Spelling Isn’t Tweasy

| UK | Parents & Guardians, Siblings

(My mother keeps a shopping list on the kitchen worktop for anyone to add to, when they notice we need something. My mum is talking to my 14 year old sister.)

Mum: “Why have you added ‘tweezers’ to the shopping list?”

Sister: “I want a pair to pluck my eyebrows with.”

Mum: “You’ve spelt it T-W-E-A-S-E-R-S.”

Sister: “So?”

Mum: “So, I’ll buy you tweezers when you can spell it correctly.”

(Over next few days, my mother would find a different – and always incorrect – permutation of the spelling of “tweezers” on the shopping list. After about a week, she finds the following scrawled on the list instead.)

List: “Screw it, I’ll buy them myself!”

A Cup Is Half Empty Kind Of Girl

| Indianapolis, IN, USA | Children, Siblings, Sons & Daughters

(After playing in the snow with my 3-year-old daughter, we enjoy some hot cocoa. My 9-year-old son comes back from a friend’s house. He immediately spies her hot cocoa.)

Son: “Hey! Let me have some, please?”

Daughter: “No, it’s mine!”

(She takes another small sip.)

Daughter: “Okay, you can have it. Be sure to put the cup in the sink.”

Me: “That’s very nice of you to share, but you shouldn’t share your drink because—”

Son: “Hey! It’s all gone! You drank it all!”

Daughter: “Ha! Gotcha!”

(She dances off as me and her mother try to keep our composure.)

Me: “They grow up so fast!”

A Hidden A-Gender

| USA | Grandparents, Siblings

(I’m visiting my grandpa at his home, who hasn’t seen my brother and me since we were kids. I’m female, but I have short hair and boyish clothes.)

Me: “Hi, grandpa!”

Grandpa: “My dear grandson, how are you? You’re a really big boy now.”

(My brother walks in behind me.)

Grandpa: “Who’s he, and where’s your sister?”

A Hard Hat For Protection

| UT, USA | Parents & Guardians, Top

(My older brother has turned eighteen. He is going to go on a camping trip with his friends and girlfriend. I am playing videogames and overhear him talking to Mom.)

Mom: “Alright, you’re all ready?”

Brother: “Yeah.”

Mom: “Okay. Now that you’re eighteen, I can’t tell you not to go on this trip, and I want you to have fun. So, just remember, always wear a hat when you go inside her house.”

(There is an awkward silence as we process what just happened.)

Me and brother: “Eww!”

A Descent Sense Of Humor

| PA, USA | Grandparents, Parents & Guardians, Sons & Daughters

(I’m helping my family move our belongings that we’ve kept in storage for a while. My dad locates a vintage baby carriage.)

Dad: “We’re going to put a baby in here one day.” *turns to me* “I want you to pump out a kid so we can use this.”

Me: “Hey, now. We don’t even know if [boyfriend] is fertile.”

Dad: “That’s okay. We can just borrow some from your brother and do it artificially.”

Me: “What?! Dad!”

Brother’s girlfriend: “The first line of genes will be amazing, but everything after that will be all messed up.”

Dad: “I don’t care. I’ll be dead by then.”