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    Completing The Kessel Run In The Mutara Nebula

    | TX, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (I talk to my parents every Thursday night. We’re all nerds, although I’m easily the biggest Trekkie.)

    Me: “You called just as Khan is chasing Kirk into the Mutara Nebula.”

    Mom: “What?”

    Me: “Khan is chasing Kirk into the Mutara Nebula.”

    Mom: “They were in the same movie?”

    Me: “…How have you never seen The Wrath of Khan?”

    Mom:  “I’ve seen it…

    Me: “…”

    Mom: “I don’t remember Han Solo being in that movie.”

    Me: “Where did Han Solo get into this?”

    Mom: “You said he was chasing Kirk…”

    Me: “No, I said Khan.”

    Mom: “Who?”

    Me: “KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!”

    Making Stuff Happen

    | QLD, Australia | Nephews & Nieces, Siblings

    (I’m watching two of my nephews, aged seven months and six years. I have to take the eldest to school but he’s no where near ready. I’m changing his brother’s diaper while talking to him.)

    Me: “[Oldest Nephew], go get your jumper… Go get your Chill Out Pass… Go brush your teeth… Go put your socks on… Get your shoes…”

    Nephew: *now frustrated* “Why do you keep making me do STUFF?!”

    Me: “Because I’m not your slave?”

    (That night my sister comes to talk to me after putting him to bed.)

    Sister: “So, [Nephew] complained that you are bossy and make him do things.”

    Me: “Yeah, he didn’t like me telling him to get ready for school this morning.”

    Sister: “Oh, don’t worry. I just laughed and said ‘good.'”

    Me: “Oh?”

    Sister: “He didn’t like that…”

    Not So Cheery Anymore

    | Billings, MT, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (It’s morning and I am microwaving instant oatmeal. I go to pull it out of the microwave and notice my father staring oddly at me.)

    Dad: “How does that work?”

    (I am completely confused by this turn of events. After several seconds of just staring, I point down to my breakfast.)

    Me: “The oatmeal?!”

    Dad: “Oh. I thought you were microwaving Cheerios, for some reason.”

    His Gullibility Is Looking Up

    | Cleveland, OH, USA | Siblings, Top

    (I’m eight and my brother is five. We’re watching TV together.)

    Me: “Hey, bro. It says ‘gullible’ on the ceiling.”

    Brother: “Oh, okay.”

    (Three-second pause.)

    Me: “Aren’t you going to look up?”

    Brother: “No, I believe you.”

    (I should’ve known… a really gullible person wouldn’t fall for that.)

    Haven’t Exactly Been Dye-ing To Tell You

    | Brisbane, QLD, Australia | Parents & Guardians

    (I have travelled to an anime convention and gone all-out cosplay. It’s been a work in progress for a good eight months, and every member of my family has been involved with different aspects of the costume. I text my father a picture of me in full cosplay.)

    Dad: “Looks great. Who’s that?”

    Me: “Ha ha.”

    Dad: “Is that one of your friends?”

    Me: “Seriously? You helped MAKE this costume!”

    Dad: “Oh! You look good. The purple hair threw me. I didn’t recognize you with that wig!”

    Me: “Is this a bad time to tell you that I dyed my hair?”

    A Punny Shelf-Study

    | England, UK | Siblings

    (I am well-known for liking puns but also tend to be quite gullible. My brother comes into my room and begins to talk to me.)

    Brother: “One of my books fell down and hit me on the head.”

    Me: “Which one?”

    Brother: “I only have my shelf to blame.”

    Me: “But whi-”

    (Realisation dawns upon me and I stand up, picking up the nearest item of clothing on the floor, which happens to be my nightie, and begin to hit my brother repeatedly with it.)

    Brother: “You liked it!”

    Me: *leaning against my bedroom wall and laughing* “Yeah. I did.”


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