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    That’s Not A Raisin In The Rum And Raisin

    | France | Parents & Guardians, Theme Of The Month

    (My brother and I are eating ice cream. My mum, sitting out enjoying the sun with us, sees a large fly on the table, and squishes it with a fork. Dad emerges from the caravan.)

    Dad: “Ooh, ice cream! Mine!”

    (Dad grabs the fly-splattered fork, and goes for my brother’s bowl.)

    Brother: “Don’t!”

    Me: “It’s all—”

    Mum: “Nooo!”

    (We’re too late. He manages to get a scoop and eats it. He grins at us, and then sees our faces.)

    Dad: “What?”

    Mum: “There was a fly on that.”

    Dad: “What?! Why didn’t you tell me?” *pauses* “Well that explains the taste.”

    Flippy Cup

    | Charlotte, NC, USA | Siblings

    (My sister has been the only one home for several days. When I go to get a cup from the cupboard, they are all flipped upside down.)

    Me: “Why are all the cups like this?”

    Sister: “I don’t know.”

    Me: “How could anyone else have done it? You didn’t have friends over, did you?”

    Sister: “No, I did it. I just don’t know why.”

    Being Grounded Is In The Cards

    | Borup, Denmark | Children, Sons & Daughters

    (My nine-year-old son walks up to me.)

    Son: “Mom, do you know why I love you so much?”

    (My heart is ready to burst.)

    Me: “No, sweetheart, why?”

    Son: “So it’s easier to beat you when we play cards!”

    Me: “…”

    Son: “Lucky in love; unlucky in cards!”

    They Understand What You Are Seine

    | Paris, France | Friends, Siblings, Top

    (My sister and I are American, but she lives in Paris. I barely speak any French, so she and her friends speak English when I visit. During my first visit, I am surprised at the way men harass us on the street.)

    Middle-Aged Man: *calls out to us in French*

    Me: “Was he speaking to us?”

    Sister: “It’s nothing; just ignore him.”

    Man’s Friend: *makes obviously rude comment*

    Me: “Did I do something to insult them?”

    Sister’s Friend: “No, they’re just being men.”

    (As the two men continue to jeer, I get increasingly uncomfortable. My sister sees this.)

    Sister: “Calm down. I’ll take care of this.”

    (She walks over, smiles, and speaks to them politely for a bit. They turn white, and almost run away.)

    Me: “What did you just say to them?”

    Sister: “I just asked them to stop being so rude, nothing major.”

    (I later ask my sister’s friend what everyone was saying. Here’s a rough translation:)

    Middle-Aged Man: “Hey gorgeous, come over here! Hey, do you even speak French?”

    Man’s Friend: “Just listen to them! Stupid Americans; probably can’t understand us.”

    Sister: “Listen, you inbred sons of syphilitic w*****. I don’t like the way you’re speaking to my baby sister. She may not understand you, but I can. And if you don’t stop, I will gladly cut off your pathetic excuses for manhood, and feed them to the pigeons. Okay?”

    (I love my sister.)

    Free-Range Thinking

    | Wales, UK | Children, Sons & Daughters

    (It’s quite late, and I’m in bed reading before I go to sleep. My 12-year-old daughter gets up to go to the toilet. As she wanders sleepily across the landing, I can hear her singing.)

    Daughter: “I wish I was a chicken; I would be awesome, and eat soooooooup.”

    (She goes back to bed, and I am left wondering what exactly it is that I have unleashed on an unsuspecting world.)


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