• The Lizard Is Not A-Mew-sed
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  • September Theme Of The Month: Overheard!

    Category: Children

    Will Be Sorry In A Minute

    | Belgium | Children, Sons & Daughters

    (My son is three years old.)

    Son: “Stupid mommy!”

    Me: “That’s not a nice thing to say. You should say ‘sorry, mommy’.”

    Son: “Sorry, mommy, that you’re stupid.”

    Jurassic Breakfast

    | Langley, BC, Canada | Children, Parents & Guardians, Siblings

    (My entire family is eating breakfast. All six of us are trying to get my three-year-old brother to eat French toast. He is refusing for whatever silly reason (very picky about food). Being the oldest sister at 11, I give refuse to give up.)

    Me: *I point to the French toast and in an excited voice tell him* “Brother, these are DINOSAUR EGGS! THAT ONE IS A T-REX AND THIS ONE IS A TRICERATOPS. I’M GOING TO EAT A PLATEOSAURUS.”

    Brother: *looks at me with wide eyes* “Really?” *awed voice*

    Me: “Yup.” *I start eating mine* “If you eat them they grow in your tummy and make you strong.”

    (Mom, Dad, and two sisters are looking at me funny. He starts to eat them.)

    Dad: *looks at me* “But wha…”

    Mom: “Shush! He’s eating now. Shut up.”

    (Took five years for dinosaur eggs to be called French toast.)

    Love Crafting A New Name

    | Suffolk, VA, USA | Children, Sons & Daughters

    (My six-year-old daughter usually watches a little TV before I take her to school in the morning. One morning, I have it on PBS Kids.)

    Daughter: “Is this on C’thulhu?”

    Me: “What? Is what on C’thulhu?”

    Daughter: *exasperated* “This show? Is this show on C’thulhu?”

    Me: “Do you mean Hulu?”

    Daughter: “Yeah, is this show on Hulu?”

    Me: “No, it’s on regular TV.”

    (Come try new C’thulhu! Our service is R’lyeh out of this world!)

    The Killing Joke

    | Sydney, NSW, Australia | Children

    (I am very young, and have just been told that smoking is bad. Mum has taken me out for a walk to the park, and we pass a man who is smoking.)

    Me: *yelling and pointing* “Mummy, why is that man killing himself?”

    After Terrible Twos Come The Tiring Threes

    | AL, USA | Children, Parents & Guardians, Sons & Daughters

    (I’m babysitting my cousins, who are aged seven, three, and two. The kids are mostly in another room, which I can see from where I am.)

    Me: *sits on the couch* “Hey, [Three-Year-Old], wanna come watch [Cartoon] with me?”

    Three-Year-Old: *has really stressed out face, and keeps glancing around* “But… but everyone’s not doing what they are supposed to be doing!”

    My Mom: “Let’s keep her.”

    An Ominous Vocabulary

    | Medicine Lodge, KS, USA | Children, Cousins

    (I am doing make-up with my six-year-old cousin.)

    Cousin: “Your skin is ominous.”

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