Precious Family Moments

| CA, USA | Siblings

(Note: this takes place over dinner. While eating, my thirteen-year-old brother pipes up.)

Younger brother: “I just realized something! You know how everybody in Lord of the Rings thinks Sam is dumb? He used a four syllable word!”

(He starts counting on fingers.)

Younger brother: “Po-ta-toes!”

Robotics Is Down In The Dumps

| Phoenix, AZ, USA | Grandparents, Parents & Guardians, Sons & Daughters

(My father-in-law is visiting. He tends to be quite free and open about various subjects. While at the breakfast table he begins to describe his recent colonoscopy exam, in detail. My 20-year-old daughter has a look of shock and disgust on her face.)

Grandfather: “You need to do this every ten years staring when you are 50.”

Daughter: “Oh my God! Does this mean I’m going to have to deal with this in 30 years?”

Me: “Aw, honey. Don’t worry. In 30 years they’ll have nano-bots that will crawl up your butt.”

Enough To Put You Into A Vegetative State

| Sammamish, WA, USA | Parents & Guardians, Sons & Daughters, Top

(My parents lived in Belgium for a year, just before I was born.)

Me: “You know, I really don’t like brussel sprouts.”

Dad: “Well, you were conceived in Brussels. So, you’re sort of a brussel sprout yourself.”

Some Mothers Just Don’t Cut It

| USA | Children, Parents & Guardians, Sons & Daughters, Top

(When I was around 6 years old, my mom cut my hair really short. One day, I was being watched after school by a family friend. I am coming down the stairs with the friend’s son when my mom arrives.)

Mom: “Who is that adorable little boy coming down your stairs?”

Family friend: “Uh, that would be your daughter.”

Me Speak Only Americano

| WI, USA | Cousins

Cousin: “I hear you just got back from a semester abroad. How was it?”

Me: “It was pretty great.”

Cousin: “Was it difficult, like, with the language thing?

Me: “No, I was in London.”

Cousin: “Right, was the language difficult?”

Me: “No, I was in London, England.”

Cousin: “Do they speak English there?”

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