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    Not Impressed With Who You’re Trying To Impress

    | CT, USA | Parents & Guardians, Sons & Daughters

    (I overheard this gem while shopping; I’m assuming it’s a father and daughter.)

    Dad: “You don’t need all this makeup. You’re beautiful the way you are and whoever he is will like you regardless.”

    Daughter: “Excuse me? I do not wear makeup to impress boys. How can you say that?”

    Dad: “Come on, it’s a well-known fact that girls wear makeup to hide how basic and average they are. But you don’t need that; you have natural beauty.”

    Daughter: “Believe it or not, women do wear makeup for themselves. They don’t do it just for other’s satisfaction. Besides, most men will jump on anything that has tits and a vagina; girls though, have higher standards.”

    Dad: “…”

    Daughter: “I’m trying to impress a girl.”

    Dad: “…”

    Daughter: “At some point you’re going to have to accept that I’m a lesbian.”

    Dad: “Did someone say we needed milk?”

    Thanks For Nothing

    | OH, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (My mom and I are leaving a store and are on our way to my cousin’s baby shower. We are almost to the car when this happened:)

    Mom: “Thank you.”

    Me: “You’re welcome.” *realizing that I hadn’t done or said anything to prompt a thank you* “Umm… what are you welcome for?”

    Mom: “I don’t know. I was hoping you weren’t going to ask.”

    (We couldn’t leave for another five minutes because we were laughing too hard.)

    Trying To Make A Belieber Out Of You

    | IA, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (I am not a fan of Justin Bieber. Quite the opposite, in fact. I will make a point to actively ignore the music if a public place has one of his songs on, and am just very against him as a person in general. I’m in a store with my dad when ‘Baby’ comes on, but I don’t recognize the intro, so I subtly dance to it while walking.)

    Dad: “You do realize this is Justin Bieber, right?”

    Me: *stops dancing immediately* “OH, MY GOD I THOUGHT IT WAS TAYLOR SWIFT!”

    This Prank Is Pregnant With Potential

    | MI, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (I’m shopping with my mother. She sees a shirt she thinks I’d like.)

    Me: “Yuck! That style always makes me look pregnant.”

    Mom: “I’ll buy it for you if you promise to wear it next time you see [Boyfriend]’s mom!”

    1992 Called, They Want Their Phone Back

    | CA, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (I am out shopping with my mom at a popular store.)

    Mom: “I need an old fashioned phone cord.”

    Me: “Old fashioned?”

    Mom: “Yeah, like for a landline. I may have to go to [Popular Electronics Store], though.”

    Me: “Yeah… or 1992.”

    A Formula For Realization

    | Germany | Siblings

    (My sister and I are at the store buying a few things. Note that she is not interested in children and therefore doesn’t know anything about them. We pass the baby food aisle and I notice she looks really confused.)

    Me: “Hey, what’s so confusing?”

    Sister: “It’s just… I never realized there were THAT many different brands and types of baby food and formula.”

    Me: “Oh, yeah. There’s quite a lot.”

    (As we walk away…)

    Sister: “I now realize how men must feel in the feminine products aisle.”