Not Impressed With Who You’re Trying To Impress

| CT, USA | Parents & Guardians, Sons & Daughters

(I overheard this gem while shopping; I’m assuming it’s a father and daughter.)

Dad: “You don’t need all this makeup. You’re beautiful the way you are and whoever he is will like you regardless.”

Daughter: “Excuse me? I do not wear makeup to impress boys. How can you say that?”

Dad: “Come on, it’s a well-known fact that girls wear makeup to hide how basic and average they are. But you don’t need that; you have natural beauty.”

Daughter: “Believe it or not, women do wear makeup for themselves. They don’t do it just for other’s satisfaction. Besides, most men will jump on anything that has tits and a vagina; girls though, have higher standards.”

Dad: “…”

Daughter: “I’m trying to impress a girl.”

Dad: “…”

Daughter: “At some point you’re going to have to accept that I’m a lesbian.”

Dad: “Did someone say we needed milk?”

Thanks For Nothing

| OH, USA | Parents & Guardians

(My mom and I are leaving a store and are on our way to my cousin’s baby shower. We are almost to the car when this happened:)

Mom: “Thank you.”

Me: “You’re welcome.” *realizing that I hadn’t done or said anything to prompt a thank you* “Umm… what are you welcome for?”

Mom: “I don’t know. I was hoping you weren’t going to ask.”

(We couldn’t leave for another five minutes because we were laughing too hard.)

Trying To Make A Belieber Out Of You

| IA, USA | Parents & Guardians

(I am not a fan of Justin Bieber. Quite the opposite, in fact. I will make a point to actively ignore the music if a public place has one of his songs on, and am just very against him as a person in general. I’m in a store with my dad when ‘Baby’ comes on, but I don’t recognize the intro, so I subtly dance to it while walking.)

Dad: “You do realize this is Justin Bieber, right?”

Me: *stops dancing immediately* “OH, MY GOD I THOUGHT IT WAS TAYLOR SWIFT!”