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  • Requires Shark Repellant
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  • June's Theme Of The Month: Great Timing!

    Meet The Zucchini Family

    | Europe | Sons & Daughters, Spouses & Partners

    (I had a long day and just about managed to make zucchini boats for dinner. We’re now sitting at the table. I gave the best-looking boats to the kid and kept the worst ones for myself, and the husband’s are somewhere in the middle.)

    Husband: *in jest* “Hey, how come [Daughter]’s zucchini are tidy cute and nice, and I got these big ugly fellas?”

    Me: *equally in jest* “Because [Daughter] is tidy cute and nice and you are a big ugly fella. Eat up.”

    Daughter: *looking pointedly into my plate* “Mommy, if these are your zucchini, then how are you?”

    Me: “Squishy and in pieces, dear.”

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    Dad Cannot Change His Stripes

    | MA, USA | Parents & Guardians, Siblings

    (This happened when my brother and I were very young. My dad would tell us stories in the car.)

    Dad: “Have I told you the story of the most ferocious animal alive?”

    Me: “No?! What is it?”

    Dad: “It’s… a zebra!”

    Me: “What? A zebra? But it’s like a horse. How could it be the most ferocious animal?”

    Dad: “Exactly! It’s like a horse, but why do we ride horses and not zebras?”

    Brother: “…Are zebras really the scariest animal?”

    Dad: “Yes! We tried to ride them, but they were much too angry! And that’s why we ride horses now.”

    (This was almost 20 years ago and we still joke about ferocious zebras to this day!)

    Firing ‘Off’ An Answer

    | MA, USA | Aunts & Uncles

    (I was too young to remember this story, but my family tells it often. When I was three, my aunt was staying with us. I ran downstairs only half dressed.)

    Aunt: “[My Name], where are your pants?”

    Me: “Off!”

    Defective Dad

    | Washington, DC, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (My dad is watching TV in the living room. I’m doing homework in the kitchen.)

    Dad: “I’m entitled to a cash reward!”

    (He stands up with his arms spread out.)

    Me: “What?”

    (I walk into the living room.)

    Dad: *laughing* “Look!”

    (On the screen, there is one of those ‘ambulance chaser’ commercials, advertising for parents of ‘defective children born since the early 90’s’ to sue.)

    Me: “Really, Dad?”

    We’re Really Cousins


    sb

    Requires Shark Repellant

    | VA, USA | Siblings

    (When Jaws first came out, I was a preteen living on the ocean with family. We were at the beach every single day. The movie really had an impact on all the kids my age. Despite going swimming in the ocean every day of our lives, we were suddenly wary of every splash. I did some research (as is my habit) and found out that sharks are pretty shy creatures. They will generally strike whatever is farthest from the shore, turn, and swim back out to sea. That made sense to me so from that point forward, I always made sure my sister was swimming farther out than me. I related that story dozens of times but, apparently, for the first time in front of her when we were in our 40s. She was furious!)

    Sister: “How dare you! You risked my life!”

    Me: “Were you ever actually bitten by a shark? Have we ever actually SEEN a shark?”

    Sister: “That’s not the point!”

    (We are in our 50s now and I am still unforgiven (and unrepentant). In a few weeks, the whole family is getting together at the beach for the first time in decades, all the siblings, nieces and nephews. I am going to make sure her kids are swimming farther from the shore than mine.)


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