Didn’t Make The Organic Conclusion

| NC, USA | Parents & Guardians

(My father is a meat and potatoes kind of man so while he’ll eat vegetarian food when it’s offered, he doesn’t actively seek it out. This conversation occurs while we are at a health store near an organic restaurant with an admittedly vegetarian sounding name.)

Dad: *holding a take-out menu from the restaurant in question* “You didn’t tell me [Restaurant] had burgers!”

Mom: “Yes; and very good ones. I tried to tell you but you always said ‘No; I don’t want to go to [Restaurant].’”

Dad: “I thought it was a vegetarian place.”

Me: “It’s organic, Dad. Organic and vegetarian aren’t synonymous. Good vegetarian food is usually organic but organic food doesn’t have to be vegetarian.”

(As we go back to the car, my dad continues to express his shock about the restaurant serving meat, including wondering how you get organic bacon.)

Me: “This is so going on NotAlwaysRelated.”


Not Doing The Bulk Of The Parenting

| WA, USA | Parents & Guardians

(I am visiting my mom and buying us both a lot of stuff, including one item that takes up most of the cart. We are ready to check out.)

Mom: “I’m going to meet you outside. I need a cigarette.”

Me: “I need help with all this stuff, especially [large item].”

Mom: “I’ll help you with it when you meet me outside.”

Me: “I need you to help me put everything on the belt. There’s too much for me, especially with [large item] in the way.”

Mom: “I told you, I’ll help you after I have a cigarette. Meet me outside when you’re done.”

Me: “In order to get everything in bags in the first place, you need to help me put everything on the conveyor belt and put in your phone number for the rewards.”

(My mom put a couple things on the belt, punched in her number, and went to smoke. The cashier was very helpful with my bulky item and putting the bags around it, though.)


Cooking Remains A Pie In The Sky Endeavor

| Tampa, FL, USA | Parents & Guardians

(A few years ago, I had Thanksgiving at my mother’s house. I generally don’t like cooking away from home because I know where all my utensils are and which ingredients I have. I’ve agreed to make the pies this year.)

Me: “Okay, so all I need to get is condensed milk and the pumpkin pie mix, right?”

Mom: “Yep, I have everything else ready for you.”

Me: *grabs water from fridge* “Um, you don’t have any eggs.”

Mom: “Oh, right. Get eggs, too. I forgot.”

(I get to the grocery store, grab the three items, and am checking out.)

Mom: *in a text* “I don’t have any pie tins. Get pie tins.”


About To Get Some Baggage

| TN, USA | Siblings

(My brother and I, as siblings tend to, are at each-other’s throats a lot. It should also be noted that he is very sweet to girls — except for me. When we were preteens, my family went shopping, and we were at the check-out getting ready to leave. Now, the bagger was a short woman who had the same hair color as me, and similar glasses. I was bored so I took my mother’s phone and went to go play on it while waiting at the doors.)

Brother: *not paying attention, and says to Bagger* “You know you’re doing it wrong, right? The soda is supposed to go on the bottom.”

Bagger: *puts soda on bottom*

Brother: “You gotta put the bread in the baby seat, idiot.”

Bagger: *puts bread in baby seat*

Brother: “OH, MY GOD! Can’t you do anything right? You should be locked up, you’re so stupid!”

Bagger: *looks up, trying to see if there’s anything else to bag*

Brother: *goes pale* “Wait, you’re not [My Name]!”

Mother: *realizes what’s going on, and starts laughing at my brother*

Brother: “OH, MY GOD! I’m so sorry! I thought you were my sister!”

Me: *still playing game by the door*

(After that my brother refused to go shopping with us, and every time the rest of us went, we would ask him if he wanted to go see his “girlfriend at the store.”)


Renting ‘Final Destination’

| Denver, CO, USA | Grandchildren

(Heard this on the way out of the supermarket.)

Little Girl: *at a video rental kiosk* “Grandpa! You’re going to die if you don’t hurry up!”

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