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    Category: Spouses & Partners

    Meet The Zucchini Family

    | Europe | Sons & Daughters, Spouses & Partners

    (I had a long day and just about managed to make zucchini boats for dinner. We’re now sitting at the table. I gave the best-looking boats to the kid and kept the worst ones for myself, and the husband’s are somewhere in the middle.)

    Husband: *in jest* “Hey, how come [Daughter]’s zucchini are tidy cute and nice, and I got these big ugly fellas?”

    Me: *equally in jest* “Because [Daughter] is tidy cute and nice and you are a big ugly fella. Eat up.”

    Daughter: *looking pointedly into my plate* “Mommy, if these are your zucchini, then how are you?”

    Me: “Squishy and in pieces, dear.”

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    Hair-Raising Heir Raising

    | Belgium | Sons & Daughters, Spouses & Partners

    (I’m putting my 16-month-old into his bath. He likes shaking his head from side to side and he has very cute blond curls. My husband comes in.)

    Husband: “His hair is really getting quite long. Some time soon we’ll have to take him to the hairdresser’s.”

    Me: “Hmm, not yet. It looks cute like this.”

    Husband: “You hear that, [Son]? Mommy’s going to turn you into a girl.”

    Me: “Nonsense! Length of hair has nothing to do with being a boy or a girl. Girls can have short hair too if they want.”

    Son: *shakes his head*

    Husband: “See? [Son] disagrees. Girls should have long hair, right, [Son]?”

    Son: *shakes his head*

    Me: “Girls can have their hair any way they want!”

    Son: *shakes his head*

    Me: *in the tone of voice that I use when I talk for him* “What are you talking about, mommy and daddy? I’m just shaking my head here. I don’t care about hair!”

    Mildly Swears It Wasn’t Him

    | St. Louis, MO, USA | Cousins, Spouses & Partners

    (My cousin’s husband swears like a sailor, but he’s been trying to tone it down since his daughter was born.)

    Daughter: *drops cookie* “D*** it!”

    (Everyone turns to look at my cousin’s husband and his wife glares.)

    Cousin’s Husband: “It wasn’t me! It wasn’t me!”

    His Mom: “You’re right. That was too tame for [Cousin’s Husband].”

    Cousin’s Husband: “THANK YOU… Hey, wait a minute…”

    His Blanket Response

    | Orem, UT, USA | Children, Spouses & Partners

    (My two-month-old son keeps kicking his blankets off, unless I swaddle him really tight. As we live in a basement, it gets rather cold at night, so this is a problem. He also doesn’t smile much, looking at everything very seriously. My husband is getting exasperated, after the fifth or sixth time he’s replaced the blanket in ten minutes.)

    Husband: “Honestly, child, do we have to pin the darn thing on you?”

    Baby: *gives the biggest grin we’ve seen to date, and coos happily*

    Me: “Did he just…?”

    Husband: “Yes. Yes, he did. ”

    Me: “Don’t look at me; he’s your son!”

    Make Him Slam The Door

    | MT, USA | Sons & Daughters, Spouses & Partners

    (I have a habit of quoting lyrics as if they are normal conversation. This always drives my husband crazy.)

    Husband: *correcting my son’s grammar* “LET it go. She let the turtle go.”

    Son: “Ooooh. Let it go.”

    Me: “Let it go?”

    Husband: *death glare*

    Me: *honestly trying to behave myself and falling miserably* “Can’t hold it back anymore.”

    Husband: *pounces and tickles, his only weapon against me*

    As Long As It Has Two Claws And A Beak We’re Happy

    | USA | Children, Spouses & Partners

    (My husband of four years and I are talking about having children. We have gone back and forth on whether we want them or not. Right now we have kind of agreed not to have them.)

    Me: “I don’t know, it would be kind of nice to have a baby. You know, give it a name, feed it, hold it, teach it words…”

    Husband: “What you just said is a parrot. You want a parrot.”


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