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    Category: Sons & Daughters

    Lord Knows We Need To Laugh

    | Sussex, England, UK | Children, Sons & Daughters

    (My family, including my four-year-old daughter and two-year-old son, are at Sunday mass. There are two masses: the first is the children’s mass and is usually very busy, the second is a little smaller in attendees and for those that don’t want to be with loads of kids. We are at the later mass. Our priest is giving a reading so it is very quiet.)

    Priest: “Jesus taught us—”

    Daughter: “Jesus wasn’t a tortoise. He was a people.”

    (Everyone laughs and our priest has to have a few minutes to compose himself. After mass, as we we’re leaving I go to apologise.)

    Me: “I’m so sorry, Father. I’ll go to the early mass next week.”

    Priest: “Oh, don’t be silly. This one gets a bit boring without the children and the Lord knows when we need to laugh.”

    No Boo-Hoo With This Boo-Boo

    | Los Altos, CA, USA | Sons & Daughters

    (Our teacher is telling us a story of a conversation between her and her six-year-old son. She just came home from grocery shopping and just took an ice pack out of the bag and is putting it in the fridge.)

    Son: “Mommy, what’s that? Can I have it?”

    Teacher: “No, sweetie, that’s for if you get a boo-boo.”

    Son: *slams his head on the table* “Can I have it now?”

    Bringing Up A Sore Subject

    | Australia | Friends, Sons & Daughters

    (I was spending time with my neighbour after she’d had a long day with the kids. Her 13-year-old son was nearby at this moment. Note that her freezer lives under the house.)

    Friend: *excited* “After a day like today I thought I’d treat myself. I brought up a couple of white chocolate ice creams this afternoon.”

    Son: “Well, you also brought up four children. Why don’t you get excited about that anymore?”

    If You Get Sick You’ll Go Swim With The Fishes

    | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Children, Sons & Daughters

    (Our two-year-old recently got two goldfish for her birthday. As fish do – one dies. This happens as her father is home on his lunch break and removing the fish from the tank.)

    Father: “Oh, no, darling! Look. One fish got sick.”

    Two-Year-Old: “FISH!”

    (Her father goes to flush the fish down the toilet and our two-year-old follows to watch. I can see bad things happening from the lack of explanation but am too busy to go explain further to our child. Later on when he comes home from work our daughter starts coughing.)

    Father: “Uh-oh, sounds like [Daughter] is getting sick!”

    Two-Year-Old: *with the most startled look on her face she looks towards the toilet* “FISH?!”

    Don’t Burst Her Bubble

    | Oklahoma City, OK, USA | Children, Sons & Daughters

    (From my four-year-old daughter who is taking a bath:)

    Daughter: “Papa! My bottom makes bubbles!”

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