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    Category: In-Laws

    Grandma’s Tart Responses

    | New Zealand | Grandparents, In-Laws, Parents & Guardians

    (I’m at a family Easter lunch and we’ve just started serving dessert: a banana pudding and apple tarts.)

    Father: *to his brother-in law* “What do you want?”

    Brother-In-Law: “I’ll have an apple tart.”

    Grandma: *about her daughter* “He’s always been partial to the old tarts!”

    A Generation Gap

    | MD, USA | In-Laws

    (It’s our wedding day, and at the reception, the videographer is asking my new in-laws for a message to give us.)

    Mother-In-Law: “And I hope you have lots and lots of grandchildren!”

    Father-In-Law: “Shouldn’t they have children first?”

    Deathly Serious

    | CA, USA | In-Laws, Siblings

    (I live with my sister and her fiancée, my future sister-in-law, and we are talking about their wedding, which isn’t scheduled for another year.)

    Me: “Would you guys decide to get married any earlier?”

    Sister: “Oh, h***, no. We would tear our hair out.”

    Sister-In-Law: “We would die. Because I would murder [Sister].”

    Me: “…You see, the problem with that is if you murder [Sister], I’ll murder you. And then your sister will murder me, and it’ll be an endless cycle of death.”

    Sister: “Two houses, both alike in dignity…”

    Me: “Only there aren’t any lovers. There’s just death.”

    It’s Hair-Raising Heir-Raising

    | CO, USA | In-Laws, Sons & Daughters

    (My six-year-old son is playing video games, and therefore is a bit distracted. His grandma, my mother-in-law, comes in the front door, damp from the rain, having just returned from the store.)

    Wife: “Did you survive?”

    Mother-In-Law: “Huh?”

    Wife: “Did you survive? You’re looking a bit harried.”

    Son: *butting in* “You always look hairy, Grandma!”

    A Monster Of A Ring-Tone

    | Dallas, TX, USA | In-Laws, Spouses & Partners

    (My mother-in-law is a nice lady, but she’s known for being loud and outspoken. My husband has taken my phone and changed the ringtone heard when she texts me.)

    Me: *sitting at work when she texts me about a birthday gift for our nephews*

    Phone: *lets out this loud Godzilla-like ‘RAWR!!!’ in the middle of the office*

    Me: *whispering while performing the impossible task of finding the off switch while in an embarrassed panic* “Crap, crap, crap!”

    (I later tell my husband about this when we meet for lunch.)

    Me: “I apparently forgot to turn my phone on silent before going into work this morning. I’m pretty sure the whole office heard the ringtone you made for your mom.”

    Husband: *laughing* “YES! That’s exactly what I was hoping for when I chose that ringtone. I was hoping it would go off at the most inopportune time! Did anyone say anything?”

    Me: “Thankfully not. I was really hoping they wouldn’t figure out what desk it was coming from.”

    Needs A Grounding In Allergies

    | CA, USA | In-Laws, Parents & Guardians

    (A coworker is relating a story about his daughter’s nut allergy. He and his wife have left their daughter with his mother-in-law, who knows about the allergy. Then they get a phone call.)

    Mother-In-Law: “[Daughter]’s face is all swollen. Do you think it’s because of the nuts I gave her?”

    Coworker: “Why did you do that?!”

    Mother-In-Law: “I thought it would be ok because I ground them up”.

    (Later, after a trip to the hospital, there were social network posts of the daughter’s swollen face, with my coworker’s comments: ‘My Mother-in-Law tried to kill my daughter.’ Yes, I’d say he was mad. Surprise, surprise.)


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