Can’t Blame That One On The Dog

| MD, USA | Parents & Guardians, Pets & Animals

(We recently got our first family dog and, despite initial resistance from my mom, he sleeps in between my mom and dad. My dad told me this story one day.)

Dog: *starts shifting in the bed, moving his head towards the pillows*

Mom: “What’s wrong, buddy?”

Dad: “He’s just getting comfortable. He’s fine.”

Dog: *continues shifting and ends up staring directly at my mom*

Mom: “I’m sorry, okay?”

(Yep, turned out mom ripped one right in the dog’s face and thought she could get away with it.)

Noun-ing Around

| Salt Lake City, UT, USA | Parents & Guardians

(My dad makes a slurping noise with his soup.)

Mom: “That was very slurpy!”

(My family, especially my mom, has a habit of making up words like this. My dad is now confused because of similarity of the “word” to a 7-11 Slurpee and asks her if she meant the adjective (sounds like slurping) or the noun (a soft drink), because he didn’t hear 100% of what she said. They then proceed to discuss the logistics of the definition of her new word based on the context, particularly knowing when it was a noun or a verb. All this time I am thinking:)

Me: “You could just assume the other person was using ‘slurp-y’ as an adjective because we never, ever talk about the noun. Heck, I’ve never even had a Slurpee.”

(I’ve always had a fervent desire to entertain as an aspect of my future career, despite Aspergians known for being less than stellar at that type of thing. My new favorite cartoon I discovered several months earlier sparked a fascination with voice acting and a desire to do good impressions of the characters, as well as acting with my voice in general. However, I’m not very good at either thing. But as luck would have it, my thoughts manifest in one spontaneous, beautiful sentence)

Me: *extremely dramatic and serious* “Oh, we don’t talk about that noun in this house.”

(The delivery was perfect. A few seconds pass. My mom and I start laughing like crazy and I feel extremely proud.)

The Cats Don’t Care Either Way

| Tulalip, WA, USA | Pets & Animals, Siblings

(After the cat wants out the third time within ten minutes:)

Me: “Cat, I am not a professional opener of doors for cats!”

Brother: “Apparently you are.”

Me: “Yeah… Wait, no! I don’t get paid! I am an amateur opener of doors for cats!”

Mom Is Holding Fast

| PA, USA | Parents & Guardians

(My mother is not the most tech savvy person.)

Mom: “How do I delete all these emails?”

Me: “First click the top one. Then hold shift.”

Mom: “Wait! Where is ‘hold’?”

Mom Is Old-Fashion

| England, UK | Parents & Guardians

(I’m looking at old pictures of myself.)

Me: “My fashion sense hasn’t changed since I was five.”

Mum: “You’re like your mother. What fashion sense?”