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    Going Seriously Old School

    | QLD, Australia | Parents & Guardians

    (My father and I went to the same school and that school is having its 100th anniversary.)

    Dad: “I can’t believe it’s been there for a hundred years. And you know the scary thing?”

    Me: “You were there from day one?”

    (I couldn’t tell if my dad was amused or annoyed.)

    Shrimp On The Barbie


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    Meet The Zucchini Family

    | Europe | Sons & Daughters, Spouses & Partners

    (I had a long day and just about managed to make zucchini boats for dinner. We’re now sitting at the table. I gave the best-looking boats to the kid and kept the worst ones for myself, and the husband’s are somewhere in the middle.)

    Husband: *in jest* “Hey, how come [Daughter]’s zucchini are tidy cute and nice, and I got these big ugly fellas?”

    Me: *equally in jest* “Because [Daughter] is tidy cute and nice and you are a big ugly fella. Eat up.”

    Daughter: *looking pointedly into my plate* “Mommy, if these are your zucchini, then how are you?”

    Me: “Squishy and in pieces, dear.”

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    Dad Cannot Change His Stripes

    | MA, USA | Parents & Guardians, Siblings

    (This happened when my brother and I were very young. My dad would tell us stories in the car.)

    Dad: “Have I told you the story of the most ferocious animal alive?”

    Me: “No?! What is it?”

    Dad: “It’s… a zebra!”

    Me: “What? A zebra? But it’s like a horse. How could it be the most ferocious animal?”

    Dad: “Exactly! It’s like a horse, but why do we ride horses and not zebras?”

    Brother: “…Are zebras really the scariest animal?”

    Dad: “Yes! We tried to ride them, but they were much too angry! And that’s why we ride horses now.”

    (This was almost 20 years ago and we still joke about ferocious zebras to this day!)

    Firing ‘Off’ An Answer

    | MA, USA | Aunts & Uncles

    (I was too young to remember this story, but my family tells it often. When I was three, my aunt was staying with us. I ran downstairs only half dressed.)

    Aunt: “[My Name], where are your pants?”

    Me: “Off!”

    Defective Dad

    | Washington, DC, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (My dad is watching TV in the living room. I’m doing homework in the kitchen.)

    Dad: “I’m entitled to a cash reward!”

    (He stands up with his arms spread out.)

    Me: “What?”

    (I walk into the living room.)

    Dad: *laughing* “Look!”

    (On the screen, there is one of those ‘ambulance chaser’ commercials, advertising for parents of ‘defective children born since the early 90’s’ to sue.)

    Me: “Really, Dad?”


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