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    Grandkids Rule(s)

    | Brigantine, NJ, USA | Grandchildren, Grandparents, Theme Of The Month

    (My grandfather has never been able to say no to me. We’re playing a game called ‘Big Bird’s Special Delivery.’)

    Grandfather: “Looks like I win, dolly!”

    Me: “No! I want to win!”

    (My grandfather proceeds to make an addendum to the rule sheet: The game is over when [conditions are met], or whenever [My Name] wins!)

    A Spidey Non-Sense

    | Portland, OR, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (My mom looks at a spider in our kitchen and yells:)

    Mom: “Why do you have to be like that? You don’t need that many eyes or legs. You need to stop!”

    Snaking Around The Truth

    | TX, USA | Siblings

    (I am eight years older than my sister and six years older than my brother, so growing up I helped take care of both of them. My sister is now 24 and loves to tell my husband how I would tell them outlandish stories as kids.)

    Sister: “I can’t wait until you have kids so I can pay you back for how [My Name] used to lie to us!”

    Husband: “Oh?”

    Me: “Like what?”

    Sister: “Like the time you told me snakes don’t poop! So they eventually explode!”

    Husband: *laughing* “What?!”

    Me: “Oh, yeah. I would tell you that if you listened, you would be able to hear snakes popping in the field behind the house. ‘Shh! There goes one now!’”

    Sister: *trying not to laugh* “Or how you told me that the tar patches on the road were little kids who got run over! And that if I got run over, you wouldn’t scrape me up!”

    (My husband looks at me, laughing but with a brow raised.)

    Me: “Hey, it got you to hold my hand when we crossed the street, didn’t it?”

    A Fast Turtle

    | CA, USA | Children, Nephews & Nieces, Theme Of The Month

    (My family and I are playing ‘Cranium’ using random ‘Littlest Pet Shop’ toys my niece has instead of the regular game pieces. My brother and I are on a team and we’re using a turtle as our game piece. Our young niece is ahead of us, but we are gaining.)

    Me: “Aha! [Brother] and I are right behind you, [Niece]!”

    Niece: “GET YOUR TURTLE OUT OF OUR BUTTCRACK!”

    Your Language Stinks

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA | Grandchildren, Grandparents

    (I am about seven years old. My grandparents are visiting. I am quite a tattle tale at the time. My grandparents were very strict with their children and are very prim and proper. I run into the living room.)

    Me: “[Brother] farted.”

    Mom: “What have we talked about you tattling all the time?”

    Grandma: “I would be more concerned that she said the ‘F’ word; ladies do not use such language.”

    Me: “I didn’t say ‘f***,’ I said ‘farted.’”


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