Category: Cousins

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A Related Issue

| Okanagan Falls, BC, Canada | Aunts & Uncles, Boyfriends & Girlfriends, Cousins

(We’re at a massive family reunion and taking a huge picture of everyone. My cousin has brought her boyfriend of a year or so.)

Cousin: “Can [Boyfriend] be in the picture?”

Aunt: “No. Family only.”

(My cousin lets this go. The next major family event is about three years later, and there’s another big family picture.)

Cousin: “C’mon, [Boyfriend], picture time!”

Aunt: “NO! It’s a FAMILY picture!”

Cousin: “But [My Brother’s Fiancée] is allowed in.”

Aunt: “They’re getting married; that makes her related. What if you and [Boyfriend] break up? I don’t want to look at pictures years later of someone you dumped!”

(Four years after that, at yet another family gathering, Cousin is pregnant, and Aunt is preparing for yet another family picture:)

Aunt: “[Boyfriend], you can take this one.”

Cousin: “Mom…”

Aunt: “The picture is only for people who are related to us.”

Cousin: “[My Brother] got divorced last year; you’ve already got pictures with people you’re not related to! [Boyfriend] and I have been together EIGHT YEARS. I am pregnant with his child! Your grandchild! How much more do you want?”

Aunt: “He’s NOT FAMILY!”

Cousin: “He is MY family! And if he’s not in it, I’m not in it!”

(Later, after the picture is taken — with the boyfriend:)

Me: “Wow, [Cousin], that took some serious chutzpah.”

Cousin: “It’s the hormones. I’m cranky, pregnant, and unstoppable.”

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Jay-Flying

| NC, USA | Cousins

(My 10-year-old cousin is visiting from the west coast. We’ve walked down the road to a little park with a playground, and she finds another kid to play with while I make small talk with a neighbor. My cousin finds a feather.)

Cousin: “Ooh, ooh! I know what this is! It’s a western blue jay!”

Me: “You mean an eastern blue jay.”

Cousin: “WESTERN.”

Me: “You’re in the Southeast now; you’ve got western blue jays at home, and here we have the eastern blue jay.”

Cousin: “NO! There’s only western blue jays, spotted jays, mockingjays…”

Neighbor: “Mockingjays aren’t real.”

Cousin: “I SAW THEM IN THE MOVIES!”

(I looked it up, and none of the birds she talked about are real, but she makes stuff up constantly so I’m not surprised.)

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Oddly Accurate

| Devon, England, UK | Cousins, Sons & Daughters

(My son is seven.)

Son: “Our car puts up with a lot!”

Me: “Even your toots.”

Son: “Hey! Yours, too!”

Me: “I don’t toot.”

Husband: “Really?”

Me: “…as much as you two.”

Son: “You burp, Mummy. A lot more than me or daddy.”

Me: “Because I’m indecent and common.”

Son: “HEY! We’re ALL indecent and common. You’re ODD.”

Me & Husband: “Sounds about right…”

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The United Kingdom Of America

| Washington, DC, USA | Cousins

(I am walking around Washington DC with my cousins, who are British, and showing them the attractions. They have been to the US a few times before. The youngest is in her early teens when this happens.)

Cousin: “Does America have a king?”

(I stare at her and she tries to guess from my expression.)

Cousin: “Yes…? No…?”

(She seems to realise something.)

Cousin: “It has a queen? That’s it, right? There’s a queen? No. A king, then?”

Me: “Don’t you know about the American Revolution? Do they teach you about it in history?”

Cousin: “Um, not much. So is there a king?”

(I explained and took them to the history museum. I still wonder how she thought there could be a monarch that nobody talks about.)

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This Ain’t No Puff Piece

| Winston-Salem, NC, USA | Children, Cousins, Pets & Animals, Popular

(My youngest cousin, age nine, is visiting from out of state. A few months previously, I adopted a stray kitten who is growing into a shy but lovely little cat; her tail, notably, is much fluffier than the rest of her fur, and I call it “the puff”. I’ve shown my cousin how to play with the cat toys, and my cat’s gotten comfortable enough to get within arm’s reach.)

Cousin: “Ooh, her tail is so fluffy! Can I?”

Me: *demonstrating* “If you start with her head and run your hand along her like this, she may let you admire the puff.”

Cousin: *whispers reverently* “The Puff…”

(The two got along surprisingly well!)

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