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    Category: In-Laws

    The Object Of My Affection

    | Dover, DE, USA | In-Laws, Siblings

    (My sister-in-law has recently had a baby boy, and I’ve come over to see him and chat with his mother for a bit. At one point while she holds him, he starts to cry. She starts to get up to get a clean diaper.)

    Sister-In-Law: “Here, hold this.” *passes me the baby*

    Me: *taking the baby* “Did you just say ‘here, hold this’ about your son?”

    Sister-In-Law: “Oh, yeah, I do that a lot. I just can’t get out of the habit of saying it!”

    Incoming Comments About Outgoings

    | Australia | In-Laws

    (My in-laws think that I came from a wealthy family.)

    Mother-In-Law: “Not all of us have the luck of being born into money.”

    Me: “What do you mean?”

    Mother-In-Law: “Well look at your family: they have a big house and property. You’ve never wanted for much.”

    Me: “Um, no. Dad has always worked for what he’s got, has been careful with his money, and doesn’t waste any of it.”

    Mother-In-Law: “You’re saying like us aren’t you?”

    Me: “Well, you said it.”

    Mother-In-Law: “Yeah, well, he probably inherited a lot of it.”

    Me: “No. I can remember Mum going without food to make sure we got fed. They grew vegetables and had chickens. They built their house over years, even buying a house for demolition for $200. Dad often worked two or three jobs to raise money. As soon as Mum was able, she worked, too. They ran businesses and invested their retirements into property so it’s there when they need it. The rent brings in an income; they don’t have a pension. They actually have an income that is less than the pension. They think long and hard about major purchases so not to waste anything.”

    (I mention the conversation to my sister who tells me she goes through the same thing with her in-laws.)

    Sister: “My in-laws get rich scheme is to gamble and then spend what they have on high living. My mother-in-law was berating me for having money in the bank. She said ‘money is for spending.’”

    Now We Know What’s Causing The Bush-Fires

    | Sydney, NSW, Australia | In-Laws

    (Australia has large lizards, some easily a couple of feet long. My in-laws, living near bushland, get lizards coming to their back yard.)

    Father-In-Law: “There’s a dragon outside!”

    Me: “Um, a dragon?”

    Father-In-Law: “Well, a reptile!”

    The Game Comes With Complimentary Back-Stabbing

    | NJ, USA | In-Laws, Siblings, Theme Of The Month

    (It is New Year’s Eve, and my brother-in-law is over to hang out with us and wait for midnight. We’ve started playing ‘Risk: Godstorm’ and have gotten into a very silly mood, as the game devolves into an unpredictable mess fairly quickly.)

    Me: *having to look up the rules yet again* “Hey, it says here ‘Table talk, including alliances, threats, coercion, whining, pleading, backstabbing, invocation of the divine wrath of your ancestors, and other verbal tirades, is not only allowed but also encouraged.’”

    Husband: *picks up one of the figurines representing his army and waggles at his brother* “Your mother was well-hung!”

    Brother-In-Law: *responds in kind with one of his figurines* “Why, thank you!”

    Me: “But you’re brothers…”

    Brother-In-Law: “That’s how I knew it was a compliment!”

    (The game did not get any less chaotic from there.)

    Hard To See In The Dark (Ages)

    | Australia | In-Laws

    (My daughter is having trouble seeing the board at school, so I take her to get her eyes tested. My daughter is an avid reader and is never seen without a book but has no trouble reading. It turns out she is short sighted, meaning she can see well close up but not things in the distance. We go to the in-laws just after she gets her glasses.)

    Mother-In-Law: “What is [Daughter] wearing glasses for?”

    Me: “We had her tested and she needs them to see properly.”

    Mother-In-Law: “No, she doesn’t. How dare you get her glasses. She doesn’t need glasses. Take them away from her.”

    Me: “No. She needs them to see distances.”

    Mother-In-Law: “It’s your fault. You let her read BOOKS! Reading ruins eyesight.”

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