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    No One Can Bug You Like A Mother, Part 2

    | Broussard, LA, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (I am the author of “No One Can Bug You Like A Mother” . I’ve slain yet another roach, this time by spraying it to death. The corpse is located just in front of my toilet, and once again, I’m too scared to dispose of the corpse. And once again, when I post about it on Facebook, my mother has a solution.)

    Mom: “Just drop a big wad of wet paper towels over it, then stomp on the paper towels, then scoop it all up into a Ziploc. Then seal the Ziploc, put it in the trash, seal up the trash bag, take the trash bag out into the yard, douse it with gasoline, and set it on fire. Ta-daa, problem solved.”

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    No One Can Bug You Like A Mother

    Hershey Kiss My A**

    | Nanaimo, BC, Canada | Siblings

    (My sister and I are on the sofa watching TV. She tosses me a mini chocolate bar from her Halloween stash. This particular bar has a new shape that resembles a body part.)

    Sister: *tosses me a candy*

    Me: “Oooh yay! I love butt chocolate!”

    Sister: “Uh…”

    Me: “SHAPED! Butt-SHAPED chocolate!”

    A Costly Joke

    | Vaud, Switzerland | Parents & Guardians

    (My siblings and I have harsh senses of humour. This is the story I use to prove that we got it from my mom.)

    Me: *choking on water* “Mom, I’m dying.”

    Mom: *continues folding laundry* “Don’t die. It’s too expensive.”

    Takes Drugs Religiously

    | CA, USA | Grandparents, Theme Of The Month

    (My family is about to eat Thanksgiving Dinner and my grandmother is praying.)

    Grandma: “…and most of all, thank you for wine – oh, and vicodin!”

    Speaks Perfect English


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    The Writing’s On The Wall-E

    | Las Vegas, NV, USA | Siblings

    (My brother and I are driving to get lunch while discussing utopias and dystopias.)

    Brother: “The future in movies is never happy. It’s never, like, a good future.”

    Me: “True. Except in Wall-E. On board the Axiom, that would be my ideal future.”

    Brother: “You… you do know that was a dystopian future, right? They were helpless, boneless humans with no independence.”

    Me: “Yeah. A classless society with no monetary system, no unrealistic standards of beauty, no work, no having to get up in the morning if you don’t want to, all the protein shakes you can drink, and don’t tell me they don’t have video games on those screens that float in their faces.”

    Brother: “…I worry about you.”

    Me: “I know.”


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