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    Category: Parents & Guardians

    Device-ive Argument

    | USA | Parents & Guardians

    Brother: *yelling at tablet* “You’re walls are too high!”

    Dad: “Stop yelling! You don’t see anyone else yelling at their devices!”

    Me: *yelling at phone*  “Gosh dang it, phone! Why aren’t you loading faster!”

    Dad: *yelling at tablet* “Why did you send me that email?! I don’t want that email!”

    Mom: *repeatedly tapping book* “Why won’t this darn thing turn on?”

    Why Clean The Shades When You Can Throw Them

    | UK | Parents & Guardians, Sons & Daughters

    (My six-year-old daughter, my mother, and I are at home. My mother is cleaning up and asks my daughter to fetch her something.)

    My Mother: “[Me], can you bring me the broom?”

    My Daughter: “Why do I have to bring it?”

    My Mother: “Because you are my skivvie.”

    (In the UK, skivvie is a slang/humourous term for servant.)

    My Daughter: “What’s a skivvie?”

    My Mother: “A skivvie is like Cinderella.”

    My Daughter: “Okay! So if I’m Cinderella, does that make you and [My Wife] the Ugly Sisters?”

    Oral Pollination

    | Houston, TX, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (I am a swimmer. There is a lot of tree pollen in the water and tends to get into… strange places.)

    Mom: “How was swimming?”

    Me: “Good, but pollen got on my mouth.”

    Mom: “Ew, trees having sex.”

    Me: “…”

    I Wanna Be Princess Leia!

    | USA | Parents & Guardians, Sons & Daughters

    (I’m re-shelving books in the children’s section when a mother comes by with her son, who’s all of six years old. He’s clearly excited about getting to pick out books he can read. As I’m putting away books, the following exchange takes place:)

    Boy: “Ooh, Mama, how about this one?”

    Mom: “Uh… it looks a little higher than your reading level, babe. But if you wanna try, go for it.”

    (The kid happily hands his mother a book, then stares at the shelves.)

    Boy: “Mom, I want a princess book.”

    (Internally I cringe, thinking the kid is about to hear, “No, those are for girls.”)

    Mom: “Well go find one then.”

    (He returns after a minute and holds one up to her.)

    Mom: “Let me see it. Cinderella, huh? Yeah. I think you’ll like that one. Okay, go find some more books.”

    (He grabs about three more and brings them back to his mom.)

    Mom: “Wait, is that Star Wars? Is that MY child, reading Star Wars? Oh yes it is, uh-huh, that is MY child!”

    (She sounded so proud. It was the cutest thing!)

    A Threatening Slice

    | Canada | Parents & Guardians

    (I’m around 14 years old and have weird taste buds. Unlike my sisters, I’m not the biggest fan of pizza, and actually enjoy broccoli a lot more. We’re having broccoli that night and I’ve just said something teasingly insulting to my dad.)

    Dad: “You know, I can throw out this broccoli and order pizza tonight instead.”

    How To Small Talk Even Smaller

    | NM, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (I hear an ad on the radio concerning Mother’s Day.)

    Me: “Oh, d***, when is Mother’s Day?”

    Coworker: “I have no idea.”

    Me: “Last Sunday in May, isn’t it? I have a present for my mom; I just need to remember to ship it.”

    Coworker: *matter-of-factly* “Mine’s passed away, so I don’t have to worry about that.”

    Me: “Oh…”

    (I didn’t have a clue how to respond to that!)


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