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    Free-Estrange Parenting

    | OR, USA | Friends, Parents & Guardians

    (A group of friends and I, all in our 20s, are having a movie night. I’m living with my parents for the summer. I have recently gotten into a car accident that left me with whiplash, but no major injuries. A friend gets back from a phone call.)

    Friend #1: “That was my mom. She heard an ambulance and wanted to make sure it wasn’t for me.”

    Friend #2: *laughing* “Your mom is so overprotective.”

    Me: “Guys. I got into a car accident today. When I called my dad to ask about insurance, he didn’t even ask if I was okay, just if the police were involved.”

    Friend #2: “Well, that’s your dad.”

    (Despite living with him, I don’t see my dad for two days after the accident. He says he ‘is busy’.)

    Critical Remark, Smart Response

    | CA, USA | Siblings

    (My sister and I are heading to our car, and I notice her shirt tag is sticking up.)

    Me: “Tag! Tag, tag, tag! TAG!”

    (I fix her tag.)

    Sister: “Use complete sentences!”

    Me: “Oh, excuse me, I couldn’t help but notice that the little piece of paper indicating the size and brand of your shirt was slightly sticking out. May I fix it?”

    Sister: “Or you could just say, ‘Hey, your tag’s sticking out. Let me fix it’.”

    Me: “Geez, I didn’t know you were so critical.”

    Sister: “I didn’t know you could be such a smart-a**.”

    Me: “YOU DIDN’T KNOW?!”

    He’ll Question You Until World’s End

    | Albany, NY, USA | Children, Sons & Daughters

    (My nine-year-old son and I have just had an incredible exchange with a very nice cashier, who spent the time and energy to let my son review the process of buying something with his own money, and counting change.)

    Cashier: “You should stay in school and go to college.”

    Son: “I don’t know…”

    Me: “He told me he doesn’t want to move away from home.”

    Cashier: “When I was growing up in the Caribbean, I couldn’t wait to move out of my mother’s house. Now I wish—”

    Son: “Wait, you are from the Caribbean? Like the Pirates of the Caribbean? Are you a pirate?”

    Cashier: “No, I’m not, but I went to college and—”

    Son: “And you learned to be a pirate?”

    Cashier: “No, but the movie was filmed in my country.”

    Son: “Did you meet any pirates?”

    More Than A Whinge About The Syringe, Part 2

    | Aurora, CO, USA | Children, Sons & Daughters

    Pediatrician: “Okay, everything looks good! Today we need to give you four shots, though.”

    Seven-Year-Old Daughter: “Four?!”

    Pediatrician: “Yes, four. I know it’s a lot. Sorry.”

    Seven-Year-Old Daughter: “I want you to knock me out for it.”

    Related:
    More Than A Whinge About The Syringe

    Inappropriate Re-Butt-al

    | CA, USA | Cousins, Siblings

    (My brother, cousin, and I do a thing where we yell “your MOM!” or “your FACE” or “your BUTT” jokingly as a stupid comeback, regardless of what was being said. The three of us have gone to the basement to play video games.)

    Brother: “So, what are we going to play?”

    Cousin: “Your BUTT!”

    *prolonged silence*

    Me: “Um…”

    Cousin: “Oh, my God! Freudian slip, much?”

    Me: “Eww…”

    Brother: “I’m going to go sit waaaay over there.”


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