• I Smell A New Train Of Thought
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  • September Theme Of The Month: Overheard!

    Grateful For The Heartbreak

    | MA, USA | Parents & Guardians

    Dad: “You are so ungrateful!”

    Me: “I’m your kid. I’m not supposed to be grateful; the only things I’m supposed to do are eat your food and break your heart!”

    Dad: “Well, you’re doing a damned good job at both of those.”

    I Smell A New Train Of Thought

    | OR, USA | Sons & Daughters

    (We go to a pumpkin patch at Halloween and the kids ride a farm ‘train,’ which is a tractor pulling a wagon. The driver stops the train part-way along the route, pretending to run out of gas.)

    Driver: *to the kids* “Oh, no! This train runs on gas and SMILES! I’ve run out of gas, so you all need to SMILE!”

    My Five-Year-Old Daughter: “Or we could all fart! Farts are gas, too!”

    After Terrible Twos Come The Tiring Threes

    | AL, USA | Children, Parents & Guardians, Sons & Daughters

    (I’m babysitting my cousins, who are aged seven, three, and two. The kids are mostly in another room, which I can see from where I am.)

    Me: *sits on the couch* “Hey, [Three-Year-Old], wanna come watch [Cartoon] with me?”

    Three-Year-Old: *has really stressed out face, and keeps glancing around* “But… but everyone’s not doing what they are supposed to be doing!”

    My Mom: “Let’s keep her.”

    Punchy Names

    | Devon, England, UK | Sons & Daughters, Spouses & Partners

    (We have just started reading ‘Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone’ to our six-year-old son and get to the bit about how mean the Dursleys are to Harry.)

    Son: *sitting up and raising his hands into fists* “If they were like that with me I would introduce them to…” *indicates one fist* “…Margret and…” *indicates other fist* “Terry.”

    Wife & Me: “…”

    (We still have no idea why his fists are called that, or even why they have names.)

    An Ominous Vocabulary

    | Medicine Lodge, KS, USA | Children, Cousins

    (I am doing make-up with my six-year-old cousin.)

    Cousin: “Your skin is ominous.”

    The Cold Future

    | Allentown, PA, USA | Siblings

    (I find my sister’s journal and being a typical sister, I decide to crack it open to a random page and read something out of it. This is what I found.)

    Entry #1: “Dear Future Self, what is it like in the future? Do we have flying cars and hoverboards and stuff yet?”

    Entry #2 *there is a timestamp labeling it two minutes later* “Dear Past Self, sorry, but we don’t have flying cars and hoverboards yet. We do however have a popsicle we didn’t have two minutes in the past!”

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