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    They Wheely Need The Wine

    | NE, USA | Children, Friends

    (I am taking my four-year-old daughter and her friend to the store for some quick groceries. They are singing ‘The Wheels on the Bus,’ and are making up their own words.)

    Daughter & Friend: “The mommies on the bus go, ‘Aaah! I need wine!’”

    Like Mother, Like Daughter

    , | MI, USA | Children, Parents & Guardians, Siblings

    (I am female and 14 at the time. My parents are in their late forties. My mom is out of town and there is a guest pastor at my parents’ church. He is talking to my dad.)

    Pastor: “It’s lovely to meet you! And is this your wife?”

    Me: *weirded out* “Oh no, I’m the daughter. Mom’s out of town!”

    (We tell my mom and brothers afterward, share a few awkward chuckles, and think nothing more of it. My two brothers are 17 and 11 years old respectively. About a month later, the three of us are at a craft store in search of model paint.)

    Me: “Hey, while you guys find the colors, I’m going to go look at the cross-stitch stuff.”

    Older Brother: “Okay, we’ll find you when we’re done.”

    (A few minutes later, multiple aisles away, I am approached by an employee.)

    Employee: “Your sons are looking for you. Would you like me to show you where they are?”

    Me: *blinking in bewilderment* “Uh. Sure?”

    Employee: “Great! They’re right this way.”

    (The employee leads me to a different section of the store, where I see my brothers looking around as if somewhat lost. The employee presents me cheerfully to them, and walks away.)

    Me: “… so, apparently I gave birth before I existed! And again when I was three. To you guys. Go me?”

    (The only explanation we could ever come up with was that, being on the swim team at the time, I had a slightly silver tint to my hair due to chlorine. I think I would have preferred the classic green!)

    Insisting On An Iron Ban

    | Abilene, TX, USA | Children, Parents & Guardians, Sons & Daughters

    (I am out shopping, and witness the following exchange between a mother and her son who appears to be between seven and nine. They are passing by one of those eye-catching displays presenting costumes.)

    Mother: “Oh, look! It’s Iron Man!” *starts stroking the costume* “Isn’t it so cute? It’s so adorable! I know you want it. I’m going to buy it for you. Do you want it, sweetie? I’m buying it for you!”

    Son: “NO! Not another costume! I have too many at home already to pick from. Please, Mom, no more. Please! Leave them alone!”

    (The son starts physically dragging his mother away, with both of them pleading the entire time.)

    Mother: “But it’s so cute! Please? I won’t make you wear it. It’s okay to have cute things!”

    (I pass by them several times throughout the store, and the mother was still begging each time!)

    The Hand That Shook The World

    | CA, USA | Children, Top

    (I am shopping, and I pass by a mom and her eight-year-old son. The mom smiles at me.)

    Mom: “Hi!”

    Me: *smiling* “Hi!”

    (I keep walking, and realize after a moment the boy is keeping pace with me. He holds out his hand.)

    Son: “Can I shake your hand?”

    Me: “Sure you can shake my hand! I love shaking hands!”

    (We shake hands. He smiles at me and walks off. His mom comes up.)

    Mom: “Thank you! My son is autistic, and wants to greet everyone with a hand shake. To improve his verbal skills, I’ve encouraged him to ask people if he can shake their hand.”

    (The mom seems truly surprised that I was so pleasant about the whole exchange, and that I’d talked to him and smiled and was very friendly. The thing that gets me, is how many people must react to this little boy wanting to shake their hand in a negative manner, to have the mom thankful that I was okay with it? It saddens me to think that this was obviously a relief and a surprise, and not the norm. As I walk off, I hear the son.)

    Son: “Mom… can we get this for Anthony?”

    (The mom is beaming because he is communicating, and has asked for something for a sibling. Good luck to you and your son, ma’am. May more people greet your son with a smile and out-stretched hand so he can improve his verbal skills! The pleasure on his face from a handshake and a hello made me smile!)

    Takes An Age To Realize

    | Canada | Parents & Guardians

    (My mom is 49 and I’m 23. I look my age, but mom looks more like an older sister than like my mother. We are browsing jewelry in a body piercing shop.)

    Sales Person: “Anything I can help you ladies find today?”

    Me: “My mom here is looking for a new crystal stud for her ear piercing.”

    Mom: “Yeah, I’ve been wearing a hoop in it for so long, but I really like the one that my daughter got here, so I think I’d like one like it.”

    Sales Person: “YOU’RE A MOM?! YOU’RE HER MOM?! WHAT?!”

    Me: “Yup, that’s my mom.”

    Sales Person: “There’s no way! Absolutely no way you have a kid that old!”

    Mom: “Well… I’m 49, and I had her when I was 26.”

    Sales Person: “Nu-uh! You’ve gotta be like 30. Maybe 35 tops! No way she’s your kid! I mean, did you adopt or something?”

    Mom: “If I did then the 14-hour labour I went through with her was a very vivid hallucination.”

    Sales Person: “I don’t believe you! You’ve gotta be lying!”

    Mom: *takes out her ID* “Hon, I was born in ’64. If I was going to lie about my age, wouldn’t I be going the other way?”


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