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    Category: Sons & Daughters

    Can’t Sea Into Your Dream

    | Finland | Children, Sons & Daughters

    (I have put my six-year-old daughter to bed. About an hour later, I hear her whimpering and go to check on her. She’s sitting up in bed.)

    Me: “What do you need, sweetie?”

    Daughter: *between sobs* “I want a… I want a… seamonkey.”

    Me: *realizing that she’s talking in her sleep* “Okay, let’s go back to sleep now. We can talk about it tomorrow.”

    (I tell her what she said the next day. Not only does she not remember, she also has a question for me.)

    Daughter: “What’s a seamonkey?”

    They Better Get The Order Right First Time

    | San Leandro, CA, USA | Sons & Daughters

    Me: “Wow, this article says that Wells Fargo has an ATM in Antarctica… I wonder what they need cash for there. Do they have a store or something?”

    Son: “Domino’s!”

    The Early Seeds Of A Career

    | Edmonton, AB, Canada | Sons & Daughters

    (I’m sitting in the living room reading while my three-year-old son is playing ‘waiter.’)

    Son: “What would you like?”

    Me: “Oh, I guess I’ll have a salad.”

    (He trots off to his bedroom and comes back in a minute.)

    Son: “Here you are, ma’am.”

    (He hands me a plastic saucer with, neatly centred on it, a colourfully-illustrated package of lettuce seed.)

    It’s Not Okay!

    | Jerusalem, Israel | Children, Sons & Daughters

    (I am talking to my two-year-old son.)

    Son: “Daddy, I [something incomprehensible].”

    Me: “What?”

    Son: “I [same incomprehensible thing].”

    Me: “What did you say?”

    Son: “I [same incomprehensible thing].”

    Me: *not wanting to spend half an hour on this* “…okay.”

    Son: “I [same incomprehensible thing].”

    Me: “Okay.”

    Son: “No! Don’t say okay!”

    Me: “What do you want me to say?”

    Son: “Say ‘Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh’.”

    Me: “Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh.”

    Son: “No!”

    (He then started crying. I still have no idea what that was all about.)

    If A Bear Can Do It…

    | USA | Sons & Daughters

    (I have a five-year-old daughter who is helping me out in the kitchen when this happens.)

    Daughter: “I don’t wanna go camping.”

    Me: “Why?”

    Daughter: “There’s no bathrooms!”

    Me: *raises an eyebrow* “So? Pop a squat and go in the woods.”

    Daughter: *scandalized* “No! All the animals would be watching me!”

    Domestic Guardians

    | Jerusalem, Israel | Sons & Daughters

    (My two-year-old-son is singing:)

    Son: “The trees on the bus go, ‘I am Groot,’ ‘I am Groot,’ ‘I am Groot.’ The trees on the bus go, ‘I am Groot,’ all through the town.”

    (That was the moment I knew I was raising my kids right.)

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