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I Guess That Counts As Potty Trained?

| USA | Children, Pets & Animals

(Years ago I dated the son of a very famous author. We go to their summer home and we’re having a lovely dinner. There is a 15-year gap between us and the youngest kid.)

Child: *around three* “I need to go potty!”

(He runs off and we all continue talking. The youngest son runs inside through a screen door, much to everyone’s surprise:)

Child: “I need the pooper scooper!”

Dad: “What?!”

Child: “I need the pooper scooper! I pooped like [Family Dog]; I need to clean it!”

(It slowly set in that the kid pooped on the lawn like the dog. I almost choked trying not to laugh. Famous mom and dad looked mortified. I still laugh about it. It was awesome then to see them embarrassed and it’s awesome now after potty-training my own kid eight years later. I still tease my ex-boyfriend that dogs teach his siblings more.)

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Showered With Expectations

| Bali, Indonesia | Spouses & Partners

(My husband and I are on vacation together. We arrive at the hotel and check in. In the room, while I start unpacking, he looks around and walks inside the bathroom, which features a nice, big shower.)

Husband: “Baby, you need to see this!”

Me: “What is it?”

Husband: *pointing at the shower* “Look at this! This is amazing! It makes rain and stuff!”

(We do have a shower at home, so I still don’t know what he was so excited about and he could not explain it to me either.)

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Taken Steps To Ensure Understanding

, | QLD, Australia | Friends, Siblings

(My brother and his friend have to go to a sporting event in another town a few hours away from home. They drive up fairly late at night, and don’t see anyone until the next morning. In their second- or third-floor room, their toaster catches fire, so my brother runs outside and throws it off the balcony. While he’s out there, he sees the father of one of the boys who does the sport with my brother, who is a family friend.)

Family Friend: “Hey, how did you get up here?”

Brother: “Oh… there’s stairs… like in the building.”

Family Friend: “…I meant to [Town]. I understand that you would have stairs.”

(My brother proceeded to explain how they drove up late at night – and the story is now a family favourite)

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Would Rather Not Horse Around With The Family

| USA | Aunts & Uncles, Cousins

(We are on a family vacation — grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins. My family has rented two cabins; the one I’m in has my parents, one aunt, her two kids, and I. The resort we are visiting has activities planned for the following week, but seem to be noticeably overpriced. My aunt has decided to take my cousins horseback riding for one hour. They are known by my parents and me to be some of the brattiest children in the family. The following argument ensues:)

Aunt: “[My Name], are you coming, too?”

Me: “No, thanks.”

Aunt: “Why not?!”

Me: “I’m not into horses as much as I was when I was little. I already had lessons.”

Aunt: *hiding her surprise and anger terribly* “C’mon, you’ll have fun!”

Me: “I don’t see the point in making my parents pay $60 for something I already did!”

Aunt: “Don’t you want the experience with your cousins?!”

Me: “But I already HAVE the experience…”

(My aunt ended up paying almost $200 for herself and my cousins to sit on horses for exactly one hour. The trio complained the rest of the night about how much their legs hurt from straddling horses nonstop. Should’ve stayed to enjoy the air conditioning!)

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Carfooling

| Outer Bank, NC, USA | Parents & Guardians, Popular, Siblings

(My husband and I have the pleasure of driving his bickering parents the 5.5 hours to the beach on our way to start our vacation. Knowing that traffic back home is awful Saturday afternoon, we know we’ll be driving them home for even more time on the way back (turns out it was 6.5 hours to get home). We’ve just finished packing the mini-van and his brother calls from the pool.)

Brother: “Are you guys leaving now?”

Husband: *walks to the pool, looking right and left* “[Wife] and I are leaving. You guys figure out how to get Mom and Dad home!”

(My husband then runs to the car, jumps in, and starts it.)

Sister: *laughing out loud*

Brother: *panicking* “Wait, what?!”

(My husband was only moving the car out of the carport.)

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