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    Category: Sons & Daughters

    A People Person

    | BC, Canada | Children, Sons & Daughters

    (I have just strapped my three-year-old daughter into her car seat in the back of the car.)

    Me: “Oooh, now you’re trapped, so I can eat you!”

    (I pretend to try and chew on her head making ‘nom, nom’ noises.)

    Daughter: “No, Mummy, you can’t eat me. I’m a people.”

    Me: “I can’t?’”

    Daughter: “No, you can only eat food, and I’m NOT a food. I’m a people.”

    Me: “You’re a people?”

    Daughter: “Yes, so you can’t eat me.”

    Me: “Okay, then…”

    Catering For Your Future

    | Washington, DC, USA | Parents & Guardians, Siblings, Sons & Daughters

    (We’re on a family walk through a very nice neighborhood. My younger sister is walking beside our mother, a little ahead of my father and me. We are all pointing out our favorite houses as we pass them. Suddenly, my mother shoves my younger sister off the sidewalk and into the street.)

    Sister: “Hey!”

    Dad: “Everything all right up there?”

    Mom: “Did you hear what she just said to me!?”

    Dad: “No, why? What’d she say?”

    Mom: “I asked if she’s gonna have a room for me when she gets all rich and famous and buys her big house. She said ‘Sure am. It’s gonna have hardwood floors, granite countertops, and stainless steel appliances. It’s gonna be called “The Kitchen.’”’”

    Reading You Your Rights

    | Thurmont, MD, USA | Children, Parents & Guardians, Sons & Daughters

    (I am five years old. My parents, my little brother, and I are on our way home after a day out.)

    Me: “I’m hungry! Mom, can stop somewhere?”

    Mom: “No, [My Name]. Besides, there isn’t anywhere out here to eat!”

    Me: “Yes, there is! That sign says ‘restaurant!’”

    Mom: “The jig is up! The kid can read!”

    This Tale Will Never Get Old

    | Arnold, MO, USA | Children, Grandparents, Sons & Daughters

    (My mother recounts this conversation she once had with my youngest son, age six, on a trip to the park one day.)

    Son: “Grammy, what is a ‘geezer’?”

    Mom: “A very old man.”

    Son: “Is Grandpa a ‘geezer’?”

    Mom: “Yes, I guess he is.”

    Son: “Does that make you ‘Missus Geezer’?”

    Mom: “Yes, sweetheart, I think it does.”

    Son: “Well, it’s okay, Grammy. You’re a good cook so Grandpa will probably keep you anyway.”

    Give Them What They Want Or There Will Be Blood, Part 2

    | Australia | Children, Sons & Daughters

    (My young son pricks his finger on a pin as I am sewing.)

    Son: “OWWW, hurt. Band-Aid.”

    (I look at his finger, there’s barely a mark, so I kiss it.)

    Me: “Mummy will kiss it better. No Band-Aid.”

    (My son sits down and starts squeezing his finger until a tiny drop of blood appears.)

    Son: *in hysterical voice* “BLOOD! BBLLLLOOOOOODDDDD!”

    Me: “I’ll get a Band-Aid.”

    (I put a Band-Aid on, and my son ran off happily. Five minutes later he ripped it off.)

    From NotAlwaysLearning:
    Give Them What They Want Or There Will Be Blood

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