Can’t Hear The Irony

| Burlington, ON, Canada | Grandparents, Theme Of The Month

(My music class and another older music class put on a school Christmas concert, led by my music teacher. My mother and grandmother, who is hard of hearing, come to watch. Afterward, my mother tells me something that happened during the concert.)

Music Teacher: *to the audience* “The next performance will be, ‘Do You Hear What I Hear?'”

Grammy: *to my mother* “What? What did he say?”

Mom: *loudly* “He said, ‘DO YOU HEAR WHAT I HEAR?'”

(They and the many audience members who heard them started laughing.)

Didn’t Show Enough Fore-Thought

| Austin, TX, USA | Children, Sons & Daughters, Spouses & Partners

(My husband and I are in a birth class and on this particular day we are all sharing our birth plans by rotating them around to each other.)

Husband: *noticing and pointing out that several birth plans include plans for circumcision* “That’s a good idea; we should really include that in ours.”

Me: *quizzical look* “[Husband]…”

Husband: “What? It makes a lot of sense. I think we should add it to ours.”

Me: “Um, [Husband]…”

Husband: “What?”

Me: “We’re having a girl.”

Husband: “Oh! Yeah, good point.”

No Boo-Hoo With This Boo-Boo

| Los Altos, CA, USA | Sons & Daughters

(Our teacher is telling us a story of a conversation between her and her six-year-old son. She just came home from grocery shopping and just took an ice pack out of the bag and is putting it in the fridge.)

Son: “Mommy, what’s that? Can I have it?”

Teacher: “No, sweetie, that’s for if you get a boo-boo.”

Son: *slams his head on the table* “Can I have it now?”

Took A Leap Of Faith

| USA | Siblings

(I’m waiting for my brother to finish talking with his friend so we can walk home, when he finally finishes he runs over he speaks excitedly. This happens in late February.)

Brother: “You’ll never believe this! I got a date.”

Me: “You’re right; I don’t believe you. Who’s the unlucky girl?”

Brother: *ignoring my insults* “Oh it’s [Girl my brother has a crush on even though she bullies everyone]. She says to meet her at [Movie Place] on the 30th! I can’t wait!”

Me: “…how many days are in February?”

Brother: “I don’t know, like 29? Ohhh, darn.”

Me: “This is so going on the Internet.”

Brother: “You wouldn’t!”

(Yes, I would.)

Unforgettable Kisses

| Dallas, TX, USA | Siblings

(I am in the car with my mom and brother to drop him off for school. I’ve been giving him a last-minute quiz to make sure he knows what he needs to for an upcoming test, so he’s a bit distracted.)

Brother: *kisses my mom and me on the cheek*

Me: “Aw, hey, that’s different! You don’t usually kiss me, too.”

Brother: “Whoops, sorry. I forgot.”

Hasn’t Got A Head For Profanity

, | UK | Children, Nephews & Nieces

(My nephew is five, and has gotten in trouble at school with two other boys for yelling rude words, including ‘d***head,’ through the school gate at a woman passing by. His step-dad goes to pick him up after school and speak to the head teacher, and then drives him home.)

Nephew: “Is mummy mad?”

Step-Dad: “A bit, yeah. She’s upset that you were so naughty and used that word.”

Nephew: “Am I grounded?”

Step-Dad: “I don’t know. You apologised to the lady and Mrs. [Head Teacher]. You need to say sorry to mummy as well, though.”

Nephew: “I will.”

(There’s silence for a little bit, and then:)

Nephew: “[Step-Dad], what’s a d***head?”