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Mom’s Plan Is A Sham(poo)

| Athens, Greece | Parents & Guardians, Popular

(I will be staying at my mum’s house for a couple of weeks while I’m on holiday from where I regularly live. Before I arrive, I ask her to buy me some shampoo of a certain brand. The brand’s bottles come in three sizes and as I’ll only be there for a short time I ask her to get the smallest one. When I arrive, however, I see that she has bought the biggest size, which is easily 10 times more than I could use in that time.)

Me: “I told you to get the smallest size. There’s no way I’m going to use that much shampoo in two weeks!”

Mum: “Don’t worry about it. I’ll use the rest myself after you’re gone.”

(Two weeks later, as I’m packing my suitcase.)

Mum: “You barely even used that shampoo! What am I going to do with that huge bottle now?”

Me: “…”

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When Daddy Is The One With Issues

| Stoughton, WI, USA | Grandparents, Popular

(My soon to be ex-husband is a lying idiot but never touched me or my daughter. My 85-year-old grandma is going off on a rant about how horrible he is, which she does every time I’m on the phone with her. She also frequently tries to tell me to call my biological father.)

Grandma: “…he’s so lazy. I’m glad he went back to his own country. You should call your dad. I bet he would love to meet your daughter.”

Me: *having enough* “There is a reason I don’t talk to him! You do know he tried to kill me as a toddler because ‘the voices’ said I was evil, right?”

Grandma: “Oh, I know, but he was so nice!”

(I’m never going to understand why my ex is horrible but my bio dad is a saint.)

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Will Need To Kiss And Make Up

| USA | Parents & Guardians, Popular

(My mom hated her in-laws. When I was a kid, whenever they would come over they would kiss me.)

Mom: *whisper* “Don’t let them kiss you; they’re diseased due to no morals. Shh! It’s our secret.”

(Confused, I did as she said. Later, my dad scolded me.)

Dad: “Why were you so rude? They come to visit you but you don’t even kiss them hello?!”

Me: “Mom said that they were diseased.”

Dad: “…”

(Dad had a talk with Mom, and she was mad at me for blabbing.)

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Menimism Schism

| USA | Popular, Siblings

(My family is watching a documentary on some indigenous tribes. The narrator mentions that women aren’t allowed to go on certain trips because it’s believed that the female presence scares away animals.)

Me: *calmly* “Well, that’s one of the stupidest things I’ve ever heard.”

Brother: “CALM DOWN.”

Me: “I am calm?”

Brother: “Stop being a feminazi all the time! Gosh!”

Me: “So, I can’t make one comment related to feminism without you freaking out about how I’m supposedly freaking out…”

Brother: “You’re such a feminazi! You’d probably get mad if I said I don’t believe in equal pay for women.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Brother: “I believe in that laissez faire stuff.”

Me: “So, you think discrimination is okay? What if a company paid a black man less than a white man for the same job?”

Brother: “It’s fine because it’s the company’s choice.”

(I honestly thought he was joking at first, but turns out he wasn’t. I ended up going into a bit of a rant after his comments, and my parents got mad at me for making such a big deal of it. Sorry if I’m extremely disappointed to have a sexist, racist, brother. He later referred to himself as a “menimist,” which made me ever more disgusted.)

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| Royal Palm Beach, Florida | Unfiltered

(I’m visiting my sister who was living with our dad at the time while I was living with our mom.Our dad was at work.)

(The phone rings)

Sister: Hello?……Hello?….UGH! (slams phone down)

Me: Who was that?

Sister: Oh my god this pervert keeps on calling making kissing noises and breathing heavy in the phone! He’s been calling for weeks now!

(I don’t think anything of it and later on that night my dad takes out to dinner)

(All of a sudden my dad starts making these weird kissing noises)

Sister: Dad what are you doing? (suddenly it clicks in her head) OH MY GOD THAT HAS BEEN YOU?!?!

(My dad was the one calling and making kissing noises to mess with her. She even cussed him out over the phone before she knew it was him)