Category: Siblings

A Recipe For Disaster

| NY, USA | Siblings

(My brother, 27, is visiting me, 23, for the weekend, and he offers to go to the grocery store for me while I’m in rehearsal. I leave a shopping list on my desk.)

Brother: *over text* “How do I buy 1/4 cup milk?”

Me: “What?!”

Brother: “And 2 tsp baking soda?”

Me: “Wait. Did you take the poundcake recipe to the store instead of the shopping list?”

Grandma Can’t Size-Up The Situation

| Edo. de México, México | Grandparents, Siblings

(My sister broke up with her previous boyfriend some time ago but has recently started dating a new guy. One day, my grandma finds a jacket she doesn’t recognize and goes ask my sister. Her ex-boyfriend is a fairly skinny guy while her new boyfriend is really buff, and the jacket isn’t big.)

Grandma: “Honey, is this jacket from [Current Boyfriend]?”

Sister: “No, that would never fit him.”

Grandma: “Oh, so it is from [Ex-Boyfriend]?”

Sister: “Yes, that’s his.”

Grandma: “Oh! So… are we returning it or should we give it to [Current Boyfriend]?”

Relatives Are Relative

| NC, USA | Siblings

(I’m Korean and my family is obviously white. I was adopted as an infant and neither of my two older brothers ever think much of it. The oldest is early 20s, the other is 20, and I’m just shy of 18. The oldest is generally extremely embarrassing in public and is rather eccentric.)

Brother #1: *does another embarrassing thing*

Me & Brother #2: *walk away really fast*

Me: “I don’t know him.”

Brother #1: “Sister, where are you going?!”

Me: “I REALLY don’t know him and I’m not related to him at all.”

Brother #2: “I wish I could say the same.”

(We do love him, though.)

Big Brother Is Not Watching

| MN, USA | Parents & Guardians, Siblings

(I am riding with my mom and older brother on the way home from the dentist.)

Mom: *to my older brother* “What would you think if you had an older brother?                 ”

Brother: “Older brothers are stupid!”

Me: “You got that one right.”

No Statute Of Limitations On Sibling Arguments

| Felton, DE, USA | Parents & Guardians, Siblings

(I’m twelve years old and my family is sitting together watching crime dramas on TV.)

Character On TV: “The statute of limitations on [crime] has passed, but not on the [other crime].”

Me: “Dad, what’s statute of limitations?”

Dad: “Well, it means the time they have to build a case and arrest someone. Like, if you rob a store and they don’t find out it’s you until [time frame] you get away with it.”

(There’s a few minutes of silence while the show ends and another show begins.)

Brother: “Hey, dad?”

Dad: “Yeah?”

Brother: “What’s the statute of limitations on murder?”

Mom & Dad: “No.”

Almost An Insult

| Kuwait | Parents & Guardians, Siblings

(After a long time I finally decided to go back to Kuwait to visit my family.)

Dad: “So, what did my angel bring for me?” *going through my suitcase*

Me: “Relax, Dad, I’m not running away. I brought gifts for each one of you. Just let me freshen up.”

Older Sister: “Oh, oh! I hope you brought something pretty for me!”

Second Sister: *to me* “Even if you die you wouldn’t be missed that much, you know. You’ve been away for five years. It’s just like you’re almost dead for us.”

(Everybody stops dead in their tracks and are looking at each other awkwardly with the look of disbelief.)

Second Sister: “I said ‘almost.'”

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