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    His Plans Show Promise

    | TX, USA |

    Dad: *as he is getting ready to leave the house* “Stay out of trouble.”

    Me: “No promises.”

    Dad: “And I mean felony trouble.”

    Me: “… No promises.”

    No Longer Your Little Bundle Of Joy

    | Williamston, NC, USA | Children, Sons & Daughters

    (I am teasing my three-year old daughter, who frequently follows me around saying, ‘What you doing, Mama?’ We are watching Wheel of Fortune together.)

    Me: “What you doing? What you doing? Hmm?”

    Daughter: “Stop it, Mama!”

    Me: *sticks out tongue* “Killjoy!”

    Daughter: “No! You can’t kill joy! I need joy!” *goes back to watching Wheel of Fortune*

    Getting Your Buzz On

    | Denver, CO, USA | Siblings

    (My family, my fiancé, and I are playing Buzz Word, which is a game in which you have to come up with sayings or phrases using a specific word based of clues on the card. The word is ‘Get’).

    Step-Mom: *reading a clue from the card* “Dating agenda.”

    Younger Brother: “Get some!”

    (We had to stop playing for several minutes because everyone was laughing so hard.)

    Not Quite A Cherry-Picked Suitor

    | OH, USA | Aunts & Uncles, Parents & Guardians

    (My aunt and uncle have a cherry tree in their back yard. My mother and I are visiting them for a cookout. I randomly start hugging the tree.)

    Uncle: “Dearly beloved, we are gathered for no real reason to join this woman and this tree in holy matrimony. If anyone objects to this union, please speak now or forever shut your d*** pie-hole.”

    Mother: “The only question is, who gets whose cherry?”

    No Longer Just The Cat Sitting On The Mat

    | Australia | Parents & Guardians

    (I am in my final year of high school and am studying for upcoming exams.)

    Dad: “What subject are you studying?”

    Me: “English.”

    Dad: “Maybe I can help! What bit of English is it?”

    Me: “A cross comparison of a 1990s’ play about a woman with ovarian cancer and seventeenth century metaphysical poetry.”

    Dad: “Yeah, good luck with that.”


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