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    Out-Of-Place Grace

    | NC, USA | Parents & Guardians, Siblings

    (I’m one of five kids, with most of us grown and in college/out of the house, so all of us being home at once is rare. Three of us are at home with my parents. We pray before each meal and whoever is praying prays for each of the people at the table, and then separately for the people who are gone. At this time my brother and Sister #2 are gone.)

    Mom: “Please bless [Dad], myself, [Sister #1], me, and [Sister #3]. And please be with [Sister #1] and [Brother] tonight. Amen.”

    Me: “You forgot [Sister #2]!”

    Mom: “What? No, I didn’t.”

    Sister #1: “Yes. You did.”

    Me: “You prayed for all of us, and then [Brother], and then [Sister #1] again!”

    Mom: “Did I?”

    Sister #1: “Yes!”

    Dad: “The oldest gets the double blessing.”

    Inconceivable Behavior

    | Italy | Children, Parents & Guardians

    (We have just found out my husband can’t have children, and that’s the reason we have been unable to conceive for almost two years. We are at my in-law’s house.)

    Me: “So, that’s pretty much it. We won’t be able to conceive without IVF.”

    Husband: “Yeah, it’s been pretty painful to find out.”

    Mother-In-Law: “Oh, guys. I’m so sorry.”

    Father-In-Law: “Well, when I wanted children, I got them right away!”

    Me: “…”

    Husband: “…”

    Mother-In-Law: “…”

    Father-In-Law: “What? That’s the truth! Not my fault he can’t even do his man job!”

    Thought For Food

    | CA, USA | Children, Parents & Guardians, Siblings

    (My seventh grade brother has been struggling to finish his homework, and my mom is getting increasingly frustrated.)

    Mom: “That’s it! No dinner until you’re done! You can finish and eat dinner, or you can eat your homework!”

    Brother: *stares at papers*

    (My mom had to rush over and physically stop my brother as he literally started to eat his homework!)

    The Apple Violently Falls Close To The Tree

    | Staffordshire, England, UK | Parents & Guardians

    (My dad and I both share a strange sense of humour, which mainly consists of us threatening each other with violence just for fun. On this occasion I’m sitting in my dad’s favourite armchair.)

    Dad: *sees that I’ve stolen his chair, glares at me, and whistles*

    Me: “I am not a dog.”

    Dad: “Off the chair! There’s a good girl. Woof, woof.”

    Me: “Woof. How are you going to make me?”

    Dad: *gestures to his bottle of vodka* “See this glass bottle here?”

    Mum: “Oi!”

    Dad: “Anyway, will you go and check the kitchen? See if there’s any soda in?”

    Me: “Do it yourself!”

    Dad: “You’ll do as you’re told.”

    Me: “Nah. Make me.”

    Dad: “I’ll hit you with the bottle.”

    Me: “I’ll hit you with the chair. Then I’ll knock your beer over.”

    Mum: “No, you won’t. You’ll have to clean it up!”

    Me: “Maybe I’ll just pour it out of the window. Purposely.”

    Dad: “Maybe I’ll stamp on your head. Purposely.”

    (My mum just sits there looking gradually more and more horrified.)

    In The Habit Of Wearing Nice Things

    | San Jose, CA, USA | Siblings, Teenagers

    (A couple of years ago my husband died, leaving me to raise our two sons by myself. Like most women I know I have some pretty ‘underthings.’ Since I don’t date I have them just for me. My older son, aged 13, sees one of my pretty bras sitting on my bed.)

    Son: “Why do you have a bra like that?”

    Me: “Because I want to. A lot of women have pretty underthings to make themselves feel good.”

    Son: “I don’t know why you have that. It’s not like anyone is ever going to see it!”

    Me: “Thank you for consigning me to the life of a nun.”

    Counting On Some Lip Service

    | MN, USA | Boyfriends & Girlfriends, Siblings

    (My boyfriend, my 25-year-old sister, and I are at the movies. We are let in early and there’s no one else there yet. My boyfriend kisses me. We eventually part our lips.)

    Sister: “17.”

    Me: “What?”

    Sister: “17. That’s how many seconds you two were kissing.”

    Me: “Are you going to count every time we kiss?”

    Sister: “No. I can’t count that high.”


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