• I Smell A New Train Of Thought
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  • August's Theme Of The Month: Best. Family Member. Ever!

    Haven’t Exactly Been Dye-ing To Tell You

    | Brisbane, QLD, Australia | Parents & Guardians

    (I have travelled to an anime convention and gone all-out cosplay. It’s been a work in progress for a good eight months, and every member of my family has been involved with different aspects of the costume. I text my father a picture of me in full cosplay.)

    Dad: “Looks great. Who’s that?”

    Me: “Ha ha.”

    Dad: “Is that one of your friends?”

    Me: “Seriously? You helped MAKE this costume!”

    Dad: “Oh! You look good. The purple hair threw me. I didn’t recognize you with that wig!”

    Me: “Is this a bad time to tell you that I dyed my hair?”

    A Punny Shelf-Study

    | England, UK | Siblings

    (I am well-known for liking puns but also tend to be quite gullible. My brother comes into my room and begins to talk to me.)

    Brother: “One of my books fell down and hit me on the head.”

    Me: “Which one?”

    Brother: “I only have my shelf to blame.”

    Me: “But whi-”

    (Realisation dawns upon me and I stand up, picking up the nearest item of clothing on the floor, which happens to be my nightie, and begin to hit my brother repeatedly with it.)

    Brother: “You liked it!”

    Me: *leaning against my bedroom wall and laughing* “Yeah. I did.”

    A Royal Pardon

    | Halifax, VA, USA | Sons & Daughters, Spouses & Partners

    (My husband and I are at home with our four-year-old son. He grabs a roll of duct tape and places it on the top of his head.)

    Son: “I’m a princess! I’m a QUEEN!”

    Husband: “No, buddy, you’re a KING!”

    Me: “Hey, don’t tell him he can’t be a queen!”

    Husband: *matter-of-factly* “But men are kings and women are queens. That’s just the way it works.”

    Me: “I don’t know; I know plenty of men who are queens…”

    Husband: *starts to say something, then just shakes his head and laughs*

    I’ll Tell You When You’re Molder

    | Canada | Parents & Guardians

    (I’m five years old, telling a joke I learned at school.)

    Me: “So the papa mole came out of the hole and said look at all the flowers!”

    Dad: “Okay.”

    Me: “And then the mama mole came out of the hole and said look at all the grass!”

    Dad: “All right…”

    Me: “And then the baby mole came out and said, what flowers? What grass? All I see is mole a**es.” *pause* “I don’t get it. Why does he see molasses?”

    Taking Their Marriage In Different Direction

    | MN, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (My family is driving to a relative’s house. I’m in the back with my mom, my dad is driving, and my uncle is in the passenger’s seat. The GPS is a British woman’s voice, calling out directions in a residential area.)

    GPS: “Turn left at Spooner Street. Re-calculating. Turn right at French St and make another right.”

    (My dad partially knew the way, but looks at the GPS to make sure.)

    Mom: “He doesn’t even listen to me when we’re driving. I’m shocked when he does listen to the GPS.”

    Dad: “I just don’t listen to her because it’s sexy when she’s gets mad and recalculates all the time.”

    Me: “Dad… a GPS? Seriously? I don’t know who you are or why I’m in this car with you.”

    Dad: “Someday when you’re married, you’ll understand.”

    (I looked at my mom who was nodding and she whispered that she switches to the male voice on the GPS when my dad isn’t around.)

    Conditioning Yourself For A Conditioning

    | Germany | Siblings

    (I pass my sister in the hallway. She has her hair in a tight bun with a shower cap wrapped around it.)

    Me: “[Sister], there’s a shower cap on your bun.”

    Sister: “Duh!”

    Me: “No, seriously, why the heck did you do this?”

    Sister: “I bought this fancy deep conditioner and on the bottle it said to wet the hair before applying and I went a little overboard with wetting it down.”

    Me: “So?”

    Sister: “If I take this thing off, the conditioner will drip into my pants. And I don’t have enough butt hair for it to serve a purpose in there.”

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