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    Category: Parents & Guardians

    Mom Is Having A Jurassic Lark

    | NY, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (I am about four years old. My parents have taken me to the Museum of Natural History. We are going through the dinosaur exhibit and I am looking over a T-Rex skull placed on the floor and held in a large glass case. I am quite intrigued, my hands pressed to the glass as I looked at the skull.)

    Mom: *leaning down behind me* “You know, you’d fit RIGHT in there.”

    (According to my mother, I got very quiet and my eyes went wide.)

    Love Has Been Thrown Off The Bus

    | CA, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (My mom and I get on the city bus; we move down the aisle.)

    Mom: “Let’s sit near the doors, because when they open, I’ll throw you out.”

    (We sit down.)

    Me: “No, Momma, as soon as the doors open, I’ll throw you out. And then I’ll throw myself out, so I can land on top of you, so you can break my fall.”

    Mom: “So, you really do love me then?”

    Me: “Yes, I do.”

    Stranger: “Aww, that’s adorable.”

    Will Scream Murder At You Later

    , | CA, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (My mom, my grandmother, and I are at [Home Improvement Store]. We are looking at these shish-ka-bobs things that would allow you to cook the stuff on the grill, and a thing to push down to get the food off, without burning yourself.)

    Worker: *walking by* “Are you ladies finding everything all right?”

    Me: “Yeah, we’re just looking for things to murder each other with.”

    Mom: *shouts my name*

    Worker: *smiles and walks away laughing*

    That Is Literally The Kicker

    | USA | Parents & Guardians

    (I have always been a very literal person, sometimes to my detriment. I am about four years old. We are visiting family and I am playing with my cousin but I keep running over to my mom to tattle. After I’d come to tell her about another small thing that made me mad, Mom finally gets frustrated and, apparently forgetting about my tendency to misunderstand and take things too literally, tells me sternly:)

    Mom: “[My Name], I don’t care if [Cousin] kicks you in the head! I don’t want you tattling again!”

    Me: *returning to my cousin* “My mom said you could kick me in the head!”

    (Thankfully she didn’t, but my family has never let me live that one down, even twenty years later!)

    Mom Is Ironically Charging In

    | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Parents & Guardians

    (My parents and I are working on fixing up my house. My father is currently working with the outdoor lighting, meaning I have had to turn off the electricity.)

    Mother: *comes charging outside* “[My Name]! It’s been an hour and you still haven’t turned on the washing machine! How do you expect your clothes to get washed when you won’t even—”

    Me: “But the power is off!”

    Mother: “And?! You haven’t turned on the washing machine!”

    Me: “Because there’s no power!”

    Mother: “What does that have to do with it?”

    Me: *facepalm* “Mum. The washing machine needs to be plugged in to work…”

    Mother: *after a few seconds* “Ah… Yes. Right.” *pauses* “Don’t put this on Facebook!”

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