• Requires Shark Repellant
    (237 thumbs up)
  • June's Theme Of The Month: Great Timing!

    Category: Sons & Daughters

    New Year’s Take Flight

    | NY, USA | Children, Sons & Daughters

    (My five-year-old daughter has brought home a worksheet showing one of her New Year’s resolutions.)

    Worksheet: “My New Year’s Resolution: teach my little sister how to fly.”

    Two For The Price Of One

    | Buffalo, NY, USA | Parents & Guardians, Sons & Daughters, Spouses & Partners

    (My mother, sister, husband and I are at the doctor’s office for my first ultrasound after finding out that I am pregnant with my first pregnancy. The doctor places ultrasound transducer on abdomen.)

    Me: “Why does my uterus look like it’s split in two?”

    Doctor: “Because there are two babies in there.”

    Me: *laughing, shocked*

    Mom: *shocked* “Oh, my god…”

    Sister: “I KNEW IT!!”

    Husband: “Well, at least we’ll save on hospital bills!”

    (Not even an hour later it was all over Facebook before my husband and I could tell anyone! Thanks, Mom!)

    Misunderstanding Meal Replacement Plans

    | UT, USA | Sons & Daughters

    (My 16-month-old son runs to the fridge, hoping I’ll get him something to eat.)

    Me: “What do you want to eat?”

    Son: “Dinner!”

    Me: “We don’t eat dinner in the morning! It’s breakfast time!”

    Son: “Breakfast!”

    Me: “What do you want for breakfast?”

    Son: “…Dinner!”

    Meet The Zucchini Family

    | Europe | Sons & Daughters, Spouses & Partners

    (I had a long day and just about managed to make zucchini boats for dinner. We’re now sitting at the table. I gave the best-looking boats to the kid and kept the worst ones for myself, and the husband’s are somewhere in the middle.)

    Husband: *in jest* “Hey, how come [Daughter]’s zucchini are tidy cute and nice, and I got these big ugly fellas?”

    Me: *equally in jest* “Because [Daughter] is tidy cute and nice and you are a big ugly fella. Eat up.”

    Daughter: *looking pointedly into my plate* “Mommy, if these are your zucchini, then how are you?”

    Me: “Squishy and in pieces, dear.”

    Meet The Unknown Family
    Meet The Awesome Family
    Meet The Jedi Family
    Meet The Sarcasm Family
    Meet The Pun Family
    Meet The Acceptance Family
    Meet The Cannibal Family

    Dad Joke: Wizard Level

    | London, England, UK | Children, Sons & Daughters

    (I’m sitting with my two-year-old watching a cartoon. The characters are elves and fairies and this episode is about a dripping tap. My 16-year-old son walks in to the room and sits down with us.)

    Elf: “Oh no! You should never mix magic and plumbing.”

    Me: “Hey, [Son], do you know what happens if you mix magic and ceramics?”

    Son: “Oh, God! No. What?”

    Me: “You get Harry Pottery.”

    (My son just looked at me, his soul dying a little, while I laughed hysterically.)

    Treating Mom Like An Answering Machine

    | Columbia, MD, USA | Children, Parents & Guardians, Sons & Daughters

    (I swing by the grocery store after work to pick up a few things and overhear this.)

    Two Little Girls: Mom! Mom! Mommy! Moooooooom! Moooooooommmmmyyyyyyyyy! Mom!

    Mother: “Mommy’s not here right now. Leave a message at the beep. Beep!”

    Page 1/19212345...Last
    Next Page »