aunt: “[Six-Year-Old], please take your hand out of your pants.”

(He does, and we go back to eating. Meanwhile, the three-year-old calmly finishes her mouthful, puts down her fork, and exclaims:)

Three-Year-Old: “[My Name] DOESN’T PUT HER HAND DOWN HER PANTS!”

Her Orders Stand

| Pueblo, CO, USA | Siblings

(My family and I are in a restaurant waiting to be seated. Everyone but me is sitting and my mom just told my younger sister to give her seat to an older woman who just arrived. Note that my older sister and her husband both just had surgery and everyone is tired from doing errands all day.)

Mom: “Let that lady sit.” *the lady leaves as my sister goes to stand* “Never mind.”

Me: *to younger sister* “You’re the only one here who hasn’t had surgery or isn’t old.”

Older Sister: *to me* “What’s your excuse?!”

Me: “I’m already standing!”

(Cue us laughing for her little “blond” moment.)

His Attempts At Attention Are Laughable

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Children, Siblings

(My mom and I are sitting in the living room watching the news. My younger brother is up front in the sitting room playing on his computer.)

Brother: “HYUK HYUK HYUK!” *closest imitation of this weird laugh he did*

Me: “What the h***, kid?”

Mom: “That’s his ‘It’s not really all that funny, but I want you to know I found it kind of funny’ laugh.”

Brother: *completely oblivious to our conversation* “HYUK HYUK HAHAHAHAHA HEE HEE HEE!”

Mom: “That’s a combination laugh. Part ‘I want attention!’, part ‘This really is funny.’”

Me: “Okaaaay…”

Brother: “Hehehe— oh, nooo— Hahahahahahaha!”

Mom: “Probably watching something like a classic ‘football to the groin’ video.”