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  • May's Theme Of The Month: Movie Mayhem!

    Category: Siblings

    The Fruit Of My Loins

    | The Netherlands | Parents & Guardians, Siblings

    (The grandma of my half sister is in the hospital, dying. We are preparing to visit her for the last time. My half sister is 11 and just had sex education at school.)

    Mom: “Everyone ready to go?”

    Half Sister: “Mom, did you know a uterus is the size of a large strawberry at my age?”

    Mom: “…”

    Don’t Have Beef If You Like Beef

    | Germany | Boyfriends & Girlfriends, Parents & Guardians, Siblings

    (My mother’s boyfriend has a really unnerving habit of jumping on bandwagons despite not actually having anything to do with the trend in question, something that has begun to annoy my sister. His latest hobby is bashing fast food.)

    Mom’s Boyfriend: “Well, if people want to eat fast food, I don’t care. They can eat that garbage, but I will not! It’s just gross what they put inside of it! It’s unhealthy!” *continues to rave*

    Sister: “…Says the guy who smokes his own weight in tobacco every day, thinks that eating anything else than steak is ‘unmanly,’ and spends his days lying on our couch.”

    (He shut up for good after that.)

    The Go-To Goku Hero

    | Raleigh, NC, USA | Nephews & Nieces, Siblings

    (My sister has brought my four-year-old niece over after we haven’t seen her in a few months. My husband enjoys building plastic models, mostly Gundams, but there is a Goku figure he has built. My niece asking a ton of questions about the Gundam, then comes to the Goku.)

    Niece: “Who’s that?”

    Me: “That’s Goku.”

    Niece: “Who’s he?”

    Me: “He’s someone who saves the earth from lots of bad guys.”

    Niece: “He’s my favorite hero!”

    Sister: “You’re a nut! You didn’t even know who he was before now!”

    Disassembling Avengers Assemble

    | NS, Canada | Siblings

    (This conversation takes place between me and my 14 year old sister while I am looking up ‘Iron Man 3′ in Google images. She’s 100% serious.)

    Sister: “What are you looking at?”

    Me: “Poster for the new Iron Man movie.”

    Sister: “There’s another one?”

    Me: “Yes?”

    Sister: “OMG is that Gwyneth Paltrow?! Is she, like, his wife?”

    (Yes, she actually said ‘OMG.’)

    Me: “No, she’s his girlfriend in this movie.”

    Sister: “So what’s her superpower? Is that her costume?!” *points at female Iron Man Halloween costume on the page* “They’re like twins!”

    Me: “Please just stop.”

    Sister: “So, is the Joker the bad guy again?”

    Me: “No. That’s Batman. Go away.”

    Sister: “Is Superman going to show up and help him? They did that in The Avengers right?”

    Me: “What the… No. Just, stop. Please.”

    Sister: “I hope they make the movies into a book. I’d read it.”

    Me: *twitching slightly*

    Doesn’t Find It A-Mew-sing

    | USA | Pets & Animals, Siblings

    (I poke my brother’s cat.)

    Cat: *swipes at me*

    (I poke my brother.)

    Brother: *swipes at me, in exactly the same way*

    Me: “[Brother], you’re just like your cat!”

    Brother: “Huh? No, I’m NOT!”

    A Clean Break From The Siblings

    | USA | Siblings

    (I have lived with my messy older sister for 10 years, and then with my equally messy younger brother for 10 years after that. Now, due to special circumstances, they are living together for the first time, and I’m living away, by myself.)

    Older Sister: “[My Name], [Younger Brother] is so annoying to live with! He never cleans!”

    Me: “I know exactly what you mean. When we were living together, he never did, either.”

    (She leaves, nodding in disgust. Shortly after that, my younger brother walks up to me.)

    Younger Brother: “[My Name], [Older Sister] is so messy! She always nags me to clean, when she’s the one making a mess!”

    Me: “Oh, I know exactly what you mean. When we were living together, she would boss me around and not clean up after herself.”

    (My brother leaves, nodding.)

    Me: *secretly grins*

    (I’m so happy not to be living with either anymore!)

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