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    Throwing A Killer New Year’s Party

    | Eden Prairie, MN, USA | Friends, Theme Of The Month

    (It’s New Year’s Eve and our and another family are celebrating.)

    Me: *asking friend* “What’s your New Year’s resolution?”

    Him: *playing a shooter game on tablet* “To kill you.”

    Me: *stunned* “What?!”

    Him: *looks up and sees me and pales* “Oh, my gosh, I’m so sorry. I was—”

    Me: “I understand, dude.”

    (We both laughed after that.)

    School Her On The Rules Of Monopoly

    | Southampton, England, UK | Grandparents, Theme Of The Month

    (It is Christmas Eve. My family is sitting down playing the local city edition of Monopoly. My uncle lands on the square for the city college.)

    Me: *jokingly* “So, which college course are you taking, then?”

    (At this, my grandma looks up, her eyes wide.)

    Grandma: “You’re taking a college course?!”

    Suffer From Water(melon) Damage

    | USA | Aunts & Uncles

    (I am 17 and I live/grow up with my uncle. I get off work and see the farmer’s market is selling watermelons. When I get home I cut it up and put it away for dinner. My uncle nor I have cellphone, as he says the house phone is enough.)

    Uncle: “Hey. [My Name], I bought a watermelon and strawberries.”

    Me: *pulls out bowl of watermelon and shows it to him*

    Uncle: “Um… well… then, we will give this to Mrs. Johnson across the street and we are both going to get cell phones tomorrow.”

    (I thought my uncle was joking but he really did get both of us cellphones! And the little old lady across the street enjoyed the watermelon!)

    New Years Is Running Late

    | UK | Siblings, Theme Of The Month

    (It is New Year’s Eve. I am celebrating the night at home with my parents and 13-year-old step brother.)

    Step Brother: “So, when is New Year?”

    Me: “Um… tomorrow?”

    Step Brother: “No I mean when does it actually start? 12:30? 1:00?”

    Me: *face palm*

    I Disrespectfully Respect My Elders

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada |

    (The phone rings, and I go to answer it. It’s my uncle on the line, and he wants to speak to my dad.)

    Me: “Dad, phone!”

    Dad: “Who is it?”

    Me: “Your brother-in-law.”

    Dad: “He’s your uncle; don’t talk about him like that. Show some respect!”

    Me: “But I have four uncles. Wouldn’t it help if I was specific?”

    Dad: “Respect your elders!”

    Me: “Okay, fine.”

    (About a month later, the phone rings again. This time, it’s my grandma who calls. She wants to speak to my dad.)

    Me: “Dad, phone!”

    Dad: “Who is it?”

    Me: “Grandma.”

    Dad: “Okay, I’ll take the call.” *puts phone to ear* “Hi, mommy!”

    (I see my dad’s expression turn from joyful to terrified. It wasn’t his mother on the phone; it was his strict, conservative mother-in-law.)

    Me: “I respect my elders!” *runs away*

    One Is A Little Less Nuts Than The Other

    | Limburg, The Netherlands | Siblings

    (My two little brothers both have a flowerpot with a chestnut planted in them. One has a horse chestnut, the other has a sweet chestnut. The literal translations for these from Dutch would be ‘wild chestnut’ and ‘tame chestnut.’ My brothers are standing outside telling someone about their new plants.)

    Brother #1: “I have a wild chestnut!”

    Brother #2: “And mine has calmed down. Right, mommy?”


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