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    The Baby Blues

    | Jacksonville, NC, USA | Children, Sons & Daughters

    (I am two years old, and the youngest, with an older sister. My parents are thinking of having another baby.)

    Mom: “So, [My Name], how would you like to have a baby sister?”

    Dad: “Or a baby brother?”

    Me: “No. I’m the baby.”

    (I still am.)

    Heard The Penny Drop, Too

    | CA, USA | Parents & Guardians, Top

    (My wife and I are visiting my father who was in the US Navy, where he worked with sonar. He has CRAZY good hearing. We are upstairs in a closed room; he is downstairs working on the computer.)

    Me: “What do you want to do tomorrow?”

    Wife: “I don’t know. Do you think your dad would take us down to Tijuana?”

    Dad: *yelling from downstairs* “That sounds like a great idea! We can go tomorrow.”

    Wife: *even quieter* “We are NEVER having sex in this house.”

    Dad: *yelling again* “Thank you!”

    Working On It At Break (Long) Neck Speed

    | Lancaster, CA, USA | Children, Siblings

    Me: “Where is your rough draft?”

    Nine-Year-Old Son: “I am still working on it.”

    Six-Year-Old Son: “Rough Giraffe? I wanna see!”

    Dogging-Day Afternoon

    | CA, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (I am about eight years old, and have already been instructed in ‘the birds and the bees.’ For a couple of weeks now, a neighborhood dog has been finding his way into our yard and trying to mate with our (spayed) dog, who is about three times his size.)

    Mom: *looking into the backyard* “There he is again. He just won’t quit trying!”

    Me: “How does he DO it?”

    Mom: *goes pale and looks panicked* “Well… um… he… he puts his… front legs… up… on her…”

    Me: *rolls eyes* “No, I know THAT. How does he get into the YARD?”

    Can’t Quite Picture The Word

    | CA, USA | Aunts & Uncles, Cousins, Grandparents

    (We’re talking about our phones and what kind of features are on them. My aunt is talking about hers when this happens.)

    Grandma: “Does it take moving pictures?”

    (Everyone is quiet for a minute.)

    Me: “Do you mean video?”

    (Everyone bursts out laughing.)

    Grandma: “That’s what I meant! I can’t remember what it’s called!”

    (One of my three cousins who were present for this was half asleep when this was going on. She opens her eyes a bit and looks at me.)

    Cousin: “Did she really call video ‘moving picture?’”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Aunt: “They’re in color, too.”

    Mom: “And they’re talkies now.”

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