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It’s A Very One-Sided Joke

| ID, USA | Parents & Guardians, Popular

(My husband recently had a biopsy of a lymph node in his armpit. He is a hairy guy and occasionally compares himself to Gaston since “Every last inch of me is covered with hair.” This is a part of a text conversation I have with my mom.)

Mom: “Did they shave his armpit?”

Me: “Yes.”

Mom: “Try talking him into letting you shave the other one so he doesn’t list to one side when he walks.”

(This was our favorite joke about the whole ordeal.)

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Doesn’t Quite Know Your Onions

| Jerusalem, Israel | Spouses & Partners

(I went grocery shopping last night, but was unable to buy onions because the selection was terrible – soft, old, rotting, so I ask my wife, who is taking a vacation day, to buy onions while I’m at work. She is pregnant and can therefore get very scatterbrained.)

Me: *over text message* “Did you buy onions?”

Wife: “No, the onions were horrible.”

Me: “Let me guess. You went to the supermarket. The same supermarket I went to last night. The same supermarket I decided not to buy onions from.”

Wife: “…Yes. I am so stupid.”

Me: “You do this every time!”

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The Art Of Conversing Without Conversing

| Australia | Parents & Guardians

(My father sends me a text message with a question. The following is the rest of the conversation:)

Me: “Yes.”

Dad: “Your mother would like me to thank you for your verbose reply.”

Me: “K.”