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    They Are At That Wonderful Tormenting Age

    | NM, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (I am somewhere around three years old. I have a brother who is four and a half years older than I and has always been a bit of a jerk toward me.)

    Mom: *washing dishes and looking out the window over the sink to see my brother running, panicked, across her view of the yard* “What’s going on?!”

    (As soon as he is out of her view, I come toddling/running through carrying a 2×4 that is supposedly twice as long as I am tall and I am swinging it ferociously.)

    Mom: *opens the window and yells* “[Brother]! STOP TORMENTING YOUR SISTER!”

    No Emerging Emergencies

    | Germany | Parents & Guardians

    Mom: “Hey, if anything ever happened and I’m not at home, I have stashed some money for emergencies in there.”

    (She opens a drawer and shows me about €400 in cash.)

    Me: “Okay, mom.”

    Mom: “Like…. for example if you wanted to buy drugs.”

    Me: “What?”

    Mom: “Or if your brother stopped by and had gambling debts.”

    Me: “Mom! What are you talking about?”

    Mom: “Sorry. Just couldn’t think of a real emergency right now.”

    (I’m not known for taking drugs, nor was my brother ever into gambling.)

    Will Be In Hot Water After This

    | Alicante, Spain | Sons & Daughters

    (I am on holiday with my husband and two of my children, 16 and 20. The temperature has been about 30C all day, which we’re not used to. We’re watching a film late at night, when my 16-year-old son pauses it to go to the toilet.)

    Me: “I’m so hot!”

    (My daughter, who is sitting next to me on the sofa, throws her arms around me, nuzzles in close to my neck and whispers in my ear.)

    Daughter: “This…. is not going to help.”

    Logged In As Me, Myself, And I

    | Glendale, AZ, USA | Siblings

    (My sister’s game console broke, so she’s borrowing mine. After she signs into her account, I note the symbol indicating a friend is also signed in.)

    Me: “Look, a friend of yours is online.”

    Sister: “Oh, is it you?”

    Love Makes Fools Of Us All

    | USA | Grandparents

    (I have just mentioned to my grandmother that I will be seeing a production of Romeo and Juliet soon.)

    Me: “I’m so excited to see it since I loved reading the play. The story’s themes are so great, like giving up social positions and family status for true love. However, I do think it is seriously illogical for two people to fall in love after a single conversation, marry the next day, and commit suicide when the other is dead on the third day.”

    Grandmother: “But that’s how love works; as soon as you first meet them, you know they’re the one. It can’t go any other way.”

    Me: “Well, I guess some people do get a crush on somebody after one day, but love takes a lot longer.”

    Grandmother: “What makes you think you know anything about love? You’re just a kid!”

    Me: “Actually, I do know something about love. I’ve really liked a friend of mine for the past year, even though we started off as just friends. Tonight is senior prom, and I just went through having to hear all about his date for the dance, somebody who only likes him because of how he looks, not his amazing personality. At the moment, I’m having a major breakdown, and judging by the fact that I feel my entire world has crumbled around me, I can definitely say I am in love and heartbroken. So I think my opinion of love is just as valuable as yours.”

    Grandmother: *shuts up*


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