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    Pregnancy Gives You Weird Eating Habits

    | Cleveland, OH, USA | Children, Sons & Daughters

    (I am trying to explain to my young son that I am pregnant.)

    Me: “Sweetie, there is a baby in mommy’s tummy.”

    Son: “You ate a baby?!”

    They Are Immune To The Force

    | USA | Siblings

    (I am a huge sci-fi geek, and have just gotten a new ‘Star Wars’ t-shirt with a drawing of a stormtrooper on it, and am showing it to my sisters.)

    Me: “So, what do you think?”

    Sister #1: “What’s that robot thing on the front?”

    Me: “A stormtrooper, and it is NOT a robot!”

    Sister #2: “What’s a stormtrooper?”

    Me: “They work for Darth Vader and the Emperor.”

    Sister #1: “Who’s ‘Dath Vader’?”

    Sister #2: “And who’s the Emperor?”

    Me: “You’re breaking my heart! You’re going down a path I can’t follow!”

    Sister #2: “Huh?”

    Me: “Because of what you’ve done, what you plan to do! Stop! Stop now… Come back!”

    Sisters: “What?!”

    (They’ve seen nearly all the movies!)

    Formally Pleased And Informally Insulted

    | USA | Parents & Guardians

    Mom: “Don’t you think you should be getting ready for your job interview?”

    Me: “Oh, yeah.” *look in my closet* “There’s nothing formal in here for me to wear. Can I borrow one of your blouses to wear?”

    Mom: “My blouses?”

    Me: “Yeah, your clothes are so boring. So, one of your boring blouses.”

    Mom: “Well! I don’t know whether to be insulted or pleased!”

    Lost All Reason

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Aunts & Uncles, Children

    (I have taken my daughter to Chicago for her sixth birthday and we visit my sister and her husband. The running joke all weekend with my brother-in-law is about the time he lost his nephew at an amusement park when he was younger. My brother-in-law also is notorious for not having patience with children. I was in a store shopping with my sister when I received a call from my daughter. Of course, my sister only heard my end of the conversation.)

    Me: “Hello.”

    Daughter: “[Uncle] is lost.’

    Me: *slightly panicked* “What do you mean, [Uncle] is lost?”

    Daughter: “[Uncle]‘s lost. You need to come get us.”

    Me: “Are you WITH [Uncle]?”

    (By now my sister is starting to panic too.)

    Daughter: “Yes, but he’s lost!”

    Me: “I don’t think [Uncle] is lost. He leads tours of the city. As long as you’re with [Uncle], you guys aren’t lost.”

    Daughter: “Yes, he is. He won’t get a cab! We’re lost. You need to come get us!”

    Me: “You don’t need to get a cab. [Uncle] isn’t lost. You two are fine. Just make sure you STAY WITH [Uncle].”

    (When my sister and I got back to their place, my brother-in-law told us that no, they were never lost. She wanted to take a cab back to the condo but he was trying to take the elevated train back. She refused to take the train and only would take a cab. He had argued with her for a bit before finally giving her his phone, saying, ‘go ahead – call your mom but we’re still NOT TAKING A CAB!’)

    The Ugly Truth, Part 3

    | Durant, OK USA | Grandchildren, Grandparents

    (I’m at my grandma’s house curled up on her couch, when I hear her in the next room playing with my little brother. When she teases him, he rebukes her quite adorably.)

    Little Brother: “No, Grandma! Don’t be ugly!”

    Grandma: “Honey, I was born ugly!”

    Related:
    The Ugly Truth, Part 2
    The Ugly Truth


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