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    Category: Children

    Can’t Sea Into Your Dream

    | Finland | Children, Sons & Daughters

    (I have put my six-year-old daughter to bed. About an hour later, I hear her whimpering and go to check on her. She’s sitting up in bed.)

    Me: “What do you need, sweetie?”

    Daughter: *between sobs* “I want a… I want a… seamonkey.”

    Me: *realizing that she’s talking in her sleep* “Okay, let’s go back to sleep now. We can talk about it tomorrow.”

    (I tell her what she said the next day. Not only does she not remember, she also has a question for me.)

    Daughter: “What’s a seamonkey?”

    Trash-Talking God

    | England, UK | Children, Parents & Guardians, Siblings

    (My brother is seven at the time and is on the bus with my dad. He has recently been making some exciting new discoveries during Sunday School.)

    Brother: “Did you know that God is everywhere?”

    Dad: “Really, everywhere?”

    Brother: “Yes, God is sitting next to that lady and he’s walking on the footpath. Do you know what?”

    Dad: “What?”

    Brother: “God is even in that rubbish bin.”

    (The whole bus erupted in laughter.)

    It’s Not Okay!

    | Jerusalem, Israel | Children, Sons & Daughters

    (I am talking to my two-year-old son.)

    Son: “Daddy, I [something incomprehensible].”

    Me: “What?”

    Son: “I [same incomprehensible thing].”

    Me: “What did you say?”

    Son: “I [same incomprehensible thing].”

    Me: *not wanting to spend half an hour on this* “…okay.”

    Son: “I [same incomprehensible thing].”

    Me: “Okay.”

    Son: “No! Don’t say okay!”

    Me: “What do you want me to say?”

    Son: “Say ‘Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh’.”

    Me: “Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh.”

    Son: “No!”

    (He then started crying. I still have no idea what that was all about.)

    His Blanket Response

    | Orem, UT, USA | Children, Spouses & Partners

    (My two-month-old son keeps kicking his blankets off, unless I swaddle him really tight. As we live in a basement, it gets rather cold at night, so this is a problem. He also doesn’t smile much, looking at everything very seriously. My husband is getting exasperated, after the fifth or sixth time he’s replaced the blanket in ten minutes.)

    Husband: “Honestly, child, do we have to pin the darn thing on you?”

    Baby: *gives the biggest grin we’ve seen to date, and coos happily*

    Me: “Did he just…?”

    Husband: “Yes. Yes, he did. ”

    Me: “Don’t look at me; he’s your son!”

    Panting For Ice Cream

    | Newark, DE, USA | Children, Parents & Guardians, Sons & Daughters

    (I’m in the bathroom of a craft store when I hear an exchange from the stall near me where there’s a mother and her very young son.)

    Mother: “Pull your pants up.”

    Boy: “I’m not strong enough, mommy.”

    Mother: “You’re not strong enough to pull up your pants?”

    Boy: “Yup, I’m not strong enough.”

    Mother: “Well, then I guess you’re not strong enough to hold the ice cream I was gonna get you for being such a good boy for me tonight.”

    Boy: “Wait, I can do it!”

    I Beliebe In The Devil

    | Tulalip, WA, USA | Children, Nephews & Nieces

    (My 10-year-old nephew is playing a shooter game that creates a level based on a song in your music collection. It’s a good way to introduce him to new music, so I’ve got him started on ‘The Oak Ridge Boys.’ He really wants to fight the devil that comes up every few songs to challenge you (last seen, fittingly, on an Alice Cooper song.)

    Nephew: “When does the bad guy come out?”

    Me: “It’s random. You just keep playing songs, and sometimes he’ll come out.”

    Nephew: *shortly* “Oh, here’s the bad guy!”

    Me: “Oh? Which song is it?”

    Nephew: “Justin Bieber.”

    Me: “…It would be Justin Bieber who summons up the devil from Hell.”

    (Suddenly I realize that my music collection doesn’t include any Justin Bieber.)

    Me: “Wait a minute. WHICH Justin Bieber song?”

    Nephew: “I mean the Oak Ridge Boys.”

    Me: “You can’t tell the difference between Justin Bieber and the Oak Ridge Boys?!”

    Nephew: “I’m sorry! It was an accident!”

    Me: “This is going on the Internet.”


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