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    Category: Siblings

    The Mood Is Gone

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Parents & Guardians, Siblings

    (My brother recently got laid off and the financial issues have caused him to fight with his girlfriend, which means he’s been staying at home lately. I work at a cinema so in an attempt to cheer him up I offer to take him to see some movies.)

    Me: “Is there anything you want to go see? I have a bunch of free passes.”

    Brother: “Well, assuming that my girlfriend doesn’t dump me, we could go see ‘Gone Girl.'”

    Me: “…I don’t want to be a d***, but can I just point out the irony of that sentence?”

    Mom: “You’re being a d***, honey.”

    I Know I’m Wrong But I’m Not Sorry

    | TN, USA | Siblings, Spouses & Partners

    Dad: “Listen, boys. The six most important words to know when your married are ‘I know, I’m wrong, and I’m sorry/'”

    Mom: “That’s right!”

    Me: “Or: ‘woman make some room now!'”

    Brother: “Dude, that’s only five words.”

    Me: “It is? One two three four five. Oh, it is. How about ‘Woman go make some food now!'”

    Mom: “Give me your phone.”

    Me: “I was kidding!”

    Mom: “Don’t talk until we get to the hotel.”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

    The More Popular Animals

    | Reno, NV, USA | Nephews & Nieces, Siblings

    (My sister, her 18-month-old son, and I are walking through a local pet store to decide whether to get a fish for the house. My nephew has been talking for a while but his pronunciation still needs work.)

    Nephew: *pointing at the fish tanks excitedly* “Look! Look, Mommy! B*****s!”

    Me: *stifles laughter*

    Sister: “No! No, [Nephew], those are FISHES.”

    Nephew: “Yeah! B*****s!”

    Me: *continues to hide laughter* “Why don’t we go look at something else?”

    Sister: *shoots dirty look at me* “…Yeah.”

    (We continue on to the reptile section and [Nephew] gets excited again when he sees the frog tanks.)

    Nephew: “Mommy! Mommy! F***s! F***s!”

    Sister: “[Nephew], no! Those are FROGS! Can you say frogs?”

    Nephew: “Yeah! Look at da f***s!”

    Sister: *facepalm*

    Me: *practically on the floor with laughter*

    Sister: *turning towards the exit* “Okay, time to go.”

    Nephew: “No! No Mommy! Want f***s! Want B*****s!”

    Sister: “We’re going home now, [Nephew]. No frogs or fishes.”

    (My nephew proceeds to throw a huge fit, breaking down into tears within the first few seconds, and as we head out, managing to avoid the awkward stares of the other people, I stop laughing for a second.)

    Me: “Aw, come on, [Sister], everybody wants f***s and b*****s!”

    Don’t Joke About The Pancakes

    | Martinez, CA, USA | Siblings

    (I, my older brother, and my older sister are waiting for our food at [Restaurant known for pancakes]. I keep looking back waiting for my huge stack of chocolate chip pancakes because I am really hungry, and my siblings are laughing at me because of it.)

    Me: *sitting at the table drinking apple juice*

    Sister: “Your food’s here.”

    Me: *turns around* “WHERE?!”

    Brother: *starts laughing and gasping* “Oh, you fell for it!”

    Me: *glares at sister and stays silent for a while, before turning to her* “Your make-up’s smeared.”

    Sister: “Where?”

    Brother: *laughs hysterically* “How did you not see that coming?”

    Sister: *glares at me*

    Trident And Try Again

    | Manchester, England, UK | Children, Siblings

    (I am travelling in the car with my parents and little brother who is age three. We are discussing what to get as a gift for my grandmother’s birthday.)

    Little Brother: “Get her a devil stick!”

    Rest Of The Family: “A devil stick?! What’s that?!”

    (After questioning him, we establish that he means a trident. I have no idea why he thought a trident would be a good gift for an elderly lady.)

    He Told Them All Like For Like

    | Henrietta, NY, USA | Nephews & Nieces, Parents & Guardians, Siblings

    (My parents, husband, and I are baby-sitting for my brother since he is about to leave for a concert. My nephew is showing my dad and my husband a series of videos on YouTube. He is barely three years old.)

    Nephew: “After Daddy leaves, let’s watch the one I like.”

    Dad: “Okay.”

    Nephew: *sternly* “But not the one I don’t like.”

    Dad: “Okay.”

    Nephew: *more sternly* “I don’t want to watch the one I don’t like.”

    Dad: “Okay…”

    Nephew: “But I do want to watch the one I do like.”

    Dad: *chuckling* “Okay, we won’t watch the one you don’t like, and we will watch the one you do like.”

    Nephew: *goes to his dad, who has been listening* “Dad? We’re not going to watch the one I don’t like.”

    Brother: *laughing* “Okay.”

    Nephew: “But we are going to watch the one I do like.”

    (Everyone can see where this is going and is starting to laugh despite my nephew’s serious face. He proceeds to go around and say the exact same thing to me, my mom, my husband, my brother’s friend, and again to my dad.)

    Brother: *joking to my dad* “He’s making sure, just in case you try to play the one he doesn’t like, that everyone knows that he told you not to.”

    (After my brother and his friend leave, my dad and nephew go to watch the videos he has given very firm instructions on.)

    Nephew: *to my mom, after the video* “Grandma? Grandpa played the one I don’t like.”

    Mom: *shocked* “What?!”

    Dad: *indignant* “Now, wait a minute. He failed to tell you that he told me to play the one he doesn’t like, and about 10 seconds in I asked him if it was the one he didn’t like, and he said yes and to change it to the one he did like.”

    (We all laugh.)

    Nephew: *points at my dad* “Now, don’t do it again!”

    Dad: “What?!”

    (He’s a stubborn little guy!)

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