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    Japanese Love Hotel

    | Hinton, AB, Canada | Children, Parents & Guardians, Sons & Daughters, Themed Giveaway

    (I’ve just turned nine, and my family is going on vacation, but there isn’t a room to be found. We get pretty much the last room in the town, a partially renovated honeymoon suite. One of the things they’ve done is remove the mirror that used to be over the bed. It’s pretty obvious because the ceiling was red when it was hung, and it’s white now. It’s the very first thing I notice when I enter the room.)

    Me: “Look!” *points excitedly at ceiling* “It’s the flag of Japan!”

    (My parents both try their hardest to stifle their laughter.)

    Mom: “Very true! Good job.”

    Me: *wonderingly* “Do all the rooms have foreign flags on the roof?”

    Mom: *still trying very hard not to laugh out loud* “I don’t think so, dear. We just got the international room.”

    Me: “Oh, okay.” *looks at ceiling again* “That’s so cool!”

    Oh, Brother…

    | Oman | LGTBQ, Siblings

    (My brother and I look nothing like one another. We are in a hotel bar in Oman in the 1990s, talking to a large Australian gentleman.)

    Gentleman: “So, where did you two fellers meet then?”

    Me: “Well, actually, we’re brothers.”

    Gentleman: “Oh, I see. Like that, is it? Guess it’s got to be difficult for you folks living in a conservative Arab state.”

    Me: “You mean, for related people to be in the same country?”

    Gentleman: “Yeah, yeah. Like that. It’s got to be hard. In your situation I’d tell people I was sharing a room with my—” *air quotation marks* “—’brother,’ too.”

    Me: “Um… Yeah, except we really are brothers. Same parents and everything.”

    Gentleman: *with a wink* “Yeah, kid. Stick to your story…”

    Immature Cheese

    | Las Vegas, NV, USA | Children, Sons & Daughters

    (My four-year-old son and his grandmother are traveling together. My son is bi-lingual, but his grandmother does not speak English. Because of this, he is ordering.)

    Room Service: “May I help you?”

    Son: “I want a cheeseburger!”

    Room Service: “Certainly. What kind of cheese would you like on your cheeseburger?”

    Son: “Uh…”

    Room Service: “Would you like cheddar, American…” *continues to list a variety of cheeses*

    Son: “Yummy cheese!”


    | Dublin, Ireland | Parents & Guardians

    (My mom and I are in a hotel room, and she’s flipping through channels on the TV. She comes across ‘Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring’, at a scene where Gandalf is standing and talking to Pippin. I gasp, as I love this movie, and haven’t seen it in a while.)

    Mom: “Oh, is this Harry Potter?”

    Me: “No, Mom. No. This is definitely Lord of the Rings.”

    Mom: “Well, I don’t know. It was a guy with a long white beard. It could have been Gandalf!”

    Me: “Mom, that is Gandalf.”

    Mom: “Oh. Well, what’s the guy’s name in Harry Potter?”

    Me: “Dumbledore. That would be Dumbledore.”

    Mom: “You’re going to disown me, aren’t you?”

    Me: “Probably.”

    Don’t Crack Up

    | New York, USA | Cousins

    (We’re asking a hotel chef to cook some eggs for us. My 6-year-old cousin is the last to request.)

    Chef: “…and how would you like your eggs?”

    Cousin: “Balut.”

    (Balut is a Filipino ‘delicacy’ where the egg actually carries the bird embryo!)

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