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    Category: Parents & Guardians

    An Unnecessary Third Movie

    | St. Augustine, FL, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (My mom is currently flipping through the channels on the TV when she pauses on a showing of one of the Hobbit movies.)

    Mom: “Is it wrong that I read it ‘The Hobbit: An Unnecessary Journey’?”

    Drawing An Awkward Picture

    | OH, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (I’m cooking myself lunch on the stove. My mom is looking through the silverware drawer so she can eat something herself. Naturally, one of our cats immediately hops in.)

    Mom: “Get out of my silverware, cat!” *pauses* “I’d say ‘get out of my drawers,’ but that would sound weird, wouldn’t it?”

    Fifty Shades Of Pokémon

    | USA | Parents & Guardians, Siblings

    (My brother, my dad, and I are all in the car. I’m on the front seat talking to my dad about stuff and my brother, who is 11 years old, is playing a game where you create and name your own monster. He likes to ask me to make it for him but eventually I get tired and want to take a nap. Worst idea ever…)

    Brother: “Okay, so this one is going to be a fire element. Here you go do it for me.” *he tries to hand me his tablet*

    Me: “Why don’t you do it yourself? I made mine into a tornado.”

    Brother: “Okay.” *about five minutes pass* “His name will be Pornado!”

    (My dad and I exchange horrified looks.)

    Me: “Pornado?”

    Brother: “Yeah. He’s poor. What did you think I said?”

    Dad: “Oh, look. What a beautiful moon.”

    Me: “Yeah, let’s open the sun roof so we can see it.”

    Brother: “Why are you guys acting like that?”

    Me: “No reason.”

    Dad: *at me* “Wait until you have kids.”

    What Does God Need With A Starship?

    | PA, USA | Parents & Guardians, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m in my early teens and have recently become obsessed with Star Trek. My family is also very conservative and Christian, though my dad and I are both geeks.)

    Dad: *concerned with my obsession* “You know, [My Name],there’s nothing in the bible about Star Trek.”

    Me: “I disagree! I distinctly remember a scene where Jesus was beamed up!”

    (My dad gave up at that point, laughing and saying he couldn’t argue with my logic!)

    The Bus (Stop) Driver

    | Provo, UT, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (My mother is visually impaired, so when my dad went off to basic training when I was around three, we had to walk and take the bus to get to places. I apparently hated walking to the bus stop with a passion.)

    Mom: “So, when you get older, and you start driving, do you promise to take mommy anywhere she wants?”

    Me: “Yup! When I start driving, I’m gonna drive you to the bus stop!”

    (Sixteen years later she still hasn’t let this go!)

    Meet Aunt Hypocrisy

    | Carmel, IN, USA | Aunts & Uncles, Parents & Guardians, Theme Of The Month

    (When I was little I got a ‘magic book’ from a toy catalog full of fun stories, trivia, and arts and crafts projects. Though there were no spells I became thoroughly obsessed with being a wizard, and was very vocal about my belief in magic. One day, my mom and aunt are talking…)

    Aunt: “We need to talk about [My Name]’s obsession with wizards.”

    Mom: “Oh, isn’t it cute? She really thinks magic is real!”

    Aunt: “I’m worried she’s going to become a Satanist.”

    Mom: “…What?”

    Aunt: “She’s too interested in magic. Soon she’ll be into black magic and then she’ll become a Satanist! We need to do something!”

    Mom: “…[Aunt], she’s seven.”

    (When my mom related this conversation to me years later as a teenager, I laughed for a solid minute or two. The ironic thing is her own kids liked Harry Potter, and she had no problem taking the three of us to see the second movie!)

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