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  • Definitely Not Sugar-Coating It
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  • Category: Parents & Guardians

    His Window Of Opportunity

    | Tulalip, WA, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (My family often rely on me to look things up for them. My dad’s in the living room browsing the Internet while I’m in another room on the family computer he usually uses.)

    Dad: “Hey, when is Windows 10 coming out?”

    (I start to open a new tab, then think better of it.)

    Me: “You have a computer right in front of you.”

    Dad: “…Oh. I hadn’t thought of that.”

    Seeds Of Love Versus Seeds Of Mustard

    | Baltimore, MD, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (After deciding what to order for dinner at a local take-out place:)

    Mom: “Now, what’s the most important thing to remember?”

    Me: “Uh… love?”

    Mom: “Chinese mustard! I don’t care about love.”

    Their Relationship Is Both Great And Grand

    | Peoria, IL, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (My dad is on the phone with his mom, who lives in another state. My dad’s side of the family is Spanish and very large. I have at least 20 cousins, most of whom are much older than me. I happen to be walking by and hear this snippet of conversation:)

    Dad: “Oh, [My Name]? She’s doing great. She got her degree, has a great job, and volunteers at church on the weekends!”

    (Silence as my grandma responds.)

    Dad: “No, she doesn’t have a boyfriend yet.”

    (Silence as my grandma responds.)

    Dad: “She’s waiting for the right guy.”

    (Silence as my grandma responds.)

    Dad: “Don’t you already have 10 great-grandkids?”

    I Love You More Than Life Insurance Itself

    | TX, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (My mother has come down with a rather nasty infection and has been confined to her bed. I have taken over the role of care-giver.)

    Me: “All right, you have everything?”

    Mother: *grumble*

    Me: “Don’t need anything at all?”

    Mother: “Come visit?”

    Me: “To check if you’re still breathing?”

    Mother: *louder grumble*

    Me: “Awesome… and for future reference, where did you say you stored your life insurance papers?”

    Mother: *detangles her arm from the blankets and gives me the finger*

    Acting All Wifi And Mighty

    | NY, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (My family is on vacation in New York, visiting from Canada. I just got a new phone and don’t completely understand it yet, whereas my mom has had a phone many years.)

    Me: “Um, mom, I just got a message saying I’m 25$ over my data limit.”

    Mom: “What!? How could you do that!? Didn’t you know to turn your data off?”

    Me: “I’m sorry! I’m still learning!”

    (Ten minutes later:)

    Mom: “You know you really need to be more careful with that phone what if you racked up hundreds of dollars?”

    Me: “I said I’m sorry.”

    (Another ten minutes later:)

    Mom: “You know you always have to shut down data roaming and the rest of your apps. You can’t be so careless.”

    (An hour later.)

    Mom: “Hey, did I ever tell you about the last time I was in New York? I thought I was on wifi but I wasn’t and ended up spending 250$ over my data plan! But, hey, what can you do? Accidents happen you know?”

    (Sadly this isn’t the first time she’s called me out for a minor mistake while seeing no problem with doing the same thing, just worse.)

    Breathe A Sigh Of Relief

    | Oshawa, ON Canada | Parents & Guardians, Siblings

    (I’m out on a grocery run with my step-mother and younger step-sister, getting last minute things for a road trip our parents are planning on taking. My step-mother steps away to grab something in the health care area, where there is also a convenience counter that sells things like lottery tickets and cigarettes.)

    Step-Mother: *comes back with a small box that looks like a cigarette pack*

    Me: “I didn’t know you smoked!”

    Step-Mother: “What?!”

    (I gesture to the package she’s brought. She laughs and shows me they’re actually medical breathing strips for people who snore.)

    Me: “Oh, my god, they look just like a cigarette pack from a distance!”

    Step-Mother: “That definitely wouldn’t have helped me at night!”

    Step-Sister: “At least they both have something to do with breathing problems…”

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