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    Category: Children

    You’ll Get Sick Of That Song Soon

    | CO, USA | Children, Friends, Sons & Daughters

    (My friend is working the welcome table at church. My 13-year-old son is sitting nearby. A woman walks in.)

    Friend: “Hi, welcome to [Church]. Is this your first time?”

    Woman: “Yes, it is.”

    Friend: “Well, welcome, then. Let me show you where we meet.”

    Son: *in full-on opera voice* “Eeeeee Boooooh Laaaaa. Eeeeee Boooooh Laaaaa!”

    Woman: “Uh…”

    Friend: “Oh, um… they must have talked about Ebola in Sunday School this morning.”

    Woman: “Wow, he has a really good singing voice.”

    Friend: “Umm… yes, he does. And quite loud. Here is where we meet for worship.”

    Son: “Eeeee Booooh Laaaaaaa!”

    Trident And Try Again

    | Manchester, England, UK | Children, Siblings

    (I am travelling in the car with my parents and little brother who is age three. We are discussing what to get as a gift for my grandmother’s birthday.)

    Little Brother: “Get her a devil stick!”

    Rest Of The Family: “A devil stick?! What’s that?!”

    (After questioning him, we establish that he means a trident. I have no idea why he thought a trident would be a good gift for an elderly lady.)

    Getting You Out Of A Hairy Assumption

    | Oak Ridge, TN, USA | Children, Parents & Guardians

    (I’m looking for a can of mousse when I overhear a boy around six or seven years old whining at his mom. They speak with slight Appalachian drawls.)

    Boy: “Mommmmm, why can’t I get it?”

    (‘It’ appears to be a very shiny hairclip of some kind. Considering our location in the Bible Belt, I expect the worst.)

    Mom: “Because you can’t wear it!”

    Boy: “It’s ’cause I’m a boy, isn’t it?!”

    (I flinch in anticipation.)

    Mom: “No, it’s ’cause you’re a boy with a buzzcut!! There’s not enough hair on your head to clip it to!”

    Boy: *long pause* “Can I have my hair back?”

    (Instead of making assumptions about who’s bigoted, maybe I need to look at myself! Thanks, strangers, for brightening my day!)

    Not The Day Of The Tentacle

    | Centennial, CO, USA | Children

    (I am about 12 years old. My family and I are out at a Chinese restaurant. My dad orders some kind of soup with octopus in it. I decide to try it.)

    Me: “It tastes like testicles going down my throat!”

    (Most embarrassing moment ever.)

    A Frodo Dodo

    | USA | Children, Parents & Guardians

    (I’ve convinced my family to join me for a ‘Lord of the Rings’ marathon. When we finish, I, the resident fan-girl, start babbling about common pairings.)

    Me: “Personally, I love Faramir and Eowyn together since they’re my two favorite characters, and Arwen and Aragorn are sweet, albeit a bit of a stereotypical heroic couple.”

    Daughter:  “What about Samwise and Rosie?”

    Me: “I’m not really into that pairing. They are kinda cute, but there’s very little about their relationship, especially in the movies.”

    Mom: “Well, there’s no one else he’d be good with.”

    Me: *sarcastically* “How true. If only there was somebody he cared for enough to give up everything for, and even risk his own life to save theirs, multiple times. Too bad there’s nobody else he’s loyally cared for the whole time.”

    Mom: *completely oblivious* “That would be nice, wouldn’t it?”

    Me: *facepalm*

    It’s Not A Running Secret

    | Marlborough, MA, USA | Children, Sons & Daughters, Spouses & Partners

    (I am four years old, and my mother has bought running shoes for my father for his birthday.)

    Mother: “Now remember, don’t tell Daddy about the running shoes.”

    Me: “Okay!”

    (I immediately run into the living room, look at my father and say…)

    Me: “Don’t tell Daddy about the running shoes!”

    (28 years later and I am still not allowed to forget it.)


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