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  • Take Back That Thought
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  • August's Theme Of The Month: Best. Family Member. Ever!

    Coaching In Parenting

    | Geneva, Switzerland | Sons & Daughters

    (My four-year-old son has just started a week of soccer camp. He wants me to come watch him play.)

    Son: “Come on, Mama. I love YOU more than the coach!”

    Unsafe Word

    | New Zealand | Nephews & Nieces, Parents & Guardians

    (My nephew is five and learning how to read. His reading homework is to read a book about a baby hippo, which he is reading to my mum.)

    Nephew: “Baby hippo is asleep on mother hippo’s back. Baby hippo is…” *he pauses while trying to work out the word* “…f***ed?”

    Mum:Safe! Baby hippo is safe!”

    The Driver From U.N.C.L.E.

    | San Francisco, CA, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (My family and several sets of aunts/uncles/cousins are in California for a family reunion. One of my uncles is an infamously bad driver — his wife had been terrified of driving, but was convinced to get a license herself because she was afraid he would get into an accident and kill her children. One morning, we have all agreed to meet up at the nursing home where my grandmother lives.)

    Dad: *pointing to a car in front of us that’s driving really badly* “I bet that’s your uncle!”

    (The car parks, badly, in front of the nursing home, and the driver gets out.)

    Me: “Wait, that… Oh, my god, that actually IS [Uncle].”

    (This happened three separate times during that trip.)

    Tabling That Argument

    | ON, Canada | Siblings

    (Four of us go to a restaurant. My sister goes to find a seat while we get food. We find her at a weird spot… in the middle of everything with other tables attached.)

    Me: “Why did you pick this spot? There are other empty seats everywhere else.”

    Sister: “I looked at it; it looked at me… We fell in love. That’s why we are here.”

    Me: “…How does a table look at you?”

    Sister: “I never said it looked at me. I said, ‘I looked at it; it looked at…’ Damn it.”

    Take Back That Thought

    | Belgium | Nephews & Nieces, Parents & Guardians

    (I’m visiting my mother, who’s looking after my sister’s six-year-old daughter. My cousin had a baby the year before.)

    Mom: “Did you hear? [Cousin] is going to have another baby.”

    (My niece looks up in a state of shock and horror.)

    Me: “No, [Niece], she’s having a second baby. She’s not trading in the first one.”

    Niece: *sigh of relief*

    Toying With The Pets

    | Carmel, IN, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (We recently got a new dog. With only one toy which was quickly falling apart, we decided to buy her new toys.)

    Me: “She likes to tug, so a genuine tug-of-war rope would be good.”

    Mom: “Agreed.”

    Me: “Also, a squeaky toy for her to chew when she’s home alone.”

    Mom: “That sounds good.”

    (The next weekend, my mom goes to the pet store while grocery shopping. When she returns…)

    Mom: “Look what I got!”

    (She hands me two toys: a strangely shaped squeaky toy, and a light blue thing that looks like something VERY inappropriate.)

    Me: “Uh… I said a tug-of-war rope.”

    Mom: “I know, but those are expensive. And look! The blue one lights up!”

    (I opened the toys while she went to get the groceries. Predictably, the dog was wary of them and circled both toys before backing away as if they were evil. A month later, she still doesn’t like either one and will dodge if you throw the light-up one. Also, everyone but mom has noticed that toy’s resemblance to inappropriate toys, right off the bat.)


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