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    Catering For Your Future

    | Washington, DC, USA | Parents & Guardians, Siblings, Sons & Daughters

    (We’re on a family walk through a very nice neighborhood. My younger sister is walking beside our mother, a little ahead of my father and me. We are all pointing out our favorite houses as we pass them. Suddenly, my mother shoves my younger sister off the sidewalk and into the street.)

    Sister: “Hey!”

    Dad: “Everything all right up there?”

    Mom: “Did you hear what she just said to me!?”

    Dad: “No, why? What’d she say?”

    Mom: “I asked if she’s gonna have a room for me when she gets all rich and famous and buys her big house. She said ‘Sure am. It’s gonna have hardwood floors, granite countertops, and stainless steel appliances. It’s gonna be called “The Kitchen.’”’”

    Reading You Your Rights

    | Thurmont, MD, USA | Children, Parents & Guardians, Sons & Daughters

    (I am five years old. My parents, my little brother, and I are on our way home after a day out.)

    Me: “I’m hungry! Mom, can stop somewhere?”

    Mom: “No, [My Name]. Besides, there isn’t anywhere out here to eat!”

    Me: “Yes, there is! That sign says ‘restaurant!’”

    Mom: “The jig is up! The kid can read!”

    Very Ferry Lost

    | Calais, France | Aunts & Uncles, Parents & Guardians

    (My family is travelling to France on holiday, where we’ll be staying in my uncle’s villa. We have all just disembarked the ferry and we’re in two separate cars. My dad is talking to my uncle on the phone.)

    Dad: “So, you know where we’re going, right?”

    Uncle: “Yep, just follow me.”

    (My dad hangs up the phone and we watch as my uncle drives straight down the heavy vehicle lane which leads back onto the ferry.)

    Dad: *to our car* “We might have to put ourselves in charge of navigating.”

    Naivety Is Too Precious

    | San Jose, CA, USA | Parents & Guardians, Siblings, Theme Of The Month

    (My family is  together watching Lord of the Rings from the very beginning.)

    Mom: “What are these? Dwarves?”

    (My family tends to troll my mother.)

    Brother: “Yes.”

    Dad: “Yeah, it’s the chief dwarf’s wedding.”

    Me: *taking pity* “No, they’re hobbits. It’s that Bilbo’s birthday, and also Frodo’s.”

    Mom: “I wonder where they found these actors.”

    Brother: “Oh, they’re in New Zealand. They have this whole village of midgets.”

    Dad: “Yeah. It’s an actual village they recruited.”

    Me: “But they don’t like being called midgets. The tallest person in that village is 4’10″.”

    Mom: “Really?”

    Us: “Yes.”

    (We kept going until my brother and I started cracking up- and even then she was still unsure if we were joking or not.)

    This Argument Turned Ugly

    | Prince George, BC, Canada | Children, Cousins, Parents & Guardians

    (We’re all at my grandparent’s house for a birthday party. My mom has just told my cousin, who is about seven at the time, to do something he doesn’t want to do.)

    Cousin: *huffily* “You’re not my mom! Why do I have to listen to you?”

    Mom: *jokingly, but making a somewhat scary face at the same time* “Because I’m bigger, meaner, and uglier than you are!”

    (My cousin grapples with this for a minute before coming up with a retort.)

    Cousin: “You are not uglier than me!”


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