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    Bound By His Love For Handcuffs

    | Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Children, Parents & Guardians

    (A mother and her son walk up to my counter. The boy has a set of play handcuffs in his hands.)

    Boy: “Ooh!”

    Mother: “What are you doing?”

    Boy: “I just love handcuffs!”

    Mother: *to me* “I’m sorry; he’s just weird.”

    (I finish ringing them up. The mother buys her son the handcuffs.)

    Boy: “You just bought me handcuffs! Do you know how long I have waited for this day?! I love handcuffs!”

    Light Humor

    | VA, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (I’m taking my dad in for a cataract operation. The nurses are doing the prep work, and asking him questions.)

    Nurse: “So, are there any questions you have for me?”

    Dad: “So, what will I have to do during the procedure?”

    Nurse: “Just look at the light.”

    Dad: “Oh, look at the light, not go into the light. I’ll try not to mix that up.”

    At Least She Isn’t Dish(onest)

    | OH, USA | Sons & Daughters

    (My 15-year-old daughter has the dishwasher open, and is pulling dishes out. Normally she won’t put anything away unless she’s been told.)

    Me: “Did I tell you to put away the dishes?”

    Daughter: “No.”

    Me: “Well, thank you! That’s very sweet of you!”

    (She freezes and stares at me. I then notice there’s a pack of ramen on the counter, and the pan she uses for ramen is in the dishwasher.)

    Me: “Were you going to get out your ramen pan, and just shove the rest back into the dishwasher?”

    Daughter: “Well, I was. Now you’ve gone and made it all awkward!”

    They Learn Fast

    | Dallas, TX, USA | Children, Theme Of The Month

    (My husband is using alphabet shaped animal cookies to help our four-year-old son learn to spell. He has laid out a word; our son is sounding it out.)

    Dad: “Okay, what sound does the ‘M’ make?”

    Son: “M… il… k. Oh, ‘milk’!”

    Dad: “Great! And here’s a glass of milk!”

    (My husband produces a glass of milk for our son.)

    Son: “Oh! Daddy, spell ‘money’ next!”

    Spread My Wings And Die

    | Tampa, FL, USA | Parents & Guardians, Sons & Daughters

    (I am having a heart-to-heart with my dad.)

    Me: “I want to just move out, you know? Be on my own; spread my wings and fly!”

    Dad: “I understand. Just like a dodo bird overlooking a cliff…”

    Me: “Dad, dodo birds are extinct; they didn’t fly either.”

    Dad: “…and the cliff overlooks plains full of great white sharks that have developed a taste for dodo birds…”

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