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  • June's Theme Of The Month: Great Timing!

    Category: Parents & Guardians

    With Great Bacon, Comes Great Responsibility, Part 6

    | OK, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (My dad and I are eating a homemade breakfast.)

    Me: *eats last bite* “Mmm… yum.”

    Dad: “Bacon: The Best Job A Pig Can Have.”

    Me: “Mm hmm”

    Dad: “Sorry, pigs.”

    (Brief pause.)

    Dad: “That’ll do, pig.”

    Me: “Oh, my God, Dad!”

    With Great Bacon, Comes Great Responsibility, Part 5
    Related – From NotAlwaysRomantic
    With Great Bacon, Comes Great Responsibility, Part 4

    Drawn To The Fire

    | AK, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (I’m six years old. My younger sister and I both often sleepwalk and sleeptalk. It’s past my bedtime and I’m standing in the hall next to a window. I notice that the storage unit near our house has caught fire but observe it calmly.)

    Me: “Oh. What a pretty fire.”

    Mom: “Fire? What fire?”

    Dad: *to Mom* “She’s sleep-talking.” *to me* “Time for bed. C’mon.” *he goes to pick me up and glances out the window* “Holy s***!”

    Mom: “What?”

    Dad: “The storage unit’s on fire!”

    Mom: “What?!”

    Dad: “Grab the kids! We gotta go!”

    (Fast-forward two years. I’m now eight years old and my family is living in a different house. Inspired by a school lesson on fire safety, I draw a picture of a building on fire and try to show it to my parents.)

    Me: “Mommy, look! The house is on fire!”

    Dad: “What?!” *runs into the room and looks out the nearest window in a panic*

    Mom: “Oh God, no. Where’s the fire, [My Name]?”

    Me: “Here, Mommy!” *shows her the picture*

    Mom: “…Wait, you drew a picture of a fire?” *scowls furiously* “[My Name], don’t scare us like that! We take you seriously now!”

    Has A Head For These Things

    | Grand Rapids, MI, USA | Parents & Guardians

    Me: “Oh, this is an awesome shirt. I was dropped as a baby… into a pool of awesome and glitter.”

    Mom: “It doesn’t matter what you were dropped in. You still landed on your head.”

    Two For The Price Of One

    | Buffalo, NY, USA | Parents & Guardians, Sons & Daughters, Spouses & Partners

    (My mother, sister, husband and I are at the doctor’s office for my first ultrasound after finding out that I am pregnant with my first pregnancy. The doctor places ultrasound transducer on abdomen.)

    Me: “Why does my uterus look like it’s split in two?”

    Doctor: “Because there are two babies in there.”

    Me: *laughing, shocked*

    Mom: *shocked* “Oh, my god…”

    Sister: “I KNEW IT!!”

    Husband: “Well, at least we’ll save on hospital bills!”

    (Not even an hour later it was all over Facebook before my husband and I could tell anyone! Thanks, Mom!)

    Gas Prices Are Murder

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | Parents & Guardians

    (My mum and I are sitting in the living room. I have a habit of randomly blurting or singing strange things.)

    Me: *singing* “Mum and I are gonna play pool tonight.”

    Mum: “Yes, we are…”

    Me: *still singing* “And then go on a murder spree!”

    Mum: “I don’t think so.”

    Me: “Of course we are!”

    Mum: “You’re going to have to take your own car for that then.”

    Me: “Nooooooo! I don’t have enough gas!”

    Going Seriously Old School

    | QLD, Australia | Parents & Guardians

    (My father and I went to the same school and that school is having its 100th anniversary.)

    Dad: “I can’t believe it’s been there for a hundred years. And you know the scary thing?”

    Me: “You were there from day one?”

    (I couldn’t tell if my dad was amused or annoyed.)

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