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Funny stories about family

Bella Swan, Age Six

, , , , , , | Related | May 13, 2024

CONTENT WARNING: Blood

My daughter has always had a big personality for being six. Recently, she has been suffering from badly chapped lips. I’ve been putting everything I can on them to help, but over the weekend, they were cracking and bleeding just a tad. I was in the kitchen, cleaning up after dinner, and this gem of a scenario played out.

[Daughter] ran up to me excitedly, a little blood dribbling down her chin.

Daughter: “Mom! Look! I’m a vampire!” 

Me: *Holding back laughter* “Please go wipe your face, sweetie.” 

Daughter: “But vampires don’t wipe their faces!” 

Me: “Well, do you want everyone to know that you’re a vampire?” 

She mulled it over while narrowing her eyes at me.

Daughter: “I guess not…”

Never a dull moment with this kid, I swear!

Ask Anyone Who Buys Women’s Clothes: Pockets Are AWESOME

, , , , , | Related | May 12, 2024

I bought a dress for my four-year-old daughter. It has pockets. All other “pockets” her clothes have had were just sewn on for aesthetics, so this is the first time she’s ever seen functional pockets.

Daughter: *Peeking into the pockets* “Mom, what’s this?”

Me: “Those are pockets. You put stuff in them.”

She looks at me like I just said something ridiculous.

Daughter: “…like candy?”

Me: “Sure.”

I grab a piece of candy that happens to be nearby and drop it into her pocket. She looks into the pocket and sees the candy sitting comfortably inside.

HER FACE LIGHTS UP! This is a mind-blowing discovery.

Daughter: *Excitedly* “And toys?”

Me: “Yes. Anything small you can put in there.”

She ran into the toy room and grabbed random things to stuff into her pockets. She came out after a couple of minutes with a triumphant smile on her face, pockets bulging with a bunch of cars and Pokemon.

Since then, every time she gets dressed, she asks, “Is there pockets?”

Sometimes Cats Just KNOW Things

, , , , , , , | Related | May 11, 2024

Before my sister was born, my parents found a kitten. They decided to keep it because they could find no owner. They named her Princess. My sister is four years older than I am, so we both grew up with this cat. She’d sometimes follow us and watch over us. My parents used to make jokes about how she thought of us as her kittens.

Now, my sister wasn’t very nice to me. It took a lot of people a lot of time to realise she wasn’t just nasty; it was full-on abuse and bullying.

When I was too young to understand what was happening, I used to talk to Princess. She was like my version of a diary; I’d sit with this creature that was older than I was and tell her all my problems.

One day at a store, my mum told us she’d buy us each a lolly. My sister wanted a different one than I did, and she grabbed my arm and clawed her nails down it so hard it drew blood. It hurt a lot, and I was really upset. When we got home, I went and cried to Princess about how scared I’d felt. After a while, I calmed down and went and played with my toys. Princess ambled out of the room.

A few minutes later, I heard a shriek, and Princess ambled back in. It turned out that she’d walked up and scratched my sister’s hand and then hissed at her before coming back to sit with me and watch over me playing with my toys.

My parents assume that my sister provoked her, but I know. She walked out of the room right after I’d been talking to her, and she walked in right after the shriek. I can’t prove it, but I think Princess saw how scared I was and showed me that she’d protect me.

I’ve never told anybody about my white and grey guardian apart from my current cat. I haven’t thought about Princess in a while. She lived to be around twenty, depending on how old she was when my parents got her. I loved that cat. Funnily enough, my new cat was originally my sister’s. She got him and then left him with my parents, and he slowly became mine. He likes to sit with me more than he likes her.

Kitty Needs To Cut Back On The Cat-Cola

, , , , , | Related | May 10, 2024

My cat is diabetic. My uncle is also diabetic, type one. This is the first time my uncle is visiting since my cat’s diagnosis.

Uncle: “A diabetic cat. A diabetic freakin’ cat.”

Me: “I know; it must be so silly from your perspective.”

Uncle: *Laughs* “Pardon my language, but it’s dumb as s***. What kind of world is it when a cat gets diabetes?”

Me: “And you wanna know the worst part?”

Uncle: “What?”

Me: “With enough time and insulin, the vet said it could be reversed.”

Uncle: *Glaring at the cat* “Lucky son of a b****.”

That Burns All The Way Down To Her Soles

, , , , , , , | Related | May 9, 2024

My six-year-old niece is with my mom, her grandma.

Niece: “Do you have any lotion in this house?”

Grandma: “Yes, baby, there’s some in the bathroom. Go get some.”

Niece: “Then why don’t you use it on your feet?”