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    Drumming You Out Of The Band

    | Warminster, PA, USA | Children, Siblings

    (I am playing ‘Guitar Hero’ with my sisters. I am terrible at the guitar, and when I make mistakes I am vocal about them. My youngest sister is three and is playing the drums, even though they are not turned on. After the song is over, this occurs:)

    Me: “Hey, I didn’t do that badly this time!”

    Sister: *gets up, turns to me, and folds her arms in a disapproving manner* “[My Name], you ruined my band!”

    And That Is How The Cookie Crumbles, Part 2

    | Minneapolis, MN, USA | Children, Friends, Sons & Daughters

    (My best friend’s two-year-old comes running into the kitchen. She throws her arms around her mom’s leg and snuggles her tight.)

    Friend’s Daughter: “Mommy, I love you!”

    Friend: “I love you, too, my alley cat!”

    Friend’s Daughter: “Can I have cookie?”

    (Alley Cat got her cookie. The toddler had just figured out how the world works.)

    Related:
    And That Is How The Cookie Crumbles

    This Sport Will Take Years Off You

    | England, UK | Parents & Guardians

    (It is New Year’s Eve. My friends and I have been playing pool. My dad comes in to check on us.)

    Me: “Hey, dad. We should have a game next!”

    Dad: “No.”

    Me: “Why not?”

    Dad: “Because we’ll be here until, well, next year!”

    Ears And Ears Not Years And Years

    | Kimi, Greece | Children, Sons & Daughters

    (My sister is three years old. A few minutes before she had complained about her ear hurting so our dad gave her a painkiller. Minutes after that, she was still sitting in a chair, looking down with a long face.)

    Dad: “Come on now. Don’t be so sad! It’s gonna get better!”

    Sister: *suddenly sports a huge smile* “It’s gonna get better?”

    (She enthusiastically hops off the chair and goes to play. I guess she thought it would hurt forever!)

    Reality Needs To Step Aside

    | TN, USA | Parents & Guardians, Siblings

    (My parents are both remarried and have both had more children, but don’t talk to each other.)

    Dad: *to me* “How many brothers and sisters do you have now? Nine?”

    Me: “Close. I have ten.”

    Stepmom: “Half of them don’t count.”

    Me: “Why not?”

    Stepmom: “They’re your stepfather’s kids. They’re not really your siblings. They’re fake.”

    Me: “Uh, yes they do, because they’re my mom’s kids, too. Besides, if you wanna follow that logic then I’m an only child because if his kids don’t count, none of yours do either. All I have is fake brothers and sisters.”

    Half-Sister: *yells from her room* “HEY! I’M REAL!”

    Me: “Not according to our mom you’re not!”

    Dad: “They’re definitely sisters.”


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