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    Category: Siblings

    Can’t Find Fish Nor Fowl Smell

    | Grand Junction, CO, USA | Siblings

    (At my youngest sister’s wedding reception at my dad’s Elks’ lodge, my two older brothers get ahold of my sister’s and new brother-in-law’s car keys to their sports car. We then head out to the parking lot to decorate it. My younger brother and I get out the cans on strings and shaving cream. But my oldest brother gets an evil look on his face as he pulls out a cellophane-wrapped fillet of fish from the grocery, and then places it under the passenger seat. We figure that they’ll find it soon, as it’d be sure to start smelling in a day or so. About a month after their wedding, though, I’m talking to my sister on the phone.)

    Sister: “For the last couple of weeks, my car has smelled awful. I can’t figure out if I stepped in something, or what could’ve happened.”

    Me: “Um… did you find the salmon fillet under your passenger seat?”

    Sister: *screaming after she drops the phone and runs out to her car to look* “Brothers!”

    My Sister Can Be A Brain Drain

    | IN, USA | Siblings

    (My sister and I are driving home after seeing a concert. It’s not particularly late, but the show was loud and high-energy, so we’re both rather tired, drained, and not thinking clearly. We’re otherwise sober. I notice an elementary school’s marquee out the window.)

    Me: “Huh. [Elementary School] is doing ‘Fiddler on the Roof.’”

    Sister: “No, that’s the school corporation’s summer musical. High school.”

    Me: “Oh! I was about to say… that’s kind of heavy stuff for a middle school to be producing.”

    Sister: “That school is an elementary school.”

    Me: “Gah! Music… too… loud… brain… no… work…”

    (We arrive home at this point; my sister accidentally drives up onto the curb trying to park.)

    Sister: “Brain… thing… contagious…”

    Fun Bails Out For Good

    | Grand Rapids, MI, USA | Parents & Guardians, Siblings

    (I’m walking out the door on my way to work.)

    Dad: “Have fun!”

    Sister: “Be good!”

    Me: “Wait, that’s two conflicting statements. What should I do, be good or have fun?”

    Dad: “I’m the dad, I trump your sister. Have fun; just remember not to call me for bail money.”

    In-Laws Are The Butt Of All Family Jokes

    | Seward, AK, USA | In-Laws, Siblings

    (My brother-in-law and I are having a cigarette outside when this happens.)

    Brother-In-Law: *rolling his cigarette in between his fingers* “Hey, feel my butt. It feels weird.”

    Me: “…wha?”

    Brother-In-Law: “MY CIGARETTE BUTT.”

    My Dragonsister

    | Australia | Parents & Guardians, Siblings

    (I play Dungeons and Dragons with my sister. She and I only ever get along in-game. That being said, one day we’d had a small disagreement right before we played. This happens about an hour in. Our dad is acting as dungeon master.)

    Me: “Right, so we’re settling here for the night?”

    Sister: “Just one thing first… I need to run at you with my knife.”

    Me: “What?”

    Sister: “I’m attacking you now.”

    Me: *looks at dad* “Do I at least see it coming??”

    Dad: *rolls* “You do, and effectively block. Your NPCs have now noticed as well. [Sister]‘s turn.”

    Sister: “I’ll try that again, I think. GO FOR THE THROAT!”

    (I wind up taking minor damage before the NPCs restrain her.)

    Me: *frustrated* “Please heal me now! I’m your tank! Why did you even do that?”

    Sister: *giggles* “I was bored. And heal your d*** self. I’m going to sleep.”

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