Making Up Making Out

| GA, USA | Parents & Guardians, Popular

(We left my sister and her boyfriend to look after my brother while my parents went to pick me up from my cheer competition. As we are about to open the door, I decide to mess with my dad.)

Me: “What if we walk in and they are making out on the couch.”

Dad: *stares at me* “I need to go to the gas station.”

Me: “We just went to the gas station.”

Dad: “I need stuff.”

Me: “What stuff?”

Dad: “I don’t know, bullets and other gas station stuff. Now, shut up.”

(My dad paced around our driveway a bit while my mom was dying of laughter in the car. Thankfully they weren’t making out on the couch, so my dad didn’t have a heart attack.)

icon_parents

Not Being Charitable With Mom

| ON, Canada | Parents & Guardians, Popular

(I have just come home from being treated for cancer. The form of cancer I have is easily treatable and most likely gone by this point. Ever since I got diagnosed my mom has decided that it is my purpose in life to become an activist for cancer.)

Mom: “What are you doing tomorrow?”

Me: “I’m going to play video games with [Friend].”

Mom: “[Charity] is holding an event for cancer survivors. It sounds fun. You should go.”

Me: “No, thanks.”

(Two days later.)

Mom: “The [Cancer Charity] marathon is a few months from now. You should sign up now so you can start training.”

Me: “Mom, I hate running. I won’t do it.”

(Four days later.)

Mom: “[Friend Who Is A Teacher] said her school is looking for guest speakers for an assembly. Would you—”

Me: *interrupting* “No!”

(One day later…)

Mom: “[Children’s Cancer Charity] is hiring. Do you want to apply?”

(This is getting annoying and I come up with a plan.)

Me: “Will I get paid?”

Mom: “No, but think of all the people you can help.”

Me: “F*** THEM! I WANT MONEY!”

(She never brought the topic up again.)

icon_grandparents

Awakening To The Fact That Grandma Is Crazy

| Allentown, PA, USA | Grandparents, Popular

(It’s two am and like most sane people, I’m asleep. I am awoken when my phone starts ringing and fumble around in the dark to answer it.)

Me: *in a groggy tone* “Hello?”

Grandmother: *accusingly* “Why are you still awake?!”

(I still have no idea why she called me.)