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    Why Clean The Shades When You Can Throw Them

    | UK | Parents & Guardians, Sons & Daughters

    (My six-year-old daughter, my mother, and I are at home. My mother is cleaning up and asks my daughter to fetch her something.)

    My Mother: “[Me], can you bring me the broom?”

    My Daughter: “Why do I have to bring it?”

    My Mother: “Because you are my skivvie.”

    (In the UK, skivvie is a slang/humourous term for servant.)

    My Daughter: “What’s a skivvie?”

    My Mother: “A skivvie is like Cinderella.”

    My Daughter: “Okay! So if I’m Cinderella, does that make you and [My Wife] the Ugly Sisters?”

    A Blow To The Bow

    | UT, USA | Siblings

    (My birthday is coming up, and my family has just gotten home from present shopping. My sister and I are chatting in the living room, with everyone else nearby. One thing I told them I wanted was a toy bow and arrow set).

    Sister: “By the way, Mommy said not to tell you about the bow.”

    Everyone: “[Sister]!”

    Sister: *incredulous* “What?! I didn’t tell him!”

    (It still comes up once in a while, even almost 10 years later. She will never be allowed to forget it)

    Oral Pollination

    | Houston, TX, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (I am a swimmer. There is a lot of tree pollen in the water and tends to get into… strange places.)

    Mom: “How was swimming?”

    Me: “Good, but pollen got on my mouth.”

    Mom: “Ew, trees having sex.”

    Me: “…”

    Geographical Knowledge Has Gone Way South

    | St. Louis, MO, USA | Siblings

    (My sister and I went to all the same schools, but for some reason, she missed a LOT of information. She had recently gotten a job in an international department, so to help her out, I was printing out maps of the different continents. I get to Antarctica, and try to joke that she doesn’t need that one since no one there will be calling her.)

    Sister: “Hah! Right! But, why would they put a made up place on the list of maps?

    Me: “What? Antarctica is a real place.”

    Sister: “No it isn’t. A place of just snow and penguins? It’s not real.”

    Me: “Mom and Dad bought YOU the globe growing up.”

    (I see the globe in the corner, and go get it.)

    Me: *turning globe upside down* “See? Antarctica.”

    Sister: “Really? It’s real?”

    Me: “Are you SURE you went to the same classes I did?”

    A Threatening Slice

    | Canada | Parents & Guardians

    (I’m around 14 years old and have weird taste buds. Unlike my sisters, I’m not the biggest fan of pizza, and actually enjoy broccoli a lot more. We’re having broccoli that night and I’ve just said something teasingly insulting to my dad.)

    Dad: “You know, I can throw out this broccoli and order pizza tonight instead.”

    The Sting In This Tale

    | MO, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (My parents come up with a clever ploy to make their young children play outside.)

    Dad: “Everyone come outside for Popsicles!”

    (My siblings and I gladly romp around the yard with our treats. When I finish, I try to go back inside. My parents are sitting on the porch steps, blocking the way.)

    Mom: “And where do you think you’re going, young lady?”

    Me: *showing her my sticky fingers* “I want to wash my hands.”

    Mom: “Just wipe them on the grass.”

    (I don’t think this will work well but oblige anyway. When I stand up again, there is a bee on my index finger. I think that I am like a princess with a bird perched on her finger and watch the bee in awe as it bobs there…)

    Me: *suddenly stung by the bee* “WAAAAAAAH!”

    (My parents let me inside after that!)