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    Precious Pew

    | Oklahoma City, OK, USA | Friends, Sons & Daughters

    Friend: “Oh, how cute!”

    Wife: “What?”

    Friend: “Your daughter said, ‘Excuse me, I tooted.’ How precious.”

    (Pause…)

    Friend: *cough* “Oh, dear Lord! No longer precious! Ack!”

    Go With Definition Number Two

    | TN, USA | Siblings

    (My 18-year-old brother and I are at home one evening when we have one of our odd, random conversations.)

    Brother: “Hey, sis, what does ‘endure’ mean? Does it mean to tough something out?”

    Me: “Not exactly. It’s more like having to bear something.”

    Brother: “Okay, for example, I have to poop. Does that mean I’m enduring my poop?”

    Me: “Not exactly. You’re withholding your poop. It would be more accurate to say that you are enduring the sensation of having to poop.”

    Brother: “Cool… I’ll be right back.”

    (Then he ran off to the bathroom.)

    The ‘Squee’ing Dead

    | USA | Parents & Guardians, Siblings

    (I’m watching the newest episode of a popular zombie-themed television show with my mom and sister. After several episodes of separation, the fan-preferred couple are finally reunited again and hug each other.)

    Me: “Woah! Did you hear that?”

    Mom: “Hear what?”

    Me: Oh, you can’t tell me you didn’t hear that! I think everyone around the world just heard that!”

    Sister: “Oh! I think I heard it! It was like a high pitched ‘squeeee,’ right?”

    Me: “Fangirls all over the world just squee’d all at the same time!”

    (Suddenly there’s a pop in the street from some kids playing with firecrackers.)

    Mom: “Well, I didn’t hear the squee, but it sounds like someone’s ovaries are exploding.”

    Don’t Say Otherwise Or There Will Be A Bibbidi Bobbidi Boo-Hoo

    | Australia | Godparents & Godchildren

    (When I was little, I fully grasped the concept of a godparent. I didn’t exactly have a vivid imagination. My sister, however, was the kind of kid who threw a fit when she was first told Santa wasn’t real, for instance. She’s three and I’m five.)

    Mum: “[Sister], this is your godmother.”

    Godmother: “Hi!”

    Sister: *wide eyes* “My fairy godmother?”

    Me: “No—”

    Mum: “Sure, sweetie.”

    Sister: “I HAVE A FAIRY GODMOTHER!” *runs to godmother*

    (I think she figured it out about four years later, but to this day she calls the woman her ‘fairy godmother.’)

    The Kick Is The Kicker

    | Canada | Cousins, Siblings

    (I’m playing basement hide-and-seek in the dark with my cousins and my brother. Everyone has been found except for me. This is what I hear from my hiding spot:)

    Cousin: “Where is she? I feel like she’s hiding somewhere in this pile.”

    Brother: “So kick it until she comes out.”

    Cousin: “That’s a terrible thing to do!” *pauses* “I say, as I do it anyway…”


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