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    A Disquieting Interruption

    | WV, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (I’m in the living room, writing a piece of fiction at the computer when my mother comes in with a bag of garbage.)

    Mom: *whispering* “[My Name], would you open the door for me?”

    Me: *whispering back* “Okay, but why are you whispering?”

    Mom: “I was afraid you’d moan at me if I interrupted you to get up and help me.”

    Me: “And whispering it makes it less of an interruption?”

    Unsettling Business

    | Palo Alto, CA, USA | Children, Parents & Guardians

    (I am three years old. My mother has just come back from a business trip. My father warns her that I did not take her absence well. She walks into the living room to find Barbie with her arms and legs missing, stuck inside a wooden toy cabin.)

    Mom: “What is this?”

    Me: “It’s a mommy who can’t leave!”

    (She didn’t go on business trips for a long time after that.)

    Losing Your Religions

    | Ft. Worth, TX, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (I am about 10 years old. It’s almost Easter, and I mention the Easter bunny.)

    Dad: “I have to tell you something about the Easter bunny. He’s not real. Parents make that kind of thing up.”

    (I hang my head, thinking about what he just said.)

    Me: “So… Santa, and the tooth fairy too?”

    Dad: “Yeah.”

    Me: “And God?”

    Dad: *laughs* “You have to figure that one out for yourself.”

    Mom And Dad Are Too Happy For You

    | TX, USA | Boyfriends & Girlfriends, Parents & Guardians, Theme Of The Month

    (My boyfriend and I have known each other for over 10 years, but have only been dating for a few. He met my parents before and they were friendly, but this occurred after we announced that we were dating. My parents love to embarrass new boyfriends as a test to see if they’ll stick around and fit in well.)

    Me: “So… [Boyfriend] and I are dating now.”

    Mom: “Really!? Finally! Now we can have some fun.”

    Dad: “Yeah! We get to have the talk!”

    Boyfriend: “Uh… the talk?”

    Dad: *suddenly serious* “I know my daughter is not as innocent as she tries to appear. [Boyfriend], do you make her happy?”

    (My boyfriend, having not seen this side of my parents, doesn’t seem to understand.)

    Boyfriend: “Well, we’re dating, so I hope so…”

    Dad: “No, no. Do you make her happy?!” *he adds elaborate air quotes to emphasize his point*

    (My boyfriend still appears clueless.)

    Mom: “D*****, [Boyfriend]! Are you good in bed?”

    (My boyfriend turned bright red and couldn’t respond. He stuck around, so he passed the test, but my parents have made it a game to pick on him regularly and try to make him blush.)

    The Undiscovered Beverage

    | SC, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (I pour a Mountain Dew Baja Blast (which is blue) into a glass and sit down in the living room.)

    Mom: “That looks like Romulan Ale!”

    Dad: “Isn’t Romulan Ale illegal?”

    Me: “Not in this house, apparently.”

    Dad: *nods* “You’ll find there are perks to being so far from the Federation.”

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