The Gay Agenda: Monday – Brunch, Tuesday – Golden Girls…

| UT, USA | LGTBQ, Siblings

(My sister and I have both started college. Our high school was very religious, so going to college is a bit of a shell shock for the both of us, but we’ve managed to adapt and have found clubs we like. I join a sorority and an art club while my sister becomes active in LGBT issues, despite the fact that she’s heterosexual.)

Me: “The only thing I don’t like about Greek life is during recruitment when we all have to be super girly and be like ‘EEE! Rush us!’ Gets annoying.”

Sister: “Ya, you’ve never been the girly type. Oh! Did I tell you that I was elected as secretary for [LGBT support club]?”

Me: “Nice! I’m assuming you haven’t told our parents the good news?”

(While my mother and I are happy that my sister has found something she’s passionate about, our dad is kinda weird about it. He’s not the kind that despises or hates homosexuals; he’s just generally uninterested because it doesn’t affect him, but he does believe that there is a ‘gay agenda.’ Our family has since then just avoided the topic.)

Sister: “I feel like if I tell them, then they’re just gonna assume that I’m a lesbian.”

Me: “Well, you’ve found something you’re passionate about. No shame in that.”

Sister: “Ugh, I just hate hearing him talk about the ‘gay agenda.’ It’s so– OH, MY GOD!”

Me: “What?!”

Sister: “Now that I’m secretary, I’m gonna start every meeting with ‘Today on the gay agenda…'”

Farming Out The College Talent

| IN, USA | Parents & Guardians

(I work in my college’s admissions department as a caller. We occasionally get parent’s phone numbers instead of the student’s when trying to contact the latter, but it’s an easy work around that doesn’t cause too much trouble. This week we are tasked with calling prospective students to inform them that their applications need to be submitted or completed, and my first call of the day goes out to Texas.)

Man: “Hello?”

Me: “Hello, is [Student] available?”

Man: “Who is this?”

Me: “My name is [My Name] and I am calling [Student] in regards to his application to [College]—”

Man: “College? [Student] is going to college?”

Me: “Well, in our records he’s listed as having an application—”

Man: “I didn’t know he was going to college. I thought he was going to stay and work on the farm; what else would I adopt him for?”

Me: “Uh…”

(They hung up soon after. I honestly hope this was a joke.)

Wish The Fact Had Remained Unknown

| CA, USA | In-Laws, Siblings

(I come from out of state to celebrate my brother and sister-in-law’s college graduation. An old friend whom I haven’t seen or heard from in years also comes. He brought his son with him! We talk for a bit, but then I suddenly have a disconnect in my brain. I just can’t believe that Friend, who I last saw as a teenager, now has a baby. Friend is standing some distance away talking with my brother, and the area is a bit noisy. I take advantage of the situation and discreetly lean towards my sister-in-law.)

Me: *whispering* “Is that REALLY [Friend]?”

Sister-In-Law: *very loudly* “Yes! That’s [Friend]!”

Friend: *having overheard and obviously hurt* “Oh… you didn’t know who I was?”

(Thanks a lot for that, Sister-In-Law…)

If At First You Don’t Succeed, Go Home And Get Fed

| Norway | Parents & Guardians

(Long story short: The semester is just starting up. I go do some errands after my first seminar on Monday, when I slip on the ice and badly scratch up my knee. Fast forward to Wednesday; I’m on the phone with my mother. Note: I only have classes on Mondays and Thursdays.)

Me: “Mum, I am not happy.”

Mum: “What is it this time?”

Me: “I could have completely avoided injuring my knee, had I just taken the first train back home to [Hometown] instead of going to [Part of University Town where i slipped], which I could have done because I just got an e-mail saying tomorrow’s seminar is cancelled. That’s almost a week without nothing for me to do.”

Mum: “I’m sorry to hear that. But what is the difference between you sitting in bed on your computer in [Hometown], and you sitting in bed on your computer in [University Town]?”

Me: “In [Hometown], I get fed?”

Mum: “It’s just as well you didn’t come home; we just started painting your room. Besides, it doesn’t hurt you to go out among people every now and again.”

Me: “But it did! That’s the point!”

Mum: *laughing* “Oh, right. It did!”

Stay Safe Or Mom Will Give You A Mall-ing

| WA, USA | Parents & Guardians

(While I am away at college, my mom worries about me. I don’t blame her, but she has a poor sense of time and geography.)

Mom: “Are you okay? I heard there was a shooting at your mall.”

Me: “Mom, I’m fine. You left my house just before the shooting. There was no time for me to go to the mall and get shot.”

Mom: “Well, I just wanted to make sure you were safe.”

(Another time:)

Mom: “Please get back to me. There was a shooting at the mall in [Town].”

Me: “I hadn’t heard.”

(I look up today’s news.)

Me: “Mom, the shooting was last year. This was a stabbing.”

Mom: “Either way, I’m glad you’re ok.”

Me: “Thank you for caring. But for the record, I’ve never been to [Town] and have no plans to go. No mall is worth driving over an hour.”

Mom: “Well, I don’t know what you do with your weekends!”

(I know this means that my mom cares, but I wish she could be smarter about when to freak out.)

Page 1/512345