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    Category: Spouses & Partners

    Finally Got It Together About A Get Together

    | Sydney, NSW, Australia | In-Laws, Spouses & Partners

    (My husband and I have noticed that we rarely get invites to his family get-togethers. We usually find out after the fact, when one of his step siblings rings to ask why we weren’t there.)

    Husband: “[Step Mum] called today, to tell us about a party at [Sister]’s place.”

    Me: “When is it?”

    Husband:  ”Tomorrow”

    Me:  ”It’s unusual for her to remember to call us.”

    Husband:  ”Yeah, it’s probably only because they need a lift.”

    A Weighty Statement

    | Romania | In-Laws, Parents & Guardians, Spouses & Partners

    (Me, my husband, his mother, and our eight-year-old son are sitting at a table dining. Our son is unhappy about losing a toy and we try to comfort him in a pretty traditional way…)

    Mother-In-Law: “Don’t be sad, Sometimes losing things means they made space for something else in your life…”

    Husband: “Yes, and losing is sometimes good, and it makes you happy!”

    Me: “For instance, when you lose some weight!”

    Mother-In-Law: *not listening* “…and maybe someone else finds what you lost and is happy to have it.”

    (Everyone burst out laughing leaving my mother-in-law confused.)

    Mom Isn’t Down For The Count

    | Prince George, BC, Canada | Children, Sons & Daughters, Spouses & Partners

    (When this happens, I’m two years old, my sister is four, and my brother is about six months. My mom greets Dad at the back door as he comes home from work, which usually means we’ve been absolute terrors and she’s waiting to tag out.)

    Mom: “You know, you’re a lucky man.”

    Dad: “Okay…”

    Mom: “You have three beautiful children.”

    Dad: “Yeah…”

    Mom: “And even after today, you still have three children!”

    Dad: “‘Still’?”

    Mom: “I tried to sell two of them to the circus but they wouldn’t take them, so ‘still’.”

    Dad: *asking what is obviously the most important question in this circumstance* “Which two?”

    Mom: *glaring* “Your son is six months old. He doesn’t refuse lunch, run around the house, scream my name all day, pull everything out of the cupboards, or throw things at his sisters. He also goes down for a nap without a fuss. Which two do you *think* I tried to sell!?”

    The Cup Is Full Of Half Truths

    | UK | Children, Sons & Daughters, Spouses & Partners

    (This happened one night at dinner, when our son was a toddler.)

    Me: *passing our son his cup* “Here, [Son], your cup is half full.” *pause to think about that* “That’s quite optimistic, isn’t it?”

    Husband: “I always think that saying is backwards.”

    Me: “How’s that, then?”

    Husband: “Well, an optimist expects the cup to be full, so, when it isn’t, he thinks of it as half empty. A pessimist expects the cup to be empty, so, when it isn’t, he thinks of it as half full.”

    (Slight pause…)

    Me: ‘[Son], here is a cup containing approximately equal volumes of fluid and air. Feel free to impute it with whatever life philosophy you wish.”

    The True Sauce Of Your Upset

    | Petaluma, CA, USA | Children, Sons & Daughters, Spouses & Partners

    (My nine-year-old used to put ketchup on everything but lately her new obsession is barbecue sauce.)

    Husband: “What do you want for dinner tonight?”

    Me: “Oh, I don’t know, maybe I’ll just nibble on [Daughter]’s ears.”

    Daughter: “Humph.”

    Husband: “We could coat them in cornmeal and fry them up.”

    Me: “Mmmmm… and eat them with barbecue sauce.”

    Daughter: “Hey! That’s MY barbecue sauce!”

    Me: “THIS is what you object to?”

    Daughter: “Yeah…”

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