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    Category: Sons & Daughters

    This Family Has Gone To The Dogs

    | Tulsa, OK, USA | Children, Sons & Daughters

    (I just came home from work. It had just rained earlier and the ground is still fairly muddy. My roommate is outside with all three of our dogs plus her one-year-old son, and my whole property is surrounded by a chain link fence. As I get out of the car this happens:)

    Me: *looks at all the dogs plus the kid, realizing that they’re all really dirty at this point* “You realize all four puppies are going to need a bath tonight, right?”

    Roommate: “Four?! But we only have three dogs!”

    (Without missing a beat the kid drops down to all fours, looks up at his mother.)

    Kid: “Woof Woof!”

    (It took me five minutes to stop laughing.)

    Always Second Best

    | St. Louis, MO, USA | Sons & Daughters, Spouses & Partners, Theme Of The Month

    (My divorce was several years in the past, and I bring my fiancé to meet my parents at Christmas.)

    Mother: “[Fiancé]?”

    Fiancé: “Yes?”

    Mother:“I just want you to know … I mean, [My Name]‘s father and I want you to know…”

    Fiancé: “Yes?”

    Mother: “We just want you to know how much we miss [My Name]‘s first husband!”

    Fiancé: *blank silence*

    Most People Just Forget The Carrots

    | Jerusalem, Israel | Children, Sons & Daughters

    (My wife has taken our two-year-old son with her to the supermarket, leaving me and our daughter at home. After buying the groceries, my wife puts our son back in the car and they begin driving home. It must be emphasized that they have been outside the house for less than an hour.)

    Son: “Where are Daddy and [Daughter]?”

    Wife: “At home still.”

    Son: “I don’t remember Daddy and [Daughter] anymore…”

    Raised With Love(craft)

    | CA, USA | Children, Friends, Sons & Daughters

    (My son is three years old and when I ask if he can say something new, he always gives it a try even if he mangles it horribly. Some friends are over playing the game ‘King of Tokyo’ and he is wandering around the table being his usual self.)

    Son: *points at the Kraken card* “What’s that?”

    Me: *thinking the Kraken looks a bit like Cthulhu* “That’s Cthulhu. Can you say ‘Cthulhu?’”

    Son: “Nope!” *wanders off*

    Friend: “That’s probably a good thing…”

    Fathering Warm Ideas

    | Antwerpen, Belgium | Children, Sons & Daughters

    (I just informed my 12-year-old son that the father of one of his friends died.)

    Son: “Poor [Friend]. I would give her my dad in a heartbeat but I need him myself so much.”

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