• Getting Him Out Of His Shell Dude - 297 votes
  • November Theme Of The Month: Thanksgiving!

    Category: Parents & Guardians

    Four Score Is Not As Much As It Used To Be

    | USA | Parents & Guardians

    (I’m working on history homework when my dad approaches.)

    Dad: “Need any help, [My Name]?”

    Me: “Yeah, actually. This paper wants me to list the presidents in office during WW II, but the Internet is down so I can’t look it up.”

    Dad: “Well, right off the bat you can write down Abraham Lincoln. I’m surprised you didn’t know that already.”

    Me: “Dad, this is WW II.”

    Dad: “Yeah. He freed the Jews.”

    Time To Shake Up The Calendar

    | USA | Parents & Guardians

    (My mom is talking to me about changing her calendar.)

    Mom: “I just need to twerk, I mean tweak, my calendar.”

    Me: “And I’m just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake.”

    Checkout That Parenting!

    | TX, USA | Parents & Guardians, Sons & Daughters

    (I am a cashier when a mother and three kids — 2 boys in the basket and a walking girl — come up, and this happens:)

    Me: “Hello! How are you this evening?”

    Mother: “I’m good, and you?”

    (I hear one of the boys say something, but make it out when the mom whips her head at him.)

    Mother: “That’s not nice!”

    (She gets down to his eye level.)

    Mother: “You do NOT call people that! Now I want you to say you’re sorry to the gentleman!”

    (The whole time I’m confused while scanning up their items, and watching in pure shock.)

    Mother: “No, I want you to say you’re sorry loud enough where he can hear you.”

    Boy: *just barely loud enough* “I’m sorry…”

    Mother: “Did you hear him?”

    Me: “Yes, but I didn’t even hear what he called me.”

    Mother: “It wasn’t a nice thing, and I don’t know where they get it.”

    Me: “Regardless, I’m just shocked that you actually were a parent. We have ones that even if they shouted it, wouldn’t do a thing.”

    (The transaction resumes as normal, but as they are leaving THE DAUGHTER even apologizes for her brother. I just wish that there were more parents that acted like this one.)

    A Speedy Resolution

    | ID, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (My mom has been borrowing my car while her own is at the mechanic’s. She’s a speed demon and I’m not.)

    Mom: “Your car starts to shake when I go over 70 MPH.”

    Me: “Then don’t go over 70.”

    Mom: *gives me the finger*

    Stupid By One Digit

    | Montreal, QC, Canada | Friends, Parents & Guardians

    (Every Saturday, some of my parents’ friends come over to play cards. I’m doing my homework in a separate area when one wanders in and strikes up a conversation.)

    Family Friend: “I saw your new car in the driveway, by the way. It looks very nice. How much was it and what model is it?”

    Me: “It’s a 2014 [Brand] [Model]. We got it for [price], I think.”

    Family Friend: “2014 for that price? That’s a good bargain!”

    (Later in the evening, after everyone goes home, my mom eventually wanders in. Apparently, the family friend had relayed our earlier conversation to her.)

    Mom: “What you said was pretty close; the car was actually [different price] after all the add-ons.”

    Me: *sensing a lead-in* “Okay?”

    Mom: “Also, while it is indeed the 2014 model like you said… I told them it was the 2015 one.”

    (Naturally, this declaration surprises me, to say the least.)

    Me: “Um, why?”

    Mom: *defensively* “Well, you see, your father had mistakenly told everyone that it was a 2015 model, so if they knew that it was actually from 2014, they would think that he’s a liar who’s trying to make himself look better! So naturally, I had to back him up!”

    Me: “…So, just to make sure our family friends, who have known us for over 20 years, don’t think that dad is suddenly a self-absorbed compulsive liar, you intentionally made me look like the stupid, mistaken one instead, in order to corroborate a lie, all over a minor, honest mistake dad made? All this instead of admitting he was simply off by one digit?”

    Mom: *pauses* “…No, no. I wouldn’t make you look stupid, sweetie!”

    What A Dog’s Mother!

    | TX, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (I’ve recently come out to my parents as transgender. They haven’t spoken to me since. More recently, I had to put my dog to sleep, and I miss him terribly. I decide to text my mother to see if she will send me old pictures of him.)

    Me: “I guess I understand if you don’t want to talk to me anymore, but would you consider sending me old pictures of [Dog]?”

    Mom: “I can’t right now. I’m picking up prescriptions for Prozac and Xanax to deal with how stressed out you’ve made me.”

    (Well, gosh, I’m part of a marginalized identity and my dog died, but I’m sure sorry she’s stressed out over it!)

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