Category: Teenagers

On The Long Drive To Mordor

| TX, USA | Parents & Guardians, Teenagers

Me: “Okay, everyone, time for a restroom break…”

Teen Daughter: “But Mom, I don’t need to.”

Me: “[Teen Daughter], this is a long trip and I don’t want to be stopping every time someone needs to go. If we all go at the same time, our bladders will be synced up.”

Teen Daughter: “Mom, I don’t feel the need!”

Me: “I don’t care. In the words of Gandalf, ‘You shall PISS!'”

Sage Teenage Advice

| TX, USA | Sons & Daughters, Teenagers

(Mother’s Day is this weekend and I am teasing my husband about what he should get me as a gift…)

Me: “Honey, Mother’s Day is this weekend.”

Husband: “Hmm…”

Me: *dramatically* “You need to do something to show your love for me!”

Husband: “Like what?!”

Me: *in a breathy voice, to teen daughter, who’s just walked in* “What should your father do to show his love for me?”

Teen Daughter: *glaring & in a deadpan voice* “Not touch you in any way, shape, or form.”

The Mystery Molecule

| Fresno, CA, USA | Sons & Daughters, Teenagers

(As my (too smart for his own good) 18-year-old son comes in to say good night, I ask him about his new shirt. It is from his AP chemistry class. All I can understand is ‘Go (molecule symbol). We’re all winners here.’ I couldn’t figure out what the chemical symbols meant. He got a big grin as he was explaining it.)

Son: “The molecule symbols are for ‘Nads.’ So it says Gonads. We’re all winners here.”

Me: “Really, how did you get away with that?”

Son: “We were trying to figure out what we could slide by the administrations & be approved. We knew they wouldn’t understand it.”

Me: “What did the teacher say?”

Son: “She was in on it & thought it was funny!”

(My husband and I look at him in disbelief.)

Me: “Who’s idea was it?”

Son: “Mine!”

Husband: *shaking his head side to side* “I thought we raised you better than that.”

Son: “Apparently not.”

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