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    Can I Have A Little Less More?

    | Baltimore, MD, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (My wife, most of my siblings, and I are at my mom and dad’s house for my mom’s birthday. After dinner, my dad brings out my mom’s birthday cake and lights it. Then he prompts us to start singing ‘Happy Birthday.’)

    Dad: “Okay, all together now…”

    (Without even looking at each other, we all broke into the chorus of the Beatles’ ‘All Together Now.’)

    As Long As You Don’t Lose The Apple

    | LA, USA | Siblings

    (My mom, my dad, and I are standing in their bedroom talking. My mom has a work cell phone that is a blackberry. She currently can’t find it.)

    Mom: “I know it’s here somewhere.”

    (We then hear my younger sister from the living room.)

    Sister: “Someone’s strawberry is in here. And it’s ringing!”

    (My dad spit out the shake he was drinking and it was about 20 minutes before any of us could stop laughing.)

    Their Kids Are A Bunch Of Little Jokers

    | GA, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (My parents are going on vacation.)

    Mom: “Yeah, but what if we get mugged?”

    Dad: “Well, then we cancel the credit cards, get new ones, and all is right with the world!”

    Me: “Or, [other two siblings] and I get to be Batman!”

    Mom: “What?” *she gets it* “Oh, thank you for that!”

    The Answer Is Written In Estars

    | Kent, England, UK | Parents & Guardians

    (Mum’s recently been learning Spanish online. She’s currently revising some stuff.)

    Mum: *muttering to herself* “What’s the future of ‘estar’?”

    Me: “Isn’t the future of a star a black hole?”

    A Sad Estate Of Affairs

    | Australia | Aunts & Uncles, Parents & Guardians, Siblings

    (My parents extended their house after my grandparents could not afford the price hike on their rent. None of my mother’s three siblings could ‘afford’ to part with $10 a week to go towards the rent so Dad spent thousands on the extensions. 30 years later my grandmother is fading fast and in hospital. One of my uncles was visiting on one of his infrequent visits (one or two times a year).)

    Uncle: *to Dad* “We were thinking that it’s about time that Mum went into a nursing home.”

    Dad: “Really? Who is going to pay for that?”

    Uncle: “Well, um, it’ll take pressure off you. It must be hard for you to look after her like this all the time.”

    Dad: “You’ve never shown any concern for the last 30 years, so why start now?”

    (Nanna passed away less than a week later, on New Years Eve. My uncle and aunt had to be called back from vacation, turning up on the day of the funeral.)

    Aunt: *to Mum* “We would like to contribute towards the cost of the funeral.”

    (I look at my uncle, who has not said anything but just stiffens, and think, ‘you left it up to your wife to make an offer and it’s obvious you don’t want to spend a cent towards your mother.’)

    Mum: “No, it’s fine. The estate is covering it.”

    Uncle: *scoffs*

    Mum: “It’s true; I’ll prove it.’”

    (Mum hands over Nanna’s bankbook.)

    Uncle: *eyes light up at the balance* “I didn’t know she was worth this much.” *starts examining all of the entries*

    Mum: “Yes, with her inheritance from [Her Sister] and most of her pension in it added up.”

    Uncle: *demanding* “WHY IS THERE A $5000 WITHDRAWAL?”

    Mum: “Wh-wh-what? There shouldn’t be a withdrawal.”

    Uncle: “Yes, it’s right here. There’s money gone— Oh, no. It‘s all right. It’s a deposit. That’s okay, then.”

    (When the settlement was made, my uncle called Mum up asking if she had plans for her money.)

    Mum: *to Dad* “I can’t believe that. He wanted my share!”

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