It’s A Gamble With The In-Laws

| England, UK | In-Laws, Siblings

(My sister-in-law is incredibly frustrating. Her life is either sorry and misery over nothing, or the best life ever! with the best husband and job and friend, even when she complains about them the whole time. Lately she has been in the “everything I do is the best thing ever; aren’t I so lucky?” phase.)

Sister-In-Law: “We have just booked a holiday!”

Wife: “Oh, that’s nice. Where to?”

Sister-In-Law: “Vegas!”

Wife: “Really? I would have never have guessed you wanted to go.”

Sister-In-Law: “Well, [Husband] has always wanted to go there, and it should be amazing.”

(Over the next three weeks her Facebook is full of countdown posts, the weather in Vegas, pictures or fake complaints about all the “stress” of packing, etc. We can’t believe she wants to go; they never have any money and her husband is a massive gambler — one of her massive complaints. She goes off on holiday then drops round to brag.)

Wife: “So, how was the holiday?”

Sister-In-Law: “Great! Fantastic! You have to go!”

Me: “Maybe one day; neither of us like to gamble.”

Sister-In-Law: “Oh, there is so much to do there as well.”

Wife: “What else did you get up to?”

Sister-In-Law: “Well, we were going to go on a tour, but [Husband] wanted to see some more casinos. We did see a show that was …ok. We spent a lot of time on the strip.”

Wife: “Sounds good!”

Sister-In-Law: “Are you planning to get away?”

(I hate that she asks this. We have two children, and my wife has just quit work until she can find a job with flexible hours. We obviously don’t have a lot of money.)

Me: “We are going to the coast.”

Sister-In-Law: “That sounds… nice.”

Me: “It will be. It might not be Vegas but we always enjoy ourselves. The kids love it and it’s time to spend together.”

Sister-In-Law: “Good… we were thinking about going to New York next year.”

(Thanks, that was great to hear!)

Periodically Bad Timing

| CA, USA | Siblings

(When I, a girl, hit puberty, my brother, two years older, begins to make cracks whenever I get angry that I must be PMSing or on my period. Since I am already very uncomfortable about all the changes in my body, I try to ignore him, rather than confront him. By sheer luck, he never actually makes these comments while I am actually on my period. One day, my brother enters my room while I am minding my own business, reading.)

Brother: “Whatcha doing?”

Me: “Reading.”

Brother: “What a nerd! You’re always reading books.”

Me: “Go away.”

Brother: “Make me!” *starts picking up some of my things just to annoy me*

Me: *starting to get annoyed* “Put that down and leave me alone.”

Brother: “Why are you so grumpy? Are you on your period or something?”

Me: *finally snapping* “YES, I AM! YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT?!”

(My brother turned white, stuttered, and left the room. It’s been 15 years since that happened, and not once has he made a reference to me being on my period when I’m angry since then. Ladies, just remember: periods are much scarier and more embarrassing for guys than they are for us. Don’t let them embarrass you with insults!)

Pokémon Go Around

| UK | Aunts & Uncles, Children, Pokemon

(My aunt told me about teaching my 11-year-old cousin about walking outside alone at night. There are several narrow lanes near their home.)

Aunt: “Don’t go in the lanes if someone standing in there. Wait until they walk through or just take the streets with big lights instead.”

Uncle: “Yep. Not even if it’s an old lady.”

Aunt: “Even better if you avoid those lanes completely.”

Cousin: “But what if they look nice?”

Aunt: “Doesn’t matter. No one should be loitering in those lanes at night.”

Uncle: “So let anyone who is there walk through first.”

Cousin: “But what if someone is just there playing Pokémon Go?”

Aunt: *rolls eyes* “Still avoid. Okay?”

Cousin: “Okay.”

Needs To Work On His (Ex)Communication

| Italy | Parents & Guardians, Siblings

(I’m in the living room, with my mother and brother, when he suddenly looks up from his phone:)

Brother: “Hey, mom, what do you call that thing… You know, if a king goes against the Church?”

Mom: “I have absolutely no clue what you’re talking about.”

Brother: “You know, that thing the Pope can do…”

Mom: “You’re not making any sense!”

Me: “Are you talking about excommunication?”

Brother: “Yeah, thanks!”

(He runs off.)

Mom: “How the h*** did you know what he was going on about?”

Me: “I dunno. I just did.”

Mexican’t Connect

| England, UK | Siblings

(I’m sat in my room, messaging my friends when I overhear a conversation from my sister and her boyfriend, about his sister’s vacation to Mexico.)

Boyfriend: “It took about twelve hours to get there.”

Sister: “The Internet says it would have taken sixteen hours to get from here to Mexico.”

Boyfriend: “Well, has the Internet ever been to Mexico?!”