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    Category: In-Laws

    The Mark Of A Cranky Baby

    | Sydney, NSW, Australia | In-Laws

    (It’s the day of my son’s baptism. We are at the after party when I notice my in-laws passing my son around and he’s starting to fuss. Usually they fight over who gets to hold him. I figure he might need a fresh nappy so head over.)

    Me: “Does [Son] need a change?”

    Mother-In-Law: “No, but he has a dirty mark on his face that won’t come off. He needs his face washed.”

    Me: *looking over at sister-in-law, who is holding my son* “You don’t mean his birthmark, do you? The mark under his eye?”

    (My sister-in-law looks up, eyes wide open.)

    Mother-In-Law: “Oh, s***! We’ve been passing him around and each of us have been trying to scrub it off. Poor thing! No wonder he got cranky.”

    Endowment Empowerment

    | UT, USA | In-Laws

    (My mother-in-law has just given my two-month-old son a bath and is getting a diaper on him.)

    Mother-In-Law: “One thing I really remember about [My Husband] was that even as a baby he was so well endowed down there.”

    Me: “Uh…”

    Mother-In-Law: “Really, it was so strange to see a baby so… big… and endowed.” *to my son in a baby voice* “I guess you didn’t get that from daddy, but maybe it’ll happen.”

    The Object Of My Affection

    | Dover, DE, USA | In-Laws, Siblings

    (My sister-in-law has recently had a baby boy, and I’ve come over to see him and chat with his mother for a bit. At one point while she holds him, he starts to cry. She starts to get up to get a clean diaper.)

    Sister-In-Law: “Here, hold this.” *passes me the baby*

    Me: *taking the baby* “Did you just say ‘here, hold this’ about your son?”

    Sister-In-Law: “Oh, yeah, I do that a lot. I just can’t get out of the habit of saying it!”

    Incoming Comments About Outgoings

    | Australia | In-Laws

    (My in-laws think that I came from a wealthy family.)

    Mother-In-Law: “Not all of us have the luck of being born into money.”

    Me: “What do you mean?”

    Mother-In-Law: “Well look at your family: they have a big house and property. You’ve never wanted for much.”

    Me: “Um, no. Dad has always worked for what he’s got, has been careful with his money, and doesn’t waste any of it.”

    Mother-In-Law: “You’re saying like us aren’t you?”

    Me: “Well, you said it.”

    Mother-In-Law: “Yeah, well, he probably inherited a lot of it.”

    Me: “No. I can remember Mum going without food to make sure we got fed. They grew vegetables and had chickens. They built their house over years, even buying a house for demolition for $200. Dad often worked two or three jobs to raise money. As soon as Mum was able, she worked, too. They ran businesses and invested their retirements into property so it’s there when they need it. The rent brings in an income; they don’t have a pension. They actually have an income that is less than the pension. They think long and hard about major purchases so not to waste anything.”

    (I mention the conversation to my sister who tells me she goes through the same thing with her in-laws.)

    Sister: “My in-laws get rich scheme is to gamble and then spend what they have on high living. My mother-in-law was berating me for having money in the bank. She said ‘money is for spending.’”

    Now We Know What’s Causing The Bush-Fires

    | Sydney, NSW, Australia | In-Laws

    (Australia has large lizards, some easily a couple of feet long. My in-laws, living near bushland, get lizards coming to their back yard.)

    Father-In-Law: “There’s a dragon outside!”

    Me: “Um, a dragon?”

    Father-In-Law: “Well, a reptile!”


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