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    Category: Sons & Daughters

    Tutti Fruitcake

    | Finland | Sons & Daughters

    (My daughter is 10. We have recently been visiting relatives in Pennsylvania.)

    Daughter: “What was that cake called that we ate at Grandma’s house? Mom, name all the kinds of cake you can make.”

    Me: “I can make a lot of kinds of cake. Can you narrow it down?”

    Daughter: “It had a funny name. I think it was called fart cake?”

    Me: “I don’t think I’ve heard of that before.” *short pause while I work it out* “Oh! Do you mean whoopie pie?”

    Daughter: “Yeah! That’s what it was! Fart cake!”

    (To this day we call whoopie pies ‘fart cake.’)

    Young And Free

    | OH, USA | Sons & Daughters

    (My husband and I are at a Chinese buffet with my daughter, a toddler. We notice that children under age three eat free.)

    Me: “We should come back again while [Daughter] is still free.”

    Daughter: *indignantly* “I am not free! I am two and a half!”

    Pushing Him Along

    | Orem, UT, USA | Children, Sons & Daughters, Spouses & Partners

    (My husband is trying to teach our son how to crawl. He’s got the leg movement down, but he refuses to use his arms.)

    Husband: “Come on, son! Push! Push! You should know what that word means; it was probably the first thing you ever heard.”

    Me: “Sweetie, he was a caesarean. I never pushed.”

    Husband: “Well, no wonder he’s not getting it!”

    A Picture Of Diminishing Returns

    | Canterbury, England, UK | Children, Parents & Guardians, Sons & Daughters

    (My friend is working in the store and overhears the following:)

    Mum: *to her 6- or 7-year-old son* “No, you can’t have this.”

    Little Boy: “If I can’t have it then I’ll run away from home, and you’ll only have a photograph.”

    (Pause.)

    Little Boy: “If I send you one.”

    (Pause.)

    Little Boy: “Which I won’t!”

    Has A Hiss-tory With Cats

    | Milwaukee, WI, USA | Cousins, Sons & Daughters

    (My family is together for my brother’s wedding. I’m talking with my cousin’s daughter, who’s only recently started talking.)

    Cousin: “[Daughter], what sound does a dog make?”

    Daughter: “Woof!”

    Cousin: “What sound does a lion make?”

    Daughter: “Roar!”

    Cousin: “What sound does a cat make?”

    Daughter: “Hiss!”

    Me: “I have a feeling she learned that last one through experience.”

    These Attempts At Charades Are A Charade

    | Scotland, UK | Children, Sons & Daughters

    (The kids, 7 and 11, have decided that we will play charades before bedtime.)

    Daughter: “I’ve got one!”

    (She indicates two words, and the first word has two syllables. Before she can continue…)

    Me:Spongebob Squarepants!”

    (She looks crestfallen.)

    Son: “Okay, I have one, since that was so quick.”

    (He indicates two words, first word has one syllable. Immediately…)

    Wife:Star Wars.”

    (The kids stared at us in total shock. We high-fived.)


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