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Treat An Old Feller Like Old Yeller

| Greenville, SC, USA | Grandparents

(My grandfather has had a lot of health problems lately which have made his already-abrasive personality, well, nearly impossible to be around. Several family members have gotten together to talk about his prognosis, but some of us have also been venting about how he’s treated us. When Grandpa is healthy, he loves to hunt, and he has several guns. My uncle comes in carrying a small box.)

Grandma: “What’s that?”

Uncle: “They’re for Dad.”

Mom: “Oh, it must be bullets!”

Me: “I thought we agreed we WEREN’T going to shoot him?”

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Advertising The Wrong Thing

| NS, Canada | Parents & Guardians

(My father was talking about his boss’ computer and how he never updated anything. His secretary went to install Windows 10 and it crashed.)

Dad: “She got it started in safe mode and restored it to a previous save point. So it’s working again.”

Mom: “So what went wrong?”

Dad: “Well, [Boss] visits sites he shouldn’t go.”

Mom: “Oh! Does he?”

Dad: “Yah. Like msn.com.”

(Mom and I burst out laughing.)

Dad: “It’s full of ads!”

Mom: “That’s not what we thought of when you said sites he shouldn’t go on.”

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Skip To The End

| Finland | Siblings

(My little sister and I are binge watching a TV series from a DVD box set. We decide early on that the theme song is too long and boring, so we have skipped it pretty much every time. We have watched around 25 episodes at this point.)

Sister: *the theme song begins, so she lifts the remote* “We need to skipity-skip this theme song!”

Me: “Skipity-skip?”

Sister: “Yeah?”

Me: “Normal skipping just isn’t enough anymore?”

Sister: “No! Because this thing is too long!”

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