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    Category: Siblings

    Step Up To The Step-Family

    | OH, USA | Parents & Guardians, Siblings

    (I am 12 years old, and my new stepbrother is five. His mother allows him to do as he pleases and has informed him that he does not have to listen to me if I attempt to correct his behavior. One evening I go outside and see my brother has hauled his bike, with training wheels, to the top of a tall stone wall.)

    Me: “[Brother], get down from there!”

    Brother: *sticks out his tongue* “You’re not my boss! You can’t tell me what to do!” *starts riding bike, falls off the wall, and begins to scream*

    Stepmother: *running outside* “WHAT HAPPENED?”

    Me: “He rode his bike off the wall.”

    Stepmother: “WHY DIDN’T YOU STOP HIM?!”

    Me: “I tried! He told me I wasn’t his boss!”

    Stepmother: “YOU SHOULD HAVE STOPPED HIM ANYWAY!! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!”

    (My brother was fine except for a few scratches. To make up for his trauma, his mother immediately went out and bought him a puppy. I was punished for not stopping him from falling, yet she continued to inform him that he did not have to listen to me.)

    The Answer Doesn’t Grow On Trees

    | American Fork, UT, USA | Children, Nephews & Nieces, Siblings

    (My sister called me just after I got out of work to ask if I had a ride home. Since I enjoy seeing her, I accepted an offer to drive two miles total from work to my apartment. I get in the car and my four-year-old nephew and almost-two-year-old nephew are in the back seats.)

    Me: “Hi, [Sister]! Hi, boys!”

    Nephew #1: “HIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHI!”

    Nephew #2: *quietly* “Hi.”

    Sister: “I told him that he had to be nice tonight, since he cried last time.”

    Me: “I understand.”

    Sister: “[Nephew #2], what’s Friday?”

    Nephew #2: “Valentine’s Day.”

    Me: “Oh, that’s fun!”

    Sister: “Are you going to have valentines at school?”

    Nephew #2: “Yeah, but I don’t want to give them to people I don’t like.”

    (I stifle a laugh.)

    Sister: “That’s not a very nice thing to say! Say the nicest thing you can think of!”

    Nephew #2 *after a moment of hesitation* “Tree.”

    A Fail Fail

    | Scotts Valley, CA, USA | Siblings

    (I am in the fifth grade and my sister is in the fourth. I am home sick from school and our parents ask her to stop by my classroom and get my homework from my teacher. When she gives it to me, she also gives me a piece of paper, she vaguely described as my grade. This was suspicious enough without the obvious grin on her face.)

    Me: “An ‘F’? But Mrs. [Teacher] doesn’t give ‘F’s, she gives ‘No Pass’ for anything below a ‘C.’ And it’s been written on a piece of binder paper torn out of a binder. And… the ‘F’ is written backwards!”

    Sister: *flees*

    Working From Home Isn’t Working

    | CO, USA | Parents & Guardians, Siblings

    (I work from home, and my ‘home office’ is actually my bedroom. I live with my parents, due to the expensive housing. Like anyone, I want to not be disturbed. However, my family doesn’t appear to comprehend this, so whenever I am busy, I have put up a sign on the door requesting to not knock unless it’s an emergency.)

    Mom: *knocks on the door*

    Me: *to the teleconference* “One second.” *mutes the microphone* “Yes?”

    Mom: “Did you run the dishwasher today?”

    Me: “Is this an emergency?”

    Mom: “Well I need to know before I start putting dirty dishes in there!”

    Me: “Mom, this can wait. Kind of busy here.”

    (Later, dad knocks, and I walk over to answer.)

    Me: “Yes?”

    Dad: “What’s the weather supposed to be like this week?”

    Me: “Did you read the sign? I’m trying to file this electronic report.”

    Dad: “What sign?”

    (Right next to us, at exactly his eye level, is the sign, written in big bold letters. Yet later, my younger sister walks in and nearly gives me a heart attack.)

    Me: “Yes?”

    Sister: “Have you seen Anchorman?”

    Me: “… I am typing up an order form here. Didn’t you see the sign?”

    Sister: “I did. This can’t wait! It’s on TV tonight!”

    (Note that we have DirectTV, which lets you record TV programs. When I start looking for something in town to rent and use as an office, my parents just cannot comprehend why I’d possibly want to do that when I can work from home…)

    Money Doesn’t Grow On Family Trees

    | USA | Siblings

    (My sister has an unfortunate habit of mismanaging her money, and often asks to borrow money from someone, usually me. She calls me one day, making the familiar request.)

    Sister: “Hey, are you able to loan me any money? I really need some help and I can pay you back next week.”

    Me: “I’m sorry. I don’t have it to give. This month’s been rough on me as well.”

    Sister: “Oh. Well, thanks anyway.” *hangs up*

    (An hour later, my phone rings again. It’s my sister.)

    Sister: “Are you sure you can’t loan me any money?”

    Me: “I assure you, I do not have anything to spare.”

    Sister: “Okay. Thanks.” *hangs up*

    (A half hour passes before my phone rings again. Once again, it’s my sister.)

    Sister: “I really need your help. I’ve called everyone in the family and no one can loan me any money. Can you please loan me some money?”

    Me: *finally losing it* “And when I tell you, ‘I don’t have the money,’ it’s not code for, ‘Please keep needling and begging until I cave and pull out the fat wad of cash I keep magically stored in my anus!’ It means I don’t f****** have it! Now quit badgering me!” *click*


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