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    Category: Parents & Guardians

    Try Not To Make A Meal Out Of It

    | USA | Friends, Parents & Guardians

    (My mother is very strict and after much pleading, she allows me to play at a friend’s. I’m seven years old.)

    Mom: “Now, if they offer you food, DON’T TAKE IT! Who knows what kind of chemicals they put in their food.”

    Me: “But I’m not going there to eat. I’m going to play.”

    Mom: “Just say you won’t eat anything there! Otherwise, you can’t go and we’re turning around right now!”

    (Scared that she would change her mind about letting me play with a friend, I agree that I won’t. My mom drops me off and my friend shows me to her room where we play games. A few hours pass and my friend’s mom calls out for us.)

    Friend’s Mom: “Dinner time! You too, [My Name]!”

    Me: “Um… I can’t.”

    (They all look at me like I’m crazy, looking very offended.)

    Friend: “Why not?”

    Me: “I promised my mom that I wouldn’t. Otherwise she’ll never let me play at someone’s house again…”

    (They look very shocked and start eating, while I watch with my stomach rumbling in hunger. It is extremely awkward and I can tell that they’re offended. Finally my mom comes to pick me up.)

    Mom: “How was it? Did you have fun?”

    Me: “I guess. They offered me food but I didn’t take any. I think they were insulted.”

    Mom: “… Oh. It’s okay!”

    (Even 15 years later, I still remind my mom about that when I want to point out how old fashioned her thinking is and every time she claims not to remember.)

    A Heads Up: Children Grow Up

    | PA, USA | Parents & Guardians, Sons & Daughters

    (I’m a recent college graduate still living with my parents. My mom sometimes has a hard time accepting that I’m in my twenties, despite the fact that I have a job writing and editing romance/erotica short stories. She just thinks of me as an amateur author and occasionally asks to read my published work, which I tell her she shouldn’t do. We’re watching ‘Shark Tank’ and a man comes in trying to market a product called ‘Morning Head’ which helps tame bed-head hair. We’re all a bit in shock over the name, but my dad and I are the most vocal about it.)

    Dad: “This guy is nuts! How did he even manage to sell any of these? That one shark is right; you can get the same results with a damp washcloth!”

    Me: “I think it’s more of a novelty thing. This way people can joke and say stuff like, ‘Hey, I gave so-and-so ‘Morning Head’ for his birthday. Ha ha.’”

    (My dad and I both laugh, but my mom stares at me with a mix of horror and surprise.)

    Mom: “This is why you’re not allowed to grow up!”

    Me: “And this is why you’re not allowed to read my work!”

    Let’s Hope They Drive Safe

    | Felton, DE, USA | Grandparents, Parents & Guardians

    (My parents both love camping, so they decide to buy themselves a nice RV to retire in. Sometimes, they spend nights in the RV for seemingly no reason. The morning after one such night, my grandmother calls.)

    Me: “Hello?”

    Grandmother: “Hi, [My Name]. Is your mother there?”

    Me: “She and dad spent the night in the RV. They haven’t come in yet.”

    Grandmother: “Well, it’s cheaper than a motel!”

    Playing With Fire

    | Fort Collins, CO, USA | Parents & Guardians

    Dad: “FIRE! FIRE! GET OUT OF THE HOUSE! FIRE!”

    (I run inside and find that Dad had managed to light stir-fry on fire. He is just standing in front of the burning stove screaming and panicking. I run and put it out with the fire extinguisher.)

    Me: “Have I just walked into a Sims game?”

    No One Screws You Up Like Family

    | TN, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (I have just posted several Wikipedia and newspaper articles on Facebook explaining my family’s strange toes and phobias. We also have a genetic defect affecting our eye color.)

    Mom: “So, you got dad’s defective toes, and my phobias, and the defective eye color thing. I’m not sure you kids will be able live a normal life knowing that everything you thought was endearing about you is instead a genetic defect.”


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