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    Category: Siblings

    The Writing’s On The Wall-E

    | Las Vegas, NV, USA | Siblings

    (My brother and I are driving to get lunch while discussing utopias and dystopias.)

    Brother: “The future in movies is never happy. It’s never, like, a good future.”

    Me: “True. Except in Wall-E. On board the Axiom, that would be my ideal future.”

    Brother: “You… you do know that was a dystopian future, right? They were helpless, boneless humans with no independence.”

    Me: “Yeah. A classless society with no monetary system, no unrealistic standards of beauty, no work, no having to get up in the morning if you don’t want to, all the protein shakes you can drink, and don’t tell me they don’t have video games on those screens that float in their faces.”

    Brother: “…I worry about you.”

    Me: “I know.”

    Now It’s Easier To Get Canned

    | Warwick, RI, USA | Siblings

    (It is my niece’s third birthday party. My brother and his friend have just returned from picking up the party pizza strips from the bakery. They have apparently obtained tiny cans of beer, and are explaining why they chose to buy them instead of regular sized when I tune back into the conversation.)

    Brother: “They’re baby beer! It’s a baby party so I got baby beer because I didn’t want to be an a**hole.”

    Has No Head For Medical Terminology

    | USA | Siblings

    (My little sister has a fever in the middle of the night. The next morning…)

    Me: “Are you feeling better?”

    Little Sister: “My forehead went away.”

    Me: “…You mean your fever?”

    Little Sister: “NO, I mean my forehead!”

    (She later clarified. Apparently, she meant ‘headache.’)

    Your Own Cross To Bear

    | USA | Siblings, Theme Of The Month

    (I am at home when my dad is out of town, but my mom and sister are there. He talks to my mom, who says only hi, okay, love you, and bye, and gives the phone to my sister. They talk for a minute and then hang up.)

    Sister: “Dad says ‘hi.'”

    Me: *dramatic voice* “FATHER, WHY HAST THOU FORSAKEN ME?!”

    No Twin Tactics Required

    | ME, USA | Parents & Guardians, Siblings

    (Our family just moved into Maine a week ago. School starts in less than a month. I’m talking to my twin. We are both girls.)

    Me: “I wonder if we’ll get any of the same classes?”

    Sister: “I hope so; we should mess with people, like switch names and seats.”

    (Right then our parents need help carrying the couch.)

    Dad: *points at me* “[Sister], come help me!”

    Sister: “I don’t think we’re going to have to try very hard.”

    Fifty Shades Of Pokémon

    | USA | Parents & Guardians, Siblings

    (My brother, my dad, and I are all in the car. I’m on the front seat talking to my dad about stuff and my brother, who is 11 years old, is playing a game where you create and name your own monster. He likes to ask me to make it for him but eventually I get tired and want to take a nap. Worst idea ever…)

    Brother: “Okay, so this one is going to be a fire element. Here you go do it for me.” *he tries to hand me his tablet*

    Me: “Why don’t you do it yourself? I made mine into a tornado.”

    Brother: “Okay.” *about five minutes pass* “His name will be Pornado!”

    (My dad and I exchange horrified looks.)

    Me: “Pornado?”

    Brother: “Yeah. He’s poor. What did you think I said?”

    Dad: “Oh, look. What a beautiful moon.”

    Me: “Yeah, let’s open the sun roof so we can see it.”

    Brother: “Why are you guys acting like that?”

    Me: “No reason.”

    Dad: *at me* “Wait until you have kids.”

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