July's Theme Of The Month: Stuck In The Car!

Going All Cat-atonic

| USA | Parents & Guardians

(I’m helping my mom cat sit for a friend’s 12 cats. Most of the cats avoid us, but there is one cat that doesn’t. My mom bends over to wipe something on the floor, and this cat jumps out of nowhere on her back.)

Mom: “Get this. Cat. Off. Me!”

Me: “No way. Last time I did that, the cat scratched me and hissed.”

Mom: “Help! Help!”

(It is pretty funny to see my mom running around in circles like a hunchback, waving her arms. Meanwhile the cat is riding on top of her, unaffected.)

Me: “Mom, just straighten up!”

Mom: “Oh. Why didn’t I think of that?!” *does it*

Me: *laughing until I choke*

Seeing Things Is Wearing Things

| Auckland, New Zealand | Parents & Guardians, Siblings

(I am woken one morning by my mother and brother marching into my room holding a truly dreadful paisley shirt found while cleaning out Dad’s wardrobe of all its most 1960s stuff.)

Mother: “Your brother says this one looks like a hallucination.”

Brother: “So we decided it would suit you.”

Trying On Some New Colors

| Doylestown PA, USA | Children, Spouses & Partners

(My 12-year-old has downloaded a coloring app and is begging for an expansion pack that will give her more colors, patterns and pictures. I’m reluctant, as it’s fairly expensive for an app, but recall that she has a gift card from the holidays. Buying the expansion requires the security code from my husband’s credit card, and he’s out of state on a business trip. A few days later, I’m explaining to him why I texted him for the security code while he was in a business meeting.)

Husband: “Did you look at that coloring app? It’s horrible, it’s designed for three-year-olds!”

Me: “Well, [Daughter] seems to be having fun with it. The only thing she’s complained about is being unable to color in teeth in the pictures.”

Husband: “Oh, the alien picture? I couldn’t color in his teeth either!”

Cut-Rate Zombie Apocalypse

| Powell River, BC, Canada | Sons & Daughters

(I tell my son about a dream I had the night before.)

Son: “Well, I had a zombie Nerf war dream, so mine trumps yours.”

Me: “Are Nerf guns very effective against zombies?”

Son: “They were in this dream.”

Me: “Good thing to know. Too bad I sold yours.”

Son: “Those were “Derf” guns. I wouldn’t trust those in a pinch.”

Me: “I guess you get what you pay for.”

Keeping Your Head During The Headache

| KS, USA | Parents & Guardians

(I have a pain in my head that’s bugging me, so I complain to my mom.)

Me: “My head feels weird.”

Mom: “Like what?”

Me: “Like someone is squishing my head? It isn’t really hurting, but pressure?”

Mom: “You have a headache.”

Me: “But my headaches usually make it so I can’t do anything!”

Mom: “Your headaches are usually migraines; you’re having a REAL headache right now.”

Lunching The Hobbit Way

| London, England, UK | Parents & Guardians

(My parents have left me home alone, as my grandmother is going into a care home. My mum is sorting her flat out to sell it and I have to revise for A Levels. I am notorious for forgetting to eat once I’ve started working, so my mum often calls to make sure I remember. This conversation happens over text:)

Me: “Hey, guess what? I ate lunch!”

Mum: “Yay!”

(A couple of hours later, I get hungry again, and since my ‘first lunch’ was quite small, I make more food.)

Me: “Hey, guess what? I ate lunch again!”

Mum: “Yaaaay!”

(It’s nearly six pm and I get hungry again.)

Me: “Hey, guess what? I ate lunch again!”

Mum: “Okay, too much lunch now.”

Me: “You’re supposed to say ‘Yaaaay!'”

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