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    Die Hard

    | Germany | Children, Sons & Daughters

    (My son and I go for a walk. It’s cold outside and the puddles are frozen. He breaks through the ice and sees the water.)

    Son: “Oh! The water is still alive!”

    Breaking The Silence

    | USA | Grandparents

    (I’m in high school. My grandmother is driving me to a doctor’s appointment after school when a rainstorm starts up. The rain gets so heavy that we can’t see anything, even with the windshield wipers on full power. There is traffic around us and I’m getting worried. My grandmother is unfazed.)

    Me: “Grandma, shouldn’t we pull over?”

    Grandmother: “No, we’re fine.”

    (A few minutes go by. The rain doesn’t let up.)

    Grandmother: “You know, sometimes in the rain… brakes fail.”

    Me: “What?!”

    Grandmother: “I just thought you’d want to know.”

    Me: “Why would I want to know that?!”

    Those Who Can’t Be The Easter Bunny, Teach

    | LA, USA | Children, Parents & Guardians, Sons & Daughters

    (I am checking out a woman and her young daughter while I overhear their conversation.)

    Daughter: “Mom, can I be a teacher when I grow up?”

    Mother: “You can be whatever you want when you grow up sweetie.”

    Daughter: “Can I be the Easter Bunny?”

    Mother: “No… you can’t be the Easter Bunny.”

    Geriatric Mutant Ninja Turtles

    | Sydney, NSW, Australia | Parents & Guardians

    (I’m about four years old and watching a wildlife film about turtles and their age.)

    Guy On TV: “And this turtle is over 100 years old…”

    Me: “Gee, mum, that’s even older than you are!”

    Mum: “No more TV for tonight!”

    The Sisterhood Of The Inappropriate Pants

    | UK | Siblings

    (My elder sister is well known for her strange sayings and outburst. Also note that in the UK panties are called pants.)

    Sister: “Dad, have you got anything hard to put in my pants.”

    (My dad just stares and her while me and my mum crack up. Turns out she wanted a divider to separate different types of underwear in her drawer. She has yet to live it down.)

    The Parenthood Of The Missing Pants, Part 2
    The Parenthood Of The Missing Pants
    The Parenthood Of The Travelling Rants

    Seeing (Natural) Red

    | Portugal | Distant Relatives

    (I am a natural redhead. I am at my great-uncle’s funeral. An elderly relative who I don’t really know approaches me.)

    Relative: “You should be ashamed of yourself! Do you really think that hair is appropriate for a funeral?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Relative: “Young people today and their fashions. They won’t even show respect for the deceased!”

    (She then went away to another relative and started telling them of my disrespect. I guess she’d never seen a redhead before.)

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