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    Category: Nephews & Nieces

    The More Popular Animals

    | Reno, NV, USA | Nephews & Nieces, Siblings

    (My sister, her 18-month-old son, and I are walking through a local pet store to decide whether to get a fish for the house. My nephew has been talking for a while but his pronunciation still needs work.)

    Nephew: *pointing at the fish tanks excitedly* “Look! Look, Mommy! B*****s!”

    Me: *stifles laughter*

    Sister: “No! No, [Nephew], those are FISHES.”

    Nephew: “Yeah! B*****s!”

    Me: *continues to hide laughter* “Why don’t we go look at something else?”

    Sister: *shoots dirty look at me* “…Yeah.”

    (We continue on to the reptile section and [Nephew] gets excited again when he sees the frog tanks.)

    Nephew: “Mommy! Mommy! F***s! F***s!”

    Sister: “[Nephew], no! Those are FROGS! Can you say frogs?”

    Nephew: “Yeah! Look at da f***s!”

    Sister: *facepalm*

    Me: *practically on the floor with laughter*

    Sister: *turning towards the exit* “Okay, time to go.”

    Nephew: “No! No Mommy! Want f***s! Want B*****s!”

    Sister: “We’re going home now, [Nephew]. No frogs or fishes.”

    (My nephew proceeds to throw a huge fit, breaking down into tears within the first few seconds, and as we head out, managing to avoid the awkward stares of the other people, I stop laughing for a second.)

    Me: “Aw, come on, [Sister], everybody wants f***s and b*****s!”

    No Warm Feelings In Your Tummy Here

    | Wollongong, NSW, Australia | Nephews & Nieces

    (My four-year-old nephew and I are looking at some of his baby pictures.)

    Me: “You were so cute!”

    Nephew: “You loved me when I was a baby, didn’t you?”

    Me: “I’ve loved you from the very moment you were born; I was in the room when you came out of your mummy’s tummy, you know.”

    Nephew: “No! I came out of her VAGINA!”

    He Told Them All Like For Like

    | Henrietta, NY, USA | Nephews & Nieces, Parents & Guardians, Siblings

    (My parents, husband, and I are baby-sitting for my brother since he is about to leave for a concert. My nephew is showing my dad and my husband a series of videos on YouTube. He is barely three years old.)

    Nephew: “After Daddy leaves, let’s watch the one I like.”

    Dad: “Okay.”

    Nephew: *sternly* “But not the one I don’t like.”

    Dad: “Okay.”

    Nephew: *more sternly* “I don’t want to watch the one I don’t like.”

    Dad: “Okay…”

    Nephew: “But I do want to watch the one I do like.”

    Dad: *chuckling* “Okay, we won’t watch the one you don’t like, and we will watch the one you do like.”

    Nephew: *goes to his dad, who has been listening* “Dad? We’re not going to watch the one I don’t like.”

    Brother: *laughing* “Okay.”

    Nephew: “But we are going to watch the one I do like.”

    (Everyone can see where this is going and is starting to laugh despite my nephew’s serious face. He proceeds to go around and say the exact same thing to me, my mom, my husband, my brother’s friend, and again to my dad.)

    Brother: *joking to my dad* “He’s making sure, just in case you try to play the one he doesn’t like, that everyone knows that he told you not to.”

    (After my brother and his friend leave, my dad and nephew go to watch the videos he has given very firm instructions on.)

    Nephew: *to my mom, after the video* “Grandma? Grandpa played the one I don’t like.”

    Mom: *shocked* “What?!”

    Dad: *indignant* “Now, wait a minute. He failed to tell you that he told me to play the one he doesn’t like, and about 10 seconds in I asked him if it was the one he didn’t like, and he said yes and to change it to the one he did like.”

    (We all laugh.)

    Nephew: *points at my dad* “Now, don’t do it again!”

    Dad: “What?!”

    (He’s a stubborn little guy!)

    A Symbol Of Your Oddness

    | IA, USA | Nephews & Nieces

    (My niece is a junior in high school, and has received an informational packet from a college. She is known for being a bit of an oddball.)

    Niece: *excitedly opens the envelope and takes out the packet* “What are these strange symbols?”

    Me: “Are you sure you’re holding it the right way up?”

    Niece: *bursts out laughing*

    (She wasn’t.)

    Not Quite Telling Him Straight

    | Shawano, WI, USA | Nephews & Nieces

    (Wisconsin started a reforestation program in the early 1900s because of the decimation done by heavy logging in the 1800s. We’re driving past one of the numerous pine plantations in the area.)

    Nephew: “There go some Straight-Row Pines.”

    Me: “What do you mean, ‘Straight-Row Pines?'”

    Nephew: “They’re called that because they always grow in straight rows.”

    Me: “Who told you that?”

    Nephew: “My dad.”

    Me: “And you believed him?”

    (How my nephew could get to high school without questioning that piece of information given to him by a dad who loves to tease, I don’t know.)

    Making Stuff Happen

    | QLD, Australia | Nephews & Nieces, Siblings

    (I’m watching two of my nephews, aged seven months and six years. I have to take the eldest to school but he’s no where near ready. I’m changing his brother’s diaper while talking to him.)

    Me: “[Oldest Nephew], go get your jumper… Go get your Chill Out Pass… Go brush your teeth… Go put your socks on… Get your shoes…”

    Nephew: *now frustrated* “Why do you keep making me do STUFF?!”

    Me: “Because I’m not your slave?”

    (That night my sister comes to talk to me after putting him to bed.)

    Sister: “So, [Nephew] complained that you are bossy and make him do things.”

    Me: “Yeah, he didn’t like me telling him to get ready for school this morning.”

    Sister: “Oh, don’t worry. I just laughed and said ‘good.'”

    Me: “Oh?”

    Sister: “He didn’t like that…”


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