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    Dirty Pillow Talk

    | St. George, UT, USA | Siblings, Spouses & Partners

    (My sister and I both have babies who like to cuddle. While we both enjoy spending time with our children, we both sometimes end up devoting more time to the babies than household chores. We decide that someone needs to make mommy-shaped pillows.)

    Me: *to my husband* “So, [Sister] and I decided they should make mommy-shaped pillows for babies to snuggle with.”

    Husband: “They make those. They’re just not called that.”

    Nuts About Bourbon

    | Wollongong, NSW, Australia | Children, Nephews & Nieces, Siblings

    (My sister and I are baby-sitting our three-year-old nephew while his mother is at the doctor. I’m making him lunch while she watches TV with him.)

    Me: “Hey, [Nephew]. What do you want on your sandwich?”

    Nephew: “Peanut butter.”

    Sister: “Do you like peanut butter? Me, too!”

    Nephew: “No, you don’t. You like bourbon.”

    Sister: *speechless*

    Me: *laughing hysterically* “Technically, the kid isn’t wrong!”

    Kids Love To Talk Smack

    | NSW, Australia | Children, Siblings

    (My girlfriend lives with her family in another town, so I’ve gone to hang out for the weekend. We’re having dinner, and she establishes she has to work the next day. Her brother will be at cricket and her mother and sister are going to another town about 30 minutes out for a few hours, leaving her eight-year-old-brother with nothing to do. I offer to look after him for the morning so he won’t be bored.)

    Eight-Year-Old Brother: *dramatically sighing* “What am I going to do with [My Name] all day? I guess we could watch TV or play computer games. Maybe he could help me get past the level in [Game].”

    (Suddenly, his eyes light up and he turns to his mother.)

    Eight-Year-Old Brother: “Mum! If [My Name] is naughty, do I get to smack him with the wooden spoon?”

    (Fortunately we kept busy the whole time and I didn’t get smacked!)

    Look Who’s Talking Nonsense

    | NM, USA | Children, Sons & Daughters

    (My three-year-old daughter and I are trying to decide what to watch.)

    Me: “Do you want to watch Dora The Explorer?”

    Daughter: “No.”

    Me: “Do you want to watch Cars?”

    Daughter: “No.”

    Me: “Do you want to watch anything?”

    Daughter: “I want to watch anything.”

    Me: *sighs* “Do you want to watch Bob The Builder?”

    Daughter: “No.”

    Me: “Do you want to watch Thomas The Tank Engine?”

    Daughter: “No.”

    Me: “What do you want to watch?”

    Daughter: “Yup.”

    (Children learning to talk are fun…)

    Worried Sick

    | GA, USA | Children, Sons & Daughters

    (My six-year-old son comes up to me, complaining of various ailments, up to and including a brain tumor.)

    Me: “Okay. Open your mouth and stick out your tongue so I can check.”

    Son: *mouth open and tongue out* “Ahhhhhh.”

    Me: “My goodness, this is one of the worst cases of hypochondria I’ve ever seen!”

    Son: *eyes wide as saucers* “Will I have to go to the hospital?!”

    Me: “No, but you should probably take a placebo pill.”

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