(My six-year-old step-daughter is at the table eating her meal with the rest of us.)

Step-Daughter: “When I’m a teenager, you’re going to be dead.”

(She carries on eating nonchalantly. When asked to elaborate, she did mean from old age!)

(My family of two younger sisters, our father, and I, have just sat down to dinner.)

Dad: “Hey, can you pass the couscous?”

Me: “You know, if this were made with a large waterfowl, it would be called goose-cous.”

Dad: “Or if it were liquid, it could be juice-cous.”

Me: “Or if it was made with coniferous trees, it would be spruce-cous.”

Dad: “In Canada, they’d have moose-cous.”

(By now both little sisters are rolling their eyes, but we keep going.)

Me: “Trains could have caboose-cous.”

Dad: “Batman has Bruce-cous.”

Me: “If you ate it while tied at tennis it would be deuce-cous.”

Dad: “If you hung it from a rope it would be noose-cous.”

Me: “If you added cocaine, you could call it substance abuse-cous.”

Dad: “If you put it in a channel that conducts water, it would be sluice-cous.”

Me: “The Greek gods had Zeus-cous!”

Dad: “Theodor Geisel eats Seuss-cous!”

Little Sister: “You guys have a few screws loose.”

(I am seven years old, and there’s been a blizzard, so school is out for a week. My dad has taken my brother and me to the local sledding hill.)

Me: “Daddy! Can you push me down the hill?”

Stranger: “Would you like me to give you a push?”

Me: “No, you’re a stranger. I want my daddy to push me!”

Dad: “It’s okay, sweetie; he can give you a push. He’s the county sheriff!”

Stranger: “You’ve taught her well!”

(My five-year-old daughter is arguing with me.)

Daughter: “You know, mom. Sometimes when I argue with you, I forget you’re not an idiot!”

(My six-year-old daughter is the last one in her grade to still have all of her baby teeth. )

Daughter: “Mom, am I ever going to lose a tooth?”

Me: “I promise you, you will.”

Daughter: “But WHEN?!”

Me: “I don’t know, but probably soon.”

Daughter: “I think it’s never going to happen. I think all of my teeth have their seatbelts on, and they are tightly fastened!”