Tyrannosaurus Sex

| Boston, MA, USA | Parents & Guardians

(I am sitting in the kitchen studying for the PSATs. I read a line out loud to my dad.)

Me: “’For most of this century, American paleontologists avoided sexual interpretations of dinosaur structures.’ That is my new favorite sentence.”

Dad: “We can’t trust these scientists. First they don’t tell us about the feathers and now they didn’t tell us that they were sexy.”

Me: “You gonna f*** a dinosaur, Dad?”

Dad: “Well, NOW I’m not. About 65 million years too late…”

(I laugh and go back to studying. A few minutes later…)

Me: “Huh, apparently duckbill dinosaurs had trombones in their heads.”

Dad: “SEXY trombones. I bet they played jazz.”

(I go back to studying and dad walks over to his computer. I think nothing of it, but a few seconds later jazz trombone music starts playing from his speakers.)

Me: *dissolves laughing*

Twisted A Few Threads There Somewhere

| AZ, USA | Sons & Daughters

(This is a story that my coworker tells me. It should be noted that my coworker is female.)

Coworker’s Brother: “Hey, Mom, can you take me to the salon so I can get my eyebrows threaded?”

Coworker: *steps into the room* “Okay, Mom, you’re all set. I just finished changing the oil to your car.”

Their Mother: *shakes head* “Where did I go wrong?”

Cats Had To Be Involved Somehow

| England, UK | Parents & Guardians, Pets & Animals

(My dad is annoyed that my cat coughed up a hairball in the night and is complaining about it.)

Dad: “That cat is tearing our family apart. Cats are the cause of all world problems.”

Me: “So are you saying cats caused ISIS?”

Dad: “No, don’t be stupid. Other cats did.”

Sisterly Love

| Long Island, NY, USA | Parents & Guardians, Siblings

(I am about 19 years old. I am sitting in my bedroom with the window open, which opens to the backyard. My mother is attempting to put together a patio set. I am considered the toughest out of my siblings, even though I am the only girl.)

Brother: *walks outside to see my mother struggling with the patio set*

Brother: “Hey, Mom, would you like a strong, tough man to help you?”

Mother: “Yeah, go get your sister!”

The Puns Have Taken Root

| WV, USA | Punny, Siblings

Sister: *singing* “Look at me, I’m as helpless as a kitten in a tree.”

Me: “Up a tree.”

Sister: “Don’t get uppatree with me!”