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  • Can’t Mask The Truth From Children
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    Marriage Is Bliss, And So Is Ignorance

    | IL, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (My father is a very conservative man, and is dead-set against my fiancé and I living together before we are married. However, we’ve moved in together to save money for the wedding. My mother knows but my father, presumably, doesn’t.)

    Mom: “Have you started looking for a bigger apartment? You and [Fiancé] are going to need more room than you’ve currently got.”

    Me: *glancing at Dad* “Wait, are we not pretending I live by myself any more?”

    Dad: “I am!” *covers his ears* “LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA!”

    Breaking Bad Isn’t Broken In

    | USA | Siblings

    (My sister has a short attention span and forgets things a lot, even things that you’ve only just told her. It’s early in the morning.)

    Me: “Oh look, Bryan Cranston is going to be in the new Godzilla movie!”

    Sister: “Who’s Bryan Cranston?”

    Me: “You know him. He was Hal in Malcolm In The Middle and Walter White in Breaking Bad.”

    Sister: “Oh yeah, him!”

    (Not even two hours later, this conversation takes place.)

    Me: “Huh… it says here that Bryan Cranston is going to be in Kung Fu Panda 3.”

    Sister: “Who?”

    Me: “I told you the last time you asked that. He was in Malcolm In The Middle and Breaking Bad.”

    Sister: “Oh, yeah. I forgot.”

    (Then later that night…)

    Me: “Huh, Bryan Cranston is trending on Yahoo. I wonder why?”

    Sister: “Who’s Bryan Cranston?”


    Sister: “Oh, wait, yeah. I remember who he is now… He’s that guy from That 70′s Show and Robocop, right?

    Me: “…”

    The Painful Path Of Feminism

    | England, UK | Parents & Guardians

    (My mother and I are discussing feminism in a jokey way.)

    Me: “Woo, feminism!”

    Mum: “Protest inequality! Burn the bras!”

    Me: *meaning that not wearing a bra is painful after a while* “No, that would hurt.”

    Mum: “No, no, no. You take the bra OFF first, doofus.”

    The Bitter Taste Of Hypocrisy

    | USA | Aunts & Uncles, Cousins

    (I’m visiting my aunt and eight-year-old cousin for the weekend. My aunt is browsing the Internet for a new recipe.)

    Aunt: “Look, here’s an interesting type of curry. It even has coconut milk in it. I think I’ll make it tomorrow.”

    Cousin: “I don’t like coconut milk!”

    Aunt: “Well, I’m still making it and you’re going to eat it.”

    Cousin: “But—”

    Aunt: “No buts. You’re eating it.” *looks at recipe* “Oh, there’s zucchini in this. I hate zucchini! There’s no way I’m making this now.”

    Me: “Uh…”

    Aunt: “What?”

    Has Never Crossed A Shipping Lane

    | USA | Aunts & Uncles

    (I’m visiting my aunt and little cousin for the weekend. We’re watching the movie ‘Frozen’ and the hero and heroine have just met a group of friendly trolls who think they’re a couple and are singing about how great they are together. It should be noted that I’m a huge geek.)

    Me: “Wow. They’re like a band of maniacal shippers!”

    Aunt: “What’s a shipper?”

    Me: “Well, they’re people who pair two characters from a fandom.”

    Aunt: “What’s a fandom?”

    Me: “Uh, it’s a book or movie that has a lot of fans. Like Harry Potter or Star Trek.”

    Aunt: “But I don’t get what shippers do!”

    Me: “They usually write fanfiction about the characters or stuff.”

    Aunt: What’s fanfiction?”

    Me: Well, they’re stories people write about fandoms.”

    Aunt: “But how do other people read the stories?”

    Me: “… the Internet?”

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