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    This One Is Going To Be A Lawyer

    | London, England, UK | Children, Siblings, Top

    (My dad, little sister and I are walking down the street. I am 12 and she has just turned two, and has started to speak in single words.)

    Sister: *reaching up arms towards Dad* “Carry!”

    Dad: “Daddy’s arms are tired, honey. We’re very nearly home. Can you just walk the rest of the way?”

    (My sister scowls for a moment, then her face clears.)

    Sister: *reaching arms up again* “Hug!”

    (My Dad of course obliges, picking her up for a hug.)

    Sister: “Walk.”

    Spite And Bite The Finger In Your Face

    | LA, USA | Parents & Guardians, Siblings, Top

    (I have to glance up about every five minutes when reading in the car or I get car-sick. My older brother has stretched his arm across our younger sister and has his finger positioned so that it is right in my face when I glance up.)

    Sister: “Stop it, [Brother]! Get your arm out of my face!”

    Me: *as I start reading again* “Get your hand out of my face.”

    Brother: “My hand’s not in your face! It’s free air!”

    Mom: “Cut it out, [Brother], or I’m going to duct tape your arms to your sides.”

    (He drops his arm but as soon as I glance up again he puts his finger in my face so I lurch forward and bite it.)

    Brother: *yelps* “OW! OW! Mama! [My name] is biting me! She’s gonna bite my finger off!”

    (I clamp down harder for good measure then let go.)

    Brother: *incredulous* “You were just gonna let her bite it off!?”

    Dad: “If that’s what it takes to make you stop antagonizing your sister, yes.”

    Just Soldiered On Through That Little Lie

    | UK | Boyfriends & Girlfriends, Parents & Guardians, Sons & Daughters, Themed Giveaway, Top

    (I met my husband when we were both in our mid-20s and he was in the military, living in an all-male dormitory. Fast forward 10 years, and I’m chatting with my mother about when I used to go visit him.)

    Me: “… and the bed was so small we could barely fit.”

    Mother: “But, you used to sleep in the visitors room. Didn’t you?”

    Me: “What?”

    Mother: “When you visited, you told me he stayed in his room and you slept in a room set aside especially for visitors.”

    Me: “And you BELIEVED me?”

    His Brain Has A Mind Of Its Own

    | Columbus, OH, USA | Children, Grandchildren, Top

    (Our grandson and us are attending a game fair. One of the vendors hands out foam zombie brains. We manage to get two for our grandson. Apparently, the brain is a bit hard for a five-year-old to hold onto, because we have to keep chasing it down. We are walking in the neighborhood when our grandson again fumbles the brain. We get quite a few stares when he wails:)

    Grandson: “Oh no! I’ve lost my mind!”

    The Birds And The Bibles

    | Cork, Ireland | Children, Top

    (I’m an au pair in Ireland. I’m bringing the six-year-old girl I’m minding to bed. Earlier that day I told her about a friend of mine who just had a baby. The family is very religious.)

    Child: “So, do you have babies?”

    Me: *not thinking* “No, I’ve been careful.”

    Child: “What do you mean?”

    Me: “Well you know, when a man and a woman— Wait. Do you know where the babies come from?”

    Child: “Yes. God puts babies in mummy’s tummy.”

    Me: *panicking* “Um, well… I don’t have babies because I told God that I didn’t want any.”


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