Category: Children


Adopt A New Definition Of The Word

| IL, USA | Children

(When I was four or five my stepfather legally adopted me. After everything was over I burst into tears and was asked why.)

Me: “‘Doption means I have to go live with a new mommy and daddy and I like the ones I’ve got!”


Giving It A Bad Name

| Québec, QC, Canada | Children, Sons & Daughters

(This story takes place when I was around five or six. It’s the holiday and we’re visiting my grandparents. My father is the seventh kid of eight, so they all have names familiar in their generation but not in mine.)

Me: “Hey, Dad?”

Father: “Yes, Son?”

Me: “When am I going to change my name?”

Father: *confused* “What do you mean, change your name?”

Me: “At what age do kids change their name?”

Father: *even more confused* “They don’t change their names; what makes you think that?”

Me: “Well, I have a kid’s name; I’ll probably change to an adult name like yours when I grow up.”

Father: “No, you won’t. You’ll always have that name.”

Me: *finally starting to understand* “YOU MEAN YOU’VE ALWAYS HAVE THAT NAME? AN OLD NAME? A KID WITH AN OLD NAME?!”

Father: “…”

Me: *lost in thoughts* “Wow… must’ve been weird.”


Post In Translation

| USA | Children, Nephews & Nieces

Nephew: “Aunt [My Name], [Niece] and I made our own language!”

Me: “Really?”

Nephew: “Yeah. It’s English but everything starts with P! Try it!”

Niece: “Yeah!” *giggles* “Say I see you!”

Me: “…”


Lady Said So

| Lafayette, LA, USA | Children

(A family of four — a parent and three children — are browsing the store. The youngest, a toddler, tries to reach her hand directly into a bin of loose candy.)

Me: *in a gentle sing-song tone* “No-no, sweetie! No-no!”

(She looks at me, and after another “no-no” she takes her hand off the bin. She rejoins her siblings, watching as one of them picks a wrapped candy off a shelf.)

Toddler: *very softly* “Lady said no.”

(I have to cover my mouth with my hand to keep from laughing. The family continues shopping for a few more minutes, punctuated every so often with a tiny “lady said no” until they check out.)


Pokémon Go Around

| UK | Aunts & Uncles, Children, Pokemon

(My aunt told me about teaching my 11-year-old cousin about walking outside alone at night. There are several narrow lanes near their home.)

Aunt: “Don’t go in the lanes if someone standing in there. Wait until they walk through or just take the streets with big lights instead.”

Uncle: “Yep. Not even if it’s an old lady.”

Aunt: “Even better if you avoid those lanes completely.”

Cousin: “But what if they look nice?”

Aunt: “Doesn’t matter. No one should be loitering in those lanes at night.”

Uncle: “So let anyone who is there walk through first.”

Cousin: “But what if someone is just there playing Pokémon Go?”

Aunt: *rolls eyes* “Still avoid. Okay?”

Cousin: “Okay.”

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