Category: Children

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Time For The Imagination To Kick The Bucket

| MO, USA | Children, Nephews & Nieces

(I’m watching my sister’s children for the weekend. We are eating supper when my six-year-old niece drops her napkin on the floor, so her older brother reaches down to grab it. As soon as he places it back in front of her, she begins to “cry.”)

Me: “[Niece], what’s wrong?”

Niece: *between sobs* “[Nephew]… knocked over… my bucket.”

(I look down at the floor but nothing is there.)

Me: “What bucket?”

Niece: “That one.” *points at nothing in particular* “It had… all… my… things… in it.”

Me: “Sweetie, I don’t see any bucket.”

Niece: “BECAUSE IT’S INVISIBLE!”

(She lays her head on the table and begins to fake sob into the table. My nephew sighs and gets up from the table and pretends to pick up the bucket and places things back inside.)

Nephew: *deadpan* “I picked it all up for you. Sorry I knocked it over.”

(The “tears” suddenly stopped and she happily returned to eating her food. According to my nephew, she does things like this quite often, trying to get him into trouble.)

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Daddy Is Always Watching

| USA | Children, Parents & Guardians

(I see a little girl playing with a CCTV camera: waving, making faces, playing peekaboo, even dancing in front of it. I think it’s silly and cute. Her mother comes over, waves at the camera, too, and even blows a kiss. I think, huh?)

Mother: “Time to go home.”

Girl: “No! I want to play with daddy.” *waves at camera* “Daddy!”

Mother: “Daddy can’t hear you now. We’ll see him tonight.”

(They leave, waving to all the cameras. So, it seems Daddy works in the security room, watching. How nice.)

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They Growl Up So Fast

| Long Island, NY, USA | Boyfriends & Girlfriends, Children

(I am about seven months pregnant. My boyfriend and I are in bed, watching TV. He is resting his head on my belly.)

Me: *burps silently*

(Boyfriend looks at my belly with a horrified expression.)

Boyfriend: “I think the baby just growled at me!”

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A Very Healthy Scent

| ON, Canada | Children, Cousins

(My extended family are having dinner at a restaurant. While we are eating, my four-year-old cousin goes up to my mom to cuddle with her. She is known for her brutally honest “compliments,” while my mom loves to wear perfume.)

Cousin: *to my mom* “You smell like flowers.”

Mom: “Aww, thank yo—”

Cousin: *very seriously* “Cauliflowers.”

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This Is The Story You’ve Been Looking For

| Vancouver, BC, Canada | Children, Parents & Guardians

(I’m sitting next to a small family in a workshop. There’s a little girl that keeps asking her dad to tell her stories. He obliges, telling stories that become increasingly more and more far-fetched, and he is clearly struggling to think of new ideas. Eventually he comes up with this gem:)

Father: “Once upon a time, in a galaxy far, far away, there was a princess.”

Daughter: “What was her name?”

Father: “Leia. And she had a twin brother named Luke. And they had two bots named R2D2 and C3PO.”

Daughter: *jumping up and down* “R2D2! R2D2!”

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