Category: Nephews & Nieces

The Original And The Best, Dude

| NM, USA | Nephews & Nieces

(A friend of mine goes to the birthday party of his five-year-old niece while wearing a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles shirt.)

Niece: “Oh, my gosh, you like them too?!”

Friend: “Yeah, man! Cowabunga!”

Niece: *suddenly disdainful* “Oh, you like THOSE Ninja Turtles.”

Inventing Non-Existent Daddy Issues

| Canada | Children, Nephews & Nieces

(My boyfriend and I are babysitting my three-year-old nephew, but this is not the first time my boyfriend has been around him.)

Nephew: “Is that your dad?”

Me: “No, that’s my boyfriend. That’s your uncle. That’s Uncle [Boyfriend].”

Nephew: “Oh. Uncle [Boyfriend]?”

Me: “Yes. He’s my boyfriend. Like your mom and dad.”

Nephew: “Oh.”

(A few months later I am at my brother’s house without Boyfriend.)

Nephew: “Where’s your dad?”

Me: *slightly confused* “Well he’s back at his— Wait a second. Who do you think my dad is?”

Nephew: “The guy from your house!”

(I show him a few pictures on my phone.)

Me: “Can you show me which one my dad is?”

(He points to Boyfriend.)

Me: “No, that’s not my dad. That’s Uncle [Boyfriend].”

Nephew: “Oh. Uncle [Boyfriend]?”

(A few months after that, we are visiting Boyfriend at work, and Boyfriend has to leave the area to get something.)

Nephew: “Where’d your dad go?”

Me: “No, that’s not— He went downstairs.”

I Get Nowhere

| Austria | Boyfriends & Girlfriends, Children, Nephews & Nieces

Sister: “So, [My Boyfriend], what do you earn at your new job?”

Boyfriend: “I get—”

Nephew: “MAMA!”

Boyfriend: “I get—”

Nephew: *drops something*

Boyfriend: “I get—”

Nephew: *slips and falls*

Boyfriend: “I get—”

Nephew: “There’s a ghost!” *runs out of the room*

Me: “Quick, while he’s out of the room!”

Boyfriend: “I get—”

Nephew: *running through the door* “Hooo-hooo!”

Pray She Doesn’t See A ‘Spider-Bird’

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Children, Nephews & Nieces, Pets & Animals

(Lately my little niece has taken to calling animals by what they’re shaped like. She was playing outside one day before running in and saying this…)

Niece: “Auntie! Auntie! I just saw a helicopter-fly!”

(Needless to say, everyone burst out laughing. She still hasn’t gotten used to the fact that dragonflies have been around longer than helicopters.)

The Shouting Makes Him Enfilade

| Detroit, MI, USA | Children, In-Laws, Nephews & Nieces, Siblings

(I am a retired Marine, and I have never lost the habit of using military terminology. My five-year-old nephew has taken his bath and is on the family room sofa, lying pressed up against the cushions so that he can’t be seen from the kitchen.)

Brother-In-Law: “Where’s [Nephew]?”

Me: “He’s in defilade.”

Nephew: *yelling* “No, I’m not! I’m in my underwear!”

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