Childbirth Is Not To Be Sniffed At

| Orlando, FL, USA | Siblings

(My brother has the sniffles all day, because his sinuses are acting up.)

Brother: “Don’t get allergies.”

Me: “Too late for that. I’ve already got some.”

Brother: “Then don’t get pregnant. It sucks.”

Me: “You would know?”

Brother: “Yep, it’s like PMS times 1000.”

Literacy Skills In The Dark Ages

| San Diego, CA, USA | Siblings

Me: *to my sister* “Ugh, I don’t want to study for medieval literature.”

My sister: “What’s medieval literature?”

Me: “Literature from the medieval era?”

My sister: “Oh. They had literature back then?”

Me: “They had literature way before then.”

My sister: “Oh. What’s literature?”

Naked Under Scrutiny

| Boston, MA, USA | Children, Grandparents

(My mom is visiting for the weekend when my 3-year-old daughter bursts into the bathroom. It’s a running joke in the family that my husband hates it when his daughters run around the house without clothes on.)

My mom: *still undressed after her shower* “Close the door! Your dad’s right out there!”

My daughter: “Oh, it’s okay. Daddy doesn’t like naked little girls, but he likes naked ladies!”

Wise-cracks Are (Tali)Banned

| Highlands Ranch, CO, USA | Children, Parents & Guardians, Sons & Daughters

(I am 8 years old at the time. I go downstairs because I am hungry. Note: this takes place before we have found Osama Bin Laden.)

Me: “Daddy, I’m hungry.”

Dad: “It’s really close to dinner, sweetie. You shouldn’t eat too much. But, I guess you can have a few Ritz Crackers.”

Me: “We have Ritz? Where?”

Dad: “In the cabinet, go look.”

(I see them in the cabinet, but close it and turn to him.)

Me: “But I don’t like Ritz!”

Dad: “What? Why would you want to know where something is if you don’t like it?”

Me: “Well, we hate Osama bin Laden, but we’d love to know where he is right now!”

(He sends me to my room, with my mom and sister cracking up at him in the next room.)

Sharing Wits With The Witnesses

| Las Vegas, NV, USA | Siblings, Top

(Note: My brother is a philosophy major, and makes a hobby of logically disputing various religious beliefs. While at home, our doorbell rings.)

Brother: “I’ll get it.”

Me: “Don’t, it’s Jehovah’s Witnesses. We’re ignoring them.”

Brother: “Oh!”

(He enthusiastically heads for the door.)

Me: “No, you cannot play with them.”

Brother: “Aw, you’re no fun!”