Not-So-Smartphone, Part 10

| TX, USA | Grandparents

(My grandma has come over for help with her new smart phone.)

Grandma: “I’m supposed to get my phone connected to Gmail.”

Me: “Okay, I can do that. What’s your login?”

Grandma: “I don’t know… but the lady at the phone store set up one for me.”

Me: “Did she write it down for you?”

Grandma: “She sent it to my phone.”

Me: “Okay, did she text it or what?”

Grandma: “She sent it to my email.”

Me: “Great. Which email account did she send it to?”

Grandma: “Gmail.”

Me: “No, it’s your login for Gmail. She wouldn’t have sent it to that account. Do you have another email address?”

Grandma: “I have Yahoo.”

Me: “Ok, good. What’s your login for that one?”

Grandma: “[Name] at ATT dot net.”

Me: “That’s not a Yahoo address. And you don’t have AT&T anymore, so that address isn’t valid anymore.”

Grandma: “Well, it shouldn’t matter which email I give you. They all talk to each other anyway.”

Me: “What?!”

Grandma: “They all belong to Microsoft, so they should all be the same.”

Me: *facepalm* “I’m just going to get you a new Gmail address…”

Not-So-Smart-Phone, Part 9
Not-So-Smart-Phone, Part 8
Not-So-Smart-Phone, Part 7


Don’t Try The Eggs That Mom Made

| Albuquerque, NM, USA | Parents & Guardians

(Our (adult) family is playing Pictionary, about eight or so of us. None of us is particularly talented at drawing, but Mom is definitely the worst. She has drawn a creature of some sort, but no one can figure out what. We are just naming animals at random, even mythical ones. She keeps embellishing her drawing, clearly getting frustrated at our stupidity, until time runs out.)

Me: “Okay, we give up. What is that supposed to be?”

Mom: *eye-rolling* “It’s a CHICKEN!”

Everyone: “…”

Me: *gently* “Um, it has four legs.”

Mom: “Yes, and?”


Common Sense Is On The Agenda

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | LGTBQ, Popular, Siblings

(My brother has been assigned two newspaper opinion articles to analyse for English language analysis, and comes to me for help. Both articles are about the Australian “Safe Schools” Program, an organisation which runs programs and provides materials for schools to increase tolerance and prevent bullying of LGBTI students. One article is supportive of the program, and the second article is critical of it. It is the second article my brother is having trouble with.)

Brother: “All I can tell is the tone is really passive-aggressive and whatever the message is, it seems really subtle. I said the author’s contention is more funding for Christian programs but I don’t know if that’s right.”

Me: *skims the article* “Well, it looks like the author’s contention is that Safe Schools should be scrapped because it promotes a gay agenda rather than tolerance.”

Brother: *frowns* “Okay…”

Me: “See here…” *points to sentence* “…and here.” *points to another section* “He explicitly refers to the existence of a gay agenda twice. The Christian thing is just an analogy. If Christian fliers and study programs are banned in schools due to indoctrination or ‘promoting their own agendas,’ the author thinks it’s unfair that Safe Schools should be exempt.”

Brother: “But Safe Schools is just promoting tolerance and anti-bullying! Isn’t that a good agenda?”

Me: “Yes, but this author is saying Safe Schools are more interested in pushing its own ‘gay agenda’ as opposed to preventing bullying.”

Brother: “I don’t get it.”

(I finally realise his confusion is not with the article itself, but with the basic concept of a “gay agenda” the author keeps referring to.)

Me: “Wait… do you know what a ‘gay agenda’ is?”

Brother: “No…”

Me: “Oh… well… when people refer to a ‘gay agenda,’ they mean that gay people or people who support LGBT equality actually have an agenda to promote a ‘gay’ lifestyle, which is supposedly bad because being gay is apparently immoral, in their eyes.”

Brother: “But being gay is not… a lifestyle choice?”

Me: “It isn’t, but these people believe or claim it is.”

Brother: *long pause* “That doesn’t make sense.”

Me: “Don’t worry. It doesn’t make sense to me either.”

(After fifteen minutes of him scratching his head and me trying my best to explain how homophobic arguments worked, the only thing my brother could say was:)

Brother: “But nobody actually believes this shit, right? People just say it to cover up their homophobia, but nobody’s stupid enough to actually believe it, right?”

(For a seemingly immature 17-year-old boy who just the week before had been complaining about the lack of “hot girls” at his social, I had never been more proud.)

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