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    As Cold As Ice

    | Hampshire, England, UK | Parents & Guardians

    (My family and I are watching the Winter Olympics. The ice hockey preview comes on and we all wince at how brutal it is.)

    Me: “What I find funny is that it’s Canada’s national sport and Canada is, like, the most polite country in the world.”

    Dad: *darkly* “Not when they’re on the ice…”

    Bad Doll Models

    | Austria | Children, Friends, Parents & Guardians, Sons & Daughters

    (I am eight years old. It’s Christmas time. Note that my parents always made a point of raising us gender-neutral. Also note that I spent the weekend watching an ‘Alaskan Gold Rush Special’ with my grandmother. My mom’s best friend gives us a gift of Barbie dolls and accessories.)

    Mom: “Did it have to be Barbies? They are such a bad example for little girls.”

    Friend: “But Barbie always has a job. There is even a pilot Barbie.”

    Mom: “All right…  So, girls, what job do your Barbies have?”

    Five-Year-Old Sister: “She is a princess!”

    Me: “Mine is a gold-digger!”

    (Mom snatches the dolls away from us, growling.)

    Not Just The Cake That’s Lying

    | TX, USA | Children, Sons & Daughters

    (I’ve been trying to add more veggies to my children’s diet and have the idea of shredding zucchini into long strands and mixing it with their spaghetti. My youngest is not amused.)

    Child: “Mom, this spaghetti is a lie.”

    The Cake Is A Lie, Part 4
    The Cake Is A Lie, Part 3
    The Cake Is A Lie, Part 2

    A Death In The Family

    | Beaverton, OR, USA | Children, Siblings, Themed Giveaway

    (My little sister is two at the time and playing with some dolls on the floor.)

    Sister: “Once upon a time there was a guy who killed someone.”

    (I didn’t know whether to be amused or worried!)

    Getting Goosebumps For Real

    | CA, USA | Children, Sons & Daughters

    (My third grader is telling her friend about the Goosebumps series books she’s reading.)

    Daughter: “It’s called The Whore at Camp Jellyjam.”

    Me: “What!?”

    Daughter:The Whore at Camp Jellyjam.”

    Me: “No, wait. The whore?”

    Daughter: “Yes, whore.”

    Me: “Umm, can you spell it?”

    Daughter: “J-E-L-L…”

    Me: “No, spell whore.”

    Daughter: “H-O-R-R-O-R.”

    Me: “Oh!”

    (I breathed a sigh of relief, and followed with a pronunciation lecture.)

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