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    Ice Cream Cheese

    | CT, USA | Grandchildren

    (My grandmother is known throughout the family to make crazy recipes and foods that are ‘delicious.’ One weekend, I have to sleep over at her house.)

    Grandma: “Hey, [My Name]. I have some lemon sorbet in the freezer.”

    (I’m not exactly sure if this is safe to eat, because it’s in a rather crusty looking old tupperware, but I take a bite anyway. The ‘sorbet’ is really creamy, and mysteriously salty.)

    Me: “Nana, this is frozen cream cheese.”

    Grandma: *tastes cream cheese* “Are you crazy? This is lemon sorbet!”

    (We ended up going out for ice cream.)

    A Heads Up: Children Grow Up

    | PA, USA | Parents & Guardians, Sons & Daughters

    (I’m a recent college graduate still living with my parents. My mom sometimes has a hard time accepting that I’m in my twenties, despite the fact that I have a job writing and editing romance/erotica short stories. She just thinks of me as an amateur author and occasionally asks to read my published work, which I tell her she shouldn’t do. We’re watching ‘Shark Tank’ and a man comes in trying to market a product called ‘Morning Head’ which helps tame bed-head hair. We’re all a bit in shock over the name, but my dad and I are the most vocal about it.)

    Dad: “This guy is nuts! How did he even manage to sell any of these? That one shark is right; you can get the same results with a damp washcloth!”

    Me: “I think it’s more of a novelty thing. This way people can joke and say stuff like, ‘Hey, I gave so-and-so ‘Morning Head’ for his birthday. Ha ha.’”

    (My dad and I both laugh, but my mom stares at me with a mix of horror and surprise.)

    Mom: “This is why you’re not allowed to grow up!”

    Me: “And this is why you’re not allowed to read my work!”

    Mothers Are Friends, Not Food

    | IL, USA | Children, Nephews & Nieces, Siblings

    (My sister and I have met for lunch. Throughout our meal, she keeps fidgeting in her seat and wincing. I finally ask her if she’s okay.)

    Sister: Oh! Yeah. It’s nothing, just…

    (She glances around and lowers her voice.)

    Sister: “My son bit me yesterday. On the a**.”

    Me: “… What.”

    Sister: *sighs* “He had just watched Finding Nemo and was pretending he was a shark. I was fixing him a snack afterward, and he just… snuck up behind me and…” *makes chomping sound*

    Me: *stifling laughter* “I’m sorry. That’s not funny… but it kind of is!”

    Sister: “I’m just glad I was wearing jeans and not sweatpants!”

    Vegan Grief

    | Brisbane, QLD, Australia | Siblings

    (I am playing Minecraft on the Xbox with my sister. She usually takes a very vegetarian approach when playing, refusing to kill any animals.)

    Me: “So, have you seen that new update for the computer version yet?”

    Sister: “No. What’s it like?”

    Me: “Well, they added in stained glass…”

    Sister: “Is it stained with the blood of the animals you kill?”

    Let’s Hope They Drive Safe

    | Felton, DE, USA | Grandparents, Parents & Guardians

    (My parents both love camping, so they decide to buy themselves a nice RV to retire in. Sometimes, they spend nights in the RV for seemingly no reason. The morning after one such night, my grandmother calls.)

    Me: “Hello?”

    Grandmother: “Hi, [My Name]. Is your mother there?”

    Me: “She and dad spent the night in the RV. They haven’t come in yet.”

    Grandmother: “Well, it’s cheaper than a motel!”

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