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  • Category: Children

    Be A Man, Woman!

    | USA | Children, Siblings

    (I’m a geeky and very tomboyish teenager, which my family despises, since they think girls shouldn’t act like boys. I’m talking to my younger sister, who’s very girlish, while listening to music. While we’re chatting, the song changes to ‘I’ll Make a Man Out of You’ from ‘Mulan.’)

    Me: *sings along* “Be a man! You must be swift as a coursing river! Be a man! With all the force of a great typhoon!”

    (I proceed to imitate the martial arts done in the song from the movie, but wind up accidentally hitting my sister lightly on the arm.)

    Sister: “OW! Oh, my god, you, like, broke my arm!”

    Me: “Dude, you’re fine.” *jokingly* “Be a man!”

    Sister: “I’m a girl, not a man, and that means that I get hurt more easily, so I can complain as much as I want.”

    Me: *changing the lyrics* “You’re not suited for the rage of fun; so shut up, sit down, you’re through! How could I make a man out of you?”

    Sister: “I DON’T WANNA BE A MAN!”

    Me: “What is so wrong with being manly?!”

    Sister: “Girls aren’t allowed to be manly!”

    Never Watching Attack Of The Killer Tomatoes Again

    | Waco, TX, USA | Children, Parents & Guardians, Sons & Daughters

    (I am about four or five when the movie Twister came out on video. I spend the night at my grandmother’s and she lets me watch it without my dad knowing. Needless to say it ends up giving me nightmares.)

    Me: *wakes up from nightmare of tornados chasing me, proceeds to head to my dad’s room, and wakes him up*

    Dad: “What’s wrong, [My Name]? Why are you up?”

    Me: “I had a bad dream about tomatoes…”

    Dad: *looks at me for a bit trying to process what I just said* “Wait… what? Tomatoes?”

    Me: “No, tomatoes!”

    (This utterly confuses him. Fast forward about a month later of him trying to keep tomato related items away from me and thinking I’m weird. We’re currently dropping off a movie at a movie rental store and they have a Twister movie poster up and we pass it.)

    Me: “Look, see! Tomatoes!” *points at it*

    Dad: “That’s not a tomato; that’s a torna… oh…”

    (And that was the day my dad realized I needed speech therapy…)

    Boys Are Dummies

    | GA, USA | Children, Sons & Daughters

    (I am five years old and have spent only a few days in kindergarten. My mom is very strict about using strong words when I am that age. The following happens after we get home.)

    Me: “Mama, mama! I saw a bad word on the restroom wall today! I saw the D-word!”

    (Mom blanches and assumes the worst. She then proceeds to tell me about the anatomical differences between boys and girls, as well as how babies are made and how they are born.)

    Mom: *very calmly* “Do you understand, sweetheart?”

    Me: *nodding* “Yes!”

    Mom: “Now, what was the word you saw written on the restroom wall?”

    (I’m not allowed to say bad words at all, so I’m eager to say it.)

    Me: *shouting* “DUMMY!”

    The Ducks And The Bees

    | Cheltenham, England, UK | Children, Parents & Guardians, Siblings

    (I am about five and my brother is about three. After a lot of questions about where babies come from my mum reads us a kids book about the birds and the bees. It is quite scientific.)

    Mum: “The sperm swims down the sperm duct.”

    (Brother leaps off the sofa and starts wiggling his bum and flapping his arms.)

    Brother: “QUACK QUACK QUACK!”

    Mum: “What are you doing?”

    Brother: “I’m a squirm duck!”

    Mum: *gives up*

    Next Generational Thinking

    | Perth, WA, Australia | Children, LGTBQ, Sons & Daughters

    (I’m at a friend’s house. She is talking about how she wishes her 24-year-old old son would find a nice girl and make her a grandma. Her nine-year-old daughter walks in.)

    Friend: “[Daughter], when you’re old enough you better find yourself a nice man and give me lots of grandkids because it looks doubtful your brother will give me any.”

    Daughter: “But mum, I can still have kids if I have a girlfriend, too.”

    (My friend and I look at each other and start laughing. She then gives her daughter a massive hug.)

    Friend: “So true, baby girl.”

    The Mother Of All Shocks

    | South Africa | Children, Sons & Daughters

    (My mom sometimes babysits a six-year-old and today he notices the gold cross she sometimes wears.)

    Boy: “Why are you wearing that?”

    Mom: “Because it’s very important to me and was given to me by my mother.”

    Boy: *in utter shock* “You have a mommy?!”

     

     


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