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    Step Two, Son


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    Chekhov’s Phaser

    | OK, USA | Siblings

    (I’m hanging out with my sister and we’re watching ‘Star Trek.’)

    Me: “You know, for the longest time I thought the term ‘Chekhov’s Gun’ came from Star Trek.”

    Sister: “…You mean it’s not?”

    Be A Man, Woman!

    | USA | Children, Siblings

    (I’m a geeky and very tomboyish teenager, which my family despises, since they think girls shouldn’t act like boys. I’m talking to my younger sister, who’s very girlish, while listening to music. While we’re chatting, the song changes to ‘I’ll Make a Man Out of You’ from ‘Mulan.’)

    Me: *sings along* “Be a man! You must be swift as a coursing river! Be a man! With all the force of a great typhoon!”

    (I proceed to imitate the martial arts done in the song from the movie, but wind up accidentally hitting my sister lightly on the arm.)

    Sister: “OW! Oh, my god, you, like, broke my arm!”

    Me: “Dude, you’re fine.” *jokingly* “Be a man!”

    Sister: “I’m a girl, not a man, and that means that I get hurt more easily, so I can complain as much as I want.”

    Me: *changing the lyrics* “You’re not suited for the rage of fun; so shut up, sit down, you’re through! How could I make a man out of you?”

    Sister: “I DON’T WANNA BE A MAN!”

    Me: “What is so wrong with being manly?!”

    Sister: “Girls aren’t allowed to be manly!”

    A Forgetful Feeder

    | Australia | Friends, Parents & Guardians, Siblings

    (I’ve been best friends with the same girl for most of our lives so we’re both pretty comfortable with each other’s families. I’ve gone over to her house to drop off a present for her younger sister who got an incredible mark in her HSC. As the three of us are watching TV their mum sits down to talk with us.)

    Their Mum: “Were you having dinner here?”

    Me: “Oh no, I’ll be going home. My grandparents are visiting.”

    Their Mum: “What about you, [Best Friend]? Are you staying for dinner?”

    Friend: “No, mum, I’m having dinner with friends.

    Their Mum: “Oh, is [My Name] going, too?”

    Friend’s Sister: “No, mum, she just said she was having dinner at home.”

    Their Mum: “Oh, okay.”

    (A bit of time goes past and my friend and I are talking about leaving.)

    Their Mum: “Oh, [Best Friend], do you want to eat before you go?”

    Friend: “No, mum, I just said I was going out for dinner.”

    Their Mum: “Okay, but what about your friend?”

    Friend’s Sister: “No, mum, she’s going home for dinner.”

    (A little more time passes and it’s getting around dinner time. My friend and I are getting up to leave.)

    Their Mum: “[Best Friend], so you’re not having dinner?”

    Friend: “No, mum. I’m having dinner with my friends.”

    Their Mum: “Yeah, okay, but [My Name], you’re staying?”

    Friend’s Sister: *after a slight pause* “No, mum… I think she’s going to leave with [Best Friend].”

    Their Mum: “Okay, but do you want something to eat before you go?”

    No Cur For This Trauma

    | NY, USA | Parents & Guardians, Pets & Animals

    (I walk into my room to find my stuffed dog on my pillow, ‘holding’ a book.)

    Me: “Mom, why is my dog reading a book?”

    Mom: “I just wanted to make you laugh!”

    Me: “You turned it to the part about shooting a mad dog and gave it to my dog! She’s traumatized!”

    Mom: *laughing uncontrollably* “It was honestly an accident! I swear!”

    Me: “Traumatized, Mom!”

    Crazy Hair Day


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