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Your Knowledge Is The Pits

| Aberystwyth, Wales, UK | Sons & Daughters

(I’ve been ill for some time, but finally I feel well enough to go for a shower. My nine-year-old daughter wanders into the bathroom a few moments later.)

Me: “It’s obvious it’s been ages since my last shower.”

Daughter: “How come?”

Me: “Because of the length if my armpit hair.”

Daughter: “It comes off in the shower?!”

Me: “You know I shave it, right?”

Daughter: “…I’m such an idiot.”

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Would Have Seen That Coming – If You Had Glasses

| UT, USA | Children, Popular, Sons & Daughters

(I’m helping my toddler go to the bathroom, and the following exchange occurs.)

Son: “Mom, you have something on your nose.”

Me: “Oh, will you get it off for me?”

(I wasn’t being lazy; he just really likes to help me when I have something on me… probably because I help him clean his face.)

Son: *smirking* “Yeah.” *reaches for my glasses*

Me: “Hey!”

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Total InZan-ity

| Newton Falls, OH, USA | Grandparents, Parents & Guardians

(My family has gone out to dinner for my brother’s birthday. Afterwards we go to my grandparents house for cake and ice cream. My mom has just had an argument with my brother.)

Mom: *gives a stressful sigh*

Grandma: “Need an Advil?”

Mom: “What I need is a shot… in the arm… of a sedative… Got any Xanax?”

Grandma: “We got ZanTAC.” *turns to me* “That’s not the same thing though is it?”