Skip To The End

| Finland | Siblings

(My little sister and I are binge watching a TV series from a DVD box set. We decide early on that the theme song is too long and boring, so we have skipped it pretty much every time. We have watched around 25 episodes at this point.)

Sister: *the theme song begins, so she lifts the remote* “We need to skipity-skip this theme song!”

Me: “Skipity-skip?”

Sister: “Yeah?”

Me: “Normal skipping just isn’t enough anymore?”

Sister: “No! Because this thing is too long!”


Waffling On Early In The Morning

| Gresham, OR, USA | Parents & Guardians, Popular

(My step-dad is tired and in a bit of a bad mood, and is the most sarcastic person I’ve ever met. My step-sister has had a craving for waffles for the last month or so and decides this moment to ask him for waffles tomorrow morning but has forgotten that he works tomorrow, so he wakes up at 5:30. Our back door is wide open.)

Step-Sister: “Dad, can we have waffles in the morning.”

Mom: “[Step-Sister[, tomorrow’s Friday.”

Step-Dad: “I can make you waffles if you want to get up when I get up.”

Step-Sister: “Oh, right. I forgot.”

Step-Dad: “I’ll just wake everyone up at 5:30 tomorrow for waffles because [Step-Sister] wants waffles.”

Next-Door-Neighbor: *yelling from his backyard* “I want waffles!”

(My mom got this surprised look on her face as we all burst out laughing.)


The Lazy Problem Isn’t A Problem

| Annapolis, MD, USA | Parents & Guardians, Popular

(So I’m sitting on the couch at my parent’s house talking with my mom about adult life and how it’s been living on my own. I’m telling her it’s been all right, but I’m trying to make her laugh by giving her examples of how it could be worse.)

Me: “Hey, at least I’m not on drugs or something.”

Mom: “That would require money, which I know you don’t have…”

Me: “Well, at least I’m not dealing drugs.”

Mom: “That would require you leaving your apartment and actually talking to people…”

Me: “At least I’m not pregnant!”

Mom: “You have to actually have sex in order to get pregnant.”

Me: “D***, mom. I didn’t realize you were still holding a grudge over that Cesarean scar…”


Taking It Siri-iously

| IN, USA | Popular, Siblings

(It’s 2009 and I have just gotten a new phone, and it has voice recognition. I am testing it out.)

Me: “Call, Mom.”

Phone: “Sorry, I didn’t understand.”

Me: “Call, Dad.”

Phone: “Sorry, I didn’t understand.”

(After a few more unsuccessful tries, I toss it on my bed.)

Me: “You son of a b****!”

Phone: “Calling [Brother].”


A Strange Spatial Awareness

| USA | Parents & Guardians

(I just found out what weird thing my mom is afraid of.)

Me: “Mom, you better watch out or… a black hole will come down and do… things to you!”

Mom: “Nooo, don’t say that!!”

(Space. And everything in it.)