• I Smell A New Train Of Thought
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  • August's Theme Of The Month: Best. Family Member. Ever!

    Fountain Of Forgetfulness

    | OH, USA | Cousins

    (I am talking to my cousin. We are talking about different bands.)

    Me: “I’ve never been to a concert before, except Sesame Street Live when we were little.”

    Cousin: “You went to that?!”

    Me: “Yeah. You, I, [Other Cousin], [My Mom], and [Aunt] went when I was in preschool.”

    Cousin:  “Really? I don’t remember that!”

    Me: “Yeah. I love how I remember that, but I don’t remember where I put my water bottle I just opened…”

    Both Acting Lady-like

    | Portland, OR, USA | Sons & Daughters

    (I’m sitting with my almost 11-year-old daughter. I am 34.)

    Me: “You’re turning into a beautiful young lady.”

    Daughter: “You’re turning into a beautiful old lady.”

    Stripped Of Your Childhood

    | Canada | Sons & Daughters

    (I am walking with my friend and her two year old daughter when we pass an old closed down strip club. Her daughter runs up and tugs on the door.)

    Friend: “No, don’t go in there. You’re not a stripper.”

    Daughter: *curious* “Stripper?”

    Friend: *looking at me* “Whoops…”

    (Neither one of us could stop laughing, and I think my friend has learned to be a little more careful what she says around her daughter, who is clearly in the “repeating everything I hear” phase!)

    The Killing Joke

    | Sydney, NSW, Australia | Children

    (I am very young, and have just been told that smoking is bad. Mum has taken me out for a walk to the park, and we pass a man who is smoking.)

    Me: *yelling and pointing* “Mummy, why is that man killing himself?”

    An Emotional Rollercoaster

    | USA | Cousins

    (My cousin invites me to go with her and her family to a theme park so I say yes.)

    Me: “How exciting! I love going on the roller coasters!”

    Cousin: “You’re brave. Those scare me.”

    Me: “You’re not going on them? Oh, come on!”

    (I try threatening her, cajoling her, even begging. Finally, she says ok and we get in line.)

    Me: “You’re shaking.”

    Cousin: *freaking out* “I know. I don’t wanna go!”

    (We finally get to the front after 30 minutes. I expect her to bolt, but she actually gets on. Five minutes later, the ride is over and we both get out.)

    Me: “Are you okay?”

    Cousin: *nods, looking pale*

    Me: “That was fun wasn’t it?”

    Cousin: “…I wanna go again.”

    (We got back in line!)

    A Kneed To Be Tough

    | Winter Garden, FL, USA | Grandparents

    (My grandmother had knee surgery and was told that she could only get up for necessities. Being the stubborn mule she is, I have to babysit her to ensure she only gets up to use the restroom and nothing else, as I am there to cook for her. She keeps getting up to sweep, change the cat litter, wash dishes, etc. that are not necessities.)

    Me: “What are you doing now? You’re supposed to be resting.”

    Grandma: “Don’t tell me what to do. I’m older than you and I can do whatever I want if I feel like it.”

    Me: “You need to be resting. Your doctor said so. All the stuff you want to do is why I’m here, so I can do them for you. If you get up one more time, I swear, I’m going to tie you down to the bed.”

    Grandma: “No, you won’t.”

    Me: “Do you want to try me?”

    (She took one look at my face, and we didn’t have a problem after that. She even called me to help her out of bed to use the restroom. If I heard anything from her room, I would walk in to make sure she wasn’t doing something she wasn’t supposed to do.)

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