Category: Children

Beauty Is Adorable

| VT, USA | Children, Parents & Guardians

(I am in my first job as a cashier. I suffer from a condition that causes a facial deformation and it is relatively noticeable. A mother and her two kids, son and daughter, come up to my register to check out and her son is staring at me with a quizzical look.)

Little Girl: *as she elbows him* “Stop staring. It’s not nice to stare at people.”

Little Boy: “But I’m just curious!”

Little Girl: “That’s just the way God made her and she’s beautiful.”

Mother: *looks horrified* “Oh, my god, I am so sorry about him. He’s normally not like that.”

Me: “No worries. I’m used to it, and I found the two of them adorable.”

(I gave them both candy, with permission from their mother, off my employee tab.)

Best To Keep An Eye On That One

| Switzerland | Children, Sons & Daughters

(I’ve just unpacked a fish for our supper. My five-year-old son is very curious about it.)

Son: “I wanna touch the fish”

(He touches it, then decides he wants to touch the eye.)

Son: “I wanna see how the eye is.”

(He whips out the eyeball in a few seconds, leaving me with a blind fish. I feel quite weird, when he adds:)

Son: “It’s okay; he’s dead anyway”

(He leaves the eyeball on the trashcan and goes away.)

Me: “Hey, at least put the eye in the trash, please!”

(Let’s hope it’s the start of a scientific career!)

Fullmetal Wizard

| Orem, UT, USA | Children, Popular, Spouses & Partners

(My husband is sitting at his computer with our one-year-old son on his lap. Earlier, he’d been watching an anime which centers around a pair of brothers who attempt to raise their mother from the dead, an effort which goes horribly wrong.)

Husband: “Okay, [Son], what should we watch? How about Fullmetal Alchemist?”

Me: “I’d rather he be a little older before he watches that. We don’t want him thinking he needs to do anything and everything to bring me back from the dead, should something happen. After all, there are things worse than death.”

Husband: “Like getting expelled from Hogwarts.”

(We wound up watching “Harry Potter” instead.)

The Brother Doesn’t Fall Very Far From The Tree

| OH, USA | Children, Popular, Siblings

(I’m driving my grandsons to meet their father when the five-year-old looks out the window.)

Five-Year-Old: “I want to run around there… and step on trees.”

Me: “If you want to step on trees you’ll have to get much bigger.”

Eight-Year-Old: “You can practice on broccoli.”

The Key To Keron

| USA | Children, Popular, Sons & Daughters, Spouses & Partners

(My husband and I take our seven-year-old son to an anime convention, since he is a very big fan. I get a splitting headache after a while, so I go to rest in the car while my husband and son continue to browse the dealer hall. I get a text from my husband.)

Husband: “[Son] asked for a keychain of some anime frog, so I bought it for him. Then he handed it to me and said it was a gift. So I just bought myself a keychain of some anime frog.”

(He keeps it on his keyring now, and he still doesn’t know what show it’s from.)

Not-So-Smartphone, Part 8

| Kingsport, TN, USA | Children, Parents & Guardians, Sons & Daughters

(I’m notorious for misplacing my cell phone on a regular basis. Driving to work one evening, I decide to prank my youngest. I call her from my cell phone.)

Youngest: “Hello?”

Me: “Hi, I need you to do me a favor. Check your brother’s room and see if he left his bedroom light on. Then, I need you to go in my room and look for my cell phone.”

Youngest: “Okay, mommy.”

(She goes to check on her brother’s light and shuts it off. Then, she goes into my room to look for my cell phone.)

Youngest: “I don’t see your cell phone, mommy.”

Me: “Are you sure? Check under my pillows.”

Youngest: “Okay, mommy… Wait a minute… How are you calling me?”

Me: *laughs*

Youngest: *laughs* “It took me a minute…”

Not-So-Smart-Phone, Part 7
Not-So-Smart-Phone, Part 6
Not-So-Smart-Phone, Part 5

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