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    How To Train Your Sister

    | Ireland | Siblings

    (I’m sitting on a bus on the way to meet a friend when out of the blue I get this text from my sister.)

    Sister: “Hey, quick question: if dragons were real, would they be mammals?”

    Bed Time!


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    Baby-Sitting On A Time Bomb

    | AR, USA | Parents & Guardians, Siblings

    (My mother is in town visiting my sister and me. My sister has a three-month old boy, and while I love my nephew I have no plans to ever have children of my own. I am also the only person in my family who doesn’t use marijuana. This happens after I’ve gotten off my night shift and am spending “quality time” with my family.)

    Sister: “Here, have some cookies.”

    Me: *barely awake* “Thanks. Hey, these cookies don’t have weed in them, do they?”

    Sister: “Nope!”

    (Later.)

    Sister: “Okay, me and [Boyfriend] are going to the store. You guys stay here.”

    (She leaves with her boyfriend. As soon as she’s gone, my mother darts outside, pulling my brother after her.)

    Me: *alarmed* “Wait, where are you going?”

    Mom: “Oh, don’t worry; this will be good for you!”

    (She leaves, and two things penetrate my sleep-fogged mind: 1) my sister lied about the cookies, and 2) I am alone with the baby. I start to panic a little. I can’t find my cell phone, and there are no clocks, so I set the microwave timer for 15 minutes and reset it every time it beeps. I march around the house to stay conscious, stopping periodically to make sure my nephew is still breathing. After at least 45 minutes, my sister returns.)

    Sister: “Hello, feeling good yet? Wait, where’s Mom?”

    Me: “…your baby’s still alive. I need to lie down and then I want to go home.”

    A Solid Case For Sounding Like Grandmother

    | Sydney, NSW, Australia | Australia | Parents & Guardians

    (My mum and I are at my house, trying out a new recipe.)

    Mum: “This is becoming solid. Mixing it is impossible!”

    Me: “Just keep mixing!”

    Mum: “You sound like my mother!”

    (I always thought that one day I’d be accused of acting like my mother, but acting like my grandmother was another thing altogether.)

    Well ‘It’s’ Hit The Fan

    | CA, USA | Parents & Guardians, Siblings

    (My dad, who doesn’t live in the house, hates cats. The following exchange happens one week when he is visiting us. My little sister is nine and I am thirteen at the time. Note: my dad is very fussy about bad language and doesn’t think me or my sister know any bad words.)

    Cat: *rolls on my dad’s shoes*

    Dad: “Get it off my shoes!”

    Me: “The cat’s a she.”

    Dad: “No, the cat’s an it!”

    Little Sister: “She’s a she. Say ‘she.’ *sounding out the word* “Sh-sh-sh-e.”

    Dad: “Sh-sh-s**t….” *turns bright red and tries to cover his mistake* “…is… a… cat.”

    (I burst out laughing and gave my dad a look to let him know that I did, in fact, know what that word meant!)

    Slowly Transforming Mother

    | ID, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (My mom has long resigned herself to the fact that she has a nerd for a daughter. I’ve gotten it into my head at this point to try drawing a comic, and she’s in the living room while I’m at the kitchen table trying to draw a character from the “Transformers” cartoon.)

    Me: “I don’t understand this guy’s arms.”

    Mom: “That’s okay. I don’t understand guys at all.”

    Me: *laughs* “Well, robot guys are better anyhow.”

    Mom: “Exactly. Because if they turn out to be jerks, you can reprogram them!”

    Me: “And if they’re a Transformer, you get a nice sports car as well as a guy!”

    Mom: “Exactly!”


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