Category: Children

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Keeping Easter Sweet, Part 2

| AB, Canada | Children, Nephews & Nieces

(I organize a big Easter hunt for all my nieces and nephews each year at my parents acreage. I hide a ton of treats and toys for each kid, and they have to follow clues to find them all since they are hidden everywhere across 12 acres. Afterwards, the kids sometimes need to be reminded to thank me. I am sitting in the living room, right next to the kitchen where I hear this conversation:)

My Sister: “Did you thank Auntie [My Name] for the Easter hunt and all your treats?”

Three-Year-Old Nephew: “No.”

My Sister: “Go tell Auntie thank you for helping the Easter bunny hide everything, please.”

Three-Year-Old Nephew: *runs past me on the couch to the back door (in the living room), opens the door wide and yells* “HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” *closes it and runs off to play*

My Sister: “You know, some days I wonder about that child…”

Related:
Keeping Easter Sweet

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Time To Essay The Situation

| Staten Island, NY, USA | Children, Popular, Sons & Daughters

(I am picking my two sons from school, aged six and eight. My eight-year-old comes out strutting like a peacock. I have to know what’s up with all the annoying swagger.)

Eight-Year-Old: *proudly* “I just said ‘NO’ to two girls without hurting their feelings.”

Me: “You said ‘NO’ to what?!”

Eight-Year-Old: “One girl said she should be my girlfriend; another girl said she should be my girlfriend. They argued, so I said, ‘Write me a 300-word essay why you should be my girlfriend. Best essay wins.’”

Me: “You could’ve just said, ‘No, thanks. I’m only eight. Ask me again when I’m thirty!’”

Eight-Year-Old: “Can’t say that. I have manners now.”

(I think, “since when did this punk acquire good manners?”)

Me: “What if one girl writes a great essay? Or both of them?”

Eight-Year-Old: “They’re only eight. They can’t even write a fifty-word essay. See what I mean?”

Me: “No, I’m not seeing anything.”

Eight-Year-Old: “I didn’t actually reject them. Can’t write the essay, can’t be my girlfriend. They hate themselves because they can’t write the essay, but they don’t hate me.”

Me: “Why do you care if they hate you?”

Eight-Year-Old: “Because angry girls are crazy and scary.”

Six-Year-Old: *breaking his silence* “You should see yourself when you’re angry, Momzilla!”

Me: “What planet are you guys from?”

Eight-Year-Old: “From Planet Uterus!”

Six-Year-Old: “We came out of your own loins!”

Me: “Oh. My. God.”

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This Tail Has A Happy Ending

| USA | Children, Siblings

Dad: *to little sister* “Wait, where did your shrimp tails go?”

Little Sister: *points to belly*

(We broke out the Pepto-Bismol that night.)

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