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    Category: Children

    New Year’s Take Flight

    | NY, USA | Children, Sons & Daughters

    (My five-year-old daughter has brought home a worksheet showing one of her New Year’s resolutions.)

    Worksheet: “My New Year’s Resolution: teach my little sister how to fly.”

    Dad Joke: Wizard Level

    | London, England, UK | Children, Sons & Daughters

    (I’m sitting with my two-year-old watching a cartoon. The characters are elves and fairies and this episode is about a dripping tap. My 16-year-old son walks in to the room and sits down with us.)

    Elf: “Oh no! You should never mix magic and plumbing.”

    Me: “Hey, [Son], do you know what happens if you mix magic and ceramics?”

    Son: “Oh, God! No. What?”

    Me: “You get Harry Pottery.”

    (My son just looked at me, his soul dying a little, while I laughed hysterically.)

    Treating Mom Like An Answering Machine

    | Columbia, MD, USA | Children, Parents & Guardians, Sons & Daughters

    (I swing by the grocery store after work to pick up a few things and overhear this.)

    Two Little Girls: Mom! Mom! Mommy! Moooooooom! Moooooooommmmmyyyyyyyyy! Mom!

    Mother: “Mommy’s not here right now. Leave a message at the beep. Beep!”

    Way Past Asking

    | Northampton, PA, USA | Children, Siblings

    Little Sister: *walks up to my mom while devouring a candy bar she found* “Mommy, can I have this?”

    First-Framed Your Argument

    | San Jose, CA, USA | Children, Parents & Guardians

    (I’ve dragged my boyfriend to the movies to see the latest Disney movie. We chose an evening show to try and avoid hordes of children, but there are a few in the theater. As the credits end and the very first frame of the movie appears, a little voice from the row behind us pipes up.)

    Kid: “This is my favorite movie!”

    Kid’s Dad: “You’ve never seen this movie. Shut up.”

    Needs To Better Monitor Their Child

    | FL, USA | Children, Sons & Daughters

    (My youngest sister has had to have multiple surgeries: at least ten by the time she is fourteen. When she is around six years old, she is staying in the hospital for several nights for a major operation. My parents stay with her while our grandparents take care of the other siblings. My mom is on the foldout couch next to the hospital bed, asleep, when at 3:00 in the morning, she hears an alarm go off.)

    Oxygen Monitor: “Beep beep beep!”

    Heart Monitor: “Beep beep beep!”

    (Mom and Dad both woke up in seconds as several panicked nurses come running in to see why my little sister’s heart and oxygen monitors were going crazy. My six-year-old sister was sitting up in bed, holding her breath and then breathing rapidly, just to watch the monitors freak out, and she was giggling hysterically. It was not one of my parents’ favorite wake-up calls, that was for sure.)


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