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    Category: Sons & Daughters

    Acting Like A Little Princess, Part 2

    | NY, USA | Children, Sons & Daughters, Spouses & Partners

    (My daughter is about seven years old. It’s October 1st and I ask her what she wants to be for Halloween.)

    Daughter: “I wanna be a princess!”

    Me: “Okay, which one?”

    Daughter: “The prettiest one.”

    Me: *guessing* “Snow White?”

    Daughter: “Mom! I’m too pretty to be Snow White!”

    (My husband, who has been listening quietly up to this point, chimes in.)

    Husband: “What?! Snow White is the fairest of them all! Did you even watch the movie?”

    Daughter: “Yeah, but she had ugly hair.”

    Husband: “It was fashionable at the time.”

    Daughter: “The time was stupid, then! Everyone had ugly hair!”

    Husband: “How do you know?”

    Daughter: “Because Snow White had ugly hair, Daddy! I have pretty hair. I’m too pretty to be Snow White.”

    Acting Like A Little Princess

    Are You (Pea)Nuts?!

    | Sydney, NSW, Australia | Children, In-Laws, Sons & Daughters

    (My niece is a toddler and has just been diagnosed with a peanut allergy. It’s her birthday party and even though my sister specifically warned everyone about the allergy, her in-laws still brought peanuts to eat.)

    Sister: *to her father-in-law* “Please do not eat those anywhere near [Niece]. Do not go near her with them.”

    Father-In-Law: “Yeah, I won’t.”

    (A bit later from across the yard, she sees him grabbing a handful of peanuts, shoving them in his mouth to eat. My niece toddles by.)

    Father-In-Law: *grabs niece* “Give Grandpa a kiss.”

    Sister: *screams* “STOP!”

    (Her husband is closer and is able to grab my niece out of the father-in-law’s hands.)

    Husband: “What are you doing!? Are you trying to kill [Niece]!”

    Father-In-Law:  ”I just wanted a kiss.”

    Husband: “You’ve got a mouth full of peanuts, bits on your lips, and full peanuts in your f****** beard. [Sister] told you she was allergic to peanuts. You could have f****** killed her!”

    Father-In-Law:  ”I thought she was joking!”

    No Bone Of Contention With That Logic

    | Portland, OR, USA | Children, Sons & Daughters

    (My daughter is six years old.)

    Me: “It’s right behind your breast bone…”

    Daughter: “I don’t have a breast bone.”

    Me: “Yeah you do.” *pokes it* “It’s right there.”

    Daughter: “No, I have a nipple bone.”

    Me: “…?”

    Daughter: “A nipple bone, because I only have nipples right now.”

    You Ruin All My Very Specific Fun

    | CA, USA | Parents & Guardians, Sons & Daughters

    Mom: “I’m going to take a nap.”

    Me: “Okay.”

    Mom: “So no yelling!”

    Me: “Okay.”

    Mom: “And no eating cookies while standing on your head!

    Me: “Dangit! Mom, now what am I supposed to do for fun?!”

    Kids Say Monstrous Things

    | Horseheads, NY, USA | Children, Sons & Daughters

    (My fiancé and I are getting our four-year-old ready for bed, and as I’m giving him a hug and kiss for the night this conversation happens.)

    Me: “Do you think mommy is pretty?”

    Son: “Yeah, mommy is real pretty.”

    Fiancé: “Well, is daddy pretty?”

    Son: “No, daddy is a monster!”

    Fiancé: “Well, is daddy a handsome monster?”

    Son: “No, daddy is a bad guy monster and ugly!”

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