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    Category: Children

    The Dominant Education

    | NJ, USA | Boyfriends & Girlfriends, Children, Cousins

    (I am out to dinner with my family to celebrate my oldest cousin moving into a new apartment with her boyfriend. I have recently been tutoring my younger cousin in biology.)

    Younger Cousin: “Hey, [My Name], you have attached earlobes! That means that you have two recessive alleles, right?”

    Me: “Yeah, that’s right!”

    Younger Cousin: “Well, dad and I have unattached earlobes, and that means we have the dominant allele, right?”

    Me: “Yup.”

    Younger Cousin: “And my mom has unattached earlobes, too! We’re all dominant!”

    Me: “Actually, I think your mom has attached earlobes. Take a closer look.”

    Older Cousin’s Boyfriend: “Well, dominant traits are always shown, and recessive traits are hidden, so you have to have two copies of the recessive gene to have a recessive trait.”

    Me:  “Right…”

    (Older cousin’s boyfriend continues to try to explain genetics to me as our family watches in silence, holding back snickers until finally my cousin says something.)

    Older Cousin: “You do know that this is what she is getting her Ph.D. in, right?”

    Older Cousin’s Boyfriend: *to me* “Why didn’t you say anything?!”

    Me: “Well, you didn’t say anything technically wrong…”

    Love Is Fleeting If Competing

    | QLD, Australia | Children, Theme Of The Month

    (I regularly babysit my sister’s young boys aged nine months and six years. I’ve just put the nine-month-old to bed and go to put the six-year-old to bed. After kissing him goodnight I leave a moment later…)

    Six-Year-Old: “Aunty! I love you all the way to God and back and you can’t get any better than that!!”

    Me: “No, but I can love you just the same!”

    The Moral Of This Toy Story

    | QLD, Australia | Children, Nephews & Nieces, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m babysitting my six year old nephew and he’s smashing his toys together.)

    Me: “Don’t be rough with your toys or they’ll be rough with you.”

    Nephew: “Toys can’t be rough with you.”

    Me: “Yes, they can. You’ve seen Toy Story. You know how it works!”

    Nephew: “No, they can’t! They’re just toys!”

    (Just then he lost grip of his toy and it smashed him in the head.)

    Remember To Hug Responsibly

    | Gothenburg, Sweden | Children, Friends, Sons & Daughters

    (I’m visiting my best friend. My friend is female while I’m male. She’s recently gotten married and has a young son, about four years old. Her husband is at work and the son hasn’t seen me other than when he was a newborn.)

    Son: “Mom, I got a question.”

    Friend: “Yes, dear?”

    Son: “Where is dad?”

    Friend: “He’s at his job.”

    Son: “Oh. Is that why you’re with this guy? So you get someone to hug under the blankets at night?”

    (We both stare silently at him for a few moments.)

    Friend: “No. He’s just an old friend of mine.”

    Son: “Oh. Okay.”

    (He walks off again. I turn to her.)

    Me: “What the h*** have you been doing around that kid?!”

    Mom Isn’t Down For The Count

    | Prince George, BC, Canada | Children, Sons & Daughters, Spouses & Partners

    (When this happens, I’m two years old, my sister is four, and my brother is about six months. My mom greets Dad at the back door as he comes home from work, which usually means we’ve been absolute terrors and she’s waiting to tag out.)

    Mom: “You know, you’re a lucky man.”

    Dad: “Okay…”

    Mom: “You have three beautiful children.”

    Dad: “Yeah…”

    Mom: “And even after today, you still have three children!”

    Dad: “‘Still’?”

    Mom: “I tried to sell two of them to the circus but they wouldn’t take them, so ‘still’.”

    Dad: *asking what is obviously the most important question in this circumstance* “Which two?”

    Mom: *glaring* “Your son is six months old. He doesn’t refuse lunch, run around the house, scream my name all day, pull everything out of the cupboards, or throw things at his sisters. He also goes down for a nap without a fuss. Which two do you *think* I tried to sell!?”

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