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    Category: Nephews & Nieces

    Unsafe Word

    | New Zealand | Nephews & Nieces, Parents & Guardians

    (My nephew is five and learning how to read. His reading homework is to read a book about a baby hippo, which he is reading to my mum.)

    Nephew: “Baby hippo is asleep on mother hippo’s back. Baby hippo is…” *he pauses while trying to work out the word* “…f***ed?”

    Mum:Safe! Baby hippo is safe!”

    Take Back That Thought

    | Belgium | Nephews & Nieces, Parents & Guardians

    (I’m visiting my mother, who’s looking after my sister’s six-year-old daughter. My cousin had a baby the year before.)

    Mom: “Did you hear? [Cousin] is going to have another baby.”

    (My niece looks up in a state of shock and horror.)

    Me: “No, [Niece], she’s having a second baby. She’s not trading in the first one.”

    Niece: *sigh of relief*

    All Foreign-Talk And No Trousers

    | Israel | Nephews & Nieces

    (My husband’s family lives overseas. Our niece is four years old – her parents speak English to her at home, but it is not her first language. She and I are playing Barbies, in English.)

    Niece: *holds out an item of Barbie clothing that looks like an oddly shaped skirt* “What is this? A shirt?”

    Me: “Hmm. Well, it doesn’t have sleeves. So, it could be a shirt, but I don’t think it’s shaped right to be a shirt.”

    Niece: *pulls the little skirt over the Barbie’s legs* “It’s a… it’s a… shirt for legs!”

    Just Pooping Out Knowledge

    | Canada | Nephews & Nieces

    (I am babysitting my niece. She has just finished telling that she knows everything.)

    Me: “Well, you’re only five, so there’s lots more for you to learn!”

    Niece: “I may be only five, but I know that caca is French for poop!”

    Toasting The Obvious

    | Burlington, NJ, USA | Nephews & Nieces, Sons & Daughters

    (I am hosting my eight-year-old nephew along with my ten-year-old daughter. I decide to make everyone cinnamon toast for breakfast.)

    Me: “Here you go, [Daughter], and here you go, [Nephew].”

    Nephew: *tastes toast* “Hey! This tastes like Cinnamon Toast Crunch!”

    Daughter & Me: *facepalm*

    Verb-al Education

    | Rescue, CA, USA | Nephews & Nieces, Parents & Guardians, Siblings

    (I am visiting my parents. My sister and her 18-month-old son are also visiting them. My nephew is disabled and has trouble speaking, but is finally starting to clearly say full words. My family has fun encouraging to say different things.)

    Mom: “Say ‘outside.’”

    Nephew: “Outside.”

    Sister: “[Nephew], say ‘dinner!'”

    Nephew: “Dinner.”

    Dad: “Say ‘Up stairs.’”

    Nephew: “Up stairs.”

    Me: Say ‘is.’ Say ‘is’!”

    (My parents and sister give me odd looks.)

    Me: “He has to learn a verb one of these days!”

    Nephew: “Is!”


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