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    Got An ‘A’ In Record Keeping

    | USA | Parents & Guardians, Siblings

    (My younger brother and I are playing video games when our dad barges in.)

    Dad: “I’m in a bad mood! Go get your report cards now!”

    (My brother brings his first. While Dad gives him a nasty lecture about his poor his grades are, I wait terrified, knowing I’m next. Finally, my brother gets fed up.)

    Brother: “You know what?!”

    (He goes and get something else, then slams it on our refrigerator with a magnet for all to see. It’s my dad’s graded test from one of his college classes, with a big D on it.)

    Me: “Where’d you get that?”

    Brother: “I found it in our parents’ nightstand. Dad, you got poor grades in school, too!”

    (Dad was so shocked that he forgot all about my report card, and slinked away. Mom laughed herself silly. I let my brother play all the games he wanted to when we went back.)

    Awkward Family Photo #198

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    More Internet, More Problems

    | UK | Parents & Guardians

    (So, I’m sitting on the sofa watching TV with my parents. I am on my dad’s iPad trying to get an app to work.)

    Me: “Dad, [app] isn’t working. It keeps saying it can’t connect to the Internet but Safari is working fine.”

    Mum: “Maybe it needs more Internet.”

    I Am Ageless

    | Australia | Parents & Guardians

    (Both my mum and I are very forgetful people. She is filling out her calendar when she gets to my birthday.)

    Mum: “How old are you turning this year?”

    Me: “Oh… ummm… How old am I now?”

    Mum: “22?”

    Me: “I have no idea. How old is [Older Sister]?”

    Mum: “I think she’s turning 25.”

    Me: “Then doesn’t that make me 24?”

    Mum: “No, she’s 24.”

    Me: “Then I’m 23.”

    Mum: “That can’t be right.”

    Me: “I’ll just text [Older Sister]. She’ll know.”

    (I text my older sister.)

    Me: “Okay, you were right. She says I’m turning 23. That means I’m 22.”

    Mum: “Ah ha! I knew I was right!”

    Shot Himself In The Foot Again

    | Tacoma, WA, USA | In-Laws, Parents & Guardians, Siblings

    (A few years back our family is gathered in our parents’ backyard for 4th of July and my brother-in-law has just arrived, walks around back, and sees my dad. In the previous week or so he had some how shot himself in his foot. My father is notorious for making funny snide remarks about others actions.)

    Brother-In-Law: *knowing my Dad will make a comment about his wound* “Go ahead, [Dad] and take your best shot.”

    Dad: “Looks like you already did…”

    A Pinch Of Grinch

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