Category: Nephews & Nieces

In The Twilight Of Their Youth, Part 9

| Cornelius, OR, USA | Nephews & Nieces, Popular

(While my oldest niece, who is 18 years old, and I were out painting we were talking about vampires and Twilight.)

Niece: “I LOVE Twilight!”

Me: “It was okay. There were some parts I really liked. Like the eye color changing depending on what you fed on and the wolves. But other than that it kind of gave me a headache. Now if you want some good vampires you have to learn about the REAL ones!”

Niece: “What?” *looks at me like I’m insane*

Me: *rolls my eyes* “No I don’t mean real live vampires. I’m talking about the ones that started it all. Dracula. Interview with the Vampire. You know what? We’re watching the movie and you’ll see.”

(So after painting we return home and I put the movie on for her, warning her about the nudity scenes so she wouldn’t be too embarrassed. When it ends I turn to her.)

Me: “Well? What’d you think?”

Niece: “Wow… I can see why you were so pissed about the vampires in Twilight! This actually makes more sense.”

(And she wasn’t being sarcastic. Ever since then she’s not been able to watch the movies or read the books. Next up is to get her to read Dracula!)

In The Twilight Of Their Youth, Part 8
In The Twilight Of Their Youth, Part 7
In The Twilight Of Their Youth, Part 6

Knows Every Secret Chamber

| Nephews & Nieces, Popular, Siblings

(My six-year-old nephew has just finished reading the first Harry Potter book and was very excited to watch the movie with me. My sister (his mom), he, and I are about halfway through the movie when this happens.)

Me: “Look! Snape is jinxing Harry’s broom!”

Nephew: “No, it’s not! It’s Quirrel!”

Sister: “How do you know? I saw Snape muttering.”

Nephew: *holds up hand to stop us talking* “I read the book!”


Nephew: “I know things now.”

Babies Love To Smile And Waive

| Ireland | Nephews & Nieces, Popular

(I coach Renaissance-style rapier fencing, which has strict rules about minimum age limits and minor participation. My nine-month-old nephew isn’t remotely scared of loud noises, so the louder an object he plays with is the better. He is sitting on my dad’s lap, beside the fireplace and the metal stand for the fire tools.)

Nephew: *grabs fire poker and tries to lift it, making lots of noise*

Dad: “No, don’t play with that.”

Me: “That’s not a toy, until you’re fourteen and Mammy and Daddy have a signed waiver!”

Nephew: *looks at me and smiles*

Me: *in baby voice* “I don’t want to deal with the paperwork if anything happens! No, I don’t!”

One Way To Fill The Conversation Vacuum

| Boston, MA, USA | Nephews & Nieces, Popular

(I’m out to dinner with my four-year-old nephew and his parents. There’s live music tonight, a guy with a guitar, and he’s right next to our table, so when he finally takes a break we let the little guy go put the tip in his bucket. My nephew has a particular fixation/obsession, however…)

Me: “C’mon, little dude, give the man the money.”

His Dad: “And tell him you liked the music!”

Nephew: *walks over and puts the tip in, then just stands there*

Guitarist: “Thank you!”

Nephew: “I like vacuums!”

(Cue simultaneous triple-facepalm. Guess what my nephew dressed as for Halloween?)

Time To Swallow Common Sense

| Sweden | Nephews & Nieces

(A coworker’s nephew is visiting the place. He is intrigued by a female coworker who is rather heavily pregnant.)

Coworker: “You see, there is a child in there.”

Nephew: *to the pregnant coworker* “Did you swallow him?”

Life Is A Series Of Red Lights

| Lawrence, KS, USA | Nephews & Nieces

(My three-year-old nephew is in the car with my parents. The car is stopped at a light.)

Nephew: “Go, Papa, go!”

Mom: “We can’t go, [Nephew]. The light is red. Red light means stop!”

Nephew: *gives a big sigh* “Life is hard.”