His Window Of Opportunity

| Tulalip, WA, USA | Parents & Guardians

(My family often rely on me to look things up for them. My dad’s in the living room browsing the Internet while I’m in another room on the family computer he usually uses.)

Dad: “Hey, when is Windows 10 coming out?”

(I start to open a new tab, then think better of it.)

Me: “You have a computer right in front of you.”

Dad: “…Oh. I hadn’t thought of that.”

A Knuckle Sandwich

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | Nephews & Nieces, Siblings, Spouses & Partners

(My wife and I have my family over and we are discussing how my young niece and nephew recently lost some teeth.)

Wife: “Oh, [Niece], you’ve lost one of your teeth!”

Niece: *big proud grin*

My Brother: “Yeah, it happened not long ago. [Nephew] had one come out, too. I accidentally hit in him with my elbow and it dropped out.”

Nephew: “Yeah, when my teeth come out, it’s always because of sandwiches or violence!

Trash Available For A Steal

| Indian Orchard, MA, USA | Sons & Daughters

(We buy a new TV and are planning to discard the old one on the next trash day.)

Me: “Let’s get that old TV out of the living room. We could put it out on the back deck.”

Adult Son: “Someone might steal it.”

Seeds Of Love Versus Seeds Of Mustard

| Baltimore, MD, USA | Parents & Guardians

(After deciding what to order for dinner at a local take-out place:)

Mom: “Now, what’s the most important thing to remember?”

Me: “Uh… love?”

Mom: “Chinese mustard! I don’t care about love.”

Their Relationship Is Both Great And Grand

| Peoria, IL, USA | Parents & Guardians

(My dad is on the phone with his mom, who lives in another state. My dad’s side of the family is Spanish and very large. I have at least 20 cousins, most of whom are much older than me. I happen to be walking by and hear this snippet of conversation:)

Dad: “Oh, [My Name]? She’s doing great. She got her degree, has a great job, and volunteers at church on the weekends!”

(Silence as my grandma responds.)

Dad: “No, she doesn’t have a boyfriend yet.”

(Silence as my grandma responds.)

Dad: “She’s waiting for the right guy.”

(Silence as my grandma responds.)

Dad: “Don’t you already have 10 great-grandkids?”

Both Their Necks On The Line

| AZ, USA | Cousins

(My cousin and I are hanging out in the living room and I turn my neck and it crack very loudly.)

Cousin: “That’s awesome.”

(She proceeds to try to turn her neck to also make a loud noise, and she’s using her hands to do so. She suddenly stops.)

Cousin: “Wait… what if I snap my own neck while doing this and die?!

Me: “If you did then I would be blamed for your death since no one would believe someone was stupid enough to accidentally snap their own neck.”

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