Category: Children

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Going Ape Over The New Baby

| Louisville, KY, USA | Children, Non-Dialogue, Siblings

When my younger sister was born, my parents announced it with several banners throughout the house proclaiming “It’s a girl!,” including one on the nursery door. I was two, nearly three, so while I could recognize certain letters, I couldn’t read.

My mother found me standing on front of the nursery room door, staring at the banner with an intense look of concentration.

Why? Because I was convinced the sign said “It’s a gorilla!”

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Charged With Energy

| St. John's, NL, Canada | Children, Spouses & Partners

(My one-and-a-half-year-old son is acting up. Since my husband and I both feel like he’s too young to punish, we try to distract him with his toys. It usually works but today things go a little differently.)

Me: “I can’t get [Son] to calm down. He just got up from a nap, he used the toilet, and he ate 10 minutes ago!”

Husband: “Give him a toy. He’s just bored.”

Me: “[Son] isn’t interested in any of his toys today. It’s like he just doesn’t care anymore.”

Husband: “I have an idea.”

(My husband gets his phone charger and hands it to our son.)

Me: “What the h*** are you doing?! That’s dangerous.”

Husband: “I’m not done yet.”

(My husband removes the cord from the plug, gets a black marker, and draws two small lines on the wall.)

Husband: “Hey, [Son], can you plug that in for me?”

(My son spent the next ten minutes trying to plug the charger into the solid wall and wore himself out to the point that he didn’t make a fuss for the rest of the day — an all-time best for him.)

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That’s One Interesting Juice Box

| VA, USA | Children, Holidays

(I’m with my mom and five-year-old brother at his doctor’s appointment. I should note it’s a week before Thanksgiving and every year instead of alcohol we have sparkling juice with dinner. However, my little brother calls it wine since it’s in a similar bottle. Everyone in this office knows our family pretty well.)

Nurse: “Thanksgiving is coming up. Ready to have some turkey?”

Brother: “Yeah! And ham! And wine!”

(The nurse laughs and my mom explains what he’s talking about. Less than two minutes later the doctor comes in.)

Doctor: “So, I hear [Brother] has a drinking problem?”

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Mom Is Sugar And Spice And All Things Nice

| IN, USA | Children

(I am several months pregnant with my second child. My husband and I have decided to let the gender be a surprise when the baby’s born.)

Four-Year-Old Son: *feeling the baby kick in my belly* “Again! Again!”

Me: “I think your brother or sister is going to be very good at soccer when they grow up.”

Four-Year-Old Son: “I want a brother!”

Me: “What’s wrong with a sister?”

Four-Year-Old Son: “Girls are gross!”

(My husband and I laugh at this before he leans down to whisper into our son’s ear. He looks up at me with shock.)

Four-Year-Old Son: “But Mommy can’t be a girl! She’s too cool!”

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Doesn’t Give A Crap Where He Goes

| Orem, UT, USA | Children, Sons & Daughters

(I’m sitting in my chair when I catch a whiff of something and turn to see my toddler son holding onto the coffee table and grunting.)

Me: “Son, are you pooping… right now?”

Son: “Yeah!” *grunts again* “Nope! All gone!”

Me: *sighs* “Thank you, son.”

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