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    Category: Spouses & Partners

    Not-So-Smart-Phone, Part 6

    | Sapulpa, OK USA | Spouses & Partners

    (I’m disabled and walk with a great deal of difficulty. I’d just gotten my chair loaded and go to get into the driver’s seat of my van when I realize I’ve forgotten my cell phone in the house. Not wanting to unload my chair, I hobble my way back into the house. I see my wife coming out of the bedroom.)

    Wife: “Oh! You’re back. What did you forget?”

    Me: “I forgot my cell phone.”

    Wife: “Well, you didn’t need to hurt yourself coming back in. You should have just texted me. I would have brought it out to you.”

    Me: “…”

    Wife: “What?”

    Me: “I want you to think about what you just said.”

    Wife: “Oh… well, I haven’t had my coffee yet.” *laughing* “Go to work!”

    Not-So-Smart-Phone, Part 5
    Not-So-Smart-Phone, Part 4
    Not-So-Smart-Phone, Part 3

    Time To Shelve This Elf Behavior

    | MN, USA | Sons & Daughters, Spouses & Partners

    (My son has a shelf-elf he named Freddie, much to my husband’s dismay, though it is a joint effort to move him as necessary every night. Last December, “Freddie” made treats, including nutella-filled croissants. It is now the day before Easter, and I have a handful of family members to feed, so I make the croissants as a treat. My son, while grabbing his second, gets excited.)

    Son: “These are what Freddie made for me!”

    Me: “Yup! He knew you liked them so much that he taught me how to make them, too.”

    Husband: *glaring at me and muttering under his breath* “Christmas is behind us!”

    Making A Very Sharp Point

    | UT, USA | Spouses & Partners

    (My husband takes lunch to work most days, and keeps disposable utensils in his desk.)

    Husband: “Sweetie, I need more silverware, but no more knives. I have like a hundred knives.”

    Me: “That’s a lot of knives. You could kill a lot of people with those knives.”

    Husband: “Yeah, like everyone at work. Not just the people in my office, but everyone in my whole building. That’s how many knives I have.”

    Trying On Some New Colors

    | Doylestown PA, USA | Children, Spouses & Partners

    (My 12-year-old has downloaded a coloring app and is begging for an expansion pack that will give her more colors, patterns and pictures. I’m reluctant, as it’s fairly expensive for an app, but recall that she has a gift card from the holidays. Buying the expansion requires the security code from my husband’s credit card, and he’s out of state on a business trip. A few days later, I’m explaining to him why I texted him for the security code while he was in a business meeting.)

    Husband: “Did you look at that coloring app? It’s horrible, it’s designed for three-year-olds!”

    Me: “Well, [Daughter] seems to be having fun with it. The only thing she’s complained about is being unable to color in teeth in the pictures.”

    Husband: “Oh, the alien picture? I couldn’t color in his teeth either!”

    Two For The Price Of One

    | Buffalo, NY, USA | Parents & Guardians, Sons & Daughters, Spouses & Partners

    (My mother, sister, husband and I are at the doctor’s office for my first ultrasound after finding out that I am pregnant with my first pregnancy. The doctor places ultrasound transducer on abdomen.)

    Me: “Why does my uterus look like it’s split in two?”

    Doctor: “Because there are two babies in there.”

    Me: *laughing, shocked*

    Mom: *shocked* “Oh, my god…”

    Sister: “I KNEW IT!!”

    Husband: “Well, at least we’ll save on hospital bills!”

    (Not even an hour later it was all over Facebook before my husband and I could tell anyone! Thanks, Mom!)

    Meet The Zucchini Family

    | Europe | Sons & Daughters, Spouses & Partners

    (I had a long day and just about managed to make zucchini boats for dinner. We’re now sitting at the table. I gave the best-looking boats to the kid and kept the worst ones for myself, and the husband’s are somewhere in the middle.)

    Husband: *in jest* “Hey, how come [Daughter]’s zucchini are tidy cute and nice, and I got these big ugly fellas?”

    Me: *equally in jest* “Because [Daughter] is tidy cute and nice and you are a big ugly fella. Eat up.”

    Daughter: *looking pointedly into my plate* “Mommy, if these are your zucchini, then how are you?”

    Me: “Squishy and in pieces, dear.”

    Meet The Unknown Family
    Meet The Awesome Family
    Meet The Jedi Family
    Meet The Sarcasm Family
    Meet The Pun Family
    Meet The Acceptance Family
    Meet The Cannibal Family

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