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    Category: Sons & Daughters

    A Victim Of A Cliché

    | KY, USA | Parents & Guardians, Sons & Daughters, Theme Of The Month

    (I get home after babysitting a neighbor’s kids. I take my backpack with me to work on homework after the kids go to bed.)

    Mom: “So, how did babysitting the [Neighbor]‘s kids go?”

    Me: “I don’t know if I want to babysit for them again.”

    Mom: “Why not?”

    Me: “Their dog ate my homework.”

    A Different Bear-ing On Gender

    | Norway | Cousins, Parents & Guardians, Sons & Daughters

    (My daughter is eleven and owns a teddy bear. His name is Mister.)

    Daughter: “Mom, Mister is seriously considering a sex change.”

    (I am surprised, but don’t let on too much.)

    Me: “Oh, really! Why does he want that?”

    Daughter: “Well, because the female teddy bears can have so much more clothing. They can wear a lot more different and cool clothes. Mister thinks it would be really cool to have that. And then his name would be Missy instead!”

    Me: “That makes sense. And teddy bears really only have social gender, they don’t have juridical and biological sexes like us humans do, so I bet it’s a lot easier for a teddy bear to switch genders than it would be for a human.”

    Daughter: “Yes! I just throw him in the air and shout ‘Hallelujah!’ and that’s that.”

    (After spending a day or so ‘seriously considering’ it, Mister did indeed become Missy.)

    Remember To Hug Responsibly

    | Gothenburg, Sweden | Children, Friends, Sons & Daughters

    (I’m visiting my best friend. My friend is female while I’m male. She’s recently gotten married and has a young son, about four years old. Her husband is at work and the son hasn’t seen me other than when he was a newborn.)

    Son: “Mom, I got a question.”

    Friend: “Yes, dear?”

    Son: “Where is dad?”

    Friend: “He’s at his job.”

    Son: “Oh. Is that why you’re with this guy? So you get someone to hug under the blankets at night?”

    (We both stare silently at him for a few moments.)

    Friend: “No. He’s just an old friend of mine.”

    Son: “Oh. Okay.”

    (He walks off again. I turn to her.)

    Me: “What the h*** have you been doing around that kid?!”

    Mom Isn’t Down For The Count

    | Prince George, BC, Canada | Children, Sons & Daughters, Spouses & Partners

    (When this happens, I’m two years old, my sister is four, and my brother is about six months. My mom greets Dad at the back door as he comes home from work, which usually means we’ve been absolute terrors and she’s waiting to tag out.)

    Mom: “You know, you’re a lucky man.”

    Dad: “Okay…”

    Mom: “You have three beautiful children.”

    Dad: “Yeah…”

    Mom: “And even after today, you still have three children!”

    Dad: “‘Still’?”

    Mom: “I tried to sell two of them to the circus but they wouldn’t take them, so ‘still’.”

    Dad: *asking what is obviously the most important question in this circumstance* “Which two?”

    Mom: *glaring* “Your son is six months old. He doesn’t refuse lunch, run around the house, scream my name all day, pull everything out of the cupboards, or throw things at his sisters. He also goes down for a nap without a fuss. Which two do you *think* I tried to sell!?”

    Date Night Fright

    | CA, USA | Children, Sons & Daughters, Theme Of The Month

    (My husband and I have come back from a date night, having left our five-year-old and two-year-old daughters with a much-liked babysitter. When we come back, my five-year-old daughter proceeds to interrogate me.)

    Daughter: “Why did you and Daddy go out for dinner?”

    Me: “To spend some time together.”

    Daughter: “You wanted to be alone?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Daughter: “Why?”

    Me: “So that we could talk.”

    Daughter: “But no hugging?”

    Me: “…”

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