(My brothers and I are in the kitchen talking. Our mom is cooking dinner. Our dad walks in and gives a big kiss to our mom.)

Brother: “Ew! Get a room, you two!”

Dad: “I bought the house. You get a room!”

(He proceeds to kiss my mom again.)

Dad: “Mwahahaha! Being an adult is awesome!”

(My husband and I have been married for 16 years. We are sitting talking with our two teenage children, reminiscing about how we got together.)

Me: “We were living together for a few months, but then we broke up.”

Daughter: *confused* “So, wait. Did you get back together?”

(My family and I all go out to eat at one of our favorite Italian restaurants. My little cousin is about 5 and is usually pretty rambunctious, but tonight she is being fairly good.)

Aunt: *to little cousin* “How was your day today?”

Cousin: “It was a yellow day. That means it was only satisfactory.”

(Her school behavior chart is like a red light. Green being really good, red being bad!)

(My sister is three and I am five. She has become very afraid of monsters under her bed. My father is in the room, trying to soothe her.)

Dad: “There are no monsters under your bed. Monsters aren’t real. Here, I’ll show you.”

(He proceeds to pick up the bed-skirt, and then SCREAMS and pulls himself under the bed, as if he is being dragged under. My mother comes upstairs to find him lying on the floor laughing, me laughing, and my sister in my bed, where she had leapt across the room, from bed to bed, without touching the floor. Mom has never forgiven us.)

(I’m about 14 years old, and talking about my best friend to my mum. My mum is just under 5 feet tall, adorable, inoffensive and a teacher by profession.)

Me: “She’s started using all this American slang recently, like instead of saying ‘I’m rubbish’ or something, she says ‘I suck majorly’.”

Mum: “Lucky Major Lee.”

Me: *shocked* “Mum!”