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    Category: Spouses & Partners

    Doesn’t Stand The Test Of Time

    | Tampa, FL, USA | Siblings, Spouses & Partners

    (This happens randomly over dinner.)

    Fiancé: “What do we want? Time travel! When do we want it?”

    Fiancé & Me: *in unison* “IT’S IRRELEVANT!”

    Fiancé’s Sister: “What is that from?”

    Me: “The internet.”

    Intelligence Is Not In The House

    | Europe | Spouses & Partners

    (My husband is an avid reader of P.G. Wodehouse. Recently he has been watching the ‘Jeeves & Wooster’ series and he’s checking something about the actors on Wikipedia. None of us watches much television, but I’m particularly out of touch with anything TV-related.)

    Husband: “Okay. So, Hugh Laurie has been in Blackadder, then in…”

    Me: *as he scrolls down the page* “Whoa, he looks just like Dr. House in this one!”

    Husband: “He does, huh? Must be because he’s been playing Dr. House for eight years…”

    Trash Talking

    | McKinney, TX, USA | In-Laws, Parents & Guardians, Spouses & Partners

    (I’ve returned home from work. My wife and mother-in-law are in the kitchen.)

    Wife: “Thank goodness you’re home. The trash has needed to be emptied since morning.”

    Me: “I’m so sorry to hear that. How are you feeling? Is everything okay?”

    Wife: *confused* “Huh? What are you talking about?”

    Me: “Your arms and legs. They must be broken if you couldn’t take out the trash yourself. Are you okay?”

    (My mother-in-law grabs the counter to hold herself up while laughing.)

    Wife: *pausing* “Okay, I deserve that one.”

    Enough Labor Of Love

    | Milford, DE, USA | Parents & Guardians, Spouses & Partners

    (My dad is telling a story about when my older brother was born, then when I was born. Both discussions happen within minutes of my mother being handed her newborn baby. My dad is fussing over his firstborn child and it’s obvious that new-dad excitement is taking hold.)

    Dad: “Hey, you wanna do this again?”

    Mom: “Not right now. We are not raising two kids that close in age.”

    (A day shy of two years later, I was born and my dad’s grinning and cooing over me while my mom holds me. For the second time; my mother has gone through back labor, which involves multiple pinched nerves in the back during the labor and delivery.)

    Dad: “Hey, you wanna do this again?”

    Mom: “Are you out of your godd*** mind? I am NOT going through back labor again. I’m getting my f****** tubes tied!”

    The Country’s Number Two Priority

    | IL, USA | Children, Sons & Daughters, Spouses & Partners

    (While cleaning the bathroom I close the door to mop that area. The phone rings. Before I can get to it, my four-year-old answers.)

    Four-Year-Old: “She can’t talk. She’s pooping.”

    (Horrified, I grab the phone. I was so relieved that it was my husband – until he told me that the president was visiting his work site and, for security reasons, the FBI was listening in on and recording employee phone calls.)

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