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    Not So Cheery Anymore

    | Billings, MT, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (It’s morning and I am microwaving instant oatmeal. I go to pull it out of the microwave and notice my father staring oddly at me.)

    Dad: “How does that work?”

    (I am completely confused by this turn of events. After several seconds of just staring, I point down to my breakfast.)

    Me: “The oatmeal?!”

    Dad: “Oh. I thought you were microwaving Cheerios, for some reason.”

    His Gullibility Is Looking Up

    | Cleveland, OH, USA | Siblings, Top

    (I’m eight and my brother is five. We’re watching TV together.)

    Me: “Hey, bro. It says ‘gullible’ on the ceiling.”

    Brother: “Oh, okay.”

    (Three-second pause.)

    Me: “Aren’t you going to look up?”

    Brother: “No, I believe you.”

    (I should’ve known… a really gullible person wouldn’t fall for that.)

    A Punny Shelf-Study

    | England, UK | Siblings

    (I am well-known for liking puns but also tend to be quite gullible. My brother comes into my room and begins to talk to me.)

    Brother: “One of my books fell down and hit me on the head.”

    Me: “Which one?”

    Brother: “I only have my shelf to blame.”

    Me: “But whi-”

    (Realisation dawns upon me and I stand up, picking up the nearest item of clothing on the floor, which happens to be my nightie, and begin to hit my brother repeatedly with it.)

    Brother: “You liked it!”

    Me: *leaning against my bedroom wall and laughing* “Yeah. I did.”

    A Royal Pardon

    | Halifax, VA, USA | Sons & Daughters, Spouses & Partners

    (My husband and I are at home with our four-year-old son. He grabs a roll of duct tape and places it on the top of his head.)

    Son: “I’m a princess! I’m a QUEEN!”

    Husband: “No, buddy, you’re a KING!”

    Me: “Hey, don’t tell him he can’t be a queen!”

    Husband: *matter-of-factly* “But men are kings and women are queens. That’s just the way it works.”

    Me: “I don’t know; I know plenty of men who are queens…”

    Husband: *starts to say something, then just shakes his head and laughs*

    I’ll Tell You When You’re Molder

    | Canada | Parents & Guardians

    (I’m five years old, telling a joke I learned at school.)

    Me: “So the papa mole came out of the hole and said look at all the flowers!”

    Dad: “Okay.”

    Me: “And then the mama mole came out of the hole and said look at all the grass!”

    Dad: “All right…”

    Me: “And then the baby mole came out and said, what flowers? What grass? All I see is mole a**es.” *pause* “I don’t get it. Why does he see molasses?”

    Conditioning Yourself For A Conditioning

    | Germany | Siblings

    (I pass my sister in the hallway. She has her hair in a tight bun with a shower cap wrapped around it.)

    Me: “[Sister], there’s a shower cap on your bun.”

    Sister: “Duh!”

    Me: “No, seriously, why the heck did you do this?”

    Sister: “I bought this fancy deep conditioner and on the bottle it said to wet the hair before applying and I went a little overboard with wetting it down.”

    Me: “So?”

    Sister: “If I take this thing off, the conditioner will drip into my pants. And I don’t have enough butt hair for it to serve a purpose in there.”

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