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    A Forgettable Party

    | IN, USA | Aunts & Uncles

    (My son just celebrated his third birthday. The next day his favorite uncle, who was at the party, stops by on an unrelated matter. My son confronts him, very upset.)

    Son: “Uncle [Name]! You weren’t at my party! How did you miss it?”

    Uncle: “What? I was there!”

    Son: “How did you miss it?!”

    Uncle: *very confused and trying not to laugh* “I was there, [Son]. Look here.”

    (He takes out his phone and pulls up a series of photos showing the two of them at the party: opening presents, eating cake, and so on. My son stares at the photos for a while, blinking. He looks back up at his uncle.)

    Son: “How did you not miss it?!”

    The Ugly Truth, Part 2

    | Australia | Parents & Guardians

    (My mum and I have a great relationship, meaning she often mocks me in a way that other people probably see as harsh, but it’s all in good fun. We’re discussing going to a gym class.)

    Me: “It’ll just prove how un-flexible I am!”

    Mum: “Un-flexible, unfit, uncoordinated, with you there’s so many things it could prove!”

    Me: *turning to my Dad in mock outrage* “Dad! Defend me here! She insulted me!”

    Dad: “Nah. You’re big enough and ugly enough to handle this on your own.”

    The Ugly Truth

    Step Up To The Step-Family

    | OH, USA | Parents & Guardians, Siblings

    (I am 12 years old, and my new stepbrother is five. His mother allows him to do as he pleases and has informed him that he does not have to listen to me if I attempt to correct his behavior. One evening I go outside and see my brother has hauled his bike, with training wheels, to the top of a tall stone wall.)

    Me: “[Brother], get down from there!”

    Brother: *sticks out his tongue* “You’re not my boss! You can’t tell me what to do!” *starts riding bike, falls off the wall, and begins to scream*

    Stepmother: *running outside* “WHAT HAPPENED?”

    Me: “He rode his bike off the wall.”

    Stepmother: “WHY DIDN’T YOU STOP HIM?!”

    Me: “I tried! He told me I wasn’t his boss!”


    (My brother was fine except for a few scratches. To make up for his trauma, his mother immediately went out and bought him a puppy. I was punished for not stopping him from falling, yet she continued to inform him that he did not have to listen to me.)

    Mishearing And Misconceiving

    | USA | Friends, Parents & Guardians

    (My 15-year-old neighbor and I, at 13, are in our dining room discussing schools, and how often we have moved. My dad is also in the room.)

    Me: “My old school had hexters.”

    Neighbor: “Hexters?”

    Me: “Yeah, there were six of them. Two every trimester.”

    Dad: *looking up, concerned* “Trimesters? What’s all this about trimesters?!”

    A Fail Fail

    | Scotts Valley, CA, USA | Siblings

    (I am in the fifth grade and my sister is in the fourth. I am home sick from school and our parents ask her to stop by my classroom and get my homework from my teacher. When she gives it to me, she also gives me a piece of paper, she vaguely described as my grade. This was suspicious enough without the obvious grin on her face.)

    Me: “An ‘F’? But Mrs. [Teacher] doesn’t give ‘F’s, she gives ‘No Pass’ for anything below a ‘C.’ And it’s been written on a piece of binder paper torn out of a binder. And… the ‘F’ is written backwards!”

    Sister: *flees*

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