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    Category: Children

    The Show’s Not Finished And Neither Is He

    | USA | Children, Siblings

    (My little brother and I are getting ready to go to school. The year is 1997.)

    Brother: “Mom, I don’t want to go to school! I’ll miss my TV shows!” *cries*

    Mom: “Don’t worry. I’ll ask your older sister to tape your show so you can watch it after school.” *to me* “Would you tape his show for him?”

    Me: “Fine, whatever!”

    Brother: “Make sure you tape it all! I want to see everything!”

    (I set the VCR. Later, after school, my little brother makes a beeline for the living room, plops himself straight in front of the TV. I sigh, and then rewind and press play.)

    Brother: *watching as show pops up* “Yay!”

    (I go. 30 minutes later, I walk by the living room TV.)

    Me: “Still watching?”

    Brother: “Uh huh.” *watching show intently*

    Me: “Huh, it should be over by now. It’s a half an hour show. Well, you have to go soon because I w—”

    (Just then, the show freezes, plays dramatic music and the words ‘To Be Continued’ flash across the screen. Then the show ends, and my brother squeaks in horror.)

    Brother: “WHAT?! THAT’S IT?!” *turns to me accusingly* “You taped it wrong!”

    Me: “No, stupid. It said ‘to be continued.’ That means it was only one part! The next part is tomorrow!”

    (My brother didn’t believe me and started to cry loudly. Even today, he still accuses me of taping his show wrong when I bring it up during family dinners!)

    Not Quite The Immaculate Concept

    | London, England, UK | Children, Sons & Daughters

    (I am aged around six. My school likes to mix the Nativity up with another theme, such as ‘Cops and Robbers’ or the Victorian era. This year they choose ‘Under the Sea.’ This happens the afternoon I get home after being told my part.)

    Me: *very excitedly* “Mummy! I’m an octopus testicle in the school play!”

    (My mum came very close to calling up the school, before I explained my role further and she made the deduction that I was in fact an octopus TENTACLE. My siblings are still reluctant to let me live this down.)

    That One’s A Bad Egg

    | Wellington, New Zealand | Children, Sons & Daughters, Themed Giveaway

    (It’s April Fools’ Day. I’m seven years old.)

    Me: “Mummy, Mummy, I made up a joke! What kind of chicken doesn’t lay eggs?”

    Mum: “I don’t know, darling. What kind?”

    Me: *in a creepy voice* “A dead one.”

    Bad Doll Models

    | Austria | Children, Friends, Parents & Guardians, Sons & Daughters

    (I am eight years old. It’s Christmas time. Note that my parents always made a point of raising us gender-neutral. Also note that I spent the weekend watching an ‘Alaskan Gold Rush Special’ with my grandmother. My mom’s best friend gives us a gift of Barbie dolls and accessories.)

    Mom: “Did it have to be Barbies? They are such a bad example for little girls.”

    Friend: “But Barbie always has a job. There is even a pilot Barbie.”

    Mom: “All right…  So, girls, what job do your Barbies have?”

    Five-Year-Old Sister: “She is a princess!”

    Me: “Mine is a gold-digger!”

    (Mom snatches the dolls away from us, growling.)

    Not Just The Cake That’s Lying

    | TX, USA | Children, Sons & Daughters

    (I’ve been trying to add more veggies to my children’s diet and have the idea of shredding zucchini into long strands and mixing it with their spaghetti. My youngest is not amused.)

    Child: “Mom, this spaghetti is a lie.”

    The Cake Is A Lie, Part 4
    The Cake Is A Lie, Part 3
    The Cake Is A Lie, Part 2

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