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    Drama Before The Drama Movie

    | Tampa, FL, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (My dad, my brother, my nephew, and I are going to the movies. My brother and my nephew arrive before my dad and me and get in line. When my dad and I arrive, my dad gets in line at the end while I go and talk to my brother. When it’s my brother’s turn at the window, I give him cash for my dad’s and my tickets so that it doesn’t take any extra time and so that we are not really ‘cutting’ in line. My brother gestures for my dad to join us but he shakes his head.)

    Me: “Dad, there’s no point. I already paid for your ticket!”

    Dad: *joking* “But I wanted to go see [Chick Flick] instead!”

    (He hangs his head in mock shame as he walks up to the front and the women in line behind him burst out laughing.)

    This Will Erupt Into A Fight

    | Paris, France | Parents & Guardians

    (I’m watching a docu-fiction about the Pompeii destruction in 79 AD with my mum.)

    Mum: “Oh! Is it real footage of the volcano eruption?”

    Try Not To Make A Meal Out Of It

    | USA | Friends, Parents & Guardians

    (My mother is very strict and after much pleading, she allows me to play at a friend’s. I’m seven years old.)

    Mom: “Now, if they offer you food, DON’T TAKE IT! Who knows what kind of chemicals they put in their food.”

    Me: “But I’m not going there to eat. I’m going to play.”

    Mom: “Just say you won’t eat anything there! Otherwise, you can’t go and we’re turning around right now!”

    (Scared that she would change her mind about letting me play with a friend, I agree that I won’t. My mom drops me off and my friend shows me to her room where we play games. A few hours pass and my friend’s mom calls out for us.)

    Friend’s Mom: “Dinner time! You too, [My Name]!”

    Me: “Um… I can’t.”

    (They all look at me like I’m crazy, looking very offended.)

    Friend: “Why not?”

    Me: “I promised my mom that I wouldn’t. Otherwise she’ll never let me play at someone’s house again…”

    (They look very shocked and start eating, while I watch with my stomach rumbling in hunger. It is extremely awkward and I can tell that they’re offended. Finally my mom comes to pick me up.)

    Mom: “How was it? Did you have fun?”

    Me: “I guess. They offered me food but I didn’t take any. I think they were insulted.”

    Mom: “… Oh. It’s okay!”

    (Even 15 years later, I still remind my mom about that when I want to point out how old fashioned her thinking is and every time she claims not to remember.)

    Ice Cream Cheese

    | CT, USA | Grandchildren

    (My grandmother is known throughout the family to make crazy recipes and foods that are ‘delicious.’ One weekend, I have to sleep over at her house.)

    Grandma: “Hey, [My Name]. I have some lemon sorbet in the freezer.”

    (I’m not exactly sure if this is safe to eat, because it’s in a rather crusty looking old tupperware, but I take a bite anyway. The ‘sorbet’ is really creamy, and mysteriously salty.)

    Me: “Nana, this is frozen cream cheese.”

    Grandma: *tastes cream cheese* “Are you crazy? This is lemon sorbet!”

    (We ended up going out for ice cream.)

    A Heads Up: Children Grow Up

    | PA, USA | Parents & Guardians, Sons & Daughters

    (I’m a recent college graduate still living with my parents. My mom sometimes has a hard time accepting that I’m in my twenties, despite the fact that I have a job writing and editing romance/erotica short stories. She just thinks of me as an amateur author and occasionally asks to read my published work, which I tell her she shouldn’t do. We’re watching ‘Shark Tank’ and a man comes in trying to market a product called ‘Morning Head’ which helps tame bed-head hair. We’re all a bit in shock over the name, but my dad and I are the most vocal about it.)

    Dad: “This guy is nuts! How did he even manage to sell any of these? That one shark is right; you can get the same results with a damp washcloth!”

    Me: “I think it’s more of a novelty thing. This way people can joke and say stuff like, ‘Hey, I gave so-and-so ‘Morning Head’ for his birthday. Ha ha.’”

    (My dad and I both laugh, but my mom stares at me with a mix of horror and surprise.)

    Mom: “This is why you’re not allowed to grow up!”

    Me: “And this is why you’re not allowed to read my work!”

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