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    Shot Himself In The Foot Again

    | Tacoma, WA, USA | In-Laws, Parents & Guardians, Siblings

    (A few years back our family is gathered in our parents’ backyard for 4th of July and my brother-in-law has just arrived, walks around back, and sees my dad. In the previous week or so he had some how shot himself in his foot. My father is notorious for making funny snide remarks about others actions.)

    Brother-In-Law: *knowing my Dad will make a comment about his wound* “Go ahead, [Dad] and take your best shot.”

    Dad: “Looks like you already did…”

    Their Relationship Found Its Feet

    | UT, USA | In-Laws

    (I’m staying with my in-laws. I’m playing with my nine-month-old son. My mother-in-law is on the room with us.)

    Mother-In-Law: “You have a frecklefoot?”

    Me: “[Son]? Or me?”

    Mother-In-Law: “You. Did you know [My Husband] has one?”

    Me: “Yeah, I thought it was pretty funny when I found out we have freckles on the same foot. ”

    Mother-In-Law: “Well, then it was a match made in heaven!”

    This Cook Actually Spoiled The Broth

    | USA | Grandparents, Siblings

    (My grandmother is a terrible cook. One St. Patrick’s Day, she makes corned beef and cabbage. My sister and I are totally turned off by the smell and the weird color, and she finally coaxes us to try one tiny bite. We both spit it out and make gagging noises.)

    Grandma: *exasperated* “FINE! I am never cooking for you girls ever again.”

    Sister & Me: *in unison* “Thank you!”

    Suck Up And Shut Up

    | USA | Friends, Siblings

    (I’m at my friend’s mom’s house sitting in the living room with her family. My friend’s older sister has injured her ankle and diagnosed herself with tendonitis. She hasn’t stopped whining, and my friend is tired of it.)

    Sister: “Well… it says I need a walking boot. That’s stupid. I’m just going to suck it up.”

    Friend: “If it hurts, wrap it.”

    Sister: “It hurts so badly. I just don’t want to look stupid with a cast.”

    (She continues to read off treatments and complain for another five minutes, insisting she’s just sucking it up.)

    Friend: “If you’re going to suck it up, shut the f*** up and do it!”

    (The sister threw her phone and pouted until we went home.)

    Share The Plumbing Bill

    | Biloxi, MI, USA | Siblings

    (My boyfriend and I are 30 and 22 respectively, and he has a 14-year-old daughter. We are visiting his uncle in Mississippi for Christmas. He and his uncle go out to get groceries while his daughter is in the shower. She texts me from the bathroom.)

    Daughter: *through text* “[My Name], can you go get my dad, please?”

    (I walk over and knock on the bathroom door.)

    Me: “Dude, your dad and [Uncle] went to the store. What do you need?”

    Daughter: “Well… could you get me a thingy?”

    Me: “A thingy?”

    Daughter: *nervous* “You know… a thingy… that some people, like women, use…”

    Me: “[Daughter], I’m a girl. You need a tampon or a maxi pad?”

    Daughter: “A pad, please. They’re in my suitcase.”

    (I get her a pad and slip it to her through the door.)

    Me: “You know, dude, I have the same plumbing as you. It’s not weird to ask for things like that.”

    (When I told her dad later, he cracked up. I’m going to teach her to call it ‘bubblegum’ from now on so she feels less awkward.)

    Needs To Work On Your Excommunication Skills

    | USA | Grandparents, Parents & Guardians, Siblings

    (My family is slightly religious and rather conservative, while I am a very liberal atheist. At the moment, my parents, grandparents, little sister, and I are chatting. I’ve tuned out and am immersed in a book.)

    Grandmother: “So I’ve decided to stop going to [Church]. Everyone I know there has left so it’s not as interesting, and I don’t like the new minister.”

    Dad: “What happened to the old one?”

    Grandmother: “He got excommunicated for letting his gay son get married.”

    Me: *looks up from book* “Seriously? That’s so close-minded! Some people are just infuriating.”

    Sister: “Wait, they killed him?!”

    Me: “What? No, exCOMMUNICATED, not exECUTED!”

    (She honestly thought they’d executed him…)

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