Category: Children

Ignoring The Silent Majority

| Nelson, BC, Canada | Children, Sons & Daughters

(My husband, two daughters (ages four and six), and I are driving home after a trip into town. We have been playing a game called ‘This Animal’ where you say three things about an animal and everyone else has to guess what it is. Our four-year-old has just used her turn to try and get us to identify an animal she has made up in her head. Slightly frustrated and feeling a headache coming on I decide we’re going to play a new game.)

Me: “Okay, now we’re going to play ‘See Who Can Be The Quietest.'”

Six-Year-Old: “I know this game! We used to play it in kindergarten! How long do we have to be quiet for?”

Me: “Until I say we’re done.”

Six-Year-Old: “Okay!”

(My four-year-old starts rambling loudly about various things.)

Four-Year-Old: “What is everyone doing?”

Me: “Well, currently everyone is doing better in this game than you…”

(My four-year-old starts talking about something else that has nothing to do with anything that we are currently doing and trying to get her sister to answer her.)

Me: “SSHHH!”

Four-Year-Old: *in a very condescending tone* “Don’t you sshh me!”

(At this point the game degenerated into our two daughters ‘sshhing’ and saying ‘don’t sshh me’ to each other until I announced that Daddy was the winner and we started to play ‘I Spy’ instead.)

Her Cookie Argument Crumbled

| Seattle, WA, USA | Children, Sons & Daughters

(I leave my four-year-old daughter alone in the kitchen with our dog for a few minutes while I clean the bathroom. When I come back, she and the dog are covered in cookie crumbs and she has chocolate smeared across her face.)

Me: “[Daughter], were you eating cookies?”

Daughter: “Nope. Not me.”

Me: “Are you sure?”

Daughter: “I didn’t have any cookies. Really.”

Me: “Okay, let me see your belly button.”

(I get down on the floor and put my eye right up to her belly button.)

Me: “I can look through your belly button and see what you’ve eaten. Yep, there is your lunch and there are the cookies!”

Daughter: “Okay, I ate some cookies but you should check [Dog]’s belly button; he had more than me!”

(She never tried to sneak cookies again!)

If This Power Got Into The Wrong Hands

| UK | Children, Sons & Daughters

(I am about two or three years old. I am usually quite well behaved, but prone to the occasional tantrum. My mother is trying to get me into the bath.)

Mum: “[My Name], please get in the bath!”

Me: “No! I shan’t!”

(This continues for about five minutes.)

Mum: “Please, [My Name], get in the bath!”

Me: “No! I want an onion!”

(This continues for about another ten minutes, until my mother finally goes downstairs,\ and gets me an onion. I absolutely hate onions; they’re my least favourite food.)

Mum: “Okay. Now you have an onion. Happy now? Will you get in the bath?”

Me: “Yes.” *gets in the bath*

(A little later.)

Mum: “[My Name], why did you want the onion?”

Me: “Oh, I didn’t want an onion. I just wanted to see if I could make you do what I wanted.”

Won’t Let Her Live Down Ancient History

| Denver, CO, USA | Children, Grandchildren

(My daughter is about five years old and we have gone to see my grandmother. On the way home we stop at the store and are in the cold aisle looking for something to eat at dinner. It is just her, me, and my brother. My daughter looks around then suddenly comes to me looking up while tugging on the bottom of my shirt. She can be a bit loud when she talks.)

Daughter: “Mommy… know what?”

Me: “What, hun?”

Daughter: *her voice rising with every word* “I love gamma sooo much! I love gamma cuz she’s ancient!”

(Heads whipped around including some very elderly old ladies. Luckily they were smiling. We didn’t let my daughter live this down and she’s almost 18!)

The Odds Are Not In Their Favor

| Allentown, PA, USA | Children, Friends

(We’re taking my little sister to attend a friend’s birthday party at a restaurant. Upon arriving, we witness another party that has gotten out of control, complete with children running all over the place and hitting each other with balloons while most of the adults just sit back and watch.)

Me: “Oh, great… 24 children running around, trying to kill each other for cake and pizza while adults watch… This isn’t a birthday party; it’s the Hunger Games…”

No Snap, No Crackle, All Pop

| Brisbane, QLD, Australia | Children, Sons & Daughters

(I have triplets, and I often joke that they share a mind. They all walk into the kitchen wearing red shirts, each looking slightly offended the other decided to match with them.)

Me: “So, what do you guys want for breakfast?”

Them: *in unison* “Cocopops, please!”

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