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You’re On Thin Ice(Cream) Now

| CT, USA | Spouses & Partners

(My mother loves a certain brand of ice cream, but because it is both rather unhealthy and expensive we do not get it very often. Even so, she jokingly asks my dad for some every time he goes to the grocery store.)

Mom: “Did you get what I asked for?”

Dad: “Actually, I did.”

Mom: “YOU DID?! Hurry and go get it!”

(My dad retrieves the ice cream: one tiny quarter cup individual container for each family member, not the typical pints it comes in.)

Mom: “What is this?!”

Dad: *laughing* “I got you ice cream!”

Me: *also laughing* “He is right.”

Mom: “I bet you spent five times as much on those than you would have if you had gotten the normal size.”

Dad: “It was worth every penny to see the look on your face!”

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You’re A Fugitive To Mother’s Standards

| USA | Parents & Guardians

(My mom always seems to have perfect timing. My brother and I are watching the Simpsons. We are ten.)

Mom: “What’s this you’re watching?”

Me: “Relax, Mom. It’s a cartoon for kids!”

Mom: “No, it’s not!”

Me: “Yes? See?”

(Just then, a bloody scene full of death and gore starts playing. It wasn’t before.)

Mom: “Look at that! That’s gross! TURN IT OFF!”

Me: “Aw.”

(Another time, we were re-watching one of my favorite movies, ‘The Fugitive.’)

Mom: “What’s this you’re watching? Is it for adults?”

Me: “No, it’s an action movie!”

(Suddenly, a sex scene starts.)

Me: “Not that kind of action!”

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Taking All The Fun Out Of It

| USA | Parents & Guardians

(My family’s native language is Spanish, so I’ve learned it from my parents. However, my main language is English, and so I sometimes mispronounce Spanish. The word for ‘joke’ or ‘make fun’ is burla, but I hear it as boola.)

Me: “No me haces la boola!” *don’t make fun of me*

Mom: “It’s not boola, it’s burla. Burrrla. With an R.”

Me: *peeved* “Me estas haciendo burrrla de me boola!” *You’re making fun of my ‘making fun’!*

Mom: “Haha.”

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A Textbook Case Of Textbook Translation

| USA | Parents & Guardians

(I sign up for Spanish classes at my high school, figuring since my parents are Hispanic, they can help me. I also don’t speak Spanish very well, and I’m sensitive about that. I go to my parents.)

Me: “Mom, am I saying this right?” *reading from textbook* “Buenos dias, quisiera presentales a mi amigo Juan.”

My Parents: “HAHAHAHA!”

Me: “What, is it wrong?!”

Mom: “No, it was good. You just sounded so fancy. I just didn’t expect it.”

Me: “…”

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Won’t Let That Stew

| USA | Parents & Guardians

(My mom likes to make soup for dinner everyday, and her recipe is to throw all of the meats and veggies together at the same time in a pot and boil it for one hour in plenty of water. It comes out like sludge and tastes awful, and only my dad loves it.)

Dad: “Mm! Good hearty stew!”

Mom: *blushes*

Me: “Ugh.”

Mom: *to me* “Eat it! It’s not s***! Stop making that face! I slaved all day to makes this.”

Me: “Mom, you took an hour. I saw you.”

Mom: “Well, your dad likes it! It’s not bad! He taught me how to cook.”

Me: “Dad has no taste buds. He burned his off by eating spicy foods.”

(They laughed like I was joking, but I was serious!)