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  • November Theme Of The Month: Thanksgiving!

    A True Hell’s Kitchen

    | Estonia | Grandparents, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m at my grandparents’. For some reason, what’s on TV doesn’t match with what TV guide says.)

    Grandmother: “I don’t get it. This is supposed to be Top Chef, but they’re showing dead bodies.”

    Grandfather: “Maybe that’s today’s cooking challenge.”

    Went Off-Road With That One

    | MI, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (I am on the phone with my dad.)

    Me: “Where are you?”

    Dad: “In the car.”

    Me: “Where’s the car?”

    Dad: “On the road.”

    Me: “Where’s the road?”

    Dad: “[Our City].”

    Me: “Where’s [Our City]?… Wait, what?!”

    The Times Are A-Changing

    | New Zealand | Parents & Guardians

    (While attending a funeral, I am staying at my parent’s place, since I work and study a couple of hours away. Late one night, a couple of days after the service, I stay up a bit later than I’d intended catching up with my aunt, and wasn’t able to finish packing my bag. We, meaning my mum and I, are supposed to drive back to the city the next morning. So in order to have enough time to finish packing, I set my alarm for 7 am. We had to leave by 8 am. The next morning….)

    Me: *asleep*

    Mum: *roars up the stairs to my room* “[My Name]! Get up! We leave in 15 minutes!”

    Me: *jerks awake* “Wha, who, huh?”

    (Still half asleep, very confused, I check my phone. It reads 7:45, meaning I’d slept through my alarm.)

    Me: “F***!”

    (I scramble out of bed, tripping and almost face-planting on the floor in the process, and get dressed and re-pack my bag in record time, as my mum is not known for her patience. Hauling my heavy bag down the stairs, I race into the kitchen, to find my aunt and my mum sitting at the kitchen table, quite relaxed, drinking coffee.)

    Me: *blinks and frowns*

    (Feeling a bit confused, I look up at the kitchen clock. It reads 7:15 am. I check my phone again. It too says 7:15.)

    Me: “Hey, mum, you said I had 15 minutes, but its only quarter past seven.”

    Mum: *very smug* “I know.”

    (As my aunt begins to laugh, all I can do is stare in disbelief.)

    Me: “Well played, mother. Well played.”

    A Giant Surprise

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Cousins, Parents & Guardians, Teenagers

    (I am three years old. At this point in my life, all of my relatives whom I have met are about 5’7″ or under. We have just arrived in town on a red-eye flight, and are staying at my aunt’s house. It is early morning, and I’ve just woken up.)

    Me: “Mommy! I’m hungry!”

    Mom: *sleepily* “Well, go to the kitchen. Your cousin should be there and he can fix you something.”

    (I go to the kitchen, and see the fridge door open, and someone bent over looking in.)

    Me: “Hi!”

    (My 14-year-old cousin, whom I have never met before, slowly straightens up to his full height of 6’4″. I stare at him, and then run away, crying.)

    Mom: “What? What’s going on? Did you go to the kitchen?”

    Me: *tearfully* “Yes!”

    Mom: “Well, why didn’t you ask [Cousin] for breakfast?”

    Me: “Mommy, I couldn’t! There was a GIANT in there!”

    Razor Blaze

    | Bath, ME, USA | Parents & Guardians, Theme Of The Month

    (My dad has had several different medical issues for a while now, so he gets most of his prescriptions right in our mail. My father also tends to grow facial hair pretty quickly, so he’s ordered some grooming items online.)

    Dad: *after checking the mail* “Look, [My Name]! I got drugs and razor blades!”

    Playing Cat And Mouse

    | AL, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (I walk into the dining room to find my father lying prone on the floor with a crossbow trained on the kitchen.)

    Me: “What in the heck are you doing?”

    Dad: “There’s a mouse under the refrigerator. I’m taking him out.”