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    My Dad Is The Death Of Me

    | London, England, UK | Parents & Guardians

    (I have gotten a pretty nasty cut to my head. I have my dad put me in my car and drive me to the hospital. I was supposed to see my grandmother for dinner that evening but due to being in the hospital I am unable to do so. She phones to find out where I am. As I’m going in to have a CT scan I have to reject the call. I ask my dad to call her and explain what’s going on. My dad is unfortunately not very good at explaining things without causing alarm.)

    Dad: “Hello, [Grandmother]. I don’t want you to worry but [My Name] has had an accident and is currently in hospital and unable to speak. I will call you back later and explain fully.”

    Me: “You do realise she now thinks I’m dead, right?”

    Dad: “Ah… good point. I’ll call her again.”

    (He ran out to the car park to call her back and explained that I was, in fact, alive and quite well; I just couldn’t speak because I was talking to the doctor about my scan. I was fine and made a full recovery. I later found out that by the time my dad had called her back, my grandmother was already packing a bag and calling for a taxi to come and take her to the hospital. Thankfully we were able to talk her down and I went to see her later in the evening.)

    My House, My Overrules

    | Cardiff, Wales, UK | Parents & Guardians

    (I am visiting my family. We have an ongoing theme that whenever I get given a choice for what we do, no matter what I pick, my mother will overrule it.)

    Mum: “Where do you want to go? We can go to [Town], [Forest], or [Reservoir].”

    Me: “Ooh, let’s go to [Reservoir].”

    Mum: “All right.”

    (We all get in the car. As we’re driving, we pass a shop.)

    Mum: “Let’s pick some stuff up here and then go to [Forest].

    Sister: “I thought [My Name] picked [Reservoir]?”

    Mum: “What? No, we’re going to [Forest].”

    (The next day, my mother asks what I want to do)

    Mum: “You have three choices: [Museum], [Town], or [Market].”

    Me: “I don’t see the point of this. We’re not going to go wherever I pick.”

    Mum: “What are you on about? We always listen to you. We went to [Forest] yesterday. Remember?”

    Me: “I chose [Reservoir]!”

    Mum: “Well, let’s go there today, then. Oh, except it’s going to rain so let’s not.”

    Me: “…so, let me know what the choices are again so I can at least pick out what we’re not going to do…”

    A Heartfelt Age

    | USA | Cousins, Parents & Guardians

    (I am with my five-year-old cousin in my family room, while my aunt, mother, and father are watching TV. I pick up my cousin and swing him around, holding him by his chest. Afterwards, we sit down.)

    Cousin: *makes a pained face* “Ow! Ouch! My heart is hurting!”

    Mother: “Do you know where your heart is?”

    Cousin: *points to his heart*

    Mother & Father: “What happened?”

    Cousin: *looks at me with an adorable, accusing look* “You broke my heart!”

    (No one had ever expected him to come up with such a cute thing by himself, and we roared with laughter for at least 10 minutes straight.)

    Got An ‘A’ In Record Keeping

    | USA | Parents & Guardians, Siblings

    (My younger brother and I are playing video games when our dad barges in.)

    Dad: “I’m in a bad mood! Go get your report cards now!”

    (My brother brings his first. While Dad gives him a nasty lecture about his poor his grades are, I wait terrified, knowing I’m next. Finally, my brother gets fed up.)

    Brother: “You know what?!”

    (He goes and get something else, then slams it on our refrigerator with a magnet for all to see. It’s my dad’s graded test from one of his college classes, with a big D on it.)

    Me: “Where’d you get that?”

    Brother: “I found it in our parents’ nightstand. Dad, you got poor grades in school, too!”

    (Dad was so shocked that he forgot all about my report card, and slinked away. Mom laughed herself silly. I let my brother play all the games he wanted to when we went back.)

    Pushing Him Along

    | Orem, UT, USA | Children, Sons & Daughters, Spouses & Partners

    (My husband is trying to teach our son how to crawl. He’s got the leg movement down, but he refuses to use his arms.)

    Husband: “Come on, son! Push! Push! You should know what that word means; it was probably the first thing you ever heard.”

    Me: “Sweetie, he was a caesarean. I never pushed.”

    Husband: “Well, no wonder he’s not getting it!”

    More Internet, More Problems

    | UK | Parents & Guardians

    (So, I’m sitting on the sofa watching TV with my parents. I am on my dad’s iPad trying to get an app to work.)

    Me: “Dad, [app] isn’t working. It keeps saying it can’t connect to the Internet but Safari is working fine.”

    Mum: “Maybe it needs more Internet.”


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