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    Playing Fair Cop With The Brothers

    | Hamilton, ON, Canada | Boyfriends & Girlfriends, Siblings

    (My school is having their annual BBQ at a park nearby. My five brothers are all surrounding me, talking and relaxed. They are all over six feet and 200 pounds, one being a wrestler, two cops, one a gun collector, and the other a football player. My new boyfriend comes over. Before he reaches me, all my brothers see.)

    Wrestler Bro: “[My Name], who’s this?”

    Me: “Uh, my friend… who is a boy.”

    Cop Bro #1: “Sure that’s not reversed?”

    Me: “Maybe…”

    Collector Bro: “He decent?”

    Me: “Yes…”

    Cop Bro #2: “Got a rap sheet?”

    Me: “Ask him.”

    Football Bro: “Well?”

    Boyfriend: “No.”

    (By now, all my brothers have formed a circle around me and have puffed out their chests.)

    Boyfriend: “My father is the head detective of the police force for homicide.”

    Cop Bro #1 and #2: “Well, s***…”

    Making A Mountain Out Of A Mole

    | UT, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (My mom had a mole on her neck the whole time I was growing up. She breastfed all of her kids, and I guess we all picked at it and drove her crazy. She dated a doctor for a while, and he suggestshaving it removed. For whatever reason, she waits a few years to have it removed.)

    Mom: “So, I had my mole removed.”

    Me: “Mooom! Why did you do that? A part of my childhood is gone forever!”

    Mom: “Funny, your siblings reacted the same way when I told them.”

    Actually WANTED A Red Wedding

    | New York, NY, USA | Siblings

    (My grad school colleague is a true, bright, redhead. She’s showing a bunch of us pictures of her family on her wedding day. All four of the sibs are redheads, the youngest boy with a huge red ‘fro. Her parents are both mousy brunettes.)

    Me: “So… both your parents must carry one copy of the recessive gene for red hair.”

    Colleague: “Yup.”

    Me: “Which gives them a… one in four chance of ginger?”

    Colleague: “Yup.”

    Me: “Which they hit…”

    Colleague: “Four times in a row. Yup.”

    Me: “Your youngest brother looks like Carrot Top.”

    Colleague: “Yup. It’s his style. My parents wanted him to shave it off for my wedding… I forbid him.”

    Got Stuck At Duck

    | IA, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (My mother and I are discussing rodents. I have a specific animal in my head that I’m trying to ask if it is a type of rodent.)

    Me: “What type of animal is a… a… er… a duck/beaver?”

    Mother: “A platypus?”

    Me: “Yes!”

    A Manner Of Speaking With Your Mouth Full

    | Arvada, CO, USA |

    (I, my mom, and her boyfriend are eating chips. My dog is at our feet waiting for scraps. Every time she stands up, I sternly tell her to sit again.)

    Me: *to dog* “Sit!”

    Mom: “You sure are bossy tonight.”

    Me: *with my mouth full of chips* “She’s not showing good manners!”

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