Featured Story:
  • In-Law Laying Down The Law
    (826 thumbs up)
  • May's Themed Story Giveaway: Ah, Mothers!
    Submit your story today!
    Don't forget to Like Us on Facebook!

    Needs To Be In The Oven From 9 To 5

    (It’s Easter, and dad ends up buying an especially large-breasted chicken.)

    Mom: “It’s the Dolly Parton of chickens.”

    1 Thumbs Up (111 Thumbs Up!)

    Silencing The Voice Of A Generation

    (I’m with my mom and dad, and we’re meeting my aunt, uncle, grandma, and grandpa for lunch for Mother’s Day. I’ve lost my voice and can’t talk. I hug everyone and sit down. My grandma asks me something. I’m sitting across the table from her and can’t think of a way to answer, when my mom helps.)

    Mom: “Oh, she lost her voice! She can’t talk today.”

    Grandma: “Oh, what a great Mother’s Day present!”

    1 Thumbs Up (254 Thumbs Up!)

    Dad Will Want His Dollar Back

    | Brisbane, QLD, Australia | Parents & Guardians

    (I am at home on the computer, when I hear my dad swearing in the bathroom. I ignore him until he does it again, this time louder and angrier. I get up to look. I am worried, since he only uses really bad language when he’s hurt.)

    Me: “What on earth is going on?”

    (My dad silently hands me a bottle of mouthwash with the child cap on. It’s mutilated, but still firmly shut. I manage to hold back my laughter long enough to open it for him.)

    Dad: “I’ll give you fifty cents if you don’t tell anyone about this.”

    Me: “Make it a dollar and I might consider it.”

    1 Thumbs Up (207 Thumbs Up!)

    Just Be-Cous

    (My family of two younger sisters, our father, and I, have just sat down to dinner.)

    Dad: “Hey, can you pass the couscous?”

    Me: “You know, if this were made with a large waterfowl, it would be called goose-cous.”

    Dad: “Or if it were liquid, it could be juice-cous.”

    Me: “Or if it was made with coniferous trees, it would be spruce-cous.”

    Dad: “In Canada, they’d have moose-cous.”

    (By now both little sisters are rolling their eyes, but we keep going.)

    Me: “Trains could have caboose-cous.”

    Dad: “Batman has Bruce-cous.”

    Me: “If you ate it while tied at tennis it would be deuce-cous.”

    Dad: “If you hung it from a rope it would be noose-cous.”

    Me: “If you added cocaine, you could call it substance abuse-cous.”

    Dad: “If you put it in a channel that conducts water, it would be sluice-cous.”

    Me: “The Greek gods had Zeus-cous!”

    Dad: “Theodor Geisel eats Seuss-cous!”

    Little Sister: “You guys have a few screws loose.”

    1 Thumbs Up (301 Thumbs Up!)

    Wake Up And Smell The Coffee-Maker

    (My brother, two cousins and I have just returned from a shopping excursion.)

    Me: “So, mom, I’ve got bad news and good news. Bad news is, [cousin] bought the wrong coffee instead of the one that fits your coffee maker.”

    Mother: “Why weren’t you paying attention? It’s always the same with you!”

    (I stay dutifully quiet.)

    Mother: “Well, and the good news?”

    (I leaves, and come back with a huge box.)

    Me: “The good news is [brother] and me took care of that.”

    (We show her, her brand new coffee maker.)

    Me: “Happy mother’s day!”

    1 Thumbs Up (339 Thumbs Up!)
    Page 1/34012345...Last