• Ten Out Of Ten For Honesty
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  • June's Theme Of The Month: Great Timing!

    Category: Spouses & Partners

    Meet The Zucchini Family

    | Europe | Sons & Daughters, Spouses & Partners

    (I had a long day and just about managed to make zucchini boats for dinner. We’re now sitting at the table. I gave the best-looking boats to the kid and kept the worst ones for myself, and the husband’s are somewhere in the middle.)

    Husband: *in jest* “Hey, how come [Daughter]’s zucchini are tidy cute and nice, and I got these big ugly fellas?”

    Me: *equally in jest* “Because [Daughter] is tidy cute and nice and you are a big ugly fella. Eat up.”

    Daughter: *looking pointedly into my plate* “Mommy, if these are your zucchini, then how are you?”

    Me: “Squishy and in pieces, dear.”

    Meet The Unknown Family
    Meet The Awesome Family
    Meet The Jedi Family
    Meet The Sarcasm Family
    Meet The Pun Family
    Meet The Acceptance Family
    Meet The Cannibal Family

    Hair-Raising Heir Raising

    | Belgium | Sons & Daughters, Spouses & Partners

    (I’m putting my 16-month-old into his bath. He likes shaking his head from side to side and he has very cute blond curls. My husband comes in.)

    Husband: “His hair is really getting quite long. Some time soon we’ll have to take him to the hairdresser’s.”

    Me: “Hmm, not yet. It looks cute like this.”

    Husband: “You hear that, [Son]? Mommy’s going to turn you into a girl.”

    Me: “Nonsense! Length of hair has nothing to do with being a boy or a girl. Girls can have short hair too if they want.”

    Son: *shakes his head*

    Husband: “See? [Son] disagrees. Girls should have long hair, right, [Son]?”

    Son: *shakes his head*

    Me: “Girls can have their hair any way they want!”

    Son: *shakes his head*

    Me: *in the tone of voice that I use when I talk for him* “What are you talking about, mommy and daddy? I’m just shaking my head here. I don’t care about hair!”

    Mildly Swears It Wasn’t Him

    | St. Louis, MO, USA | Cousins, Spouses & Partners

    (My cousin’s husband swears like a sailor, but he’s been trying to tone it down since his daughter was born.)

    Daughter: *drops cookie* “D*** it!”

    (Everyone turns to look at my cousin’s husband and his wife glares.)

    Cousin’s Husband: “It wasn’t me! It wasn’t me!”

    His Mom: “You’re right. That was too tame for [Cousin’s Husband].”

    Cousin’s Husband: “THANK YOU… Hey, wait a minute…”

    His Blanket Response

    | Orem, UT, USA | Children, Spouses & Partners

    (My two-month-old son keeps kicking his blankets off, unless I swaddle him really tight. As we live in a basement, it gets rather cold at night, so this is a problem. He also doesn’t smile much, looking at everything very seriously. My husband is getting exasperated, after the fifth or sixth time he’s replaced the blanket in ten minutes.)

    Husband: “Honestly, child, do we have to pin the darn thing on you?”

    Baby: *gives the biggest grin we’ve seen to date, and coos happily*

    Me: “Did he just…?”

    Husband: “Yes. Yes, he did. ”

    Me: “Don’t look at me; he’s your son!”

    Make Him Slam The Door

    | MT, USA | Sons & Daughters, Spouses & Partners

    (I have a habit of quoting lyrics as if they are normal conversation. This always drives my husband crazy.)

    Husband: *correcting my son’s grammar* “LET it go. She let the turtle go.”

    Son: “Ooooh. Let it go.”

    Me: “Let it go?”

    Husband: *death glare*

    Me: *honestly trying to behave myself and falling miserably* “Can’t hold it back anymore.”

    Husband: *pounces and tickles, his only weapon against me*

    As Long As It Has Two Claws And A Beak We’re Happy

    | USA | Children, Spouses & Partners

    (My husband of four years and I are talking about having children. We have gone back and forth on whether we want them or not. Right now we have kind of agreed not to have them.)

    Me: “I don’t know, it would be kind of nice to have a baby. You know, give it a name, feed it, hold it, teach it words…”

    Husband: “What you just said is a parrot. You want a parrot.”

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