May's Theme Of The Month: Movie Mayhem!

A Perfect Picture Of Inattentiveness

| NY, USA | Parents & Guardians

(My dad has an account on a photo sharing website and just recently posted up a picture of me from the renaissance faire we went to a couple of weeks ago. I go in on my profile there and ‘fave’ the pic and add a comment about how that’s me in the photo. This conversation happens over the phone the next day:)

Dad: “Oh, you’ve got an evil twin!”

Me: “Bull-s***. Unless there’s a twin sister you’ve never told me about, I don’t have an evil twin.”

Dad: “Yeah, she faved the pic and wrote ‘that’s me’ on it. She looks just like you!”

Me: *goes on my profile to see the pic* “Dad, that’s me! That’s my profile there!”

Dad: “OH! I didn’t know you had a photo stream! I was looking at it on my phone.”

No Statute Of Limitations On Sibling Arguments

| Felton, DE, USA | Parents & Guardians, Siblings

(I’m twelve years old and my family is sitting together watching crime dramas on TV.)

Character On TV: “The statute of limitations on [crime] has passed, but not on the [other crime].”

Me: “Dad, what’s statute of limitations?”

Dad: “Well, it means the time they have to build a case and arrest someone. Like, if you rob a store and they don’t find out it’s you until [time frame] you get away with it.”

(There’s a few minutes of silence while the show ends and another show begins.)

Brother: “Hey, dad?”

Dad: “Yeah?”

Brother: “What’s the statute of limitations on murder?”

Mom & Dad: “No.”

Almost An Insult

| Kuwait | Parents & Guardians, Siblings

(After a long time I finally decided to go back to Kuwait to visit my family.)

Dad: “So, what did my angel bring for me?” *going through my suitcase*

Me: “Relax, Dad, I’m not running away. I brought gifts for each one of you. Just let me freshen up.”

Older Sister: “Oh, oh! I hope you brought something pretty for me!”

Second Sister: *to me* “Even if you die you wouldn’t be missed that much, you know. You’ve been away for five years. It’s just like you’re almost dead for us.”

(Everybody stops dead in their tracks and are looking at each other awkwardly with the look of disbelief.)

Second Sister: “I said ‘almost.'”

His Window Of Opportunity

| Tulalip, WA, USA | Parents & Guardians

(My family often rely on me to look things up for them. My dad’s in the living room browsing the Internet while I’m in another room on the family computer he usually uses.)

Dad: “Hey, when is Windows 10 coming out?”

(I start to open a new tab, then think better of it.)

Me: “You have a computer right in front of you.”

Dad: “…Oh. I hadn’t thought of that.”

A Knuckle Sandwich

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | Nephews & Nieces, Siblings, Spouses & Partners

(My wife and I have my family over and we are discussing how my young niece and nephew recently lost some teeth.)

Wife: “Oh, [Niece], you’ve lost one of your teeth!”

Niece: *big proud grin*

My Brother: “Yeah, it happened not long ago. [Nephew] had one come out, too. I accidentally hit in him with my elbow and it dropped out.”

Nephew: “Yeah, when my teeth come out, it’s always because of sandwiches or violence!

Trash Available For A Steal

| Indian Orchard, MA, USA | Sons & Daughters

(We buy a new TV and are planning to discard the old one on the next trash day.)

Me: “Let’s get that old TV out of the living room. We could put it out on the back deck.”

Adult Son: “Someone might steal it.”

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