• Requires Shark Repellant
    (246 thumbs up)
  • June's Theme Of The Month: Great Timing!

    A Scrambled Understanding

    | NY, USA | Siblings

    (My brother wants to make breakfast for his girlfriend, since it is their first anniversary. This is his first girlfriend so he is a little out of practice with romance. Keep in mind: he is 17 and almost four years older than me.)

    Brother: “Hey, [My Name]?”

    Me: “Yeah?”

    Brother: “How do you make scrambled eggs?”

    Me: *trying to decide if he’s being serious* “Well, you start by cracking the eggs into something to mix them, and then you use a fork or a whisk to beat them together. When you get that far, come see me and I’ll show you the rest.”

    Brother: *confidently* Okay.

    (He leaves. I think all is well until he comes back a little while later with a two-gallon Tupperware container with a couple of tiny eggs mixed at the bottom.)

    Brother: *uncertainly* Like this?

    Me: *trying REALLY hard not to laugh* “Um. Well, kind of. Here, let me help you.”

    (I made his girlfriend eggs. He has since become a much better cook!)

    A Frodo Dodo

    | USA | Children, Parents & Guardians

    (I’ve convinced my family to join me for a ‘Lord of the Rings’ marathon. When we finish, I, the resident fan-girl, start babbling about common pairings.)

    Me: “Personally, I love Faramir and Eowyn together since they’re my two favorite characters, and Arwen and Aragorn are sweet, albeit a bit of a stereotypical heroic couple.”

    Daughter:  “What about Samwise and Rosie?”

    Me: “I’m not really into that pairing. They are kinda cute, but there’s very little about their relationship, especially in the movies.”

    Mom: “Well, there’s no one else he’d be good with.”

    Me: *sarcastically* “How true. If only there was somebody he cared for enough to give up everything for, and even risk his own life to save theirs, multiple times. Too bad there’s nobody else he’s loyally cared for the whole time.”

    Mom: *completely oblivious* “That would be nice, wouldn’t it?”

    Me: *facepalm*

    My Pet Family

    | NSW, Australia | Parents & Guardians

    (My mother, stepfather and my teenage half-sister are visiting me. My half-sister is being a bit of a pain. As they’re going to leave:)

    Mum: “Can we leave her here?”

    Me: “Sorry, I’m not allowed pets.”

    Motherly Advice With Teeth

    | Pretoria, South Africa | Parents & Guardians

    (I call my mum to tell her that I’ve been invited to an interview I’d written a test for the week before. I’m 31 with about ten year’s working experience.)

    Me: “They called me for an interview! I’m one of two candidates on the short list!”

    Mum: “Remember to brush your teeth before the interview.”

    It’s Not A Running Secret

    | Marlborough, MA, USA | Children, Sons & Daughters, Spouses & Partners

    (I am four years old, and my mother has bought running shoes for my father for his birthday.)

    Mother: “Now remember, don’t tell Daddy about the running shoes.”

    Me: “Okay!”

    (I immediately run into the living room, look at my father and say…)

    Me: “Don’t tell Daddy about the running shoes!”

    (28 years later and I am still not allowed to forget it.)

    Deathly Serious

    | CO, USA | Children, Sons & Daughters

    (My wife and I are in the kitchen, talking, when our four-year-old daughter comes in, grinning ear to ear.)

    Daughter: “I’m so happy!”

    Me: “Oh, yeah? Why is that, honey?”

    Daughter: *suddenly very serious* “Because I was going to die today.” *her face brightens* “But then I didn’t!”

    (My wife and I stammer out some kind of response, and after she skips away, glance at each other warily.)

    Wife: “Well, that was creepy.”

    Me: “Yep. I think I just met my quota for the day.”

    Page 38/489First...3637383940...Last
    « Previous Page
    Next Page »