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Category: Spouses & Partners

A Royal Pardon

| Halifax, VA, USA | Sons & Daughters, Spouses & Partners

(My husband and I are at home with our four-year-old son. He grabs a roll of duct tape and places it on the top of his head.)

Son: “I’m a princess! I’m a QUEEN!”

Husband: “No, buddy, you’re a KING!”

Me: “Hey, don’t tell him he can’t be a queen!”

Husband: *matter-of-factly* “But men are kings and women are queens. That’s just the way it works.”

Me: “I don’t know; I know plenty of men who are queens…”

Husband: *starts to say something, then just shakes his head and laughs*

When Dark Cherry Goes Very Dark

| AB, Canada | Children, Sons & Daughters, Spouses & Partners

(We had just bought a bunch of single serving yoghurts of different flavours, getting four of each flavour, meaning each one of us would get one of each flavour. I’m not a big fan of blueberry.)

Me: *to wife and son* “Anyone want an extra blueberry in exchange for another flavour?”

Son: “No.”

Wife: “No.”

(I go see my 13-year-old daughter in another room in the house.)

Me: “Would you like an extra blueberry in exchange for another flavor?”

Daughter: “Okay, you can have the dark cherry one.”

(I return to my wife.)

Me: “Okay, it’s agreed, [Daughter]’s cherry is mine.”

(Both my wife and I realized what I had said, and were mortified.)

Son: “What’s wrong? What did you say?”

Wife & Me: “NEVER MIND!”

A Knuckle Sandwich

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | Nephews & Nieces, Siblings, Spouses & Partners

(My wife and I have my family over and we are discussing how my young niece and nephew recently lost some teeth.)

Wife: “Oh, [Niece], you’ve lost one of your teeth!”

Niece: *big proud grin*

My Brother: “Yeah, it happened not long ago. [Nephew] had one come out, too. I accidentally hit in him with my elbow and it dropped out.”

Nephew: “Yeah, when my teeth come out, it’s always because of sandwiches or violence!

Hiding The Meaning Of Being Mean

| Oklahoma City, OK, USA | Sons & Daughters, Spouses & Partners

(It has been a long day of cleaning, furniture moving, and re-arranging everything in our living room to make it where we can see and interact with each other. Due to the kids’ whining and complaining, we’ve had problems with them not only getting on our nerves, but keeping them from harassing each other. Now dinner is done and the kids are lying happily on the floor watching TV while we sit behind them on the sofa and chair.)

Wife: “Well, I think this is really good. We might see a change in how we relate to each other now that we can see each other.” *with a look towards our kids* “Perhaps we’ll be nicer with each other, too. What do you think?”

Me: “Well…” *I give her a mock anger face and then flash the finger at her*

Wife: “I can’t believe you did that!” *laughs in disbelief*

Son and Daughter: “What? What?”

Me: “I made a stupid angry face at her.”

Wife: *once the kids aren’t looking, shoots the finger back at me*

(We spent about twenty minutes trying not to laugh while we kept being ‘mean’ to each other and not being seen by the kids.)

Barbie: The Next Generation

| UT, USA | In-Laws, Spouses & Partners

(My husband and I are discussing our baby’s new habit of pulling my hair while he falls asleep.)

Me: “I just wish there was something I could give him that feels like hair.”

Husband: *adamantly* “You cannot give our son dolls.”

(Fast forward a couple weeks. We’re visiting my in-laws, and my husband’s childhood comes up.)

Mother-In-Law: “When he was three or four, all [Husband] wanted for his birthday was Barbie dolls. So, that’s what we gave him.”

(It was really hard not to rub that in his face!)

Hunger Makes You A Different Person

| MT, USA | Sons & Daughters, Spouses & Partners

(My husband, son, and I have just walked into a restaurant that calls out names over the speaker when their food is ready.)

Voiceover Speaker: “Lindsay, your order is ready. Lindsay!”

Husband: “Quick! Go be Lindsay!”


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