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Meet The Acceptance Family

| Montclair, NJ, USA | Aunts & Uncles, Children, LGTBQ, Nephews & Nieces, Parents & Guardians

(I am the girlfriend of the author of the story Putting The Knee Into A Jerk on Not Always Romantic. I’m having dinner with her, her sister and her 3-year-old twin niece and nephew.)

Niece: “Mommy, Mommy! Me and [brother] know what we want to be when we grow up!”

Mother: “That’s nice! What do you want to be?”

Niece and nephew: *simultaneously* “Lesbian like auntie!”

(My girlfriend’s jaw drops in surprise, while their mom is laughing so hard, she almost falls out of her chair.)

Meet The Cannibal Family

Sugar Is Needed, More Or Less

| Perth, WA, Australia | Children, Parents & Guardians, Sons & Daughters

(I’m 4 years old, and have been watching TV. I come running into the kitchen.)

Me: “Mummy, mummy! We need to go to the shops!”

Mum: “Why’s that, sweetie?”

Me: “The TV said that we need to eat ‘less sugar’. We don’t have any! Can we go and buy some ‘less sugar’, please?”

Harry Potter And The Howling Nouns

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Parents & Guardians

(My mom doesn’t speak a lot of English, and I don’t have a very extensive Chinese vocabulary. We’re big Harry Potter fans. We’re watching a movie and one of the trailers is for ‘The Wolfman’.)

Mom: *in Chinese* “Oh! He’s a werewolf!”

Me: “A what?”

Mom: *in English* “A Lupin!”

Roller Coaster Face



| San Jose, CA, USA | Hall of Fame, Parents & Guardians, Siblings, Top

(My sister is a great cook, but very ditzy. She has just put the turkey in the oven for Thanksgiving. My mother is a great prankster.)

Mom: *to my sister* “Honey, we’re out of chicken broth. Can you run to the store and
grab some more?”

Sister: “Sure, mom.”

(She leaves.)

Mom: *opening the oven and taking the turkey out* “Open the fridge, hun.”

Me: *opening the fridge* “Why? What are you doing?”

Mom: “Just check the crisper drawer.”

Me: *pulls out a Cornish game hen* “What?”

Mom: “Here, season it.”

(I do as she says. My mother slides it inside the turkey’s cavity, and sticks it back in the oven. I start to get a sense of what she’s doing. Later, my sister is carving the turkey before the extended family.)

Sister: “Ohmigod!” *tugs out the Cornish game hen*

Mom: “You’ve cooked a pregnant turkey!”

Sister: “Ohmigod!” *bursts out sobbing*

(It took us a half hour to convince her that turkeys lay eggs!)