That’s One Stinky Flower

| Portland, OR, USA | Popular, Sons & Daughters

(I am walking my children to school. This was a conversation between me and my 10-year-old daughter.)

Daughter: “This flower looks like Baby Soft Bottom!”

Me: “Uh… I don’t think that’s a flower. I don’t know what baby’s bottom YOU’RE looking at, but this flower is neon pink and that baby needs some diaper rash cream.”

Daughter: “No, it’s Baby Soft Bottom. [Friend]’s mom said it’s Baby Soft Bottom… I don’t think I’m saying it right.”

Me: “You mean Baby’s Breath?”

Daughter: “YES!”

Me: “…”


A Higher Grade Of Grandparent

| TX, USA | Grandparents, Popular

(My grandfather is picking me up from school. I am really upset because I had made a ‘B’ on a quiz and this was the lowest grade I have ever had. My grandfather always tries to cheer people up but he isn’t a very funny guy; he tends to scare people.)

Grandfather: “Are you okay?”

Me: “Yeah, I’m fine. I just got a ‘B’ on a quiz and I’m not too happy about it.”

Grandfather: “Are you serious? I never made a ‘B’ in my life.”

Me: “I will try to bring it—”

Grandfather: “—I never made an ‘A’ either.”

(That made my day a lot better.)


Literally Losing Your Identity

| Miami, FL, USA | Parents & Guardians, Popular

(A student has been told to come to the office. Afraid she is being accused of something, she calls her mother to come with her.)

Mom: “I want to know why my daughter was told to come to the office. She has done nothing wrong and I am here so you can’t blame her for something she didn’t do.”

Counselor: “I just wanted to give her this folder she left in a classroom last night. It has her birth certificate, her social security card, and her driver’s license. Leaving it in an open classroom gives someone a perfect chance to steal her identity.”

Mom: *to girl* “Wait until I get you home. You were right; you are in trouble.”

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