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    Category: Sons & Daughters

    Go Put It On The Settee (Alpha Five)

    | Jerusalem, Israel | Children, Parents & Guardians, Sons & Daughters

    (My three-year-old daughter is helping me put together the bag of things my wife will need at the hospital when she gives birth. In Hebrew, the word ‘kahn’ means ‘here.’)

    Me: *handing my daughter a pair of socks* “Go put this on the dining room table.”

    Daughter: “Where should I put it? Kahn? Or kahn?”

    Me & Wife: *simultaneously* “Kaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhn!”

    Want To See The C

    | London, England, UK | Children, Parents & Guardians, Sons & Daughters

    (I am about six years old, and on the TV is one of those medical programs that show you patients and their diseases and problems. At one point they deal with a pregnant woman who seems to be having a problem with her baby. Around at this age I was curious about babies. Although I already know the Caesarean section I want to see how it is done, so I am watching the program with my mom.)

    Mom: “Ugh, I don’t want you to see a childbirth. I am changing the channels for you.”

    Me: “No, mommy! I wanna see them cut the mommy’s belly open and take the baby out!”

    Mom: “YOU WANT TO SEE WHAT?!”

    (Because it was something that aired on TV during the day, I never got to see them actually take the baby out. Needless to say, I was disappointed!)

    Doesn’t Want To Fall Behind At The Zoo

    | CA, USA | Children, Sons & Daughters

    (I work at a zoo and overhear this exchange as I pass by a family.)

    Mom: “What kinds of animals do you think we’ll see today?”

    Young Son: *excitedly* “Lions, and tigers, and bears, and everything with a butt!”

    Got The Wrong Point

    | UK | Parents & Guardians, Sons & Daughters

    (My mum is diabetic and has recently started injectable medication which she needs to take just before dinner. My brother has brought his girlfriend home for the first time, and I’m cooking dinner.)

    Me: “Mum, you need to stab yourself!”

    (My brother’s girlfriend stares at me in horror.)

    Me: “Medication! I promise I’m not encouraging her to kill herself!”

    (I didn’t learn my lesson. She responded similarly when I referred to the chemist as my drug dealer…)

    Trying To Push The Meaning On Him

    | Germany | Children, Sons & Daughters

    (My six-year-old son yells at me while his little sister is still sleeping.)

    Me: “You should be more considerate.”

    Son: “What does that mean?”

    Me: “If someone is sleeping, you should be quiet. This is considerate. And if anyone carries heavy loads…”

    (I look at him expectantly.)

    Son: “I should not push him!”


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