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    Cheating At The Game Of Thrones

    | IN, USA | Parents & Guardians, Siblings

    (My sister and I are avid fans of ‘Game of Thrones’ and are in various stages of reading the books, as well. I’ve finished all of them and she’s almost done with the third book. Our dad has just finished the first book, but doesn’t watch the show. We’re discussing both the books and the show at lunch, and avoiding spoilers is tricky.)

    Dad: “So who’s still alive by book four?”

    Sister: “Well…”

    Dad: “I mean, I know [Character #1] and [Character #2] both die before then, but I was wondering who else does.”

    Sister: “Uh… why?”

    Me: “And how do you know that?”

    Dad: “I saw a news story on my homepage about it when it happened on the show.”

    Sister and Me: “…”

    Dad: “And I saw that [Character #3] died last week. And what’s up with [Character #4]‘s hand?”

    Me: “Everything you just said are probably the biggest spoilers of the entire series so far. Why are you ruining it for yourself?”

    Dad: “I just want to know where the characters end up…”

    Sister and Me: “That’s why you READ THE BOOKS!”

    Gives New Meaning To Lip Service

    | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Cousins

    (I’m at my girlfriend’s family’s house for Easter, and end up drawing with her four-year old cousin. She’s currently trying to draw a girl.)

    Cousin: “How do I draw her nips?”

    Me: *pause* “I’m sorry?”

    Cousin: “Her nips.”

    Me: “How do you draw her nips?

    Cousin: “Yeah.” *gestures to her mouth* “The nips.”

    Me: “Oh, the lips! Let me show you…”

    Will Be Sitting On The Edge Of That Seat

    | Sweet Home, OR, USA | Cousins, Parents & Guardians

    (My dad, cousin, brother, and I are walking down the street to get our car after sitting all day at the Oregon Jamboree.)

    Dad: *to cousin* “Just stay here with the chairs while I go get the car. Make sure no one steals them.”

    Cousin: “But what if someone steals me?”

    Unforgettable Kisses

    | Dallas, TX, USA | Siblings

    (I am in the car with my mom and brother to drop him off for school. I’ve been giving him a last-minute quiz to make sure he knows what he needs to for an upcoming test, so he’s a bit distracted.)

    Brother: *kisses my mom and me on the cheek*

    Me: “Aw, hey, that’s different! You don’t usually kiss me, too.”

    Brother: “Whoops, sorry. I forgot.”

    Angst Over The Ants

    | USA | Parents & Guardians

    Mom: “So, lately, I’ve been having trouble with all these ants in the kitchen! We’re on the fifth floor, and yet they climb up and they’re everywhere! I’ve tried spraying, I’ve tried stomping, I’ve tried everything, but nothing gets rid of them!”

    Me: “Hmm… Mom, why do you still have that old ugly plant?!”

    (I’m talking about this old plant of hers that’s wide as three people, and about ten feet tall. She keeps it next to the kitchen in the dining room.)

    Mom: “It’s not ugly!”

    Me: “Mom. It’s half dead. You don’t clean it. I can see cobwebs and thick dust all over the leaves! And look at all those dead, gross leaves on the soil! Some are rotting!”

    Mom: “I don’t have time to clean it! And I water it everyday. Here, see?”

    (Mom gets a tall cup, fills it with water, and lovingly pours it into the plant. After a few moments, I look down and scream.)

    Me: “Mom, look! Ants!”

    (Ants start pouring out of the plant, desperately trying to get away from the water. Mom stares in shock.)

    Me: “You see! The ants have made their nest in this ugly big plant! Look, some are carrying their eggs to safety!”

    Mom: “…”

    (Mom still refuses to get rid of her beloved plant despite it being the source of her ant problem. She still waters it, and still stomps the ants everyday.)

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