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    Too Much Reading, Not Enough Speaking

    | USA | Grandparents, Theme Of The Month

    (My mother is on the phone with my grandmother and has just told her about a new book she bought me.)

    Grandmother: “Oh, [My Name] is such a reader! You know, she gets that from me. I’ve always been such a big reader. And now that I’m retarded, I have much more time to read.”

    (My mother had to hang up the phone because she couldn’t stop laughing. My grandmother didn’t understand what had happened. FYI, she meant to say ‘retired.’)

    Not A Family Friendly Christmas

    | Athens, Greece | Children, Siblings, Sons & Daughters, Theme Of The Month

    (I am in the kitchen with my husband while our four children decorate the Christmas tree. I look into the living room to make sure they’re being good.)

    Me: *to my husband* “Aren’t they sweet? For once, they’re playing nicely.”

    (Just then, my almost five-year-old daughter comes running to us with a big grin.)

    Daughter: “Mama! Instead of a star, can we cut off [Sister]‘s head and put it at the top of the tree?”

    Only Transforms Into Disappointment

    | PA, USA | Cousins

    (I am quite a bit of an adult child in that I still like to collect and play with toys despite being almost 24, my favorites being Transformers of all types. My four-year-old second cousin comes up to my room during a visit.)

    Cousin: “My mommy said to ask if I can play with one of your Transformers.”

    Me: “Certainly! Which one do you want to play with?

    Cousin: “Which one do you have?”

    Me: “Well, I have lots.”

    (I let him into my room to show him my shelves and tables full of Transformers.)

    Me: “I have some that turn into cars. I have some that turn into jets. I’ve got some that turn into dinosaurs or animals or bugs. I’ve got big ones, tiny ones, and repaints of toys I already own. I even have some that turn into more than one alternate form and a few that combine into bigger robots.”

    Cousin: “Ooh… cool!”

    Me: “I have some from the original toy-line that I got from my dad, some from the movies, and some from the newer cartoons. That one over there talks. That one’s stuck as a tank because it took me five hours to get it into that form and now I can’t remember how to change it back, and this one here’s my favorite. I repainted him to look more accurate to his color scheme in the original cartoon. So which one do you want to play with?”

    Cousin: “This one!”

    (He took a non-transforming Happy Meal toy and skipped off downstairs to play.)

    Facebook Of The Dead

    | USA | Grandparents

    (My grandmother is visiting, and is on her Facebook. My dad notices that she doesn’t really know what she’s doing, and has about 50 friend requests. As she’s going through the list.)

    Grandmother: “Oh, [Dad], look, it’s [Name]. He died long ago; I wonder how he got on there?”

    Me: “…”

    Mew-sing On Your Job

    | Peoria, IL, USA | Sons & Daughters

    (My husband works for a newspaper. He takes our grade-school daughter to see his office. Later I find her making a box out of pillows and trapping our cat inside it.)

    Daughter: “The kitten is a journalist, so he has to live in a cubicle.”

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