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    Not On A Rock’n'Roll Roll

    | NY, USA | Siblings

    (I am talking to my brother who was born in 1993 but is pretty hip and really into music.)

    Me: “Can you believe that [Friend] didn’t know who sang Welcome to the Jungle?”

    Brother: “Aerosmith?”

    Me: “No… No, not Aerosmith. Guns ‘n’ Roses.”

    (A few weeks later, I am teasing him about this exchange.)

    Me: “You’re the one who thought that Aerosmith sang Welcome to the Jungle!”

    Brother: “Well, in my defense, Aerosmith does sound a lot like ACDC.”

    Me: “There is so, so much wrong with what you just said.”

    Had Their Hand In Future Events

    | Austria | Children, Cousins

    (My ten-year old cousin is sleeping over at my place. I am seven at the time. We are in bed, but have a flashlight.)

    Cousin: “You know, I can read your hand and tell your future.”

    Me: “Really? How?”

    Cousin: *turning on flashlight* “Let me show you!” *bends over my hand and follows the lines with her finger and then nods wisely* “Ahhh! You will get married two times. Once to a white man and have two children! See?” *points to some lines*

    Me: “Gah! Boys are stupid. I would never marry one!”

    Cousin: “Sush. The white man will die, and you will marry a black man and have two children with him.”

    Me: *shocked* “But I don’t want him to die!”

    Cousin: *shrugs* “It’s your destiny. Nothing you can do about it.” *turns off light and goes to sleep.*

    (I am upset by this prophecy for weeks. Fast forward ten years. My aunt gives my younger sister a pack of popular girls’ magazines which are at least ten years old. A little later my sister comes to me.)

    Sister: “I can read your hand and tell your future.”

    Me: “Oh, can you?”

    Sister: *leans over my hand and nods* “Ahh, you will get married two times. Once to a white man and you will have two children with him. But he will die.”

    Me: “What the h***? Where did you get this from?”

    Sister: *laughing* “From [Girls' Magazine].”

    (Turned out it was my cousin’s magazine, which contained an article with an instruction and a precise text. Dear Author, thank you for that traumatizing experience.)

    Not Quite As Swift As An Arrow

    | Cahir, Ireland | Siblings

    (My family is watching a home video clip show where a skateboarder loses the skateboard and it remains hanging in a tree. An arrow is added for emphasis since the video is a little grainy.)

    17-Year-Old Brother: “For a second, I wondered where they got the arrow…”

    New Spin On Spinach

    | NJ, USA | Grandchildren, Grandparents

    (It is Thanksgiving. I am seven and my little brother is three. My great-grandma is trying to convince my brother to eat his vegetables.)

    Great-Grandma: “Eat your spinach. It’s good for you.”

    Brother: “Nope. I don’t like it.”

    Great-Grandma: “It will make you strong. Popeye eats his spinach.”

    Brother: “Only in emergencies!”

    I Am The Dragonbond

    | CA, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (My mother and I are sitting at the coffee table playing cards, it is past midnight and we are both very tired.)

    Me: “I have the Skyrim theme stuck in my head.”

    Mom: “Adele?”

    Me: “That’s Skyfall.”

    Mom: *bursts out laughing*

    Some Dates Are More To The Point Than Others

    | KS, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (I’m watching ‘House M.D.’ on Netflix with my mother and she’s reading the episode summary.)

    Mom: “House and the team treat an Alzheimer’s patient who’s vomiting and showing aggression. Meanwhile, Foreman and House—”

    Me: “Go on a date.”

    Mom: “Cross swords.”

    Me: “Same thing.”


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