This Is Not Real Life, This Is Fantasy

| WV, USA | Parents & Guardians

(My sister and I have a habit of randomly breaking into song and will sometimes even sing normal conversations. One day we start singing a bit from Bohemian Rhapsody and at first mom thinks we’re talking to her.)

Us: *singing* “Mama.”

Mom: “Yes?”

Us: “Just killed a man.”

Mom: “What?!”

Us: “Put a gun against his head—”

Mom: “Um…”

(It wasn’t until we got to the third ‘mama’ that she realized what was going on!)

The Mother Of All Fathers

| USA | Parents & Guardians

(My parents have been divorced for most of my life. My mom and I have just gotten home from grocery shopping and somehow get onto the topic of shopping with my dad, so a minor gripe from the marriage comes up. Before I was born, Mom had taken a test and confirmed that she is psychologically masculine (she isn’t transgender, though).)

Mom: “He would never ask a store employee for help finding an item, so unless I asked someone, we’d end up wandering through half the store looking for something!”

(At this point I have a small revelation.)

Me: “Mom, YOU do that.”

Mom: “Huh?”

Me: “If we go shopping, I have to be the one to find an employee and ask where something is if we don’t already know, or we end up wasting ten minutes looking for it. You turned into Dad!”

Mom: *a moment of silent horror* “S***!”

(I had a good laugh at her over that.)

Good Misbehavior

| England, UK | Parents & Guardians

(I’m on the phone to my mom telling her about what I’ve been up to.)

Dad: *in the background having only just entered the room my mom was in* “Is that [My Name]? Is she behaving herself?”

Mom: “Not in the slightest.”

Dad: “GOOD.”

High-Flying Low-Blows

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | Cousins, Parents & Guardians, Pets & Animals

(A cousin of ours has recently had a baby, and has been posting a lot of pictures about the baby. My sister and I don’t like children. I am also currently unemployed)

Sister: “Can [Cousin] stop posting pictures about her baby? It’s seriously getting annoying. It’s all she does these days.”

Mum: “I know, but that’s what her life is now.”

Me: “My life is all about [Dog] right now, but you don’t see me posting pictures of him all day.”

Mum: “Yes, but [Cousin] was a high-flying professional before she had the baby, so it’s a bit of a come-down for her…”

(At this point my dad and sister lose it, and Mum goes bright red.)

Mum: “No… I mean…”

Me: *sarcastic* “I get that I’m nothing at the moment, but I thought you at least supported me.”

Here We Pokémon Go Again, Part 3

| IL, USA | Boyfriends & Girlfriends, Parents & Guardians, Pokemon, Spouses & Partners

(My boyfriend and I are at his parents’ house when this happens. Both of us are in our mid-20s and are avid Pokémon Go players. Also staying at his parents’ house are some friends of theirs. As we are headed out to play some PoGo, the wife of his parents’ friend stops us, demanding to know what Pokémon ‘is.’)

Wife: “OKAY! WHAT is a Pokémon?”

Boyfriend: *taking out his phone to show her* “Well, it was originally released in the late 90s as a game that you could play on a Gameboy. You remember me being around and playing that when I was a kid, right? Well, it’s now a phone app that you can play in real time and place through geocached data that is coordinated with online maps and GPS location.”

Wife: *impatiently* “Okay but what is Pokémon?! Everyone is talking about Pokémon!”

Boyfriend: *too patiently* “Well, here, let me show you.” *opens app* “Pokémon are little creatures that you capture and collect.”

Wife: *points to Squirtle* “Is that him? Is that Pokémon?”

Boyfriend: *still patiently* “He is a Pokémon. That’s Squirtle; here’s another Pokémon but it’s called Pikachu. There’s a lot of them, 151 to be exact.”

Wife: “That’s a lot! So it’s not Pokémon; it’s Pokémons.”

(By this point my boyfriend’s mom and I were laughing too hard and the woman thankfully lost her focus as she has a very short attention span.)

Related:
Here We Pokémon Go Again, Part 2
Here We Pokémon Go Again