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    Category: Siblings

    Logged In As Me, Myself, And I

    | Glendale, AZ, USA | Siblings

    (My sister’s game console broke, so she’s borrowing mine. After she signs into her account, I note the symbol indicating a friend is also signed in.)

    Me: “Look, a friend of yours is online.”

    Sister: “Oh, is it you?”

    Going Head-First Into Your Innuendo

    | Sydney, NSW, Australia | Grandparents, Siblings

    (My family is having dinner at a restaurant for Mother’s Day. I’m sitting with my brother and sister opposite our grandpa.)

    Grandpa: *pouring beer* “Oops, too much head.”

    Brother: “Are you practicing your beer-pouring skills so you can be a barman?”

    Grandpa: “No, I don’t think I’ll be able to work a bar with this dismal effort.”

    Me: *muttering* “It’s got more head than a high school football player.”

    Brother & Sister: *laughing so hard they’re crying*

    (My stepdad was laughing too hard to tell us off.)

    A Love Across The Stars

    | San Jose, CA, USA | Boyfriends & Girlfriends, Siblings, Theme Of The Month

    (I am pretty much the family oddball. I’m talking to my sister while she has her boyfriend on the phone. She leaves to talk to our mother. I pick up the phone.)

    Me: “What’s up, [Sister's Boyfriend?]”

    Sister’s Boyfriend: “Not much. Playing Jedi Knight, Jedi Academy.”

    Me: “Really? Cool! I played that a lot as a kid.”

    (We talk about the game for about another half-minute when my sister returns.)

    Sister: “Hey! Give it back!”

    Me: “No! We’re talking about Star Wars!”

    Sister: “He’s MY boyfriend!”

    Me: “Our mutual fascination has to be discussed!”

    (She takes the phone away and retreats into her room.)

    Me: *calling after her* “Why do you have to be so possessive?”

    The Starch Truth

    | Pocano Mountains, PA, USA | Parents & Guardians, Siblings

    (We’re on vacation one summer with our mom, who is a professional chef and therefore takes cooking seriously. The hotel room comes with a full kitchen, so we’re deciding what to make for dinner.)

    Me: “Okay, so I’m making chicken fettuccine. What should I make to go with that?”

    Sister: “I want a baked potato!”

    Me: “Ooh, that sounds good! All right, so I’m making chicken fettuccine with baked potatoes.”

    Mom: “You can’t do that! They’re both starches!”

    Me: “So?”

    Mom: “So you can’t have two starches together in a meal!”

    Sister: “But I want a baked potato…”

    Me: “Yeah, mom. I don’t think anyone cares up here if we eat two starches.”

    Mom: “But you can’t have two starches! You have to have something else, like a vegetable!”

    Me: “Mom, I really don’t think the culinary police are going to drive all the way up to the mountains to fine us for having two starches with our meal. We’re on vacation, so I say if [Sister] and I want baked potatoes with our pasta, then d*** it, we’re going to have baked potatoes with our pasta!”

    (In the end she relented. Because my sister and I are jerks, we decided to also add French fries as a side just to annoy her. Our youngest sister left a ‘ticket’ on my mom’s pillow for having more than one starch at dinner, signed ‘The Culinary Police.’)

    Wickedly Early In The Morning

    | Wales, UK | Siblings

    (It is Sunday morning and my sister is at her wardrobe in our shared room. She is choosing an outfit for the day and evidently has decided the dress she is wearing looks like a well known character.)

    Sister: “[My Name], are you a good witch or a bad witch?”

    Me: “Ahem!” *belting it out* “I’LL BEEE JUST FIIINE DE-FY-ING GRAV-I-TY!”

    Sister: *deadpan look* “That was quick for this time in the morning.”

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