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    Category: Parents & Guardians

    My Vietipino History

    | St. Louis, MO, USA | Parents & Guardians, Siblings

    (My mom is trying to tell us about our grandpa and what he was doing during WWII.)

    Mom: “Your grandpa was in the Philippines working on the Ho Chi Minh trail.”

    (At this point, my sister and I give each other smiles.)

    Sister: “Good morning, Vietnam!”

    Grateful For The Heartbreak

    | MA, USA | Parents & Guardians

    Dad: “You are so ungrateful!”

    Me: “I’m your kid. I’m not supposed to be grateful; the only things I’m supposed to do are eat your food and break your heart!”

    Dad: “Well, you’re doing a damned good job at both of those.”

    After Terrible Twos Come The Tiring Threes

    | AL, USA | Children, Parents & Guardians, Sons & Daughters

    (I’m babysitting my cousins, who are aged seven, three, and two. The kids are mostly in another room, which I can see from where I am.)

    Me: *sits on the couch* “Hey, [Three-Year-Old], wanna come watch [Cartoon] with me?”

    Three-Year-Old: *has really stressed out face, and keeps glancing around* “But… but everyone’s not doing what they are supposed to be doing!”

    My Mom: “Let’s keep her.”

    Doesn’t Hear The Irony

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | Parents & Guardians

    (My parents have come to stay with me at my place. They are early risers while I like to sleep in. After my father leaves to go golfing with my uncle, my mother gets bored and comes into my room while I’m still in bed.)

    Mom: “Did you hear the rain last night? It was just rattle-rattle-rattle all over the roof. I think there might be a leak in your roof, by the way. I could hear something dripping. It kept waking me up. Then around five this morning it woke me up for good and I just couldn’t get back to sleep. It was awful. Then your cat started crying to be fed. My god, that creature just never shuts up! Meow, meow, meow, until your dad went to feed her. Ugh. How about you? Did you sleep okay?”

    Me: “Yeah, don’t you hate it when noise keeps you awake when you’re trying to sleep?”

    Unsafe Word

    | New Zealand | Nephews & Nieces, Parents & Guardians

    (My nephew is five and learning how to read. His reading homework is to read a book about a baby hippo, which he is reading to my mum.)

    Nephew: “Baby hippo is asleep on mother hippo’s back. Baby hippo is…” *he pauses while trying to work out the word* “…f***ed?”

    Mum:Safe! Baby hippo is safe!”

    The Driver From U.N.C.L.E.

    | San Francisco, CA, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (My family and several sets of aunts/uncles/cousins are in California for a family reunion. One of my uncles is an infamously bad driver — his wife had been terrified of driving, but was convinced to get a license herself because she was afraid he would get into an accident and kill her children. One morning, we have all agreed to meet up at the nursing home where my grandmother lives.)

    Dad: *pointing to a car in front of us that’s driving really badly* “I bet that’s your uncle!”

    (The car parks, badly, in front of the nursing home, and the driver gets out.)

    Me: “Wait, that… Oh, my god, that actually IS [Uncle].”

    (This happened three separate times during that trip.)

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