(I am a gay male. We’re at a family night, and I’m with my two older brothers and their families as well as my boyfriend. My six-year-old nephew brings up an interesting topic during supper.)

Nephew: *to me* “Today, I was talking about you and [boyfriend], and my friend’s mom said I shouldn’t spend time with you anymore.”

Sister-in-law: “Why not, sweetie?”

Nephew: “Because they’ll turn me into a dirty gay. But you’re not dirty so…”

Mom: “Don’t worry honey, your uncle and [boyfriend] aren’t dirty, and they don’t turn you gay.”

Me: “Yeah, moms do that.”

(The table erupted into laughter, and apparently when Monday came around he actually told his friends mother that it’s moms who make people gay.)

(I am out and about with my 3-year-old nephew and decide to take him to the pet store and let him pick out a fish for my mom’s fish pond. However, whenever my nephew says ‘fish’ it sounds like s***.)

Nephew: “Look at all the s***. Umm. I like this s***. Can I get this s***?”

(I’m laughing, even though I knew what he means.)

Me: “Sure thing! What are you going to name him?”

Nephew: “I’m going to name my s*** Thundercracker!”

(I am with my 9-year-old nephew taking care of him during the weekend. I am making us some ice cream with some sprinkles.)

Nephew: “Today, I become a man.”

(I serve him his bowl of ice cream.)

Me: “What makes you say that?”

Nephew: “Because…”

(My nephew takes a spoonful of ice cream.)

Me: “Because, why?”

Nephew: “Because real men eat ice cream with sprinkles, right?”

(As he says this, I realize I am eating ice cream with sprinkles.)

Me: “Oh… um… sure?”

Nephew: “Gwar!” *does a manly Viking yell* “I am a man!”

(I strike a muscle-man pose in response.)

Me: “Gwar! We are men!”

(My 8-year-old niece is spending the night. She and my 5-year-old son are sipping hot chocolate at the table.)

Niece: *in a business-like tone* “So, how’s your co-ffee?” *she emphasizes and elongates the syllables in the word ‘coffee’*

Son: *yelling* “It’s too black and too strong!”

(They burst into a fit of giggles and settle down.)

Niece: “Now it’s your turn!”

Son: *in the same tone and cadence as niece* “So, how’s your co-ffee?”

Niece: “It’s too black and too strong!”

(They burst into another fit of giggles and repeat a few more times, switching roles.)

(I’m watching ‘How to Train Your Dragon’ with my 12-year-old nephew. In the past, I have found him cooing over a terrarium with a nest of baby snakes like an old maid over a stroller.)

Nephew: “Look, auntie… isn’t Toothless cute?”

Me: “Honey, we went down this road. Things that can kill you are not cute.”

Nephew: “But auntie, look! Remove his leathery wings, his poisonous fangs and his fearsome claws, and it is just like a cute kitten!”

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Easier Slayed Than Done