Category: Children


A Skin-Deep Assumption

| England, UK | Children, Sons & Daughters

(I’m browsing a popular video game store, with my young daughter. We are wandering around when one of the staff disappears into a back room.)

Daughter: “Daddy, where did the black one go?”

(I’m shocked. We never refer to anyone by their skin colour; the employee did have very dark skin. Was it her grandad? The kids at nursery? Before I could think what to say, she asks again.)

Daughter: “Daddy, the black one, where did he go?”

Me: “Now, you know that’s not how we talk about people. We don’t call them by the colour of their skin.”

Daughter: “No, daddy, the one in the black shirt.”

(He appeared in a jet black t-shirt. Thankfully, he thought it funny and smiled and waved at her.)


Pasta Makes The Woman

| Setauket, NY, USA | Children, Sons & Daughters

(My daughter and I are in the car heading out to get something for dinner. She’s six years old.)

Daughter: “Why couldn’t I just stay home?”

Me: “You’re too young to stay home by yourself.”

Daughter: “No, I’m not! I’ve eaten hot pasketti and I am a grown woman!”


Blocking That Line Of Thinking

| Orem, UT, USA | Children

(My two-year-old son and I are playing with his blocks. I bend over to grab one, and pass gas.)

Son: “That you diaper? Stop, Mama! Gross!”

Me: “No, that was just… You know what? Never mind. Block?”

Son: “Block!”


Inside-Out Cat

| Renton, WA, USA | Children, Parents & Guardians, Pets & Animals

(I am a volunteer cat caretaker at a local animal shelter. Essentially I clean up, groom, and feed all rescued kitties and try to talk folk into adopting them. On this day a man and daughter are coo-ing over one of our recently arrived kittens that I’ve let out into the play area.)

Daughter: “Ooooh, daddy this one is so precious! And look, she loves me!” *the kitten is indeed licking her hand, purring, and rubbing its face against her* “Are you sure we can’t get another cat?”

Dad: “No, dear, not after what happened with the last one. I don’t want to have to replace the microwave again!”

(The daughter looked pouty and left with her father. I immediately put the kitten safely back in its cage and try not to shudder at the possible connotations of what was just said.)


Literally Scream For Ice Cream

| CA, USA | Children, Parents & Guardians

(I am working in an ice cream shop. A woman and her young son, about seven or so, walk in. The kid is immediately drawn to the ‘kid’s zone,’ a section with the brightest possible flavors. The kid orders the bright purple and green flavor, with a red raspberry swirl. Mom gets a vanilla scoop, and I ring up their order. The kid notices something wrong with his ice cream.)

Son: “I want sprinkles!”

Mother: “No, sweetie, we’re not getting sprinkles today.”

Son: “I want sprinkles!”

Mother: “No, no sprinkles today.”


(There follows an epic, screaming meltdown of the highest quality. The kid throws an absolute tantrum, kicking and pounding the table, howling at the unfairness of a universe that has failed to provide him with the sprinkles he clearly needs to continue existing.)

Mother: “Now, honey… if you don’t stop that soon, when we get home you’re getting a time-out.”

(I rolled my eyes, knowing full well that this would not have any effect. There was no way the kid will associate future punishment with current misdeeds, not at his age. Sure enough the screaming continued for another five minutes. Howling, hooting, jumping up and down. Mom caved. She bought ANOTHER scoop of ice cream, WITH sprinkles, which the child devoured without any sign of remorse or gratitude. I know that sometimes it can be hard dealing with a tantrum, and that some days are just exhausting, but I greatly fear that this lack of effective parenting will lead to that child becoming a monster.)

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