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    Category: Sons & Daughters

    A Heads Up: Children Grow Up

    | PA, USA | Parents & Guardians, Sons & Daughters

    (I’m a recent college graduate still living with my parents. My mom sometimes has a hard time accepting that I’m in my twenties, despite the fact that I have a job writing and editing romance/erotica short stories. She just thinks of me as an amateur author and occasionally asks to read my published work, which I tell her she shouldn’t do. We’re watching ‘Shark Tank’ and a man comes in trying to market a product called ‘Morning Head’ which helps tame bed-head hair. We’re all a bit in shock over the name, but my dad and I are the most vocal about it.)

    Dad: “This guy is nuts! How did he even manage to sell any of these? That one shark is right; you can get the same results with a damp washcloth!”

    Me: “I think it’s more of a novelty thing. This way people can joke and say stuff like, ‘Hey, I gave so-and-so ‘Morning Head’ for his birthday. Ha ha.’”

    (My dad and I both laugh, but my mom stares at me with a mix of horror and surprise.)

    Mom: “This is why you’re not allowed to grow up!”

    Me: “And this is why you’re not allowed to read my work!”

    Not Quite The Immaculate Concept

    | London, England, UK | Children, Sons & Daughters

    (I am aged around six. My school likes to mix the Nativity up with another theme, such as ‘Cops and Robbers’ or the Victorian era. This year they choose ‘Under the Sea.’ This happens the afternoon I get home after being told my part.)

    Me: *very excitedly* “Mummy! I’m an octopus testicle in the school play!”

    (My mum came very close to calling up the school, before I explained my role further and she made the deduction that I was in fact an octopus TENTACLE. My siblings are still reluctant to let me live this down.)

    That One’s A Bad Egg

    | Wellington, New Zealand | Children, Sons & Daughters, Themed Giveaway

    (It’s April Fools’ Day. I’m seven years old.)

    Me: “Mummy, Mummy, I made up a joke! What kind of chicken doesn’t lay eggs?”

    Mum: “I don’t know, darling. What kind?”

    Me: *in a creepy voice* “A dead one.”

    Bad Doll Models

    | Austria | Children, Friends, Parents & Guardians, Sons & Daughters

    (I am eight years old. It’s Christmas time. Note that my parents always made a point of raising us gender-neutral. Also note that I spent the weekend watching an ‘Alaskan Gold Rush Special’ with my grandmother. My mom’s best friend gives us a gift of Barbie dolls and accessories.)

    Mom: “Did it have to be Barbies? They are such a bad example for little girls.”

    Friend: “But Barbie always has a job. There is even a pilot Barbie.”

    Mom: “All right…  So, girls, what job do your Barbies have?”

    Five-Year-Old Sister: “She is a princess!”

    Me: “Mine is a gold-digger!”

    (Mom snatches the dolls away from us, growling.)

    Not Just The Cake That’s Lying

    | TX, USA | Children, Sons & Daughters

    (I’ve been trying to add more veggies to my children’s diet and have the idea of shredding zucchini into long strands and mixing it with their spaghetti. My youngest is not amused.)

    Child: “Mom, this spaghetti is a lie.”

    The Cake Is A Lie, Part 4
    The Cake Is A Lie, Part 3
    The Cake Is A Lie, Part 2

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