Category: Cousins

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Done With The Family Niceties

| KY, USA | Aunts & Uncles, Cousins, Popular

(We are at my boyfriend’s family reunion down in Kentucky and his family is doing a volleyball tournament in 95 degree heat. I have on sunglasses, a tank top, and shorts with my hair up. I am talking to one of my boyfriend’s cousins to the side of the court, waiting for our team to play again, when his aunt walks over. Note: we’ve been dating for three years at this point and I know his family fairly well.)

Aunt: “Well, hello, [Cousin], who is your friend you brought?”

Me: “It’s me, [My Name]. [Boyfriend]’s girlfriend.”

Aunt: “Oh, dear, I am so sorry. It’s just normally you look nice.” *walks away*

Me: *shocked silence*

Cousin: “Yeah, welcome to the family.”

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A Name In Bad Standing

| NC, USA | Cousins, Popular

(While stationed at Marine Corps Base Camp Lejeune, a senior officer in another unit is one of the worst people I meet in my entire military career. He is a small-minded, arrogant bully and epitomized everything enlisted personnel hate about officers, and junior officers hate about senior officers. Everyone who knows him loathes him. He also has a fairly uncommon last name. Once day I happen to call the training center for another service branch and have a civil service worker answer the phone.)

Civilian: “Training Command, [First Name] [Unusual Last Name] speaking.”

Me: *after introducing myself and stating why I called* “Say, that’s a unique name. Do you happen to have a relative in the Marine Corps?”

Civilian: “Yes, Lt. Colonel [Unusual Last Name] is my cousin.”

(There is a brief moment of silence while I try to think of something pleasant, or at least innocuous, to say about the bastard.)

Civilian: “I can’t stand him either.”

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Would Rather Not Horse Around With The Family

| USA | Aunts & Uncles, Cousins

(We are on a family vacation — grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins. My family has rented two cabins; the one I’m in has my parents, one aunt, her two kids, and I. The resort we are visiting has activities planned for the following week, but seem to be noticeably overpriced. My aunt has decided to take my cousins horseback riding for one hour. They are known by my parents and me to be some of the brattiest children in the family. The following argument ensues:)

Aunt: “[My Name], are you coming, too?”

Me: “No, thanks.”

Aunt: “Why not?!”

Me: “I’m not into horses as much as I was when I was little. I already had lessons.”

Aunt: *hiding her surprise and anger terribly* “C’mon, you’ll have fun!”

Me: “I don’t see the point in making my parents pay $60 for something I already did!”

Aunt: “Don’t you want the experience with your cousins?!”

Me: “But I already HAVE the experience…”

(My aunt ended up paying almost $200 for herself and my cousins to sit on horses for exactly one hour. The trio complained the rest of the night about how much their legs hurt from straddling horses nonstop. Should’ve stayed to enjoy the air conditioning!)

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