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    Category: Parents & Guardians

    A Slap With The Age Gap

    | USA | Parents & Guardians, Siblings

    (My mother happens to pass by the desk where I’m doing homework and sees a glass half full of water on it.)

    Mom: “WHAT IS THAT DOING THERE!? That glass could spill and cause damage to the table! Get it off RIGHT NOW! I can’t believe you’d be stupid and lazy enough to put it there.”

    Me: “I didn’t put it there. [Younger Sister] was using it and left it there last night when I was doing homework.”

    Mom: “Well, it wasn’t her fault since she’s so little. You’re older so should have stopped her. How could you do this!?”

    Me: “My sister’s 14 and I’m 16. And I had headphones in and was staring at a computer screen, so how was I to know?”

    Mom: “It’s still your fault.”

    (This kind of thing happens on a daily basis.)

    The Prisoner Of Astrakhan

    | MA, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (It’s a lovely Saturday and I’m hanging out in a park when my phone rings. It should be noted that I’m a complete bookworm.)

    Mom: “Can I ask you a question?”

    Me: “Erm… okay.”

    Mom: “What does ‘astrakhan’ mean?”

    Me: “It’s a curly furry fabric, usually wool. Why?”

    Mom: “Oh, it’s in my book and I didn’t know what it meant.”

    Me: “So… why didn’t you go look it up?”

    Mom: “Well, it’s such a nice day, and I’m out here on the deck reading and I didn’t want to get up, so I thought I’d call and ask you.”

    Me: “I’m not ACTUALLY a dictionary, you know…”

    Mom: “Yes, you are. Now, while I’ve got you, what’s the difference between ‘mnemonic’ and ‘pneumonic?’”

    Me: *sigh*

    Woke Up On The Wrong Side Of The Bed

    | Australia | Aunts & Uncles, Parents & Guardians

    (My uncle turns up at Mum’s place early one morning. He starts accusing Mum of leaving my Grandmother at home alone. My parents have been looking after her for 30 years with absolutely no assistance from siblings.)

    Uncle: *to Mum* “Where were you last night?”

    Mum: “We were here, why?”

    Uncle: “That’s not what I was told; Mum called me to say there was no one home, she was alone, and had no idea where you were.”

    Mum: “We’ve been here all night.”

    Uncle: “Well, when Mum rang me she told me that she’d been calling out at the bottom of the stairs and was getting no answers. Where were you?”

    Mum: “What time did she call you?”

    Uncle: “3 am. Leaving her alone at that time of night. I’s disgusting. WHERE WERE YOU?”

    Mum: “Asleep in bed, where I am every night at that time.”

    Uncle: “Why didn’t you answer her?”

    Mum: “Probably because I was asleep upstairs. Why did you wait five hours to come and check on her?”

    Uncle: “I was in bed.”

    Just Bowsing Through The Characters

    | New Orleans, LA, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (My mother and I are driving down to pick up my sister. There is a truck in front of us with a fairly large sticker or magnet on the back.)

    Mom: “Is that a Pokémon on the back of that truck?”

    Me: *looks over at it* “No, mom, that’s Bowser.”

    Mom: “…”

    Me: “From Mario? Kidnaps Princess Peach?”

    Mom: “Well, I knew it was somebody.”

    The ‘Squee’ing Dead

    | USA | Parents & Guardians, Siblings

    (I’m watching the newest episode of a popular zombie-themed television show with my mom and sister. After several episodes of separation, the fan-preferred couple are finally reunited again and hug each other.)

    Me: “Woah! Did you hear that?”

    Mom: “Hear what?”

    Me: Oh, you can’t tell me you didn’t hear that! I think everyone around the world just heard that!”

    Sister: “Oh! I think I heard it! It was like a high pitched ‘squeeee,’ right?”

    Me: “Fangirls all over the world just squee’d all at the same time!”

    (Suddenly there’s a pop in the street from some kids playing with firecrackers.)

    Mom: “Well, I didn’t hear the squee, but it sounds like someone’s ovaries are exploding.”

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