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    Category: Spouses & Partners

    A Very Late Engagement

    | London, England, UK | Parents & Guardians, Spouses & Partners

    (My fiancé and I are breaking the news of our engagement to our families. We have just got off the phone with his parents when he receives a text from his mum.)

    Fiancé’s Mum: *via text* “Great news. Your brother has just got engaged. Mum.”

    Me: *to my fiancé* “Uh, looks like that was meant for your sister.”

    Fiancé: *texting back* “Well, I didn’t know I had a brother, so that’s bigger news to me than his engagement.”

    No Buns In The Oven In This Kitchen

    | Virginia Beach, VA, USA | LGTBQ, Siblings, Spouses & Partners

    (I live with my fiancé, future sister in law, and her fiancée, who is also a woman. I’ve cooked dinner, but I have a general rule that everyone must make their own plate up. My sister-in-law is in the kitchen making up hers, and her fiancée walks in, looking for her own plate. The girls usually call each other ‘Baby.’)

    Sister-In-Law’s Fiancée: “Are you making Baby’s?”

    Fiancé: “You better not be making babies in my kitchen!”

    Me: “They couldn’t make babies in our kitchen if they wanted to…”

    Experience Is The Mother Of Wisdom

    | Philadelphia, PA, USA | Parents & Guardians, Spouses & Partners

    (My mother was the youngest child and never babysat. My father grew up constantly helping out with his nieces and nephews. I’ve just been born and am home from the hospital, when Dad finds Mom staring at me on the changing table.)

    Dad: “Hi.”

    Mom: “Hi.”

    Dad: “How is she?”

    Mom: “Um. Okay. Kind of…”

    Dad: “You don’t know what you’re doing, do you?”

    Mom: “… No.”

    Dad: *sighs and starts to remove soiled diaper* “Watch closely…”

    Using Taboo To Discuss Taboo

    | PA, USA | Nephews & Nieces, Siblings, Spouses & Partners, Theme Of The Month

    (We’re playing a game of Taboo, where each player has to get their partner to guess a word or phrase without using certain other words as hints. The phrase on the card is ‘food chain.’)

    My Niece: “A lion is at the top of a…”

    My Brother: “Tree!”

    (Later in the same game. the word on the card is ‘luck.’)

    My Wife: “The Irish have a lot of…”

    Me: “Drunk people!”

    Mental Mental Conditioning

    | Germany | Parents & Guardians, Spouses & Partners

    (I’m mixing together a deep conditioner for my hair. I use vanilla-scented body lotion in it, so it smells of vanilla. My mom’s boyfriend is watching TV in the same room.)

    Mom’s Boyfriend: “That stuff smells like vanilla pudding.”

    Me: “Yup.”

    Mom’s Boyfriend: “I wonder if it tastes like that.”

    Me: “I have no idea… Know what? I’ll try.”

    (I dip my finger into the bowl and lick it.)

    Me: “You’ll never believe me, but it tastes like lemon. I wonder why?”

    Mom’s Boyfriend: “Really? Let me try!”

    (He does the same as I did.)

    Mom’s Boyfriend: “Lemon. That’s weird.”

    (My mother enters the room.)

    Mom: “What are you doing?”

    Me: “Taste testing my conditioner. You wanna try, too?”

    (She didn’t try.)


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