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    Category: Spouses & Partners

    The Cup Is Full Of Half Truths

    | UK | Children, Sons & Daughters, Spouses & Partners

    (This happened one night at dinner, when our son was a toddler.)

    Me: *passing our son his cup* “Here, [Son], your cup is half full.” *pause to think about that* “That’s quite optimistic, isn’t it?”

    Husband: “I always think that saying is backwards.”

    Me: “How’s that, then?”

    Husband: “Well, an optimist expects the cup to be full, so, when it isn’t, he thinks of it as half empty. A pessimist expects the cup to be empty, so, when it isn’t, he thinks of it as half full.”

    (Slight pause…)

    Me: ‘[Son], here is a cup containing approximately equal volumes of fluid and air. Feel free to impute it with whatever life philosophy you wish.”

    The True Sauce Of Your Upset

    | Petaluma, CA, USA | Children, Sons & Daughters, Spouses & Partners

    (My nine-year-old used to put ketchup on everything but lately her new obsession is barbecue sauce.)

    Husband: “What do you want for dinner tonight?”

    Me: “Oh, I don’t know, maybe I’ll just nibble on [Daughter]’s ears.”

    Daughter: “Humph.”

    Husband: “We could coat them in cornmeal and fry them up.”

    Me: “Mmmmm… and eat them with barbecue sauce.”

    Daughter: “Hey! That’s MY barbecue sauce!”

    Me: “THIS is what you object to?”

    Daughter: “Yeah…”

    An Elegant Move For A More Civilized Game

    | Spanish Fork, UT, USA | Spouses & Partners, Theme Of The Month

    (My husband and I are playing ‘Farkle,’ a popular dice-rolling game. I used to play several ‘Star Wars’ video games and we are both fans of the original ‘Star Wars’ movies.)

    Husband: *does a Jedi hand wave as I roll the dice*

    Me: “Hey, you force-rolled the dice! Cheater!”

    Acting Like A Little Princess, Part 2

    | NY, USA | Children, Sons & Daughters, Spouses & Partners

    (My daughter is about seven years old. It’s October 1st and I ask her what she wants to be for Halloween.)

    Daughter: “I wanna be a princess!”

    Me: “Okay, which one?”

    Daughter: “The prettiest one.”

    Me: *guessing* “Snow White?”

    Daughter: “Mom! I’m too pretty to be Snow White!”

    (My husband, who has been listening quietly up to this point, chimes in.)

    Husband: “What?! Snow White is the fairest of them all! Did you even watch the movie?”

    Daughter: “Yeah, but she had ugly hair.”

    Husband: “It was fashionable at the time.”

    Daughter: “The time was stupid, then! Everyone had ugly hair!”

    Husband: “How do you know?”

    Daughter: “Because Snow White had ugly hair, Daddy! I have pretty hair. I’m too pretty to be Snow White.”

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    Acting Like A Little Princess

    Relatives Are Relatively Stupid

    | Australia | Siblings, Spouses & Partners

    (My husband is a LAN administrator for a large telecommunications company. Both of our families know this and expect him to work on their computers with little or no notice. The phone rings at 2 am. We both jump, thinking a call at this time of night can only mean bad news. I get to the phone first. It’s my sister.)

    Me: “What’s wrong?”

    Sister: “Is [Husband] there?”

    (I hand the phone to my husband.)

    Husband: “Hello, [Sister]. What’s wrong?… No, I can’t come over right now. It’s 2 am… I’ll be over some time in the morning. Bye.” *hangs up*

    Me: “What was that about?”

    Husband: “She got a new printer and it won’t work. She wanted me to come over now and fix it.”

    Me: “What did she say when you mentioned the time?”

    Husband: “That she knew we would be up.”

    (The next morning he drives to her place to look at the printer. When he gets home I ask him what the problem was.)

    Husband: “Some people should be banned from having computers.”

    Me: “Why?”

    Husband: “The printer cable was plugged into the computer and then the other end was plugged into another socket next to it.”

    Me: “Both ends were plugged into the computer?”

    Husband: “Yeah. She couldn’t work out why it wouldn’t work.”


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