O Holy Special Features And Director’s Commentary

| ON, Canada | Nephews & Nieces

(My family, including me, are Christians. My niece has just found two DVDs, Sesame Street and Barney.)

Niece: “Everyday GOD gives me new DVDs every day.”


Only Achieved Half The Feat

| MI, USA | Parents & Guardians

(After a recent surgery, my father is unable to continue on a home repair project, so he asks me to finish up the trim in the dining room so the furniture can get moved back into place. My mother says she would go out the night before to get the supplies I’d need. The next day…)

Mom: “I got the trim pieces Dad said you’d need. They’re in the basement by the saw.”

Me: “Thanks!” *I go to check out the supplies*

Me: “Um, Mom? These are a lot shorter than the walls. Didn’t Dad say to get 16’ pieces?”

Mom: “Those are 16’ pieces. But I couldn’t get them in the van, so I broke them in half to make them fit.”


Your Brother Has Found Your Calling

| Copenhagen, Denmark | Siblings

(My brother rarely ever has his phone on, so most of our family members call me if they need to get a hold of him, sometimes without even trying his phone first.)

Me: “Someone just called with a survey and asked for you. Even people who don’t know us call me to get to you!”

Brother: *derisive laughter*


Brother From Another

| OH, USA | Grandchildren

(One grandson is talking about a friend’s brothers.)

Younger Grandson: “Brothers are stupid.”

Me: *grinning and turning around to say* “You know you’re a brother; right?”


There’s A Lot In Store

| England, UK | In-Laws, Siblings

(My sister-in-law, despite being older than my wife and being the one that left for university, never seemed to grow up. Needing lifts places, borrowing money, she and her husband can’t seem to sort themselves out without regular help. It has gotten to the point that they just expect people to drop everything at short notice as they fail to sort things out in time.)

Sister-In-Law: “Oh, can you store some furniture for us?”

Wife: “Maybe, but why?”

Sister-In-Law: “Well, we booked our removal company next Wednesday and our house isn’t ready.”

Wife: “Oh, okay. Wouldn’t it be better to use a storage company? I mean, you don’t know how long it will be till you move.”

Sister-In-Law: “No, [Husband] doesn’t want to spend anymore money.”

Wife: “Err, okay. [My Name], can we fit something in the garage? Or your office?”

Me: “The garage is full, but I guess I can move something around. I did just sort out the office. I guess I can live with it being full again.”

Sister-In-Law: “Great! [Husband] will let you know when we can move things around.”

(I was a little annoyed that after months my office was finally getting ready, only for it to be trashed again, and the massive amount of work it would take to clear the garage. I put what time I could in making some space. A few days later, whilst eating dinner, she is at the door.)

Sister-In-Law: “We’re ready.”

Wife: “Okay, can you wait 20 minutes? We are just in the middle of dinner.”

Sister-In-Law: “Not really! All our stuff is outside.”

(I took a look. They had emptied their house: beds, boxes, pictures, everything. I spent the next two hours moving their stuff for them, only for my sister-in-law to disappear inside to chat. Over the next four weeks they popped round often, unannounced, to collect whatever item they needed, only to complain how the items were stored!)