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    Like A Generation Slap

    | WI, USA | Siblings

    (My eldest sister was born in 1975 and I, the youngest, in 1988. She moved out when I was 10. She currently has an eight-year-old daughter. We’re all sitting in my parents’ living room, watching a football game. This happens during a commercial.)

    Me: “Hey, mom, how’s grandma doing?”

    Sister: “Grandma’s sitting right next to you, [Niece].”

    Me: “Actually, I was talking to OUR mom… about OUR grandma.”

    Killed By A Plot Hole

    | Lille, France | Siblings

    (My family is watching a cheesy movie on television. Three nasty teenagers on screen are trying to scare the new girl in town by telling her an allegedly true story.)

    Nasty Teen #1: “There was this very innocent girl who lived in this house. The witch hated her. One night, the girl was alone because her parents were visiting a dying aunt. She woke up in the middle of the night and heard the witch! She cried “Dad!””

    Nasty Teen #2: “No, first she cried “Mom!””

    Nasty Teen #1: “Yes, and she went to the kitchen and there was no one! Then she went to the bathroom…”

    Nasty Teen #3: “Back to her room!”

    Nasty Teen #1: “She went back to her room, she cried: “Mom!” And then the witch appeared in front of her and killed her! Her parents found the corpse when they came back the day after.”

    Me: “If she died like that, how do they know what happened?”

    Brother: “I was thinking exactly the same thing!”

    Ad-Dressing Whose Side You’re On

    | IN, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (My dad and I are getting ready to watch a movie, and are talking about my older sister’s wedding. I start talking about what I want for mine.)

    Me: “I want to wear pants. Nice flowing ones that can look almost like a skirt but pants.”

    Dad: “Sure, if that’s what you want.”

    Me: “You must promise to be on my side against naysayers.”

    Dad: “You know the only one who will care is your mother.”

    Me: “You MUST promise to be on MY side against naysayers.”

    Dad: “Ah. Gotcha, no problem.”

    Making A Very Sharp Point

    | UT, USA | Spouses & Partners

    (My husband takes lunch to work most days, and keeps disposable utensils in his desk.)

    Husband: “Sweetie, I need more silverware, but no more knives. I have like a hundred knives.”

    Me: “That’s a lot of knives. You could kill a lot of people with those knives.”

    Husband: “Yeah, like everyone at work. Not just the people in my office, but everyone in my whole building. That’s how many knives I have.”

    Good Friends With The Earl Of Sandwich

    | CA, USA | Sons & Daughters

    (My son and I own two terrier mixes named Maria and Oatmeal. Both dogs are very spoiled. So much so that Maria is known as ‘The Princess.’)

    Me: “Oatmeal needs a title. Maria is already a princess, but Oatmeal doesn’t have as high of a rank. What should we call him?”

    Son: “I know…Sir Oatmeal, Duke of Breakfast.”

    Going All Cat-atonic

    | USA | Parents & Guardians

    (I’m helping my mom cat sit for a friend’s 12 cats. Most of the cats avoid us, but there is one cat that doesn’t. My mom bends over to wipe something on the floor, and this cat jumps out of nowhere on her back.)

    Mom: “Get this. Cat. Off. Me!”

    Me: “No way. Last time I did that, the cat scratched me and hissed.”

    Mom: “Help! Help!”

    (It is pretty funny to see my mom running around in circles like a hunchback, waving her arms. Meanwhile the cat is riding on top of her, unaffected.)

    Me: “Mom, just straighten up!”

    Mom: “Oh. Why didn’t I think of that?!” *does it*

    Me: *laughing until I choke*

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