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  • That Joke Walked All Over You

    | Northern Ireland, UK | Parents & Guardians

    (My dad is looking at shoes online, and turns the laptop to show my mum a pair.)

    Dad: “You know, these shoes are made for walking.”

    Me: “Is that what they’re gonna do?”

    Adopting A Sense Of Humor, Part 5

    | NJ, USA | Parents & Guardians, Siblings

    (My sister and I tend to annoy each other and always end up saying that the other one is adopted. We just started annoying each other when the topic of adoption pops up again.)

    Sister: “You know what? Screw you. You were adopted!”

    Me: “Trust me. I wasn’t adopted! You were.”

    Sister: “Oh, yeah?!”

    Me: “Yeah! I was there when mom and dad picked you out.”

    (My sister stares at me with a shocked look on her face.)

    Me: “Yeah, I went up to the pen and said ‘mommy, I want that one’ and pointed at you.”

    (Her shocked face turns into a glare of disgust. Just then our parents walk in.)

    Sister: “Mom! [My Name] said that I was adopted!”

    Mom: “Oh, but of course you’re adopted, sweetheart. 17 years ago your brother pointed you out and we decided to bring you home.”

    Dad: “Then after two years we didn’t want you anymore so we tried to return you but they wouldn’t take you back, so we decided to keep you. Now I’ve been using you as a tax deduction ever since.”

    (My parents and I share a good laugh while my sister just glares at us.)

    Sister: “I hate you guys.”

    Related:
    Adopting A Sense Of Humor, Part 4
    Adopting A Sense Of Humor, Part 3
    Adopting A Sense Of Humor, Part 2

    Family Reunion

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    In A Tickle Pee-ckle

    | England, UK | Siblings

    (In my family, I am notorious for needing to pee and being so hypersensitive that ticking makes me into a strange mix of helplessness and violence. I have just irritated my brother.)

    Brother: “You know what’s going to happen now!”

    Me: “You can’t tickle me! I need to pee!”

    Anything But ‘Happy Birthday’

    | Chapel Hill, NC, USA | Siblings

    (This exchange happens on Facebook. Every year, on my brother’s birthday, I find a way to say something other than just “happy birthday.” This year may be my favorite.)

    Me: “I just want to wish you a very spectacularly amazing super happy fun anniversary of the day I developed middle child syndrome.”

    Brother: “#sorrynotsorry”

    The Flowing Force

    | New York, NY, USA | Siblings

    (My sister and I are walking to the local pharmacy, and the topic of tampons comes up.)

    Me: “I’ve been meaning to pick up a box of o.b. tampons.”

    Sister: “I wonder why they’re called o.b. …For Obi Wan Kenobi?”


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