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    Can’t Stomach Her Bedside Manner

    | ME, USA | Siblings

    (My sister, with whom I have a very playful and teasing relationship, is a doctor of osteopathy. I’d been having stomach pains for about a week, so I call her and tell her about it.)

    Me: “I don’t know. My stomach just really hurts lately. I can’t even move enough to sit down without it killing me.”

    Sister: “It’s probably just cramps.”

    Me: “It’s definitely not cramps because moving just makes it worse.”

    Sister: “Well, then it’s appendicitis.”

    Me: “This has been going on for a week. Wouldn’t I be dead by now if it was?”

    Sister: “I don’t know. Probably.”

    Me: “Yeah, ’cause that’s real comforting. Any other ideas, Dr. I-Don’t-Know?”

    Sister: “Yeah: take some ibuprofen and suck it up, wimp.”

    Me: *sarcastically* “Golly, doc, your bedside manner sure is the tops. I feel so safe and cared for. You’re so compassionate.”

    Sister: “Also loving. I’m all about love and compassion. Now, suck it up, you f****** baby.”

    An Ugly Choice Of Words

    | Germany | Grandparents, Parents & Guardians

    (My grandma on my mother’s side is known for being very strict, old-fashioned, and cranky. She was especially harsh on my mother while she was a child. One of the smaller things she’d do is every time my mother misbehaved, she’d tell her not to ‘be so ugly.’ All of this has caused quite some confidence and self-image problems with my mum, which my father knows about. I am about five years old when this happens, and already a very shy child.)

    Me: *in a small fight with my older brother*

    Grandma: “Don’t treat your brother like that! Don’t be so horribly ugly!”

    Dad: “Listen to your grandma. She obviously knows a lot about being ugly.”

    (My grandma just stared at him. She never called me ugly again. Dad got the biggest kiss ever from my mum later that day!)

    Bringing Up A Sore Subject

    | Australia | Friends, Sons & Daughters

    (I was spending time with my neighbour after she’d had a long day with the kids. Her 13-year-old son was nearby at this moment. Note that her freezer lives under the house.)

    Friend: *excited* “After a day like today I thought I’d treat myself. I brought up a couple of white chocolate ice creams this afternoon.”

    Son: “Well, you also brought up four children. Why don’t you get excited about that anymore?”

    A Slap With The Age Gap

    | USA | Parents & Guardians, Siblings

    (My mother happens to pass by the desk where I’m doing homework and sees a glass half full of water on it.)

    Mom: “WHAT IS THAT DOING THERE!? That glass could spill and cause damage to the table! Get it off RIGHT NOW! I can’t believe you’d be stupid and lazy enough to put it there.”

    Me: “I didn’t put it there. [Younger Sister] was using it and left it there last night when I was doing homework.”

    Mom: “Well, it wasn’t her fault since she’s so little. You’re older so should have stopped her. How could you do this!?”

    Me: “My sister’s 14 and I’m 16. And I had headphones in and was staring at a computer screen, so how was I to know?”

    Mom: “It’s still your fault.”

    (This kind of thing happens on a daily basis.)

    Woke Up On The Wrong Side Of The Bed

    | Australia | Aunts & Uncles, Parents & Guardians

    (My uncle turns up at Mum’s place early one morning. He starts accusing Mum of leaving my Grandmother at home alone. My parents have been looking after her for 30 years with absolutely no assistance from siblings.)

    Uncle: *to Mum* “Where were you last night?”

    Mum: “We were here, why?”

    Uncle: “That’s not what I was told; Mum called me to say there was no one home, she was alone, and had no idea where you were.”

    Mum: “We’ve been here all night.”

    Uncle: “Well, when Mum rang me she told me that she’d been calling out at the bottom of the stairs and was getting no answers. Where were you?”

    Mum: “What time did she call you?”

    Uncle: “3 am. Leaving her alone at that time of night. I’s disgusting. WHERE WERE YOU?”

    Mum: “Asleep in bed, where I am every night at that time.”

    Uncle: “Why didn’t you answer her?”

    Mum: “Probably because I was asleep upstairs. Why did you wait five hours to come and check on her?”

    Uncle: “I was in bed.”

    Love Can Be Sickening

    | Australia | Siblings

    (My sister and I downright hated each other as kids, but in the years since I’ve moved very far away, we’ve started talking more. One I was having an emotional crisis and she offered a listening ear. This happens as the conversation is drawing to a close.)

    Sister: “Look, you know what you need to do. I’m sorry I have to go now, but I love you.”

    Me: “Blergh!”

    Sister: *laughs* “Bye bye!”

    (About an hour later, I’ve resolved a few things and I call her back to tell her.)

    Sister: “Hello?”

    Me: “I have news, but first of all… this is really hard for me, but… I love you, too. Egh! Yuck! I’m never saying that again.”

    Sister: *giggles* “Okay, what’s the news?”

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