Proof Of Strife

, | GA, USA | Parents & Guardians, Popular, Siblings

(My single dad had us young and is very strict. He works at our school, so he knows all the tricks kids do to get away with stuff. I’m the youngest of five and the only girl. My dad always thinks we cover for each other  — to be fair, we almost always do. One night my dad is out later than our curfews and can’t facetime, so we have the following text conversation:)

Dad: “Get home NOW or I’ll whup you’re a**.”

Me: “I’ve been home all night, Daddy. I’m in my room working on my paper.”

Dad: “Sorry, sweetheart. That was meant for [My Brother].”

Me: “He’s been home all night, too.”

Dad: “If you’re covering for him, you’ll be in as much trouble as he is.”

(I know that this will go on and on, so I go into my brother’s room.)

Me: “Dad thinks you’re out past curfew and I’m covering for you.”

(My brother sighs and we take selfies of us together on each of our phones and text them to him.)

Dad: “How do I know you’re not texting me saved pics?”

Me: “We’re wearing our pajamas?!”

Dad: “Not good enough.”

Brother: “I have an idea.”

(We go downstairs, where my brother turns the TV to the local news. We take another selfie with the TV in the background.)

Me: “See, Daddy. Told you.”

Dad: “Okay. Make sure you’re in bed before I get home. Love you, baby.”

Me: *to my brother* “Notice he didn’t apologize for not believing us?”

Brother: “If we ever get held for ransom, we’re dead because Dad won’t believe it when the kidnappers send him a picture.”

The Flash Is His Own Red Ranger

| MO, USA | Siblings

(My sister and I are texting back and forth as I am trying to decide what I am going to do with my free time. I have currently been obsessed with the ‘Mighty Morphin Power Rangers’ series and she is even more obsessed with The Flash.)

Me: “I can’t decide if I’m going to watch Power Rangers or The Flash.”

Sister: “Is that a serious dilemma?! Flash, [My Name]. Always Flash.”

Me: “Of course it’s a serious dilemma! Jason David Frank!”

Sister: “Yes. And Grant Gustin.”

Me: “Pfft, you’re right. No comparison. Power Rangers it is.”

Sister: “Ugh, I thought I liked you…”

Smells Like Pride

| MA, USA | Parents & Guardians

(I’m in my 20s and have been a vegetarian since before I learned how to cook or had any interest in cooking. I always jokingly comment on how gross my dad’s cooking is because of the meat. I work in a group home for developmentally challenged adults and one of my responsibilities is cooking meals for them. This happens via text message.)

Me: “So, for dinner my residents had homemade baked beans, kielbasa in homemade gravy, with sautéed peppers and onions over rice. And they had a Greek salad with homemade vinaigrette.”

Dad: “Wow, sounds yummy. But when I make this at home you tell me it’s yucky and complain that I stunk up the house.”

Me: “Yeah, well, I don’t have any pride invested in the things you cook.”

Random Access Memory

| Kansas City, MO, USA | Siblings

(I am at home and texting my sister, who lives half-way across the country. While we are both very smart, I’m not what most people would call “logical,” and we have a long-running joke about how she doesn’t understand how I think.)

Me: “I remember odd things. It’s what I get for being intelligent.”

Sister: “…Wow.”

Me: “What?”

Sister: “What are you trying to say about me?”

Me: “That you’re logically intelligent while I am randomly intelligent.”

Sister: “…If you say so.”

Me: “You don’t believe me?”

Sister: “It’s not that. I just don’t understand you.”

Me: “Exactly! Because my brain remembers random things and makes random connections – random intelligence – while your brain remembers stuff you consider important and makes clearly defined connections – logical intelligence.”

Sister: “Why would you want to remember random things?”

Me: “I kinda have no choice. It’s just all in there waiting to be triggered.”

Sister: “…You poor thing.”

Not Quite Feline His Cooking

| Sweden | Parents & Guardians

(My dad sometimes eats some type of canned fish in tomato sauce for breakfast, and the rest of the family jokingly calls it “cat food.” One day as I go to feed our cat, I notice that the “real” cat food in fact is meat with tomato sauce, so I decide to tease my dad about him eating cat food.)

Me: *texting him* “Hey, you know how you eat that red fish that we call cat food, and then you’re like ‘it’s not cat food’? Well, there literally is cat food prepared in the same way, so HA!”

Dad: *texting back* “The difference is that there isn’t a picture of a cat on the packaging, so therefore it isn’t cat food!”

Me: “So if I take cat food and put it in a container without a cat-picture on it, it’s no longer cat food?”

Dad: “Perhaps. So you better watch out what you eat from now on.”

A Hot Cheesy Slice Of Common Sense

| MA, USA | Sons & Daughters, Spouses & Partners

(I am texting my husband:)

Me: “[Our son] wants pizza from [Local Pizzeria]. I feel obligated to say no, but can’t think of a good reason why. It’s hot and we have nothing to cook.”

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