They Push Up So Fast

| Houston, TX, USA | Parents & Guardians, Popular, Siblings

(I am sitting at home with mom, brother, and dad. We start talking about an upcoming cotillion.)

Mom: “How about this dress?”

(It is a floor length, strapless, aqua dress that is very pretty.)

Me: “I really like that one. The only problem is that it’s strapless, and I have no boobs.”

Brother: “Just get a push-up bra!”

Mom: “You can’t get a push-up bra if there isn’t anything there to push up!”

Dad & Brother: “OOOOOOHHHHH!”


Give A Dog A Bad Name

| Australia | Pets & Animals, Siblings

(My mother has just asked me to tell my two brothers to feed the dogs. This is how that went with my younger brother.)

Brother: “Here!”

Me: “Oh, there you are! Mum wants you to feed the dogs.”

Brother: “What is a dog?”

Me: “…a miserable little pile of secrets.”


Was Always Going To Be Doctor Strange

| CT, USA | Parents & Guardians, Popular

(I am in my mid-20s, and have been an anime, manga, gaming, and superhero fan since I was a kid. My parents go to a funeral for the father of a college friend of theirs, while I have to stay home and work. My dad speaks to me when he and Mom come home.)

Dad: “You’re normal.”

Me: “Huh?”

Dad: “You’re actually normal.”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Dad: “After [Friend’s Father]’s funeral I was listening to [Friend’s nieces and nephews around my age] talk about [Recent Superhero movies] and video games. That’s normal for you guys. You’re actually normal.” *he continues to repeat this in a surprised tone as he starts to walk away*

Me: *rather stunned in response to his revelation* “But I like being weird.”

(I’m still not sure whether to be complimented or offended at his surprise that I am rather normal for my age group. Plus, I like being weird. It’s fun!)


No True Artist Like A Dead Artist

| Tulalip, WA, USA | Siblings

(I’m explaining to my brother about my new resume, in which I’ve recently added graphic artist credits to my usual writer’s credits. My brother’s been skeptical about the addition, especially considering I haven’t yet made money from my art.)

Brother: “So, you need to write a couple big novels, and then fake your death…”


Where You Store Your Diet Coke And Mentos

| Milton, FL, USA | Parents & Guardians

(I’m home a majority of the day because I do all my schoolwork online. I’m in the kitchen when I hear an odd clicking noise.)

Me: “Hey, Mom, do you hear that?”

Mom: “Oh, that’s just the fridge. It turned into a bomb.”

Me: “…”