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    Category: Children

    Little Siblings Can Be Fun(gi) To Tease

    | Sydney, NSW, Australia | Children, Siblings

    (For years we called my little sister, ‘Mushroom.’)

    Sister: “Why did you start calling me Mushroom? Is it because my name starts with ‘M?’”

    Me: “No, it’s because we kept you in the dark and fed you s***.”

    Thinking On Her Feet

    | Sydney, NSW, Australia | Children, Sons & Daughters

    (My 18-month-old daughter has spilled something. I have a box of tissues nearby.)

    Me: “[Daughter], can you please get Mummy the tissues?”

    Daughter: *runs off, goes past the tissues, comes back carrying shoes* “Two shoes, Mummy.”

    Mountainous Portions

    | Vancouver Island, BC, Canada | Children, Parents & Guardians, Sons & Daughters

    (My mom is a vegetarian, so I was raised without meat in the household. My dad’s family is a very ‘meat-and-potatoes’ sort, so most of the times I visited they would make a roast beef dinner. I also have a very particular way of setting up my plate; a pile of mashed potatoes, hollowed out, filled with peas, and then with gravy poured over. I am about seven at the time.)

    Me: “YAAAY! Volcano!” *pouring gravy into potatoes until it overflows onto the beef*

    Dad: *laughing* “You really like roast beef dinners, don’t you?”

    Me: “Yep! I’m a beef vegetarian!”

    (To this day, my grandmother still brings up the ‘beef vegetarian’ line.)

    Last Thing This Kid Needs Is More Sugar

    | Lafayette, LA, USA | Children, Sons & Daughters

    (Customers can serve themselves in the store I work at, and the candy is priced according to its weight. We have many options of what to put the candy in, with the two most popular choices being simple plastic bags or colorful ‘Chinese take-out’ boxes. A boy is excitedly telling his mother all the candies he wants, while she is trying to ask him what color box he wants to put it all in.)

    Boy: “And I want Coke bottles, and gummi frogs, and gummi rainbow frogs!”

    Mother: “Slow down! We need to choose a box, first! What color box do you want?”

    Boy: “Look at all the gummi bears! I want blue ones and green ones and red ones…”

    Mother: “Okay, but what color box do you want to put them in?”

    Boy: “And I want the raspberries, and the BIG Coke bottles!”

    Mother: “[BOY]!”

    Boy: “Huh?”

    Mother: “Do you want a BAG, or a BOX?”

    Boy: “A box.”

    Mother: “What. Color?!”

    Boy: “I want gummi cherries!”

    Not As Bright As A Button

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Children, Sons & Daughters

    (It is a rainy morning, and I am getting my four-year-old daughter ready for school.)

    Daughter: *pointing at the center of her donut* “This is a sunshine button.”

    Me: “Is it?”

    Daughter: “Yes.”

    (She presses the center of the donut, then darkly mutters:)

    Daughter: “…didn’t work.”

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