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  • To Sum It Up, They Are At Odds
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    No Longer Requires Baby-Steps

    | USA | Children, Sons & Daughters

    (I am three years old. My mother and I run into someone she knows who is pregnant, and that I had not seen since before she was pregnant.)

    Woman: “There’s a baby in my tummy. That’s why it’s so big.”

    Me: *in a know-it-all tone* “No, the baby is not in your tummy. It’s in your uterus.”

    Will Never Make Contact

    | France | Parents & Guardians, Siblings

    (We are in my parent’s car, on vacation. My dad spots a girl waving at my brother. I’m 12 years old.)

    Dad: “Hey, [Brother], there is a girl waving at you!”

    Brother: “Where? Is she cute? I’m not wearing my contact lenses.”

    Me: “She probably isn’t either.”

    If Only You Could Hear Yourself

    | MI, USA | In-Laws, Siblings

    (Several family members in my brother-in-law’s family are deaf. They have an interpreter at the wedding and a ‘deaf table’ at the reception for those that are comfortable signing.)

    Me: “So, [Brother-In-Law], the interpreter – can she hear?”

    Brother-In-Law: “Can she hear?”

    Me: “Yes, can she—” *face palms* “I’m never going to live this down, am I?”

    Brother-In-Law: “Never!”

    The Cat Can Even Get Your Tongue

    | NJ, USA | Parents & Guardians, Pets & Animals

    (My cat begins following me, meowing very loudly and annoyingly, so I go to investigate what her issue is.)

    Me: “MOM! How dare you?!”

    Mom: “Huh? What?”

    Me: “You left your papers all over [Cat]‘s special spot on the bed! Now she’s mad!”

    Mom: “Sorry? I wasn’t aware the right bottom corner of MY bed was no longer mine.”

    Me: *moves papers and puts cat down*

    Mom: *sighs* “Nothing is mine anymore… “

    Periodically Unsettling

    | FL, USA | Children, Sons & Daughters

    (My wife is a middle school teacher, and our daughter is just finishing up first grade.)

    Daughter: “Mommy, can I go to your school when I start having periods?”

    Mom: “… Um … What?”

    Daughter: “Periods. You know. Like math, science, art. With different teachers.”

    Mom: “OOOOOH. We’ll see, sweetie.”

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