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    Reacting On The Fly

    | China | Children, Nephews & Nieces, Top

    (My brother recently took his little four-year-old daughter on the bus with him. She notices that the zipper on the bag he is carrying is open.)

    Niece: “Dad, your zipper is open!”

    Brother: *panics and leans over to look at his fly*

    (Everybody on the bus turns to look at my brother, some glancing down to his jeans as well. My niece notices that my brother’s notebook has fallen out and tries to tell him.)

    Niece: “Daaaaad! Your zipper’s open, and now all of your stuff is falling out!”

    Red Shirts: The Next Generation

    | CA, USA | Siblings

    (There is a blackout at my house, and my sister needs to go into the garage to get something for her project. My sister and I are massive geeks.)

    Sister: “I need to go into garage! Who’s coming with me!”

    Me: *looks down at red shirt* “I can’t. I’ll probably die.”

    Sister: “[Younger Sister], come with me!”

    Younger Sister: *looking down at shirt* “What does purple mean?”

    Sister: “Nothing, so you probably won’t die!”

    Younger Sister: “Probably?”

    Don’t Start With Me

    | Buffalo Grove, IL, USA | Siblings

    (I have just picked up my mom’s car from the dealership where we had an automatic starter installed for her Christmas present. I then swing by to get my sister at work.)

    Me: “I got Mom’s car starter put in today.”

    Sister: “Oh, awesome! How does it work?”

    (She works at a grocery store, so we step out front into the parking lot. I hit the button on the key fob and the headlights go on as the car starts up.)

    Sister: “How cool! Now what do we do?”

    Me: “Now we wait here and the car pulls around and picks us up.”

    Sister: “REALLY?!”

    Me: No…”

    The Birds And The Boyfriends

    | USA | Boyfriends & Girlfriends, Children, Sons & Daughters

    (My boyfriend is telling me the story of his parents explaining sex to him when he was a child.)

    Boyfriend’s Mom: “Well, see, when a man and a woman love each other very much, they have sex to make a baby. The man puts his penis into the woman’s vagina.”

    Boyfriend: “Do I have to do this?!”

    Boyfriend’s Dad: “Well, no. But someday, you’ll want to…”

    (His dad was right!)

    It All Comes Out In The Wash

    | Kent, England, UK | Parents & Guardians

    (I’m in the kitchen, making drinks for my mum, my dad, and myself. Mum has just left the kitchen after putting a load of laundry in the washing-machine, which is now filling, quite loudly, behind me.)

    Mum: *calls my name and adds something unintelligible*

    Me: “I can’t hear you because of the washing machine!”

    (I leave the kitchen, kettle in hand, to go to the bottom of the stairs in order to hear mum’s repeated question.)

    Mum: “That’s all right, then! I couldn’t remember if I’d turned the washing machine on!”


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