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  • A Waxing Family Dynamic
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    Don’t Save The Date

    | Nashville, TN, USA | Children, Friends, In-Laws, Parents & Guardians, Siblings

    (I’ve recently gotten engaged, and these are the reactions I get after informing various family/friends:)

    Sister-In-Law: “Congrats! When is it? You can’t do it on our anniversary, okay?”

    Groom’s Sister: “Oh, cool. Don’t steal my birthday!”

    Mom: “Yeah! Did you set a date? Don’t do it on your grandparents’ anniversary!”

    College Buddy: “Congrats, you guys! Don’t take our anniversary, okay? Haha!”

    Cousin: “Congratulations! He’s so cool! Don’t have the wedding during football season, though, or I can’t come.”

    (Can you take five minutes to be happy for me before making demands about when YOU want MY wedding to be?)

    Trying To Make You Die Laughing

    | Crestview, FL, USA | Children, Sons & Daughters

    (My three-year-old daughter comes skipping up to me out of the blue.)

    Daughter: “I’m going to miss you when you die very soon…”

    The Real Grandchild Is A Whole Different Animal

    | Stockholm, Sweden | Boyfriends & Girlfriends, Grandparents, Pets & Animals

    (My grandmother and grandfather are visiting me and my boyfriend for the first time in our new apartment. We have also just gotten a gecko as a pet and are always excited to show off our new ‘baby.’)

    Me: “Oh, hey! Do you want to meet your great grandkid?”

    (Both my grandparents suddenly look extremely uncomfortable and shocked.)

    Me: *not realizing*

    Boyfriend: “Uh…”

    Me: *realizing* “OH, MY GAWSH, NO! I meant the gecko!”

    Ain’t Love Grand?

    | Little Rock, AR, USA | Grandparents

    (I am 20 years old and have just joined the Air Force. I’m on the phone with my grandparents.)

    Grandpa: “So, how’s life?”

    Me: “Good.”

    Grandpa: “How’s work?”

    Me: “Good.”

    Grandpa: “How’s your love life?”

    Me: “Pretty great.”

    Grandpa: “How’s your sex life?”

    Me: “…”

    A Vicious Cereal Cycle

    | Calgary, AB, Canada | Siblings

    (Its early morning and I cannot for the life of me, decide what to eat for breakfast.)

    Me: “[Brother?]”

    Brother: “Yes?”

    Me: “What should I eat?”

    Brother: “Depends.”

    Me: “On?”

    Brother: “What do you want to eat?”

    Me: *facepalm*

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