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    Can’t Remember Where The Argument Stemmed From

    | Australia | Parents & Guardians

    (My parents, both in their fifties, are bickering over dinner one day about what part of the broccoli mum prefers. This goes on for a while.)

    Mum: “No, I like broccoli STEMS, but not the flowers.”

    Dad: “Huh… weird. Okay.”

    Me: “…and you’ve been married how long?”

    Mum: “I’ve told him before; he’s just forgotten.” *returns to eating*

    Dad: “…is this the part where I apologise?”

    Mum: “Hmm?”

    Dad: “Is this where I apologise?”

    Mum: “Oh, no. I can’t actually remember what we were talking about.”

    Unconvinced About Your Convincing

    | Paradise, CA, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (It is Thanksgiving, and I’m visiting my parent’s house for the holiday. I’m 26 and my mother and I don’t always get along. I’ve been attempting to preempt any fights all day. After dinner is finished:)

    Me: “Hey, mom, [Brother] and I didn’t help cook; why don’t you let us clean?”

    Mom: “No, no, I want it done a certain way.”

    Me: “Really, mom, let me and [Brother] handle it. I don’t mind; I want to help.”

    Mom: “No, really, you’re a guest. Just let me handle it. I want the china done a certain way.”

    Me: “That’s fine, but I’ve now offered twice. You can’t get mad at me later for not being helpful today.”

    Mom: “Yeah, it’s fine. I just want to do it.”

    (Fast-forward a couple hours, and we’re fighting over an unrelated issue.)

    Mom: “Well, maybe I would be in a better mood if you’d helped at all today!”

    Me: “What are you talking about! I offered twice to help you! You turned me down!”

    Mom: “I don’t remember that at all.”

    Me: “I have witnesses!”

    Dad: “She did try and help twice and you promised to not get angry.”

    Mom: *getting rather huffy* “Well you didn’t try to convince me to let you help HARD ENOUGH!”

    (Needless to say, I’m skipping Christmas.)

    Don’t Mention The War

    | Australia | Parents & Guardians

    (My parents and I are having a lazy day on holidays.)

    Me: “I have here, in my arms, a tub of ice-cream and three spoons. You have to help me eat it!”

    Dad: “Only if you watch another Fawlty Towers episode with us!”

    Me: “Fine!”

    Dad: “Fine!”

    Mum: *sigh* “Our lives are just so hard.”

    Also Hates Dragonfruit

    | South Africa | Boyfriends & Girlfriends, Siblings

    (I am with my nine-year-old sister and my boyfriend:)

    Boyfriend: *to me* “You’re an iguana!”

    Sister: “I don’t like iguanas!”

    Me: “True, you don’t like any lizards.”

    Sister: “Lizard?! I thought it was a fruit!”

    Right Fred Said

    | USA | Siblings

    (I recently told my sister about a crush I have on a guy named Frank. I’m a girl. Note that I’m a fantasy geek, while my sister loves musicals and acting.)

    Sister: “So how’s your crush doing? Fred, right?”

    Me: “Its Frank. Not a prankster wizard (Fred Weasley), or an annoying princess (Fred, aka Winifred, from the musical Once Upon a Mattress)! Though I’ll admit Fred is kinda cute.”

    Sister: “Which one, the wizard or the princess?”

    Me: “I think it’s obvious.”

    Sister: “Huh?”

    Me: “Fred Weasley… really, [Sister]?”

    A Different Snort Of Training

    | LA, USA | Nephews & Nieces

    (My mom is babysitting my five-year-old nephew. They have baked cookies. I am visiting so my mom decided to take a nap in the living room while I entertain my nephew at the kitchen table. It is around four pm.)

    Nephew: “I think I’ll have one more cookie.”

    (He reaches for the cookie, but just before his hand touches it my mom snorts in her sleep.)

    Nephew: *jerks his hand away from cookies* “Okay, I’ll wait till after supper.”

    (I started laughing so much I woke my mom, who let him have the cookie.)

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