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    Mom Is Having A Jurassic Lark

    | NY, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (I am about four years old. My parents have taken me to the Museum of Natural History. We are going through the dinosaur exhibit and I am looking over a T-Rex skull placed on the floor and held in a large glass case. I am quite intrigued, my hands pressed to the glass as I looked at the skull.)

    Mom: *leaning down behind me* “You know, you’d fit RIGHT in there.”

    (According to my mother, I got very quiet and my eyes went wide.)

    Love Has Been Thrown Off The Bus

    | CA, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (My mom and I get on the city bus; we move down the aisle.)

    Mom: “Let’s sit near the doors, because when they open, I’ll throw you out.”

    (We sit down.)

    Me: “No, Momma, as soon as the doors open, I’ll throw you out. And then I’ll throw myself out, so I can land on top of you, so you can break my fall.”

    Mom: “So, you really do love me then?”

    Me: “Yes, I do.”

    Stranger: “Aww, that’s adorable.”

    Will Scream Murder At You Later

    , | CA, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (My mom, my grandmother, and I are at [Home Improvement Store]. We are looking at these shish-ka-bobs things that would allow you to cook the stuff on the grill, and a thing to push down to get the food off, without burning yourself.)

    Worker: *walking by* “Are you ladies finding everything all right?”

    Me: “Yeah, we’re just looking for things to murder each other with.”

    Mom: *shouts my name*

    Worker: *smiles and walks away laughing*

    Raised With Love(craft)

    | CA, USA | Children, Friends, Sons & Daughters

    (My son is three years old and when I ask if he can say something new, he always gives it a try even if he mangles it horribly. Some friends are over playing the game ‘King of Tokyo’ and he is wandering around the table being his usual self.)

    Son: *points at the Kraken card* “What’s that?”

    Me: *thinking the Kraken looks a bit like Cthulhu* “That’s Cthulhu. Can you say ‘Cthulhu?’”

    Son: “Nope!” *wanders off*

    Friend: “That’s probably a good thing…”

    Fathering Warm Ideas

    | Antwerpen, Belgium | Children, Sons & Daughters

    (I just informed my 12-year-old son that the father of one of his friends died.)

    Son: “Poor [Friend]. I would give her my dad in a heartbeat but I need him myself so much.”


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