Category: Sons & Daughters

Trash Available For A Steal

| Indian Orchard, MA, USA | Sons & Daughters

(We buy a new TV and are planning to discard the old one on the next trash day.)

Me: “Let’s get that old TV out of the living room. We could put it out on the back deck.”

Adult Son: “Someone might steal it.”

Her Cookie Argument Crumbled

| Seattle, WA, USA | Children, Sons & Daughters

(I leave my four-year-old daughter alone in the kitchen with our dog for a few minutes while I clean the bathroom. When I come back, she and the dog are covered in cookie crumbs and she has chocolate smeared across her face.)

Me: “[Daughter], were you eating cookies?”

Daughter: “Nope. Not me.”

Me: “Are you sure?”

Daughter: “I didn’t have any cookies. Really.”

Me: “Okay, let me see your belly button.”

(I get down on the floor and put my eye right up to her belly button.)

Me: “I can look through your belly button and see what you’ve eaten. Yep, there is your lunch and there are the cookies!”

Daughter: “Okay, I ate some cookies but you should check [Dog]’s belly button; he had more than me!”

(She never tried to sneak cookies again!)

If This Power Got Into The Wrong Hands

| UK | Children, Sons & Daughters

(I am about two or three years old. I am usually quite well behaved, but prone to the occasional tantrum. My mother is trying to get me into the bath.)

Mum: “[My Name], please get in the bath!”

Me: “No! I shan’t!”

(This continues for about five minutes.)

Mum: “Please, [My Name], get in the bath!”

Me: “No! I want an onion!”

(This continues for about another ten minutes, until my mother finally goes downstairs,\ and gets me an onion. I absolutely hate onions; they’re my least favourite food.)

Mum: “Okay. Now you have an onion. Happy now? Will you get in the bath?”

Me: “Yes.” *gets in the bath*

(A little later.)

Mum: “[My Name], why did you want the onion?”

Me: “Oh, I didn’t want an onion. I just wanted to see if I could make you do what I wanted.”

No Snap, No Crackle, All Pop

| Brisbane, QLD, Australia | Children, Sons & Daughters

(I have triplets, and I often joke that they share a mind. They all walk into the kitchen wearing red shirts, each looking slightly offended the other decided to match with them.)

Me: “So, what do you guys want for breakfast?”

Them: *in unison* “Cocopops, please!”

On His Own Special Spectrum

| Kent, England, UK | Parents & Guardians, Sons & Daughters

(Mum and Dad are watching a programme about autism/Aspergers on the TV.)

Presenter: “Nowadays, it’s a bit of a catch-all phrase. We use ‘on the [autistic] spectrum to describe anyone who’s a bit eccentric, got an unusual hobby, or is socially awkward.”

Me: *overhearing as I walk through* “Well, that about sums me up, doesn’t it!”

Mum: “Yep!”

Hiding The Meaning Of Being Mean

| Oklahoma City, OK, USA | Sons & Daughters, Spouses & Partners

(It has been a long day of cleaning, furniture moving, and re-arranging everything in our living room to make it where we can see and interact with each other. Due to the kids’ whining and complaining, we’ve had problems with them not only getting on our nerves, but keeping them from harassing each other. Now dinner is done and the kids are lying happily on the floor watching TV while we sit behind them on the sofa and chair.)

Wife: “Well, I think this is really good. We might see a change in how we relate to each other now that we can see each other.” *with a look towards our kids* “Perhaps we’ll be nicer with each other, too. What do you think?”

Me: “Well…” *I give her a mock anger face and then flash the finger at her*

Wife: “I can’t believe you did that!” *laughs in disbelief*

Son and Daughter: “What? What?”

Me: “I made a stupid angry face at her.”

Wife: *once the kids aren’t looking, shoots the finger back at me*

(We spent about twenty minutes trying not to laugh while we kept being ‘mean’ to each other and not being seen by the kids.)

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