Now My Brain Hurts

| PA, USA | Siblings

Me: “My stomach hurts and I don’t know why.”

Sister: “Aw, why does your stomach hurt?”

Nursing A Misunderstanding

| CT, USA | Parents & Guardians

(This happened when my brother is 4 years old, and my whole family is in the car. They have just driven past my mother’s old school where she learned to be a nurse.)

Mom: “Hey, look, guys. That’s where I went to nursing school!”

Brother: *gasp* “I GO TO NURSERY SCHOOL, TOO!”

Face The Absurdity

| Washington, D.C, USA | Parents & Guardians, Siblings

(It is late at night, and we are all a bit tired and loopy. Mom, my 13-year-old brother, and I are sitting on her bed when this occurs:)

Mom: *pokes brother’s face* “You’re growing face hairs!”

Brother: “What?!”

Mom: “Face hairs! On your face!”

Brother: “Oh. I thought you said I was growing a face. I was like, ‘It’s been there for twelve years’… Wait… thirteen.”

Mom: “Yeah, it was a little late coming. At first you had no face, and then after a while you grew a face! And we all said, ‘Oooh, he’s cute with a face! Let’s keep this one!’ For the first bit of time we just called you ‘baby no-face,’ but then when you grew a face we named you [Brother].”

Me: “The weird part is how you sound so serious… Like, if I didn’t know this story was totally absurd, I’d totally be believing you right now.”

Mom: “I like how your problem is ‘absurd,’ not, y’know, you were there and remember him having a face.”

Me: “Yeah, well… I miss things.”

Mom: “I think you’d remember if the baby had no face!”

Tell It To You Straight

| USA | Parents & Guardians

(I am kayaking with both my sisters when suddenly I am having trouble keeping the kayak in a straight line. Both my sisters are bi while I am straight.)

Older Sister: “It’s funny how you’re the one who has trouble keeping straight.”

The Brains Behind This Great Big Lie

| Oceanside, CA, USA | Parents & Guardians

(When I was six, I had an itch in my nose. I was using the eraser end of a pencil to scratch it.)

Mom: “Don’t shove things up your nose. If you go far enough you will touch your brain and if anything touches your brain it will kill you. That is why it is inside of you.”

(I believed that until I was twelve when I got confused and asked my mom the following:)

Me: “If ‘something touches your brain, it will kill you,’ then how can there be brain surgeons? You have to touch the brain in order to perform surgery on it.”

Mom: “What the h*** are you talking about? You’ll live just fine if something touches your brain!”

(Apparently she had no recollection of the fib she had told me six years prior.)

Get Off The Computer

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