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    Category: Sons & Daughters

    New Year’s Take Flight

    | NY, USA | Children, Sons & Daughters

    (My five-year-old daughter has brought home a worksheet showing one of her New Year’s resolutions.)

    Worksheet: “My New Year’s Resolution: teach my little sister how to fly.”

    Two For The Price Of One

    | Buffalo, NY, USA | Parents & Guardians, Sons & Daughters, Spouses & Partners

    (My mother, sister, husband and I are at the doctor’s office for my first ultrasound after finding out that I am pregnant with my first pregnancy. The doctor places ultrasound transducer on abdomen.)

    Me: “Why does my uterus look like it’s split in two?”

    Doctor: “Because there are two babies in there.”

    Me: *laughing, shocked*

    Mom: *shocked* “Oh, my god…”

    Sister: “I KNEW IT!!”

    Husband: “Well, at least we’ll save on hospital bills!”

    (Not even an hour later it was all over Facebook before my husband and I could tell anyone! Thanks, Mom!)

    Misunderstanding Meal Replacement Plans

    | UT, USA | Sons & Daughters

    (My 16-month-old son runs to the fridge, hoping I’ll get him something to eat.)

    Me: “What do you want to eat?”

    Son: “Dinner!”

    Me: “We don’t eat dinner in the morning! It’s breakfast time!”

    Son: “Breakfast!”

    Me: “What do you want for breakfast?”

    Son: “…Dinner!”

    Meet The Zucchini Family

    | Europe | Sons & Daughters, Spouses & Partners

    (I had a long day and just about managed to make zucchini boats for dinner. We’re now sitting at the table. I gave the best-looking boats to the kid and kept the worst ones for myself, and the husband’s are somewhere in the middle.)

    Husband: *in jest* “Hey, how come [Daughter]’s zucchini are tidy cute and nice, and I got these big ugly fellas?”

    Me: *equally in jest* “Because [Daughter] is tidy cute and nice and you are a big ugly fella. Eat up.”

    Daughter: *looking pointedly into my plate* “Mommy, if these are your zucchini, then how are you?”

    Me: “Squishy and in pieces, dear.”

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    Dad Joke: Wizard Level

    | London, England, UK | Children, Sons & Daughters

    (I’m sitting with my two-year-old watching a cartoon. The characters are elves and fairies and this episode is about a dripping tap. My 16-year-old son walks in to the room and sits down with us.)

    Elf: “Oh no! You should never mix magic and plumbing.”

    Me: “Hey, [Son], do you know what happens if you mix magic and ceramics?”

    Son: “Oh, God! No. What?”

    Me: “You get Harry Pottery.”

    (My son just looked at me, his soul dying a little, while I laughed hysterically.)

    Treating Mom Like An Answering Machine

    | Columbia, MD, USA | Children, Parents & Guardians, Sons & Daughters

    (I swing by the grocery store after work to pick up a few things and overhear this.)

    Two Little Girls: Mom! Mom! Mommy! Moooooooom! Moooooooommmmmyyyyyyyyy! Mom!

    Mother: “Mommy’s not here right now. Leave a message at the beep. Beep!”


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