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    Tispy Topsy Flight Path

    | OR, USA | Children, Cousins

    (It’s the middle of summer, and I’m watching my boyfriend’s cousins, aged six and nine, at his house. He has a grape vine that is often full of wasps that will eat the fermenting grapes and get drunk. Because of rain, there is also a bucket of water below the vine that the wasps were falling into.)

    Nine-Year-Old Cousin: “[My Name], what’s going on?”

    Me: “Well, the wasps are eating the grapes then falling in the water because there’s alcohol in these grapes.”

    Six-Year-Old Cousin: *in the most innocent voice* “Aww, look at that one. It’s drinking… and dying.”

    Confessions Of A Sith Lord

    | BC, Canada | Siblings, Top

    (My sister is usually pretty quiet and reserved, but she has a very clever wit. I am watching ‘Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back,’ and she comes and joins me for part of it. While she is nerdy, she is not nearly into Star Wars as much as I am. The following occurs during the movie’s iconic scene.)

    Darth Vader: “No, I am your father!”

    Luke: “No… no, that’s not true… that’s impossible!”

    Sister: *impersonating Darth Vader* “It’s very possible. Let me tell you what I did with your mother.”

    Mind Over His Dead Body

    | Hamburg, Germany | Children, Siblings

    (I am six years old, and my younger brother is four. My parents have installed wall bars over his bed so I can climb up to my bunk bed above. I find myself enjoying to climb to the top and jump off onto my brother’s bed. He being a typical younger brother, decides to imitate me, but can’t find the courage to actually jump.)

    Mum: “So [Younger Brother], why aren’t you jumping?”

    Younger Brother: *clinging onto the bars* “I want to, but my body doesn’t!”

    The World Is Too Small After All

    | FL, USA | Parents & Guardians, Top

    (My father works with large machinery, such as construction and theme park motors. When he first started working one of his first jobs was at Disney World, in Orlando. The ride ‘It’s a Small World After All!’ was broken. To fix it, he had to sit in the log boats, and go through the entire ride, with the song playing in all its languages, making notes of what was wrong and pointing it out to the theme park employees. He endured this for a whole six hours. Several years later, I come home from another day in fourth grade.)

    Me: “Hey! Listen to this new song I learned! It’s a small world after all—”

    Dad: “STOP THAT THIS INSTANT! That song is banned from this house, and whoever sings it will be grounded for life and never eat Daddy’s Special Saturday pancakes ever again!”

    (We’ve been to Disney World several times over the years. Each time, he refuses to go within ten feet of the ride, and if he hears the song, starts looking for the nearest beer stand!)

    It’s No Lathering Matter

    | GA, USA | Children, Sons & Daughters

    (My son is five years old, and still likes to play in the tub sometimes. I have already run his bath for him.)

    Me: “[Son], go get in the bath and wash so that you can play in the tub.”

    Son: “Okay!” *takes off for the bathroom*

    Me: *shouting after him* “WITH SOAP!”

    (My son stops in his tracks and turns around with an almost panicked look on his face.)

    Son: “I have to use SOAP?!”


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