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    Category: Children

    I Feel Like Chicken Tonight Every Night

    | Hobart, TAS, Australia | Children, Sons & Daughters, Spouses & Partners

    (I am in the car. I am popping into a shop to pick up some take-away dinner. My son is four years old.)

    Son: “Daddy’s going to buy so much chicken, isn’t he? Then he’s going to eat and eat and eat it all until his belly is just too big.”

    Wife: “Why do you say that?”

    Son: *with a knowing sigh* “Because that’s daddy and his chicken.”

    Wife: “Is your father taking you out of the house to buy chicken when I’m not there?”

    No Longer A Gut Feeling

    | Columbia, SC, USA | Children, Sons & Daughters

    Me: *calling downstairs* “Daddy?”

    Dad: *comes upstairs* “Yes?”

    Me: “… I’ve just been sick.”

    Dad: “In your stomach?”

    Me: “Well, not anymore.”

    Potty Mouth

    | Sacramento, CA, USA | Children, Sons & Daughters

    (I am around three years old. My younger sister, Melissa, whom we call Missy, has a poopy diaper, so I run to tell my mother in the living room, where she is currently entertaining guests.)

    Me: “Mommy, Missy has a s***ty diaper!”

    Mom: *embarrassed at my language* “Don’t you mean, ‘messy,’ honey?”

    Me: “Okay. ‘Messy’ has a s***ty diaper!”

    Badgered By Illness

    | Wales, UK | Children, Nephews & Nieces, Themed Giveaway

    (My sister has dropped her sick kids off because they’re both too ill for school. She has to work, and my wife has the day off. My nephew is ten and quite ill, and my niece is three and feeling a bit better.)

    Niece: “[Nephew] says ow a lot.”

    Me: “Yeah, that’s because he’s ill.”

    Niece: “I think he’s being eated by badgers.”

    I See Dead People

    | NJ, USA | Children, Sons & Daughters, Themed Giveaway

    (My mother has told me that I would say this on multiple car rides in the same area when I am three or four years old.)

    Me: *points at a house* “Mommy, someone DIED there…”

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