They’re Losing It

, | Australia | Spouses & Partners, Trigger Story

(Our house in general, has a lot of “stuff” that gets left lying around, which makes it easy to lose things. I’m generally good at knowing where this lost stuff is, but my fiancé, not so much. I receive this text:)

Fiancé: *text* “After years of dedicated detective work, a decade of heartbreak and struggle, hundreds of hours of interrogation, the open case of the missing wallet was finally closed. The culprit…? A shopping bag sitting next to the washing basket.”

(It had been five days.)


Dear readers:

This is a story between an engaged couple, discussing a non-relationship issue. Do you think it belongs on Not Always Romantic, or does the subject matter make it Not Always Related? Please discuss in the comments!


Halloween Needs Another Five Minutes

| Israel | Parents & Guardians

(I’m visiting my ex-in-laws in Israel and will return the day before my favorite holiday.)

Me: *in a text to my mother in USA* “Did you get the zombie makeup for [My Daughter]?”

Mom: *in text* “It’s four am here!”

Me: “Oh, sorry! But did you get it? Also, can you grab us pumpkins to carve?”

Mom: “Seriously?!”

Me: “Yes.”

(I take Halloween seriously.)


You’re Chemically Imbalanced

| USA | Siblings

(I live in a different state than my family. My father and little brother are traveling by car to visit my granny who lives in a different state. I have been texting my father, trying to find out if they have made it there safely. He has not answered, so I text my brother, and this is the conversation:)

Me: “Y’all there yet?”

Brother: “Not yet. We’re a little less than an hour away though.”

Me: “Potassium.”

Brother: “What?”

Me: “What is the chemical representation of potassium on the periodic table?”

Brother: “It’s ‘K.'”

Me: “Potassium.”

Brother: “Yes, potassium=’K.'”

Me: “So I asked if y’all are there yet. You said that you are almost there. I reply POTASSIUM.”

Brother: “I’m throwing you away.”

(An hour later:)

Brother: “We made it!”

Me: “Potassium.”

Brother: “I’m giving you away…”

(I think I just realized why my family calls me a nerd…)


Doubly Cursed

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Siblings

(I send a text to my identical twin:)

My Text: “Just bought Harry Potter & the Cursed Child . You can read it when I am done.”

My Twin’s Reply Text: “I just finished reading it, picked up my phone, and saw your message!”


Bad Jokes: The Next Generation

| IL, USA | Parents & Guardians

(I am at work and texting my mom on my break. She is being funny when the following exchange happens.)

Me: “I’m going to stop you right there before you start making too many bad jokes.”

Mom: “I don’t make bad jokes! I made you. What do you call that?”

Me: “A bad joke.”

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