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    Category: Nephews & Nieces

    A Complete Walls-Up

    | NSW, Australia | Nephews & Nieces

    (My niece, who is four years old, and our family are looking inside my sister’s house that is currently being built. My niece has been instructed that if she wants to come inside she isn’t to touch anything, especially the batting inside the walls as it is made of fiberglass and quite itchy. After the walls had been put up she was happy.)

    Niece: “Yay! The pink stuff is gone! I can touch things again!”

    (Noticing that the cornice hadn’t been put up yet and batting was coming out of the roof.)

    Niece: “Aunty! They didn’t build it right! Your walls aren’t big enough!”

    The Gentirish

    | Everett, WA, USA | Nephews & Nieces

    (I’m teaching Sunday School at a small church — this week it’s just my niece and nephew. I’m going over the dispensations (divisions of history, such as the Jewish Age and the Church Age), and trying to see if they recall some vocabulary (“gentile” meaning anyone not a Jew.))

    Me: “So, before the Jewish Age, before Abram became the first Jew, before there were any Jews… do you remember the term for people who aren’t Jews?”

    Niece: “Irish?”

    The Go-To Goku Hero

    | Raleigh, NC, USA | Nephews & Nieces, Siblings

    (My sister has brought my four-year-old niece over after we haven’t seen her in a few months. My husband enjoys building plastic models, mostly Gundams, but there is a Goku figure he has built. My niece asking a ton of questions about the Gundam, then comes to the Goku.)

    Niece: “Who’s that?”

    Me: “That’s Goku.”

    Niece: “Who’s he?”

    Me: “He’s someone who saves the earth from lots of bad guys.”

    Niece: “He’s my favorite hero!”

    Sister: “You’re a nut! You didn’t even know who he was before now!”

    I Beliebe In The Devil

    | Tulalip, WA, USA | Children, Nephews & Nieces

    (My 10-year-old nephew is playing a shooter game that creates a level based on a song in your music collection. It’s a good way to introduce him to new music, so I’ve got him started on ‘The Oak Ridge Boys.’ He really wants to fight the devil that comes up every few songs to challenge you (last seen, fittingly, on an Alice Cooper song.)

    Nephew: “When does the bad guy come out?”

    Me: “It’s random. You just keep playing songs, and sometimes he’ll come out.”

    Nephew: *shortly* “Oh, here’s the bad guy!”

    Me: “Oh? Which song is it?”

    Nephew: “Justin Bieber.”

    Me: “…It would be Justin Bieber who summons up the devil from Hell.”

    (Suddenly I realize that my music collection doesn’t include any Justin Bieber.)

    Me: “Wait a minute. WHICH Justin Bieber song?”

    Nephew: “I mean the Oak Ridge Boys.”

    Me: “You can’t tell the difference between Justin Bieber and the Oak Ridge Boys?!”

    Nephew: “I’m sorry! It was an accident!”

    Me: “This is going on the Internet.”

    It Takes Two To Salsa

    | St. Louis, MO, USA | Nephews & Nieces, Parents & Guardians

    (My nephew is notoriously picky when he chooses to be. He likes me to make him homemade salsa so he can taste test it. This day, I made a double batch and put it in 2 separate containers. He comes in for the taste test…)

    Nephew: *tasting container #1* “This one is too spicy. I don’t like it.”

    Me: “Okay, I’ll remember that for next time.”

    (He then notices the OTHER container.)

    Nephew: “What about that one? Is it different?”

    Me: “Try it, and tell me what you think.”

    Nephew: *tastes and considers* “Perfect. I like this one. Now, don’t get them mixed up!”

    (I then look over to see his Mom trying not to laugh out loud, and typing frantically.)

    Me: “Facebook?”

    Mom: “This is too good.”

    The More Popular Animals

    | Reno, NV, USA | Nephews & Nieces, Siblings

    (My sister, her 18-month-old son, and I are walking through a local pet store to decide whether to get a fish for the house. My nephew has been talking for a while but his pronunciation still needs work.)

    Nephew: *pointing at the fish tanks excitedly* “Look! Look, Mommy! B*****s!”

    Me: *stifles laughter*

    Sister: “No! No, [Nephew], those are FISHES.”

    Nephew: “Yeah! B*****s!”

    Me: *continues to hide laughter* “Why don’t we go look at something else?”

    Sister: *shoots dirty look at me* “…Yeah.”

    (We continue on to the reptile section and [Nephew] gets excited again when he sees the frog tanks.)

    Nephew: “Mommy! Mommy! F***s! F***s!”

    Sister: “[Nephew], no! Those are FROGS! Can you say frogs?”

    Nephew: “Yeah! Look at da f***s!”

    Sister: *facepalm*

    Me: *practically on the floor with laughter*

    Sister: *turning towards the exit* “Okay, time to go.”

    Nephew: “No! No Mommy! Want f***s! Want B*****s!”

    Sister: “We’re going home now, [Nephew]. No frogs or fishes.”

    (My nephew proceeds to throw a huge fit, breaking down into tears within the first few seconds, and as we head out, managing to avoid the awkward stares of the other people, I stop laughing for a second.)

    Me: “Aw, come on, [Sister], everybody wants f***s and b*****s!”


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