Category: Children

Disney Dilemmas

| Alexandria, LA, USA | Children, Sons & Daughters

(My husband and I are looking for a gift for our one-year-old when I hear a small child’s squeal of excitement. I turn around and spot a man and a little girl, who’s holding a large Captain America action figure and pointing to an end cap display of the new Belle dolls.)

Little Girl: *gasps* “It’s Belle from Beauty and the Beast! I loved that movie!” *turns to the man* “Daddy, can I have her?!”

Man: “No, you have Captain America. Mommy and I said one toy and only one.”

Little Girl: *groans loudly* “How am I supposed to make such a big decision like this? It’s just much too hard!”

Man: *laughs* “Well, hurry, because we have to catch Mommy. If she checks out before we find her, you don’t get a toy.”

Little Girl: *hops from one foot to the other* “I just don’t knoooooow!” *sighs then looks up at her father* “Daddy, you pick for me!”

Man: *smiles* “Okay. I say we get Captain America and come back for Belle later.”

Little Girl: “Okay!” *hugs the Captain America and skips off with her father in tow*

The Birds And The Bees And The Tadpoles

| USA | Children, Siblings

(My little brother is seven and I decide to explain to him how babies are made. In children’s terms, of course. For reference, I’m a girl.)

Me: “Every boy has little things called cells shaped like tadpoles inside; they swim in you right now!”

Brother: *grossed out* “Nooo, I don’t! YOU have them!”

(He was so disturbed by the thought of “tadpoles” swimming inside of him that he ran off, disgusted, covering his ears. It was hilarious. I didn’t even get to part how sperm gets inside a woman; I think he’ll be even more shocked! I’ll leave that to our parents, though. Good luck to them!)

Snaking Past The Parents

, | Detroit, MI, USA | Children, Pets & Animals, Siblings

(My nine-year-old nephew is fascinated by insects and reptiles, and proudly signs himself  Nephew THE ENTOMOLOGIST on emails. My sister and her husband have had to be very firm with him about the creepy-crawlies that he tries to bring in the house. One day she receives a call on her cell.)

Caller: “Hi, I’m with [Reptile Supply House] and I need to schedule a delivery.”

Sister: “A delivery of…?”

Caller: “You ordered a corn snake. We need to make sure that there’s someone at home to accept a live delivery.”

(Turned out, my nephew figured out how to set up a PayPal account and used his Christmas money to order the snake. Unfortunately for him, he had no phone and used my sister’s number for the transaction. When my sister contacted PayPal to shut down his account, she said the lady on the customer service line laughed so hard at the story she had to put a supervisor on the phone to finish the cancellation.)

Problem Child Number Two

| AZ, USA | Children, Sons & Daughters

(I have just put my one-year-old daughter and three-year-old son down for a nap, and gone to the bathroom for some quiet alone time when my son starts yelling from his room.)

Son: “MOM! MOM! MOM!”

Me: “What is it, Bubs?”

Son: “MOM, HELP!”

Me: “Hold on, I’m in the bathroom.”

Son: “Why?”

Me: “I’m pooping”

Son: “ME, TOO!”

(He wasn’t lying.)

A Maddeningly Short Name

| VA, USA | Children, Siblings

(My five-year-old brother has a huge fever and a high heart rate after what we thought was a little cold. We take him into the ER and are talking to the nurse when this exchange happens.)

Nurse: “Can you tell me your name?”

Brother: “[Shortened Version of name].”

Nurse: “Okay, is it [Full Version of name]?”

Brother: *deadpan* “Only when they’re mad at me.”

(It took a second for the nurse to compose himself to continue checking him over. I, however, was doubled over laughing as my mom just shook her head.)

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