Category: Cousins


High-Flying Low-Blows

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | Cousins, Parents & Guardians, Pets & Animals

(A cousin of ours has recently had a baby, and has been posting a lot of pictures about the baby. My sister and I don’t like children. I am also currently unemployed)

Sister: “Can [Cousin] stop posting pictures about her baby? It’s seriously getting annoying. It’s all she does these days.”

Mum: “I know, but that’s what her life is now.”

Me: “My life is all about [Dog] right now, but you don’t see me posting pictures of him all day.”

Mum: “Yes, but [Cousin] was a high-flying professional before she had the baby, so it’s a bit of a come-down for her…”

(At this point my dad and sister lose it, and Mum goes bright red.)

Mum: “No… I mean…”

Me: *sarcastic* “I get that I’m nothing at the moment, but I thought you at least supported me.”


Fast Track To The Bottom Of The Ladder

| Montreal, QC, Canada | Children, Cousins

(I’m at my parents’ house to paint the eaves for them, since they are getting a little too old for this. As I’m all the way up the ladder, our aunt, uncle, and little cousin (eight years old) come to visit. I wave them as I don’t want to scream or go down until I’m done on this part. As soon as my little cousin see me up there, he rushes over and shakes the ladder strongly. Please note I’m quite petite and light for being 30.)

Me: “[Little Cousin]! Stop! It’s dangerous!”

(I barely manage to keep my balance, but before anyone can reach him, he passes under the ladder and pushes me off the wall.)

Everyone Screaming: “No!”

(I fall 12′ down, landing on hard ground. My parents call emergency and I try not to move in case of damage. Everyone is quite shocked.)

Aunt: “[Little Cousin], why did you do that to [My Name]?! You could have killed her!”

Little Cousin: “But [Other Uncle] said I could shake him on a ladder and that he’d never fall, no matter how strong I do it.”

Uncle: “Yeah, [Other Uncle] is quite heavy. Of course no children could be strong enough to endanger him. But [My Name] is, like, a quarter of him. He never should have taught you anything so dangerous! And why did you push her off the wall?”

Little Cousin: *now in unsure-guilty tone* “But [Other Cousin] climbed all the way on top of a ladder and he asked me to push him… He did balance well; he even walked with the ladder so easily…”

Me: *still on the ground waiting* “Has no one ever told him that [Other Cousin] is about my age and been doing circus related activities since he was, like, three years old?”

(This was a light bulb moment for the parents. Apparently, my little cousin thought it was a normal adult skills and though it might have been funny to watch… Thankfully I only had dark bruises and a few scratches.)


First Rate, Second Grade, Party

| Miami, FL, USA | Cousins, Sons & Daughters

(It is my daughter’s seventh birthday. About two weeks ago I made some invitations for her to give out at school. It should be noted that while she is in second grade, she is also enrolled in music lessons and is advanced enough to be placed in the highest level music class offered. I hear a knock on the door.)

Daughter: “Mom! My friends are here!”

Me: “Okay, I’ll get it.”

(I open the door and see a young man I recognize from her music lessons.)

Me: “Oh, [Man #1]. I wasn’t expecting you to be here. It’s very nice of you to come to [Daughter]’s birthday.”

Man #1: “Thanks. Where can I leave my gift?”

Me: “On that table over there.”

Man #1: “Thanks.”

(He leaves and I confront my daughter.)

Me: “You invited [Man #1]?”

Daughter: “Yeah, why?”

Me: “That was very nice of you but don’t you think he would feel silly being the only adult at a children’s party?”

Daughter: “No.”

(I figured that he must have expected to be the oldest one there and came anyway. As the day goes on, more adults show up and I realize that my daughter invited her adult friends from her music class instead of people from her school. The party I planned is a typical kid’s birthday with clowns, a moon bounce, piñatas, and gift bags filled with toys.)

Me: “Daughter, did you invite any kids to your party?”

Daughter: *obviously lying* “Uh…Yes.”

Me: “I told you to invite your friends from school.”

Daughter: “They are from my school.”

Me: “I meant your real school. Why didn’t you invite any kids?”

Daughter: “These people are more fun.”

(I go into the backyard where everyone is waiting and inform them of what happened.)

Me: “I’m very sorry if the party isn’t as fun as you thought it would be. I was expecting second graders and planned accordingly.”

Man #2: “It’s fine; we’re having fun.”

(It turns out they loved the party and enjoyed the activities anyway. Everything went as planned but I did give my daughter a warning to tell me ahead of time if she was going to have her adult friends over again.)


Made The Flight Bear-able

| England, UK | Cousins, Siblings

(We are on a large family holiday. All of us are adults now with kids of our own. It’s a long flight so i take out the colouring books and crayons we brought.)

Eldest Sister: “Can we borrow some of them?”

Me: *slightly annoyed at the lack of preparation* ” Sure.”

(An hour in, our daughter is getting bored again. I take out some story books and snacks.)

Other Sister: “[Child] is bored; could we borrow one?”

Me: “Fine.”

(After a long flight we have a great holiday and reluctantly join the plane home. As none of the “borrowed” items came back and with limited shops we make do.)

Eldest Sister: “You don’t mind if we borrow some again?”

Me: “What happened to the last lot?”

Eldest Sister: *shrugs*

Other Sister: “Me, too!”

(Frustrated and annoyed how two grown women fail to prepare for their own children, but not wanting to ruin the holiday, we do our best to entertain our three-year-old with a few crayons and single colouring book. Quickly enough she is bored and I have nothing left to entertain her.)

Me: *to my wife* “You know what?! Sod it. We are on holiday. Pass me the menu.”

Me: *to the flight attendant* Can we have two drinks, a kids selection pack, and—” *silently pointing* “—one of those, please.”

Stewardess: *all smiles* “Of course, sir.”

(Our daughter might have been upset to leave, but when the pilot teddy bear came down the aisle she forgot all about it. My sisters, however, had to deal with the begging and pleading from their kids, but of course they failed to leave any money aside to prepare for the flight home. Two years later, she still has the bear, in a place of pride in her room.)


A Related Issue

| Okanagan Falls, BC, Canada | Aunts & Uncles, Boyfriends & Girlfriends, Cousins

(We’re at a massive family reunion and taking a huge picture of everyone. My cousin has brought her boyfriend of a year or so.)

Cousin: “Can [Boyfriend] be in the picture?”

Aunt: “No. Family only.”

(My cousin lets this go. The next major family event is about three years later, and there’s another big family picture.)

Cousin: “C’mon, [Boyfriend], picture time!”

Aunt: “NO! It’s a FAMILY picture!”

Cousin: “But [My Brother’s Fiancée] is allowed in.”

Aunt: “They’re getting married; that makes her related. What if you and [Boyfriend] break up? I don’t want to look at pictures years later of someone you dumped!”

(Four years after that, at yet another family gathering, Cousin is pregnant, and Aunt is preparing for yet another family picture:)

Aunt: “[Boyfriend], you can take this one.”

Cousin: “Mom…”

Aunt: “The picture is only for people who are related to us.”

Cousin: “[My Brother] got divorced last year; you’ve already got pictures with people you’re not related to! [Boyfriend] and I have been together EIGHT YEARS. I am pregnant with his child! Your grandchild! How much more do you want?”

Aunt: “He’s NOT FAMILY!”

Cousin: “He is MY family! And if he’s not in it, I’m not in it!”

(Later, after the picture is taken — with the boyfriend:)

Me: “Wow, [Cousin], that took some serious chutzpah.”

Cousin: “It’s the hormones. I’m cranky, pregnant, and unstoppable.”

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