The Diaper Decider

| USA | Children, Nephews & Nieces

(I’m babysitting my nephew while my sister-in-law finishes up school. He HATES having his diaper changed, so it’s normally a battle. I’m getting ready to change his diaper.)

Me: “Okay, dude, are we gonna fight over this?”

Nephew: *puts fist up, ready to fight*

Me: “Oh, my gosh, dude. Seriously?”

(Thankful he didn’t actually fight me.)

A Meal You Can Woof Down

| Prague, Czech Republic | Grandchildren, Pets & Animals

(My eight-year-old granddaughter is great animal lover and also smart for her age. One evening she plays with her pets: one dog and one cat.)

Granddaughter: *matter-of-factly* “You know, you two, you should be really glad you live here! If you lived in China, you’d be EATEN!”

OOOOOHDIPUS

| USA | Children, Spouses & Partners

(My husband is getting ready to leave for an outing with friends. I’ve just told our toddler that we are going to watch movies all night with daddy gone. My husband and I steal into the hallway for a quick make out session before he leaves.)

Toddler: *running into the hallway and pulling on our legs* “MAMA! MAMA! MAMA! MAMA!”

Me: “Our son is jealous that you have my attention.”

Husband: “Good. Let him be jealous.”

(Just as he goes in for another kiss:)

Toddler: *very angrily* “OOOH!”

(We both cracked up, the moment completely gone.)

Fail To Answer

| CA, USA | Aunts & Uncles, Children, Nephews & Nieces

(I am 40 years old, unmarried, no kids. I am playing with my 5-year-old nephew while my 70-year-old mother looks on.)

Nephew: “Auntie [My Name], are you married?”

Me: “No.”

Nephew: “Why not?”

Me: *sarcastically* “Because I am a failure as a woman.”

Mom: *taking me seriously* “[My Name], don’t say that!”

Nephew: “Haha, you fail!”

(Kids crack me up.)

At The Dis-Appointed Time

| USA | Siblings

(My cousin is getting married. The day before the wedding, she invites my sister and me to join the bridal party for manicures. The appointment is at 10 am, and we have both been up for several hours now. It’s a twelve minute drive, nothing complicated, and it is now 9:30 am.)

Me: *cheerfully* “Hey, you about ready to go?”

Sister: *angrily yelling* “When do you want to leave?!”

Me: “Uh, soon-ish? If you need a few minutes…”

Sister: “Why didn’t you tell me when we were leaving?!”

Me: “Uh, the appointment is at ten…”

Sister: “Well, I didn’t know when you wanted to leave! I’m still in my pajamas! You should have told me what time!”

(She then stomped and slammed her way into the bathroom. I really didn’t know what to say, but I guess it was too much to assume that she, an adult, would know to be ready to leave at least thirty minutes before the appointment time. In other news, we got there, had a blast, and my cousin is happily married.)