May's Theme Of The Month: Movie Mayhem!

Category: Siblings

No Time For Kill-Joys

| IA, USA | Grandparents, Siblings

(My brothers, sister, grandmother, and I are going swimming during mid-summer. We tend to avoid huge crowds and my grandmother is a very busy woman. When we get to the lake, my sister points out a peninsula with a rocky outcrop.)

Sister: “Let’s go there. Nobody will bother us.”

Me: “I don’t think we’re supposed to do that. It’s really rocky and it might kill us.”

Grandmother: *quietly* “I don’t have time for that.”

Brother #1: “We’ll just throw [Sister] off. It’ll be okay.”

Grandmother: “Didn’t you hear me; I said I don’t have time to attend your funerals.”

Brother #2: “So? We’ll just share one. [Sister] will be on the bottom.”

Sister: *outraged* “What?! Why me?”

Grandmother: “I still don’t have time.”

A Different Kind Of Whiplash

| CO, USA | Siblings

(It’s move-in day, and we’re helping my brother move in his stuff for his dorm. My family has a strange sense of humor, so as a joke, my dad hides an inappropriate toy in my brother’s box of drumsticks. About a week later, my brother sends an email.)

Brother: “Best first week ever. Sent photos.”

(We opened up the attachment to the email to see a wooden plaque hanging on a wall of the university’s band room, with the inappropriate toy on it. In brass letters, it read: ‘Worst Drumstick of All Time.’ Apparently, my brother was going to drumline, grabbed the toy, and actually tried to PLAY WITH THE TOY without realizing until his conductor came up to him. It’s been two years, and as far as we know, it’s still up.)

Clean The Garbage With Soap

| NSW, Australia | Siblings

(My sister and I are discussing shows that aired during the nineties.)

Me: “No, no, I’m talking about shows like Neighbours… What’s it called?”

Sister:Neighbours.”

Me: “No, the genre.”

Sister: “Garbage?”

(The answer I was looking for was ‘soap opera.’)

That Is Inadvisable

| Newburgh, IN, USA | Siblings

(I have to write an advice column for my school newspaper, and since we don’t get requests we have to make stuff up.)

Me: “I don’t know what to write my advice column on!”

Brother: “Write about a guy who has a cup, and when he cries in it, it makes pearls.”

Me: “[Brother], this is an ADVICE COLUMN.”

Isn’t Quite Living Over The Rainbow Yet

| St. Louis, MO, USA | Parents & Guardians, Siblings

(I am at my parent’s house, when my mom shows me a rainbow afghan she has made for my cousin’s, her favorite nephew’s, new home. My sister and I are VERY proud of what we see as her acceptance of his coming out and finally introducing us all to his boyfriend. We have always all been a little protective of [Cousin] as he is a very sweet and shy man.)

Me: “You made that for [Cousin]’s new house? That is so cool!”

Mom: “Yes, isn’t it pretty? I thought, with all these colors, it could go with almost anything!”

Me: *exchanging a look with Sister* “Mom? You know that the rainbow is the symbol for Gay Pride right?”

Mom: “No, it’s not. [Cousin] just likes rainbows.”

Me: *trying not to laugh out loud* “Um, no, it’s Gay Pride. He’s living with his boyfriend.”

Mom: “Well, that’s not what I was making.” *leaves the room*

Me: *to Sister* “And I was ALMOST so proud of her.”

Sister: Think we need to warn [Cousin] what she is making for him?

Me: “Naw, I say let her be accidentally accepting in this case. She won’t ever bring it up with him anyway, and he’s too shy to bring it up himself.”

(He loved it and sent a pic of him and his boyfriend under it on the couch with big grins. Mom said it was sweet of him to share his blanket with his friend like that.)

Slash That Off The List Of Insults

| AZ, USA | Siblings

(My brother and I are in my dad’s truck driving down the road. My brother is five and I am ten.)

Brother: “Hey, isn’t that where [Friend] lives?”

Me: *being jerky* “No, you idiot-slash-jerk. He doesn’t live there.”

Brother: *bows head, silent for a moment, then with all the hatred a five year old can muster, fists clenched on lap* “Nobody, but NOBODY calls. Me. Slash.”


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