Category: Siblings

Your Sister Has A Mouth On Her

| Sacramento, CA, USA | Children, Siblings

(It’s the early 2000s, and I have finally convinced my mom to upgrade our family’s Internet connection from dial-up to DSL. It enables me to use voice chat features on some IM programs to talk with friends online. One day, I have the microphone out on the desk and I’m talking to a friend and playing games, when my little sister runs up out of nowhere.)

Four-Year-Old Sister: *loudly* “LOOK INSIDE MY MOUTH!” *puts mouth over the microphone*

Me: “What are you doing?! That’s not a camera!”

Four-Year-Old Sister: “Oh.”

More Into Stranger Things

| USA | Siblings

(My brother and I have different tastes in movies, but we go to the theater anyway.)

Brother: “I wanna watch Dr. Strange!”

Me: “I don’t wanna watch a movie about a strange doctor! Those are boring. Like Dr. Frankenstein.”

Brother: “No, it’s a superhero movie.”

Me: “Oh. Still. What’s his power, strangeness?”

Brother: “I don’t know. But I doubt it.”

(I finally agreed since he paid. The movie was actually okay for a movie about a strange doctor!)

A$$inine Comments

| Columbus, GA, USA | Friends, Parents & Guardians, Siblings

Me: “I always draw my brother as a donkey in comics, because he’s a dumba$$.”

Friend: “Ok.”

Me: “Of course, I’m a smart-a$$.”

Friend: “And you’re mom’s just an a$$?”

Me: “She’s an a$$hole.”

Friend: “And what about your dad?”

Me: *thinks a minute* “He’s oblivi-a$$.”

That’s Not Cervixable

| USA | Siblings, Spouses & Partners

(My sister and I are discussing my pregnancy and impending delivery in the next week or two.)

Sister: “So how dilated are you now?”

Me: “Well, the OB said I was 4 or 5 cm at my last visit, but that several days ago now.”

Sister: “You haven’t checked since then?”

Me: “No… not really sure I can do that on my own?”

Sister: “Can’t you just hold up a tape measure down there and see?”

Me: “Um… You know we’re talking about how dilated my cervix is, right?” *I give a concise but semi-graphic explanation of how the OB checks your cervix*

Sister: “Hmm… yeah that would be hard to do by yourself. Better get [Husband] to help you!”

(Later, when I relay the story to my husband.)

Husband: “I mean… you probably could use a tape measure. It would just be kind of uncomfortable.”

Me: “How? Even if you could get it in place, you couldn’t read it!”

Husband: “You could just use a speculum!”

Me: “Yeah, no, I’m pretty sure it doesn’t work like that.”

(The sad part is they both work in healthcare…)

What The Buck?

| USA | Parents & Guardians, Siblings

(My brother is eight and we both love playing computer games. Our dad buys a bunch of them in a yard sale, so we are thrilled. The cover has cutesy looking animals and so we pop in one.)

Me: “Hmm, it’s a hunting game. How exciting!”

Brother: “I’ll shoot that deer!”

(To my shock, there is a lot of realistic looking gore and the cute deer explode into lots of chunks! An angry looking buck pops up, smoking a cigar, and starts swearing at us.)

Buck: “That was my girlfriend you just killed, motherf*****s! F*** you! I’m gonna get ya!”

(Then he starts shooting at us. I’m between laughs and shock, and my brother is just in shock.)

Brother: “…”

Me: “Um… I don’t think this is for kids…”

(Awkward. After that, the games mysteriously disappeared. I guess Dad found out and threw them away! Now, ten years later, we look back and we still go WTF about that strange game.)