Category: Cousins

Their Gay Appalling

| NM, USA | Aunts & Uncles, Cousins, LGTBQ

(I’m a waitress and my aunt and uncle come in with their great grandson, eight, and great granddaughter, six. Their grandson is my cousin [not the father of above children] and he’s around the same age as me. He’s also gay. His family jumps from being okay with it to being appalled by it. We make small talk and they order. I’m bringing out their food at this time.)

Me: “So how is [Gay Cousin]? I haven’t seen him and his boyfriend in awhile.”

Aunt: *stark white* “Fine.” *she says it fast and quick*

(I realize they’re in the appalled-by-it phase so I change the subject and leave the table. My aunt comes up to me as they’re cashing out.)

Aunt: “Look here. [Gay Cousin] is not gay. We don’t talk about it. He has his friend. I want you to go explain to [Young Niece and Nephew] that boys can’t be with boys. NOW!”

Me: *chuckles because I’m nervous and a little off-put* “They can, though. I’m just gonna tell them that sometimes, boys like boys and girls like girls. So maybe you’d prefer to tell them?”

(She looked like she wanted to kill me. At a loss for words, she turned away from me and walked out, telling her niece and nephew that I was going to Hell. She never talked to me again. Oh, well.)

They’re Nacho What’s Going On

| Norway | Cousins, Non-Dialogue

I’ve just gotten a bowl of nachos at the counter and am on my way upstairs to our table when someone on their way down reaches out and snatches a chip out of my bowl.

I turn around to see my cousin, flanked by two confused-looking classmates of hers, grinning as she pops the chip in her mouth. I shoot her a quick pouty-face before turning and continuing on my way.

She later tells me she had a good laugh about her classmates, as they didn’t know who I was and thought that my cousin had a habit of snatching food off complete stranger’s plates.

The Game Industry Isn’t A Game

| FL, USA | Cousins

(I work for a company that publishes video games, which is a job my husband’s family, mostly being non-gamers, don’t really seem to understand but are supportive of anyway. One of his cousins has a son in his late teens who is interested in games, and she has always been very determined to have him make a career out of it (since he is “so good at video games”). We don’t otherwise have much in common with them, and they live a ways away, so although we are all friendly and pleasant, we don’t really talk or see each other much. My husband and I are out for dinner with her one day when she’s in town.)

Cousin: “Did you know [Son] is in school for games?”

Me: “Oh? You mean like… a programming course or something?” *sincerely hoping it is this, since a lot of schools alleging to help people learn to make games tend to be scams*

Cousin: “Something like that! He made a game that everyone there says is really good, and they tried to submit it to [Well-Known Gaming Conference] but they said he was too young. And that’s the only reason! It’s REALLY good. So I told him I’d talk to you about it. You can show it to your company and they can pay him for it and sell it.”

Me: “Oh. Uh. Well. We have a lot of projects in the works right now, and there’s a pitching process we ask everyone to go through that—”

Cousin: *defensively* “He’s your family! All you have to do is get them to look at it and they’ll see how great it is. This is an amazing opportunity for him.”

(Even though I can see my husband start to get annoyed at how manipulative she’s being, I reluctantly, and against my better judgement, agree to at least show her son’s game to my colleagues. I reason that it might actually be very good, and everyone has to start somewhere. Unfortunately, when I receive the game a few days later, it’s NOT very good. In fact, it’s made up of stolen artwork and sprites from other games, is very simple, and very, very buggy. In short, it’s exactly what you’d expect someone’s first ever game as a student to look like. And that’s okay because everyone starts somewhere, and in nearly ten years in the industry I have never met a developer who’s very first efforts were anything but rudimentary. Because we want to be encouraging, however, my coworkers and I take the time to provide some constructive, positive feedback, including a list of free online resources for things like learning to code and helpful tools. However…)

Cousin: “I can’t believe you turned him down! How could you?! He’s absolutely crushed!”

Me: “I’m sorry he’s upset, but we are not going to be offering him anything based on what he’s shown us. He shouldn’t take it personally… We’re a business, and we turn down a lot of proposals every week. That doesn’t mean we don’t want him to keep working and learning, and then he can show—”

Cousin: “Oh, because you’re SO PERFECT and he has to work SO HARD just to be on your level for you to even consider!”

(She hung up on me before I could say anything else and refused to speak to either me or my husband for months. When she saw us at a family gathering, both she and her son acted as if nothing had happened. It was a bizarre incident that really solidified to me never to mix family with business again, no matter what that business happens to be, or if you think you’re doing someone a favour.)

You Have Something To Hide, Make No Bones About It

| CT, USA | Cousins, Siblings

(Some family members are discussing mementos of our deceased pets.)

Mom: “I have some of my horse’s baby teeth and a piece of his mane in my jewelry box.”

Cousin: “I keep a few of my cat’s whiskers and her cremation remains in my closet.”

Me: “I have braids from two of my favorite goats’ beards in my bedside table.”

Brother: “You all are weird…”

Cousin: “Admit it, you have some skeletons in your closet.”

Brother: “At least they aren’t literal skeletons like yours!”

Take A Deep Breath And Lawyer-Up

| MA, USA | Cousins

(My cousin and I are female and too old to be having this conversation.)

Cousin: “When I worked for [Company], we got CPR training. We were paid for the first two hours, but not for the second two hours.”

Me: “That’s pretty decent. Plus you didn’t have to pay for the training.”

Cousin: “Yes, but we were only certified for six months.”

Me: “Yes, but you’ll always have that skill.”

Cousin: “Yes, but we were only certified for six months.”

Me: “What does that have to do with anything?”

Cousin: “You have to be certified to perform CPR. Otherwise you can get sued.”

Me: “???”

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