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    Mom Knows How To Sock It To You

    | VA, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (This occurs as my mom is finishing up the laundry and gathering up the last few stragglers. My mom, with a weirdly serious face, hands me a book.)

    Me: *opening book to find a sock* “Master has given a sock…”

    (I look up at her in wonder.)

    Me: “Master gave it to Dobby.”

    (Apparently unable to contain her excitement, she jumps in.)

    Mom: “Dobby is free!” *suddenly serious again* “To put that sock in your drawer, young lady. Right now.”

    Should Outlaw In-Laws

    | USA | Parents & Guardians

    (My husband and I live with my parents. He’s very ill, so one day, I take him to receive treatment at an emergency clinic. We go to a pharmacy directly afterwards where we have a lot of difficulty picking up a prescription due to problems with insurance approval. We finally return home 11 hours after we set out. We’re greeted by my parents and by my brother and his wife, who are on vacation and visiting us.)

    Mom: “You’re finally back! How many hours left do you have?”

    (She’s referring to my online job. I’ve been so busy that I wasn’t able to finish.)

    Me: “Still three more hours.”

    Mom: “You guys are hungry, right? I’ll cook something, so what do you want?”

    Me: “Um, I’ll eat whatever. Pick something easy, though.”

    (My mom is busy in the kitchen. Meanwhile, my husband is resting, and I jump on my laptop to get back to work. My brother and sister-in-law are sitting in the den with me, also on their computers. After just a few minutes, my mom calls from the kitchen.)

    Mom: “[My Name], please help.”

    (It takes me a few moments to register her request.)

    Me: “Wait… ME?”

    Mom: “I know. It’s not fair.”

    (I look at my brother and sister-in-law. Neither is wearing headphones, but they’re staring very intently at their computers and willfully ignoring everything around them. It occurs to me that they are in “vacation-mode” and have probably been like this all day.)

    Me: *sigh* “I’m coming.”

    Way Past Asking

    | Northampton, PA, USA | Children, Siblings

    Little Sister: *walks up to my mom while devouring a candy bar she found* “Mommy, can I have this?”

    Trying To See In Vein

    | USA | Parents & Guardians, Siblings

    (My brother is seven and I am 13 at the time of this story.)

    Brother: “My eye hurts.” *rubbing it*

    Me: “Let me see. Maybe you have got something in it.” *I peer into his eye, then back away, horrified* “Oh my gosh, what IS THAT?! It looks like a worm! Let me see again!”

    Brother: *pulls away, scared* “Stop it!”

    Me: “Mom, [Brother] has a worm in his eye! Mom!”

    (My mom finally comes by and looks into his eye herself.)

    Me: “See?! What’s that dark squiggly thing there?!”

    Mom: “That would be a vein…”

    Pairs Are Good For The Multiple Hearts

    | Norway | Parents & Guardians

    (I’m home from university on vacation. I have regular MRIs and have seen a lot of doctors the past few years due to having had a minor brain surgery.)

    Me: “I feel like having cinnamon rolls and bananas, so I’m going to the store.”

    Mum: “You have such unhealthy eating habits.”

    Me: “What’s wrong with bananas?”

    Mum: “It’s the unhealthiest of fruits!”

    Me: “Would you feel better if I had pears instead?”

    Mum: “Yes!”

    Me: “Fine! But you know, the doctor said that bananas are good for you. He also hates pears.”

    Mum: “And which doctor was this?”

    Me: “Doctor Who…”

    A Bit Airy About Dairy

    | UK | Siblings

    (My younger sister is 12 years old. She is sitting at the kitchen table doing homework.)

    Sister: “[My Name], is cheese a fruit or a vegetable?”

    Me: “Um… neither.”

    Sister: “What?! Then where does it come from?”

    Me: “It’s a dairy product; it’s made from milk.”

    Sister: “Woah.”

    (Fast forward to the VERY NEXT DAY. I am again in the kitchen and my sister comes wandering in.)

    Sister: “[My Name], does cheese grow on vines or under the ground?”

    Me: “…Neither, it comes from milk. I explained this yesterday!”

    Sister: “Oh, yeah…”

    (This same girl has since been accepted to Cambridge University!)

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