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  • Mothers Are Friends, Not Food
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    Category: Nephews & Nieces

    What’s Cooking In That Brain Of His

    | Antwerp, Belgium | Children, Nephews & Nieces, Themed Giveaway

    (I’ve taken my nephew out for the day, and while we had a busy day he finally sat for a moment next to me, looking pleased with the world. I’m on the big side.)

    Nephew: “You know what? If I was at a deserted island, I would wish to be there with [Cousin] and you. [Cousin] because of the fun and the fact she is a nurse and you for cooking.”

    Me: “So, I’m no fun then?”

    Nephew: *slightly embarrassed* “Well, a bit for the love, too. But mainly for cooking. When we are out of food, you can heat the pan on the fire. When it is hot, [Cousin] and me will shove you in.”

    (I was a bit flabbergasted and he was sitting there looking very pleased with himself. He was most severely punished with a visit from the tickle monster.)

    Badgered By Illness

    | Wales, UK | Children, Nephews & Nieces, Themed Giveaway

    (My sister has dropped her sick kids off because they’re both too ill for school. She has to work, and my wife has the day off. My nephew is ten and quite ill, and my niece is three and feeling a bit better.)

    Niece: “[Nephew] says ow a lot.”

    Me: “Yeah, that’s because he’s ill.”

    Niece: “I think he’s being eated by badgers.”

    Mothers Are Friends, Not Food

    | IL, USA | Children, Nephews & Nieces, Siblings

    (My sister and I have met for lunch. Throughout our meal, she keeps fidgeting in her seat and wincing. I finally ask her if she’s okay.)

    Sister: Oh! Yeah. It’s nothing, just…

    (She glances around and lowers her voice.)

    Sister: “My son bit me yesterday. On the a**.”

    Me: “… What.”

    Sister: *sighs* “He had just watched Finding Nemo and was pretending he was a shark. I was fixing him a snack afterward, and he just… snuck up behind me and…” *makes chomping sound*

    Me: *stifling laughter* “I’m sorry. That’s not funny… but it kind of is!”

    Sister: “I’m just glad I was wearing jeans and not sweatpants!”

    Babies Are Sealed With A Kiss

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Children, Nephews & Nieces

    Two-Year-Old Niece: “Where do babies come from?”

    Four-Year-Old Nephew: “First the man and woman get married, and then they have to kiss! EEWWW!”

    Two-Year-Old Niece: “EEWWW!”

    He’ll Be Saying Mating For Life

    | Israel | Aunts & Uncles, Children, Nephews & Nieces

    (I’m about six. I read a lot for my age, and have just learnt about the birds and the bees – in very scientific terms. I’m at my uncle’s house and have just come into the living room to see a steamy scene on the TV.)

    Me: “Look, uncle! That man and woman, they’re mating!”

    (To this day I have no idea how my uncle managed to keep his cool.)

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